The downside to being beautiful...

[yxalitis]

I totally relate to a lot of these things. I wouldn't say I'm a 10 by any means, but I'm attractive.

 

Sexual harassment #1 for sure. I've had complete strangers just grope my body. Not even in a club/bar situation either, completely random me just walking down the street, or up the stairs. This also extends into verbal street harassment in NYC. I've had men follow me in their cars while I walked home, screaming at me from the car, telling me to stop being a bitch by ignoring them.

 

Guys not taking me seriously. By this I mean, I get TONS of guys who like to be my orbiters. I think they get the impression that I'll be easy to get into bed?? And once they find this out they are gone. Or, the main thing that happens is that guys never talk to me. I go out with friends places and not one guy will ever do a cold approach. I've been told I look "intimidating" or that because I'm attractive these guys are too insecure to talk to me.

 

Other girls/women. This by far is the worst of it. Women are not your friend. You are their competition. I've had so many other women hate me for absolutely no other reason than the fact I was a threat to them in some way. I've had people who I thought were my friends but turned out to just be talking so badly about me behind my back. A grown woman is VERY lucky if she has a handful of true, sincere friends. Most other women will toss other attractive women straight under the bus just to make themselves look better.

 

I was bullied RELENTLESSLY when I was younger, and realized that bullies don't necessarily go away when you're in your 20's either.

 

I can't say that I've ever had something just "handed" to me because I am attractive, nor have things come any easier. I've never gotten a job faster or easier, I've never gotten out of a speeding ticket, I'm not given free things.

 

I think people automatically assume that when someone is attractive, their life is amazing and flawless and struggle free. It's not. Not even a little bit. Maybe there are some people truly blessed but if people were to judge me about my looks alone, and then actually hear my stories, I think they'd be blown away.

This thread is like reading about how tough it is for the super wealthy, who don't understand what it's like to be poor.

If you are SO attractive as to be intimidating, then TAKE THE INITIATIVE, GO over to that cute guy eying you off, sit next to him, and start talking!

 

Imagine if I saw you at a bar, and I came over and politely starting talking to you.

I'm not super attractive, but I'm not fat, have a good, confident personality.

What would you do...

 

I bet you'd find a way to avoid me.

 

I'd be below your standard...you may not think this, but subconsciously at least, you already THINK you're very beautiful, do you NOT think your partner should be at the same level...honestly?

Show me the all these beautiful woman going out with plain guys...please...

(And I don't want those odd shots of celebs...that's a whole different ball game, those guys have money and fame.)

Have you, in fact, dated a guy way below your attractiveness? One who your friends (The ones who haven't dumped you because they were insanely jealous of your looks, and felt threatened) said "Why are you dating that guy, you can do much better"?

Edited July 2, 2015 by yxalitis

[yxalitis]

In fact (too late to edit the last post), I had that problem with my ex-wife, I was asked more than once "How did I get such a beautiful wife"

And she wasn't room-stopping beautiful, just above average.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I wouldn't know what the 'downsides' are to being beautiful, because I'm not beautiful. I think I'm average looking and can elevate myself to above-average when I put on makeup and dress in a pretty and sexy way.

 

I think what could elevate (and has elevated) me to a possibly 'beautiful' or 'pretty' status is what my personality projects outwards, or so I've been told.

 

For those women who are exceptionally beautiful, God bless 'em! I certainly wouldn't want to be stared at, hit on all the time, followed or sexually harassed! I'm grateful for the looks that my parents have blessed me with and work with what I've been genetically given - it's all I can do. Some people will find me average looking, some will find me attractive, some may even find me cute, pretty or (gasp) 'beautiful'...as the old saying goes: "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder" ~

 

 

 

 

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[jen1447]

I wouldn't know what the 'downsides' are to being beautiful, because I'm not beautiful.

 

 

 

 

.

 

Liar! (lol sorry)

[KatZee]

This thread is like reading about how tough it is for the super wealthy, who don't understand what it's like to be poor.

If you are SO attractive as to be intimidating, then TAKE THE INITIATIVE, GO over to that cute guy eying you off, sit next to him, and start talking!

 

Imagine if I saw you at a bar, and I came over and politely starting talking to you.

I'm not super attractive, but I'm not fat, have a good, confident personality.

What would you do...

 

I bet you'd find a way to avoid me.

 

I'd be below your standard...you may not think this, but subconsciously at least, you already THINK you're very beautiful, do you NOT think your partner should be at the same level...honestly?

Show me the all these beautiful woman going out with plain guys...please...

(And I don't want those odd shots of celebs...that's a whole different ball game, those guys have money and fame.)

Have you, in fact, dated a guy way below your attractiveness? One who your friends (The ones who haven't dumped you because they were insanely jealous of your looks, and felt threatened) said "Why are you dating that guy, you can do much better"?

 

See... no one ever bothers to really get to know me.

 

How could I possibly have a clue what it's like? I didn't grow up attractive. I think I had the awkward teenage years times a thousand. I was bullied very badly when I was younger. I was the ugly girl, the girl with the bad skin and teeth, the horrible hair, the terrible clothes. I never really fit in, I was always a step behind everyone.

 

It took me years of working on my issues to even have one ounce of self esteem and to grow into myself.

 

I know exactly what it's like to be on both ends of the spectrum.

 

Do I expect guys I date to be as attractive as me? No. If I were to post pictures here of every guy I've dated/been in a relationship with, I bet most of you would not think they were conventionally attractive.

 

And as for taking initiative? I've tried that. You know where that gets a woman? No where. Men don't like to be chased. I had one guy I REALLY liked a couple years ago, and I totally went after him. I got him alright, for a bit. But it was never anything more than a hookup. I ran into him again months later, and he even made a statement, "Yeah she goes after what she wants." Some guys find that attractive, some guys find it to be a turn off.

 

And yes, I've had people ask me why I was with a person I was with.

 

If I met you in a bar why do you automatically assume I would find a way to avoid you? Would you be a creep to me? Would you say something offensive to me? Would you in any way shape or form be a douche to me? If none of these, why would I find a way to avoid you? I don't behave that way. I am nice to anyone who is nice to me.

[jen1447]

If I met you in a bar why do you automatically assume I would find a way to avoid you? Would you be a creep to me? Would you say something offensive to me? Would you in any way shape or form be a douche to me? If none of these, why would I find a way to avoid you? I don't behave that way. I am nice to anyone who is nice to me.

 

Kind of illustrates the point of the thread.

[lino]

at this discussion!

 

First world problems X a million if I ever saw it.

 

You have it tough because you're 'too beautiful'?

 

Take off all your make up, gain a f#ck load of weight and never go to a salon or beautician again. Then see how much easier you have it.

 

Seriously

[yxalitis]

If I met you in a bar why do you automatically assume I would find a way to avoid you? Would you be a creep to me? Would you say something offensive to me? Would you in any way shape or form be a douche to me? If none of these, why would I find a way to avoid you? I don't behave that way. I am nice to anyone who is nice to me.

 

All right, I'm extending my personal experience on you, that’s unfair, as I don’t know you.

So I'll explain thus:

I approach a plain girl, I talk to her, we get along well, I'm a good conversationalist, I have an honest, confident nature, I know how to look a girl in the eyes, be just complimentary enough, flattering without being creepy.

I’m not after a ONS, so I’ll ask for a phone number at the end of the night, odds are I’ll get it.

I approach a beautiful woman, I start to talk to her the same way. I get a rude roll of the eyes, a shifting of position, rotating away, they’ll deliberately talk to their friends and ignore me…Oh, a good looking guy rocks up, suddenly she’s all attentive, this guy is at her level, she will honour him with doe eyed looks, flirty hair flicks, the game is on.

This isn’t just theory, I have a good looking friend, I challenged him to do exactly this…the results were consistent, the beautiful girl would ONLY talk to my friend, I was Mr. Invisible.

The beautiful could, and do, choose to only associate herself with attractive people, I know good looking men who do that too, the unattractive are “Creeps and stalkers” the good looking ones are conquests.

Are all beautiful people like that…no

Are most? I think so…

I especially love it when they wear provocative, revealing clothing, my good looking friend comments on their appearance “Why, thank you” I make the exact same comment…I get some sort of dismissive or negative response.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Liar! (lol sorry)

 

Remember Jen, 'beauty' is SUBJECTIVE. Also, you're a woman! And as such, I think women perceive other women's looks differently (and probably in a more pure way) than guys do!

 

@Katzee: Yxalitis thinks that most highly attractive and 'beautiful' women are stuck up snobs that roll their eyes at and snub a reasonably normal, polite and attractive guy who approaches them and only gives the time of day to the types of guys who look like Liam Hemsworth. You'll NEVER win an argument/debate/discussion with a person like that, so don't even attempt it.

 

 

 

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[KatZee]

 

@Katzee: Yxalitis thinks that most highly attractive and 'beautiful' women are stuck up snobs that roll their eyes at and snub a reasonably normal, polite and attractive guy who approaches them and only gives the time of day to the types of guys who look like Liam Hemsworth. You'll NEVER win an argument/debate/discussion with a person like that, so don't even attempt it.

 

I was actually going to respond back to him saying, "wow you hang around really rude people / crowds." But apparently he is well known around here and EVERY attractive person is rude.

 

I've talked to every single dude that has ever approached me, just because it's such a shock when anyone approaches in the first place! :lmao:

 

The only time a dude has gotten a dirty look from me, or a turned back was when this one guy came up to me in a bar, proceeded to put his hands all over me, slide them up and down my legs. He was wasted and slurring and being a disgusting, disrespectful hot mess. Yes, I got VERY nasty.

 

But for someone to look at you like you're nothing when you merely say hi, is a rude person. And rude people are rude people, attractive or not.

 

I do find there is a very sharp difference between girls who grew up privileged and attractive and got everything handed to them, and the girls who grew up and went from ugly duckling to swan. Those women are a lot more humble, and even unaware of how cute they even are.

[jay1983]

@katzee How's your demeanor? If you look closed off, guys won't approach.

 

Do you smile at them?

[yxalitis]

I'll bow out, suitably chastised...

[katiegrl]

@katzee How's your demeanor? If you look closed off, guys won't approach.

 

Do you smile at them?

 

Most people never realize how *closed off* and standoffish they come across to others.....until enough people tell them, which most people are hesitant to do...for fear of being met with defensiveness and *attitude*.

 

I know plenty of SUPER attractive women who have a ton of friends, both male and female, and who also get approached by many men. Why? Because their demeanor is *approachable* meaning open, warm and receptive. They exude positive energy.

 

If a woman isn't getting approached, or if *no one" wants to get to know her, or if men start to date her, but disappear after sex or because she won't have sex, it's NOT because of her *looks* or because she's *intimidating*.

 

Look WITHIN for the reason......she will find the answer there.

 

You GET back what you GIVE out.

Edited July 2, 2015 by katiegrl

[Woggle]

Men these days for the most part don't approach any woman so I would advise anybody not to take it personally or as a reflection on themselves.

[Revolver]

I know good looking guys who say some of the downsides are that women are less willing to trust them and how they've had to turn down so many aggressive females but I'll take that over being sexually invisible anyday.

[Grumpybutfun]

When you have had your spouse's friends sniff your worn underwear...get back to me on this subject.

G

[Hopeful30]

Every male friend you will have throughout your life is secretly in love with you, and not really a true friend...

 

One of the downsides

 

Like it or not, being beautiful is part of who you are. It sucks that people assume things about you, but hey that's life for ya.

 

How do you and your friends react when people compliment you on your looks?

 

Flattered of course, but they aren't that surprised I wouldn't say lol

 

Hmm...I am not too sure the purpose of this discussion..so there are downsides to being beautiful, do you want to be ugly now? Didn't think so....

 

Not ugly but not AS attractive I would imagine.

 

at this discussion!

 

First world problems X a million if I ever saw it.

 

You have it tough because you're 'too beautiful'?

 

Take off all your make up, gain a f#ck load of weight and never go to a salon or beautician again. Then see how much easier you have it.

 

Seriously

 

You are the ideal example to support the point of my thread. There you are assuming beautiful people are always pedicured and made up, or that's the only way they are pretty. The friends I know who are beautiful do exactly this. Pijama clothing, no makeup, barely brush their hair. Apparently that makes them sexier LOL

 

And I never said too beautiful. I simply said beautiful. Again the assumptions.

[jen1447]

Most people never realize how *closed off* and standoffish they come across to others.....until enough people tell them, which most people are hesitant to do...for fear of being met with defensiveness and *attitude*.

 

I know plenty of SUPER attractive women who have a ton of friends, both male and female, and who also get approached by many men. Why? Because their demeanor is *approachable* meaning open, warm and receptive. They exude positive energy.

 

If a woman isn't getting approached, or if *no one" wants to get to know her, or if men start to date her, but disappear after sex or because she won't have sex, it's NOT because of her *looks* or because she's *intimidating*.

 

Look WITHIN for the reason......she will find the answer there.

 

You GET back what you GIVE out.

 

I've found this to be generally true, fwiw. I'm very outgoing and I smile at everybody and a lot of ppl "approach" me. (I find that word funny in the dating context, sounds more like sth a swat team would do. )

[GoodOnPaper]

If this thread is in the spirit of . . . we all need to be a little more empathetic and respectful towards others because, regardless of looks, everyone is fighting battles and challenges . . . then I can get on board.

 

However, if the argument is that the attraction/dating/relationship playing field is level for 'beautiful' people and those of us who seem to be 'sexually invisible', I don't see how that can be the case.

[Shepp]

People think you have life easy because youre beautiful

 

 

So i'm not one to moan about my hand in life. I've been dealt a pretty good hand and i'm incredibly thankful for it. And as for al the challenges I face i'm thankful for them too because they help me grow and make me the man I am.

 

But that said, one of the most disrespectful things anyone has ever said to me was a 'mate' saying that I don't understand what its like to be him, because everything comes easy to me, all of it jobs, opportunities, people all because of the way I look! ...Total BS!

 

I'm captain of my football team because I stayed on the training pitch long after everyone else had gone home!

I went through the same interview process as everyone else in the fire service, I got the job because I put everything I have into it.

I the best friends in the world, but they are my friends because I'm there when they need me to be, I put myself out to be a good mate.

And sure I have girls approach me, but the one I wanted I stuck it out 5 years waiting for!

And to the outside eye maybe I have the perfect little family now, but I put my heart on the line to get it. I stayed, when i'm pretty sure most lads would of walked.

 

And to tell me everything's been handed me on a plate is completely.. immature, and self centred, and incredibly close minded!

 

Its frustrating, I have to work twice as hard, I have to prove myself time after time, because people think they can take one look at you and judge you!

You wouldn't presume you could judge someone in this day and age on the sexuality, or skin colour... but on decent looks its perfectly okay?

 

Its cliché to say "nerds" have a tough time in school, but genrally (in my experience) I've never seen anyone give them discredit to their face (or actually behind their back) but people have always felt they have some devine right to write me off as a 'dumb jock', cause I was sporty, cause I liked a laugh, cause of the way I looked .....I was a straight A student.

 

Its not a biggy, i'm not over offended, I wouldn't change the guy in the mirror but it is a pet peeve! And when people say "all guys who are half way decent will cheat" oh my god are people honestly that stupid!

 

Its just that these "my life would be easy if I just looked like xyz" comments irritate me! My wife is hands down the most attractive girl ive ever met, people could pass her in the street and think her life must of been blessed, and never stop to realise how much hurt she's had to deal with - or the scars that she'll carry always, always, that don't show. Things that will always affect her, and so will always affect us. I am so so happy in our relationship but we don't live in some happily ever after world, it works because we make it work. I just think some folk look for an easy way out, an exteral factor to blame when their life isn't as they'd planned.

 

If the dude im talking about wanted to make captain of the football team maybe he should of stuck around after training instead of heading of to the cinema each week with his mate - because he was gone and didn't see it, but I was there! He moans he cant get a gf but he rules girls out over the smallest things, if he thinks my gf didn't screw up or drive me crazy over the 5 years I pursued her then he's wrong!

 

I think in general the people that genuinely believe this are those that expect instant gratification for next to no work on there part!! That's not a reality, not for anyone! That's not how it works.

 

I'm not saying there's not perks to looks because their is. fact. but it doesn't make your life easy. From my family I've inherited looks, and I've inherited humour, I didn't earn either, and if I had to lose one it would be looks everytime. The perks of that don't outway the perks of being able to make people like you!!

 

If my kids have something to get them through life, let it be humour!

[katiegrl]

I've found this to be generally true, fwiw. I'm very outgoing and I smile at everybody and a lot of ppl "approach" me. (I find that word funny in the dating context, sounds more like sth a swat team would do. )

 

Ditto jen...

 

Of course beauty is subjective, but I am considered attractive and am *approached* (agree about the word approach too jen)....often, by both men *and* women!

 

And when I say approach, I mean people I come across in everyday situations (both at work and outside of work) who want to chat with me and get to know me.

 

I have even met a few of my FEMALE friends this way....one such friendship was while waiting in a long line at the supermarket ....she turned around and we both smiled and started chatting.....then outside we walked home together (she lives in the building next door to me)....and actually said "you are SO nice and pretty...let's get together for lunch this week!'. Still friends to this day.....

 

I have had other experiences like that as well..

 

Not saying this to toot my own horn or anything....but the fact is...positive energy attracts people to you..... no matter what you look like!

 

You get what you give!

[writergal]

When you have had your spouse's friends sniff your worn underwear...get back to me on this subject.

G

 

Lol!! Um, that sounds awkward!

[Phoe]

I've found this to be generally true, fwiw. I'm very outgoing and I smile at everybody and a lot of ppl "approach" me. (I find that word funny in the dating context, sounds more like sth a swat team would do. )

 

Haha! I imagine many men build up to be as intimidating as a swat team bust, so perhaps it's fitting

[loveweary11]

I think you're missing the point.

 

The point is, everyone knows the trouble someone goes through when they weren't born with great genes. We all feel for that plight.

 

What people often don't understand is that highly attractive women (sorry, I eliminate any highly attractive men from my surroundings so have no data )... highly attractive women have a much harder time than is commonly understood.

 

 

of course there's leagues. they aren't neat or exact. im overweight and given up on working out. ive approached average girls and have been told they were out of my league. cant get more direct than that. wont even think of approaching above average looking girls. that would be crazy.

 

 

for every downside of the beautiful and good looking theres a downside of the below average

no one looks at me, im ignored

people assume im a loser at life

girls tell me their out of my league

romantically no one desires me at all

im not a trophy, more a booby prize of a joke

people treat me differently and its never good

people are superficial to me and wont get to know me

people arent surprised im single and mock me on the rare occasion im not ignored

people harass me too calling me vulgar names

 

 

poor poor beautiful people who mock me

[loveweary11]

try being unattractive for a day. even an hour. youll want to be your old highly attractive self so fast.

 

 

no one ever said being highly attract was perfect. but try being below average. youll change your mind.

 

 

I started out as a super ugly kid. Really skinny, zits on face and back, croked teeth, still have the big nose. I was awkward and shy too.

 

But i changed most all of that.

 

So... i know what that's like.