Marital Concepts from the 1950s

[calvincline47]

Hey, I just gave you some terrific examples of where people aren't failing, and everyone seems to be happy. Reportedly some of the happiest people in the world. Lowest crime, you name it. Germany isn't far behind, and they have a female leading their country. Both are places that are currently doing better than us.

 

And they didn't do it by chaining women to a stove.

 

Sorry, you are just gonna have to share.

 

Yes and I gave you reasons on why they are actually not succeeding. Please re-read that.

[truncated]

I'm a stay at home mom ( but I do work at home).

 

At first it was by choice, but it eventually became something that was a necessity, and I am happy that I was able to do so.

 

I have a good education, have worked outside the home before we had kids, but my husband and I both felt that staying home with them was important.

 

For what it's worth, i have been told by many women they they wish that either they or their husband had been able to stay at home, but financially, they can't do it. There's also a stigma among some peole that if you stay at home to riase your family, you aren't contributing anything to society.

 

Personally, I would think that raising the next generation would be just as important as any other job.

[Gloria25]

It is the US that believes in worker bees... Heck, we work more hours than just about any other culture.

 

Uh, in those countries - Scandanavia and the like - the few worker bees pay high taxes, which allow them to get so much freakin' time off. Another thing our country is turning into - where government gives out "free candy" to slackers on the backs of the few workers...our "tax" system, if you will.

Men are reducing to size their own gender. Most violence against men is committed by, you got it, men. Most violence in general is from men.

 

That's why men should marry and be raised in intact homes.

 

Without a strong and present male figure, men get out of control. A woman by herself cannot tame a male child. Of the women that try it, the boys become "hypermasculine" and fight back and/or grow up to resent women.

 

Marriage gives men purpose and direction...that way they become responsible and aren't running the streets getting into trouble.

 

Religion also tames men.

 

In this day and age, males are being raised without an intact family, religion, and aren't marrying...that's where they become violent brutes.

 

The way I see it, women have been cleaning up men's messes forever. And they don't want to do it so much anymore. The men get to cleanup their own messes for a change... As it should be.

 

It's not women "cleaning up men's messes". Behind a strong man is a strong woman - period. That's why we women have so much power over men. They come from our womb as children; they look up to us as their mothers - they aim to please their mothers; and, finally, their wives take over. It's all about perspective and women wise enough to recognize their power/roles.

 

My responses are in bold ^^

[Gloria25]

I'm a stay at home mom ( but I do work at home).

 

At first it was by choice, but it eventually became something that was a necessity, and I am happy that I was able to do so.

 

I have a good education, have worked outside the home before we had kids, but my husband and I both felt that staying home with them was important.

 

For what it's worth, i have been told by many women they they wish that either they or their husband had been able to stay at home, but financially, they can't do it. There's also a stigma among some peole that if you stay at home to riase your family, you aren't contributing anything to society.

 

Personally, I would think that raising the next generation would be just as important as any other job.

 

Wrong...

 

People can make changes in their budget to allow one person to stay home. Thing is they want the big and/or expensive home, the "toys", the big cars, etc.

 

I have many of gfs who whine about them not being able to stop working. Yet, they drive Escalades, BMWs, have motorcycles, etc. Each time they finish paying off the car, they get a new one. Every home they live in has to have 5 bedrooms even though it's just them and one child. And, I can go on and on about how much they spend on clothing, etc. Oh, and they always eat out...no cooking in that home.

 

Not sure if they still show this show on HLN, but it's called "To debt do us part" and this lady, I love her, she comes and works with couples so they can see how they are spending and you'd be amazed at how many people are living on credit and just "spend" beyond their means and don't care.

[misspond]

There's so much overthinking here.

[Gloria25]

There's so much overthinking here.

 

I disagree...

 

See, the masses don't "think" and that's what makes us easy to be "led".

 

Ever look at a pyramid? How in the world is there few on the "top" and supported by such a big base?

 

Cuz people are like cattle, they just get up, scratch themselves, live - wash, rinse, and repeat w/o giving much to thought.

 

Then, fill up their time with TMZ, and so-called "reality TV" and you got ignorance and distractions to spread around.

[carhill]

On that topic, leading the masses, the 50's were rife with such messages and independent analysis and verification was a lot more difficult than it is now. People tended to believe societal, religious and government messages, including those about marital roles and concepts. If one peruses media and advertising of the day, predominant methods of people getting information on the outside world, they are rife with propaganda regarding what was 'in' and what was 'out' and what the 50's version of 'keeping up with the Joneses' was all about. In some ways, compared to today, it was an innocent time.

[Timshel]

I disagree...

 

See, the masses don't "think" and that's what makes us easy to be "led".

 

Ever look at a pyramid? How in the world is there few on the "top" and supported by such a big base?

 

Cuz people are like cattle, they just get up, scratch themselves, live - wash, rinse, and repeat w/o giving much to thought.

 

Then, fill up their time with TMZ, and so-called "reality TV" and you got ignorance and distractions to spread around.

 

I agree. Credit is dangerous and meant to make money off people who can't afford what they buy. It's legal nostra.

 

Many people can afford a parent to stay 'home' with the kids but choose large homes and fancy cars instead. I said many, not all.

 

Millionaires often choose a quiet and simple life. Contrary to popular media, when a person can have anything/everything, what is important comes first.

[autumnnight]

xxoo, I am still chuckling at your question about whether you are the only one on this thread who actually has married and had kids.

 

It seems all the "experts" on this thread have done neither.

 

I am a more "traditional" woman, but because I have been there, I know it is not all roses all the time, and there are many variations on "traditional."

 

I stayed home for a time, and I worked for a time.

 

To all the ranters, call me on your 10th anniversary when you have had a couple of kids.

[Timshel]

xxoo, I am still chuckling at your question about whether you are the only one on this thread who actually has married and had kids.

 

It seems all the "experts" on this thread have done neither.

 

I am a more "traditional" woman, but because I have been there, I know it is not all roses all the time, and there are many variations on "traditional."

 

I stayed home for a time, and I worked for a time.

 

To all the ranters, call me on your 10th anniversary when you have had a couple of kids.

 

Two kids, 12 years of marriage. Divorce, remarried and death.

 

This isn't about battle wounds. We all have them.

[autumnnight]

Two kids, 12 years of marriage. Divorce, remarried and death.

 

This isn't about battle wounds. We all have them.

 

I'm sorry. I was not referring to anyone who had married or had kids. Rather to very young people who had done neither but are apparently experts.

[xxoo]

At first I thought it was a guide for sugar babies.

 

This is actually a salient point. Women want more from their lives than role of sugar baby to some man

[xxoo]

xxoo, I am still chuckling at your question about whether you are the only one on this thread who actually has married and had kids.

 

It seems all the "experts" on this thread have done neither.

 

I am a more "traditional" woman, but because I have been there, I know it is not all roses all the time, and there are many variations on "traditional."

 

I stayed home for a time, and I worked for a time.

 

To all the ranters, call me on your 10th anniversary when you have had a couple of kids.

 

I, too, have stayed home some of the time and worked some of the time. I've been a very dedicated mother all the time

 

 

Life (and marriage, and raising kids) is what happens when you're making other plans. Those families who fare the best are the ones who are the best at being flexible and meeting needs as a team--whatever those needs are. Strict adherence to roles, and limited skill sets, do not serve the family at all.

[Timshel]

I'm sorry. I was not referring to anyone who had married or had kids. Rather to very young people who had done neither but are apparently experts.

 

Southern women can backhand so pretty it looks like angel glitter.

 

Agree with you Autumn that experience with mind and body are trumps.

Edited May 23, 2015 by Timshel

[123321]

They married because women had few options in those times.

 

As did guys, unless they were rich or something. If a guy wanted regular sex and possibly some companionship his only way forward was to tie the knot. This is no longer true. For just a couple of many things.

 

 

This is irrelevant IMO.

 

 

Some people will be happy despite what life throws at them, more or less and within reason, and other people won't be happy no matter what, more or less and within reason. That was true then, and it's true now.

 

Whatever changes our current views have had, that's not something that seems to have changed much, and I'm not convinced they had it right then, nor am I convinced our current views are right, or even any "more right" for that matter.

[123321]

To all the ranters, call me on your 10th anniversary when you have had a couple of kids.

 

Call me on your 20th

[xxoo]

Call me on your 20th

 

I'm past that mark.

[123321]

I'm past that mark.

 

It was a joke, don't call me.

[truncated]

Wrong...

 

People can make changes in their budget to allow one person to stay home. Thing is they want the big and/or expensive home, the "toys", the big cars, etc.

 

I have many of gfs who whine about them not being able to stop working. Yet, they drive Escalades, BMWs, have motorcycles, etc. Each time they finish paying off the car, they get a new one. Every home they live in has to have 5 bedrooms even though it's just them and one child. And, I can go on and on about how much they spend on clothing, etc. Oh, and they always eat out...no cooking in that home.

 

Not sure if they still show this show on HLN, but it's called "To debt do us part" and this lady, I love her, she comes and works with couples so they can see how they are spending and you'd be amazed at how many people are living on credit and just "spend" beyond their means and don't care.

 

You must be living in a differnet place than I do. Most of the two working parent families that I know of are working to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads and maybe put some into their kid's RESP to help pay for school when they graduate. . One car, no fancy frills, no vacations, etc.

 

Our area is economically depressed, has been for years with much of the industries being resource bade offering seasonal employment. There have been some really big layoffs over the past few years in many of the secondary and tertiary industries, and most people are struggling.

Edited May 24, 2015 by truncated

[autumnnight]

Call me on your 20th

 

You couldn't possibly have known this....but ouch. I didn't have one.

[Ruby Slippers]

The men I meet who seem to want a more traditional, 50s-style marriage are mostly from Asia, Southeast Asia, and the Middle East, and they're up front about it. Men outnumber women in those cultures due to abortions of mostly females, so they're pretty aggressive and forward in their wife hunting. I get approached fairly often by these guys from 30-50, and they are often very persistent.

[calvincline47]

You must be living in a differnet place than I do. Most of the two working parent families that I know of are working to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads and maybe put some into their kid's RESP to help pay for school when they graduate. . One car, no fancy frills, no vacations, etc.

 

Our area is economically depressed, has been for years with much of the industries being resource bade offering seasonal employment. There have been some really big layoffs over the past few years in many of the secondary and tertiary industries, and most people are struggling.

 

I work with educated professionals. Both spouses work, but they mostly work for their multiple luxury cars, huge house, and live-in nannies for their children.

[Revolver]

This lifestyle wasn't available to everyone. Both of my grandmothers worked in the 50s, both as seamstresses. One grandfather was a good man but they needed the income, the other grandfather was a waste and my grandmother supported the family.

 

I wonder if the writer would blame my grandmother for her husband's failures? She stood by him until he died, in his 70s, and then she really lived up the last 15 years of her life, bless her. Wonderful woman.

 

At least women had these..

 

Black women were working their asses off in the 1950's. They never got to live that pampered suburban leave it to beaver housewife life. In fact they were often cleaning and taking care of the kids of those women for crap pay.

[Got it]

It's called "division of labor" and its within our biology...

 

Men strive for careers and success cuz it gets them laid and/or a wife. They take pride in their ability to bring home a paycheck. Men can endure pooopy jobs (i.e. working in coal mine) cuz their biology teaches them that they must provide and protect for their women and kids.

 

Ever look at a man's body? It is mechanical, it is built to "work". They have upper body strength. Their brains are logical and lack emotion like females do. If anyone is ever confused as to the gender roles, then look at our biology.

 

Women are nurturers, we are "social" creatures. We are emotional. That gives us the ability to tap into what's going on with people and "communicate/connect". We make a "house" a "home"....which men look forward to coming home to.

 

Look at a woman's body, it was created to reproduce. It has hormones - we were built a certain way for a certain reason.

 

No role is superior than the other - they both come together to form a "team". Both have strengths and weaknesses.

 

So, cuz I force a guy to help me with the dishes means he's finally "contributing" to the family? Pleeze. Ok, then women need to go change the oil on the car, cut the grass and take out the trash. Why do women think men have it "made" at the workplace like on Man Men - where they walk around and smoke and have drinks? I'm a woman and worked all my life. I hate the poop I gotta put up with at work. I get yelled at, pressure to succeed, etc. So, to say that men are just having a good time at work while women are at home suffering is ridiculous.

 

It's called "division" of labor. Man bring home bacon...woman cook bacon.

 

Gloria nothing you write has any actual bases in science. I can't help but shake my head at your seemingly unawareness to your own gender and your own actual personality. And as someone who struggles maintaining any successful romantic relationship, let alone marriage, how you have such a strong and "in depth" opinion boggles me. Why don't you actually try and see how a woman has a successful romantic relationship, see how you navigate it and then speak to it.

 

I laugh because what you say doesn't work in a marriage is working very successful in mine. And the more traditional role that you seems to think is successful contributed to the downfall of my husband's first marriage.

 

I am far more than just a cook and house keeper. There is no way that would fulfill me and it doesn't have to. The beauty of it is, I can have my career, my family, and my husband as a true partner. I have no issues if someone wants the traditional version, more power to them, but that would never have worked for me. And that is okay. There is no ONE way to work a marriage. With the different personalities and factors at play the parties navigate them as best the can, and will hopefully, utilize each person's strengths to divide up duties and work. My husband, at this point in his career, would love to have it so he could be a stay at home. And he would would be awesome raising our baby! Myself, not as much. I do not see him doing it forever without starting a business (this man never sits still!), I would love to be able to give him a sabbatical from a very long running career. He deserves to stop and smell the roses.

 

The one thing, that I have found, to make a happy marriage, is regardless of what the person is doing, gratitude and appreciation for their contribution. Gratitude is what makes it all work and what gets you through the tough times regardless of how you have divided things up.

-----------------------------

And can I say I do cut the grass, take out the trash and neither of us changes the oil, we pay someone to do that.

 

Actually I FAR prefer to do the lawn work than do house work so will rock, paper, scissor the hell out of that so I don't have to go do the dishes! And he loves to mulch and plant.

 

We just ebb and flow. Some times I carry a heavier load, some times he does (he is right now due to my morning sickness, i.e. all day sickness, and is is a freaking rock star! I keep telling him how blessed I am to have him as a partner. He truly humbles me.)

 

My husband, is 100% a partner. There are no rules, expectations, exceptions. He sees no gender roles and just steps up and does whatever he see needs to be done. So taking care of him brings me joy regardless if it means bring him dinner, running an errand for him, contributing my paycheck, or cleaning up the never ending cat puke that summer brings.

 

My paycheck is what pays most of our bills. Due to his obligations from his previous marriage, most of what he makes go there. That is the way it should be. We can easily live on what I make so everyone is (pretty) happy. If I wasn't the career woman I am, all of this would be unattainable and everyone would be struggling. So my career brings him peace of mind, happiness, and financial security. Win/win.

Edited May 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Revolver]

Much has been made about the decline in the traditional family unit but violent crime is at historic lows

 

FBI: Violent crime rates in the US drop, approach historic lows - U.S. News

 

Children have never been safer in America There?s never been a safer time to be a kid in America - The Washington Post

 

Teen pregnancy at all time lows Teen Pregnancy Rates Hit Historic Lows - Health - Boston.com

 

 

So it's not all doom and gloom