dyna85 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I don't think it's good to be this calculating about your every move. You're as much of a game player as she is, if she is in fact bluffing about her grandpa, which my gut tells me she most likely is. She's got tons of guys as backup and told you one was ringing her nonstop during sex. Red flags abound.. but you're too blinded by the sex to see it. Oh well.. ya live and learn. You'll learn soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I don't think it's good to be this calculating about your every move. You're as much of a game player as she is, if she is in fact bluffing about her grandpa, which my gut tells me she most likely is. She's got tons of guys as backup and told you one was ringing her nonstop during sex. Red flags abound.. but you're too blinded by the sex to see it. Oh well.. ya live and learn. You'll learn soon. I realized all of these things before I even posted here, I'm merely asking for opinions. I'm not necessarily blinded by the Sex so much as she's really attractive and smart, and is a really good catch. I'm sure there are tons of other guys who think the same thing lol. At the moment I'm just going with the flow on things, we'll see how it all unfolds. I might give her a buzz tomorrow or sometime, and get a feel for things. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Dude.. I know you're trying to put on a brave face. But it's obvious you're pretending to be indifferent and you genuinely like the girl. So it will be easier on yourself when you just admit it. I mean no girl that you'd want to "booty call" would have you this shaken. Just saying.. Just wish her the best with her grandpa and tell her to get back to you when she's able with availability for next week. After that, it's on her to do so. I don’t think he likes her. Some people just get a rush out of the power game. I hope her grandpa is ok. My 24 year old does lots of things like that for my parents too when I can't. She's very close to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 (edited) I don’t think he likes her. Some people just get a rush out of the power game. I hope her grandpa is ok. My 24 year old does lots of things like that for my parents too when I can't. She's very close to them. It's not a power game for me I'm not like that. We clicked on date 1 and I'll admit I got a bit attached. It's entirely plausible she's not lying, but given the circumstances I wouldn't be surprised if she was I was understanding towards her canceling that's all I can do. Edited May 29, 2015 by barcode88 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 You sound very insecure OP and paranoid. You are screwing this up . Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 You sound very insecure OP and paranoid. You are screwing this up . I don't act out on my insecurities I keep them to myself or post here. but yeah I'm a bit insecure, I've had to overcome a lot of self esteem/confidence issues, and I was a bit of a late bloomer. I'm trying my best 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 You sound very insecure OP and paranoid. You are screwing this up . That's assuming he wants a deeper relationship based on kindness and openness. I stopped making that assumption after reading so much. ☺ It's not a power game for me I'm not like that. Your words and actions indicate otherwise. You might not like to admit you’re like that, but that’s how you’re acting. It's entirely plausible she's not lying, but given the circumstances I wouldn't be surprised if she was The only people I know who assume others are lying are liars and game players. Just saying. Maybe picking up a grandparent is far fetched to you. I don’t know. I was understanding towards her canceling that's all I can do. No you weren’t. You think she’s lying and you played text games. And even kind of mocked or ridiculed her texting more than once. Pfft. Anyway, I’m with the crowd voting for pursuing other prospects. Let this girl find someone else. "She's a good catch" is not a reason to date someone. It's too cold. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 (edited) That's assuming he wants a deeper relationship based on kindness and openness. I stopped making that assumption after reading so much. ☺ Your words and actions indicate otherwise. You might not like to admit you’re like that, but that’s how you’re acting. The only people I know who assume others are lying are liars and game players. Just saying. Maybe picking up a grandparent is far fetched to you. I don’t know. No you weren’t. You think she’s lying and you played text games. And even kind of mocked or ridiculed her texting more than once. Pfft. Anyway, I’m with the crowd voting for pursuing other prospects. Let this girl find someone else. "She's a good catch" is not a reason to date someone. It's too cold. That's not fair.. I wasn't playing text games, we took turns initiating and I always responded. I called her and talked on the phone and made her laugh. If she wasn't lying she could have asked to reschedule anyway. I'm entitled to my thoughts, and I think it's a possibility she just wanted to flake. I don't know either way though so I decided to just believe her and told her I understood. I was lied to in my last relationship a lot though, so it has made me a bit cynical, but I usually try to keep that to myself and not act out upon it. At any rate I get a common theme that people think im overanalyzing and insecure, I get this.. I'm trying to work on this, to give myself more peace of mind... As far as dealing with Women, I think I put on a pretty cool front, so I don't think im self-sabotaging as much as people think I am. Edited May 29, 2015 by barcode88 Link to post Share on other sites
markleymassraff Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 OP, she doesn't sound worth it to me. Why do you dudes like bitches like this? haha. Acting on the 2nd date like y'all never touched. Turning her cheek away and giving you a hug after you've been inside her. F*cked up. Don't mean to be down on you, but she annoys me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 OP, she doesn't sound worth it to me. Why do you dudes like bitches like this? haha. Acting on the 2nd date like y'all never touched. Turning her cheek away and giving you a hug after you've been inside her. F*cked up. Don't mean to be down on you, but she annoys me. Yeah it definitely threw me for a loop... However I figured she wanted to slow things down a bit, but it was still awkward. I'm just going to take some time and chill I think. I got a date setup Monday with another girl (also 23 iirc), so we will see how that goes. As for first date sex girl, I left the ball in her court. I like her, but I'm not going to get any more invested in her than I already am (which is already too much), when things are in neutral at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Dude, she is clearly not that into you. Yeah maybe the sex was fun whatever. I know guys who are banging women every weekend, and women who are banging some guy every weekend. Doesn't mean much. You are a tall and decent looking guy. You have it better than average. Find a quality chick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Dude, she is clearly not that into you. Yeah maybe the sex was fun whatever. I know guys who are banging women every weekend, and women who are banging some guy every weekend. Doesn't mean much. You are a tall and decent looking guy. You have it better than average. Find a quality chick. Yeah I think she's a bit disinterested as well. I Decided I'm not going to contact her unless she makes up for canceling somehow but I'm not holding my breath. The sex was pretty good and might have blinded me a bit (I'll admit). Have a different girl setup for a date on Monday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) Dude, she is clearly not that into you. Yeah maybe the sex was fun whatever. I know guys who are banging women every weekend, and women who are banging some guy every weekend. Doesn't mean much. You are a tall and decent looking guy. You have it better than average. Find a quality chick. I actually don't agree with this. I mean it would be one thing if she cancelled and then disappeared on him. But if she wasn't into him, she wouldn't keep initiating communication, double texting, and acting so apologetic. Also, going into the second date, this girl was passed over for promotion for the THIRD time at work and had gotten no sleep the night before. Yet despite all that crap happening to her, she still went out with him anyways. That shows that she likes him IMO. I mean it's great they had sex on the first date. But when your life kicks you in the teeth like that, it will occupy your mind and actions over a guy you had one date with. In barcode's defense, when you have a lot of experience like he and I do, that experience can work against you and make you cynical. Nine times out of ten when it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. But in my opinion, this happens to be one of the few times where I actually think she is on the level. Now I know this will go against instinct. But based on how much of an effort this girl is making with going on the second date after all that crap, and reaching out constantly with her grandpa being sick, I say that he should call her in a few days. Say with all sincerity "I understand that you've had some hard times lately at work and with your grandpa. I just want you to know I don't hold any of that against you, and am looking forward to seeing you again. So when are you free?" If she is on the level, which I think she is, that call would rock her f**king world. If it doesn't lead to anything, then who cares? You have other women you're dealing with. Edited May 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 UPDATE I've decided to call it quits for good on this one. Chatted a bit today and she's been friendly and shows interest, but at the same time is evasive about meeting up again. Going to chalk this one up as game playing like I did before, and the Hidden Profile on match more than likely means she's getting her needs met by another guy who is a higher priority. I left her with the last word, and decided I'm not going to respond anymore. Thanks to everyone who chimed in, it was good getting perspective on things from several different viewpoints. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I left her with the last word, and decided I'm not going to respond anymore. Why do that? why not just tell her it was fun meeting her but you're looking for a stronger connection and wish her luck? Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) Why do that? why not just tell her it was fun meeting her but you're looking for a stronger connection and wish her luck? I contemplated doing that, but she'll probably just feign interest to try keep me around, but it may be necessary anyway.... Hmm lol. I have her type dialed in, she's young and likes to play games and make things complicated (even for girl standards). She's a very passive person who usually doesn't speak up, and avoids all confrontation. Really annoying to read a person like this. This is probably why I felt like she was so shy. Edited May 31, 2015 by barcode88 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 UPDATE I've decided to call it quits for good on this one. Chatted a bit today and she's been friendly and shows interest, but at the same time is evasive about meeting up again. Going to chalk this one up as game playing like I did before, and the Hidden Profile on match more than likely means she's getting her needs met by another guy who is a higher priority. I left her with the last word, and decided I'm not going to respond anymore. Thanks to everyone who chimed in, it was good getting perspective on things from several different viewpoints. I think this is a good decision. She seems shady IMO and people who play games and act evasive are quite annoying to deal with on a regular basis and aren't quite relationship material. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Well I took your advice anyways Gaeta, and cut things off, and she responded saying "ok, hope you find what your looking for". I wanted to respond and grammar nazi her but withstood the urge.... Lol But yeah based on that uninterested response she definitely checked out a while ago, why did she have to send so many mixed signals -_- I think I read all the signs correctly on this one, I just didn't heed them. Like FF said, if it's walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..... Oh well at least this bs is over... Onto the next date tomorrow evening Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Well I took your advice anyways Gaeta, and cut things off, and she responded saying "ok, hope you find what your looking for". I wanted to respond and grammar nazi her but withstood the urge.... Lol But yeah based on that uninterested response she definitely checked out a while ago, why did she have to send so many mixed signals -_- I think I read all the signs correctly on this one, I just didn't heed them. Like FF said, if it's walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..... Oh well at least this bs is over... Onto the next date tomorrow evening I'm glad you did that. Now no more wondering if she is interested and playing hard to get or something else. She actually confirmed it was a lack of interest. I hate we only figure those out after the fact lol. You must be glad though you did not spend that much brain time on her. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Well I took your advice anyways Gaeta, and cut things off, and she responded saying "ok, hope you find what your looking for". I wanted to respond and grammar nazi her but withstood the urge.... Lol and yet you said she was smart..hmm..didn't think so. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 I'm glad you did that. Now no more wondering if she is interested and playing hard to get or something else. She actually confirmed it was a lack of interest. I hate we only figure those out after the fact lol. You must be glad though you did not spend that much brain time on her. Yeah I could have come out worse on it lol. Got to have sex with a smoking hot 23 year old, and it was mutually enjoyable. There's worse things in life and yet you said she was smart..hmm..didn't think so. lol Right?!? That's the first thing that I thought lol. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 But yeah based on that uninterested response she definitely checked out a while ago, why did she have to send so many mixed signals -_- She probably didn't want to be the 'bad guy.' Ultimately selfish since she was the one who checked out and it was on her to serve notice. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 She probably didn't want to be the 'bad guy.' Ultimately selfish since she was the one who checked out and it was on her to serve notice. I think she DID serve notice via her ACTIONS. And barcode sensed it straight from the get go...but kept giving her the benefit of doubt. Next time he will know better, lesson learned. I am sorry barcode...next! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 No real need for secret code tho when words would do just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) No real need for secret code tho when words would do just fine. I hear ya...but some people are just cowards when it comes to ending things...especially after sex has happened. So they don't "say" anything, but proceed to send mixed messages, etc, confusing the hell outta the other person. The message is the same though....they're just not into it. For me, I just go by my gut/intuition in situations like this. I would not rely on the other person telling me. Here....her actions (non-actions) spoke volumes IMO. And barcode sensed it too. I think if we could all learn to trust our intuition a bit more and act accordingly.... there would be a lot less confusion and time/energy wasted on someone who is just not that into us... Jmo... Edited May 31, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
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