Author barcode88 Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) It wasn't really rejection. She only wanted "one thing". You gave it to her. She was done. Take the good stuff. Don't freak yourself out about the bad. Know you have good instincts & enjoy your cabin. Well in a way it is, since I wanted more I'll definitely take the good stuff though. I'm not going to completely write her off yet, I'll just wait and see if she reaches out to me again, and go from there. She initiated a lot of contact and would text me a LOT (even between dates 1 & 2, her communication stayed consistent). So it'll be easy to tell if she's interested or not. Edited May 22, 2015 by barcode88 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I don't think backing off a little could hurt. If she's into you, she won't get the clingy vibe if you're quiet, and if she's not, you'll know bc she won't contact you either and you'll walk away w/your dignity. This seems like different advice from your usual Jen. I seem to remember you saying something along the lines of that if a woman is into you, she wants to talk to you often. That worrying about being clingy or needy is really just insecurity and game playing. But in all honesty dude, I don't think you did anything wrong. Calling a woman the day after sex for the first time is good policy regardless of when it happens. If she had gotten turned off over when you contacted her, she never would have gone out with you again. The fact that she responded really positively and had the second date shows she had initial interest. Now being a realist like you, I'm inclined to agree that she just wasn't feeling it on the second date. But there is a small chance that she could be telling the truth. So the way I see it is that if she likes you, she won't mind hearing from you, and if she changed her mind, it's better to find out sooner than later. So my advice? Shoot her one quick text and take what happens at face value. If she responds, tell her that you'll call her soon. Then call when you're back. If she doesn't respond, don't contact her again. But at least you don't waste time sitting around wondering. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 This seems like different advice from your usual Jen. I seem to remember you saying something along the lines of that if a woman is into you, she wants to talk to you often. That worrying about being clingy or needy is really just insecurity and game playing. There is no "usual" FF - no cookie cutters in this game. Look at each situation individually because they're all different one way or another. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
El Pallasso Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Yeah I've been burned twice listening to female advice on here. Lol. Just going to chalk it up as another lesson learned. In retrospect I realize now I may have come off as needy without realizing it. Think I can salvage this if I pull back now or is the damage done? I'm going to try find others to date, I dated 3 people this week actually, 2 of them I felt nothing for. There is no salvage. This one is done and dusted. Delete her number, texts, pics, videos, everything. Move on. She is not the fairy princess she wants you to think she is. She is a h0 through and through and she will spread her legs for any guy within the same hour she meets him. She is not shy. She just wants you to think she is. If she f*cked you in one date, she has f*cked other guys in one date. There is nothing inherently special about her. When you go ghost on her, her mind will start to worry and she will likely contact you just to get closure. Do not respond. If you respond, it will only help her move on from you faster. Oh and yeah, it is not wise to take advice about dating women from other women. They give advice that will benefit the women not you as a man. Read back on the female advice and you will notice that all of them said to contact her as soon as possible and keep up the communication to make her feel "safe and secure". Lmao. It all sounds nice and good but what women say and what they respond to in real life are two completely different things. Think about it, a lion would not seek the advice of an antelope on how to hunt. It would seek the counsel of other lions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JJCaliGirl Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Oh and yeah, it is not wise to take advice about dating women from other women. They give advice that will benefit the women not you as a man. Read back on the female advice and you will notice that all of them said to contact her as soon as possible and keep up the communication to make her feel "safe and secure". Lmao. It all sounds nice and good but what women say and what they respond to in real life are two completely different things. Think about it, a lion would not seek the advice of an antelope on how to hunt. It would seek the counsel of other lions. Not sure if you read my post thoroughly as I said I have been in this situation before, and the guy didn't call me back for a week. In that time, I felt worse and worse about myself because it was my first time having sex on the first date. By the time he did call me back, I had come to my senses, but it still made me nearly sick to my stomach because he ultimately it was booty call and nothing else. Did I want to be perceived as easy, hell no! I didn't know her full history so I was offering advice as I would've liked happen to me. If having sex regularly on first dates is her prerogative or keeping it very casual, then my advice may have been different and probably along the lines of giving it a week or so. Link to post Share on other sites
El Pallasso Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I didn't know her full history so I was offering advice as I would've liked happen to me. I stand corrected. Link to post Share on other sites
JJCaliGirl Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I stand corrected. I think of it this way which I still think you believe I wasn't thinking about OP... What could he do to get the best results possible. Did I have sex with the guy who only wanted a booty call after I put out on our first date?! NOPE! Because that week he took ruined his chances, and this is precisely the same advice you offered. Link to post Share on other sites
El Pallasso Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I think of it this way which I still think you believe I wasn't thinking about OP... What could he do to get the best results possible. Did I have sex with the guy who only wanted a booty call after I put out on our first date?! NOPE! Because that week he took ruined his chances, and this is precisely the same advice you offered. No, it is not precisely the same advice I offered. I said he should wait at least a week before setting up another date. I didn't say he should wait a week before he contacted her which is what the guy in your story did. Two completely different things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JJCaliGirl Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 No, it is not precisely the same advice I offered. I said he should wait at least a week before setting up another date. I didn't say he should wait a week before he contacted her which is what the guy in your story did. Two completely different things. Oh, and all I did was say that he should call her the following day, so I'm not sure why you are saying that what the women suggested in this thread was bad advice as I didn't suggest when the date should occur. As someone who has had sex on a first date, the longer it took for the guy to call me back, the more I felt used. It took him about a week, and by that time, hearing his voice almost made me sick. OP, don't do that to this girl. Call her tonight and let her know that you enjoyed the time you spent together. At most, give it a day, but nothing beyond that. I also agree with the others that your next date should be in public so it doesn't appear that you are just in it for sex. And when he setup the date, I just said it was awesome and asked what he was planning. With all of that in mind, I don't know what we are arguing about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 Well we're communicating again and things seem positive. We'll see how things go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Well in a way it is, since I wanted more I'll definitely take the good stuff though. I'm not going to completely write her off yet, I'll just wait and see if she reaches out to me again, and go from there. She initiated a lot of contact and would text me a LOT (even between dates 1 & 2, her communication stayed consistent). So it'll be easy to tell if she's interested or not. What if she does reach out to you again in the near future? What if all she wants from you is to hit it and quit it whenever the mood strikes her, without you guys going out on dates or having any kind of communication with you other than when is the next time she can bang you? Would you be satisfied with a NSA type of sexual relationship with this "hot" 23 year old? If you became kind of 'needy' or 'clingy' with her before because you wanted more sex when YOU wanted it, do you think it's possible you may become that way with her again? Can you emotionally handle her screwing a guy right before she comes over to your place to screw you? Just some questions I think you should ask yourself while you're waiting for her to possibly reach out to you again. If you want more from this young woman than just a roll in the hay (like dating her or possibly getting into a relationship with her), then you should reconsider ever seeing her again because TBH, from what you've told us about her, she doesn't seem like she's interested in anything meaningful other than having sex with as many guys as she wants to. . Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 There is no salvage. This one is done and dusted. Delete her number, texts, pics, videos, everything. Move on. She is not the fairy princess she wants you to think she is. She is a h0 through and through and she will spread her legs for any guy within the same hour she meets him. She is not shy. She just wants you to think she is. If she f*cked you in one date, she has f*cked other guys in one date. There is nothing inherently special about her. When you go ghost on her, her mind will start to worry and she will likely contact you just to get closure. Do not respond. If you respond, it will only help her move on from you faster. Oh and yeah, it is not wise to take advice about dating women from other women. They give advice that will benefit the women not you as a man. Read back on the female advice and you will notice that all of them said to contact her as soon as possible and keep up the communication to make her feel "safe and secure". Lmao. It all sounds nice and good but what women say and what they respond to in real life are two completely different things. Think about it, a lion would not seek the advice of an antelope on how to hunt. It would seek the counsel of other lions. Well the advice was entertaining for sure. I like the wildlife comparisons Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 I called her tonight (my brother suggested I do and not overthink things), and she apologized for Thursday, and overall it was a good chat. We set up plans for next Friday so things are moving forward again. I decided I'm going to take things a bit slower this time and read her body language better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) UPDATE So I haven't heard from her in a few days (since Sunday), her level of contact has dropped drastically... She texted me on Sunday and seemed pretty interested (we talked on the phone Saturday night), and I replied a bit later, and I haven't heard anything since... We have a date planned for Friday at 6pm, how long should I wait to hear from her? I don't want to come across as needy, so would it be a solid move if I don't hear from her by tomorrow night to tell her that something came up Friday but I'm free the following Monday? Maybe I'm overthinking things, but I don't want to come across as needy especially after making a recovery from my fumble last Thursday. She's been a bit more quiet since Sunday (although she did reach out to me on her own on Sunday), so maybe she's fading out on me? Edited May 27, 2015 by barcode88 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Are you just supposed to show up for that date Friday? Are you worried she won't show or something? Just text her "we still on for Friday?" Don't get all tactical and play games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 I would rather not text something like "Are we still on for Friday", looks too needy. But she just texted me anyway, so yeah I'm overthinking haha... I think having sex so soon is making me lose my mind with this girl Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I would rather not text something like "Are we still on for Friday", looks too needy. It's not needy. Pretend for a second that this date is a business meeting. Confirm accordingly. It's not about you being desperate for her to go out with you. It's about you not wasting your time & money schelping to the date / meetup location if she's not there. It's practical not emotional. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 OK! Reporting back from my First Date last night with this really attractive 23 year old girl I met on Match... Pretty excited where things are going but want to clarify how to go forward with things! Ok so we met for drinks at a pretty popular place down in the heart of the cities, we got a table together and we each got 2 drinks over an hour and a half or so. Initially she was pretty shy/reserved and I led the conversation for the most part, she did get a little more talkative as the night went on (alcohol lol). Afterwards we walked around a bit and held hands, sat down together and talked, and later went back to my place to watch a movie. I won't go into huge detail, but long story short we watched the movie, and then after made out, after a bit ended up taking her to my bedroom and we had sex for hours and she spent the night, in the morning we had sex again, had breakfast then I dropped her off at her car (near my place) and gave her a kiss goodbye and told her I would call... Then took off for work. How do I go forward from here? I like her, she's smart, a little bit shy and we seem to click really well, but I've never had sex on the first date so I don't know if it's going to be weird. She seemed to really enjoy the sex (or is really good at faking), and I know people generally say if it's good she'll come back. I figure I'll just call her and ask her out again and try to keep things fun/interesting? I haven't felt this excited about someone in a while, but I hope it wasn't just a ONS for her? she was pretty shy/reserved -- then had first date sex. She isn't that shy. And, if you like her, call her pretty soon, because she'll be thinking it was a ONS too. Keep the momentum going Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Hmm well at the end of our brief text exchange (she initiated with me) I told her, "See you Friday at ___" and she just responded with "Ok" Her level of interest has dropped quite a bit, and I'm half expecting her to flake out. she was pretty shy/reserved -- then had first date sex. She isn't that shy. And, if you like her, call her pretty soon, because she'll be thinking it was a ONS too. Keep the momentum going Read all the updates! lol. We're going into 3rd date already. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I told her, "See you Friday at ___" and she just responded with "Ok" Her level of interest has dropped quite a bit, and I'm half expecting her to flake out. Dude, you're REALLY over thinking on this one. Whether she says "OK" or "OMG I am so excited!!!" doesn't matter. In the end there are only two things that do. 1) Her confirming the date. 2) Her behavior on the date itself. Show up, greet her with a kiss, and act exactly the same way you did on the first date. If she's receptive and doesn't act like a cold fish, great. If her behavior is a repeat of date two, don't ask her out again. Just keep it simple and you'll be fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Hmm well at the end of our brief text exchange (she initiated with me) I told her, "See you Friday at ___" and she just responded with "Ok" Maybe because she's worried that she's coming across as too needy? Just go on your date, be your best self, don't try and second guess everything or spend all night reading her body language, just have fun. See what happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Dude, you're REALLY over thinking on this one. Whether she says "OK" or "OMG I am so excited!!!" doesn't matter. In the end there are only two things that do. 1) Her confirming the date. 2) Her behavior on the date itself. Show up, greet her with a kiss, and act exactly the same way you did on the first date. If she's receptive and doesn't act like a cold fish, great. If her behavior is a repeat of date two, don't ask her out again. Just keep it simple and you'll be fine. Yeah I'm overthinking things way too much I know... I'm just going to take a step back and forget about it all and try to just have fun when Friday comes lol. Maybe because she's worried that she's coming across as too needy? Just go on your date, be your best self, don't try and second guess everything or spend all night reading her body language, just have fun. See what happens. Yeah I didn't think about that... Lol. Very good point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 So she just made her Match profile Hidden... What does this mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 She doesn't want any new contact for now. I usually do that when my agenda is full and I am entering the eliminating process. May the best man win. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barcode88 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Hmm I have a bad feeling but I'm just going to ignore it and press on I suppose.... Hopefully this time I'm wrong lol, but usually when I get a funny feeling something goes south. Link to post Share on other sites
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