First Date Sex

[Gaeta]

Hmm I have a bad feeling but I'm just going to ignore it and press on I suppose....

 

What kind of bad feeling?

 

I think her behavior is indicative she is multi-dating and it's ok for now. She didn't plan on sleeping with you, it just happened, and life goes on. You are still a prospect but I am almost certain you are not the only one in the race.

[Gaeta]

but usually when I get a funny feeling something goes south.

 

Because you self-sabotage. Don't influence any turn of events, just let it unfold on its own.

[barcode88]

What kind of bad feeling?

 

I think her behavior is indicative she is multi-dating and it's ok for now. She didn't plan on sleeping with you, it just happened, and life goes on. You are still a prospect but I am almost certain you are not the only one in the race.

 

I'm certain there are others too, I've been dating others as well. Usually people hide when they have a person they feel really good about. Could be your reason too though.

[barcode88]

Because you self-sabotage. Don't influence any turn of events, just let it unfold on its own.

 

Well I wasn't expecting to sleep with her and I wasn't prepared for how our 2nd date was going to be so weird... So far on our dates I haven't done anything to self sabotage I've been keeping most of my thoughts to myself (and you guys)

[ascendotum]

I would rather not text something like "Are we still on for Friday", looks too needy.

 

Having read a number of posts discussing this sort of stuff in the realm of guys who date a lot of women, this does come across as too needy/weak. Don't ask if she will still decide to meet you. Assume it is still on, so if you must contact her, its better to say something like 'looking forward to Friday' or basically confirm the datr by mentioning something about what you plan/hope to do on the date.

[barcode88]

Having read a number of posts discussing this sort of stuff in the realm of guys who date a lot of women, this does come across as too needy/weak. Do ask her if she will still decide to meet you. Assume it is still on, so if you must contact her, its better to say something like 'looking forward to Friday' or basically confirm the datr by mentioning something about what you plan/hope to do on the date.

 

Yeah that's what I did kinda, I didn't ask her if we were still on, I assumed we were and told her I would see her then...

 

 

I find it weird that she set her Match profile to hidden though, at the very least it means there's at least one other guy that's higher up the ladder than I am, because after sleeping together on our first date, having an awkward second date, I feel like we're still feeling each other out a bit, and she would be crazy to hide her profile for me at this point.

 

Or Gaeta could be right and she did it to stop taking in new potential dating partners... However I feel like most Women would just stop responding rather than make their profile hidden. Making your profile hidden is a bit of a statement to the people you're dating currently.

 

Not to mention her interest levels have dropped a bit, she used to be excited to contact me and would do so everyday, now its once every 3 days (she does initiate as well), but her replies are very short.

 

 

I'm still going to assume that everything is on I guess though, and I'm going to just keep my insecurity to myself. I fully expect to have competition when dating so it doesn't bug me, however I have a feeling i'm low on the ladder at the moment, I just need to knock it out of the park on Friday.

Edited May 27, 2015 by barcode88

[Gaeta]

Or Gaeta could be right and she did it to stop taking in new potential dating partners... However I feel like most Women would just stop responding rather than make their profile hidden. Making your profile hidden is a bit of a statement to the people you're dating currently.

 

When we hide our profile, for what ever reasons, we don't think about what our prospects will think. We do it for us, and for what it will accomplish for us.

[jen1447]

Stop analyzing. Really.

[barcode88]

Stop analyzing. Really.

 

I really should, especially since we haven't even had our date yet. However I'll analyze to death after something is over, it's good to know what worked and what didn't for the next time.

[fitnessfan365]

I really should, especially since we haven't even had our date yet. However I'll analyze to death after something is over, it's good to know what worked and what didn't for the next time.

 

Every woman is different though. So its not like there is a clear cut formula. The best thing you can do in all honesty, is just take it on a case by case basis and never stop being yourself. Some women will like you, and some won't.

[markleymassraff]

LOL so now it's OUR fault?!

 

Listen, she's either not interested, which is a possibility, but it has nothing to do with you setting up a second date so soon, or she is playing coy and trying to take back the sex on the first date pressure.

 

You setting up a second date has nothing to do with either scenario.

 

Honestly, if I was really interested in a guy and he set up a second date straight away, I'd be over the moon. I'd also not try to pretend the sex didn't happen, but that's just me.

 

If, on the other hand, you disappeared off the face of the earth, I'd just assume you were a douchebag and move on.

 

So, no, the problem isn't the advice you got from women. The problem is her potentially not being that interested or having people giving her **** advice about taking the sex off the table and going back to the "get to know you" phase.

 

Barcode,

 

I totally agree with what the above poster said. I'm female and have had first-date sex (or close to it) a few times. I move fast with sex in general. And I totally agree that if I like the guy, I want to see him again fast to have sex again or just be on a date. And I don't pretend we didn't have sex. Given that this girl went out with you again, I'm thinking...she might be interested but is being given bad advice to totally revert to being a 13 year old or some such foolishness.

 

She is 23. Some women that age act kinda strange. idk. I didn't. When I was 20 and 21 and had sex, I didn't regress back to no kiss at all after I and a guy have already had sex.

 

I don't have any definitive answers for you about her, but I can safely say that if I like a guy after we had first date sex, I want him to contact me quickly and I want to see him again quickly. In general, the rule applies: if someone likes you, you can do little wrong. If someone likes you, you can even f*ck up a little, and they will still want to see you.

[markleymassraff]

Okay I've now read more of the updates and think, as others have said, that she is dating others. I also think you can't read too much into her having sex with you at all. If I've learned anything from dating, it's that no matter how a person acts (e.g. like they were having fun, like they are really into you, like they are thinking about future dates with you), people are often doing what they need to just for the moment, or for a few days, or for a few weeks. In other words, people are sometimes getting their temporary needs met through you, but really their mind is on someone else, or if it is not on someone else, you don't really do it for them as much as they are acting like on the date.

 

And it's not so much that they are trying to deceive you or lead you on. It's that...plenty of people out there have decent social skills and simply know that a date is supposed to be fun and engaging, so they talk, laugh, compliment you, etc., but that's because they don't want to have a boring night. But it doesn't mean they are crazy into you. It doesn't mean they find you gross either; it just means they are not necessarily crazy into you.

 

There was this guy I was crazy into in Jan/first week of Feb. We had dates and had sex. He faded out on me, and I was feeling crushed by it. Fast forward to March 22nd, I went out twice with this guy who is reasonably good-looking and cool but who is a little overweight (something that prevented me from being fully attracted to him). I made out with him and did some heavy petting with him. I had a couple fun nights with him. The 2nd night we went out, he asked me to go to a hotel with him (I don't have my own place, and he was in from out of town staying with his mom), and I made up some excuse. I didn't want to have sex with him, and as a matter of fact, the whole time I was having a couple fun, make-out nights with him, I was thinking of the guy that I actually like a lot (the guy from Feb/Jan).

 

PEOPLE DO THIS SH*T ALL THE TIME! Unfortunately...

 

The 2nd guy probably feels like "she seemed like she was having fun," "she was making out with me, was all over me at times, but then suddenly she doesn't want to have sex or really take it any further?" I lost interest in him completely. Frankly, I know it's bad, but I just needed a couple nights out and some making out. I wasn't crazy into him. And I still am not.

 

The only solace one can get from that kind of thing is that you are attractive to the person; they couldn't "use" you in that way if you weren't attractive to them at all; it's just that somehow you are not, as a whole, off-the-charts attractive to them

 

People can seem like they are into you but OFTEN they are thinking about someone else. I also had sex with a guy for six months a few years ago, the whole six months thinking about someone else (my ex).

 

Just know that when a person is into you, you won't have to ask if they are. My last serious boyfriend, I had sex with him on our fifth outing together. I did wonder immediately after if he was going to fade out on me. He did not. He was into me on our first date, our second date, our third date, our fourth date, when we had sex, right after we had sex, right after we had sex again. Just consistent. I did not even have to wonder for 1/2 a second if he was into me or not. He was into me and he made it clear. He wanted to talk to me a lot and be around me a lot.

 

Although it's true that all individuals conduct themselves differently, I will just say that I as a woman -- when I like a guy -- I want to talk to him a lot. He doesn't get short-answer texts or three or four days of silence.

 

She might eventually like you more, but right now I'd say her interest is medium to low.

Edited May 28, 2015 by markleymassraff

[barcode88]

Haha good perspectives to read... In regards to messing up, I think I messed up bad after date 2, but she still wants to see me and is staying in contact... So we'll see what happens!

[barcode88]

UPDATE

Ok so we were texting back and forth a little bit this morning, keeping it pretty light and funny... Anyways I let it drop off for a little bit, and now all of a sudden out of the blue she sent me a text cancelling for tonight.

 

 

She said her Grandpa is in the Hospital again, and she's the only one who can go pick him up and she won't be back in time (different state) for our plans later, she's really sorry blah blah. However no mention of a different date/time.

 

I kind of saw this coming. Maybe her Grandpa really is in the Hospital, but the timing is really coincidental, so I have a feeling it might be more of a partial truth.

 

Of course I just said No problem hope he feels better, etc. and left it at that.

 

 

I think I'm just going to go dark on her and wait and see if she contacts me back, and at least walk away with my dignity somewhat intact.

 

My gut instincts were right once again... Lol.

[Versacehottie]

I don't have any definitive answers for you about her, but I can safely say that if I like a guy after we had first date sex, I want him to contact me quickly and I want to see him again quickly. In general, the rule applies: if someone likes you, you can do little wrong. If someone likes you, you can even f*ck up a little, and they will still want to see you.

 

This^^^accurate

[Gaeta]

UPDATE

 

Ok so we were texting back and forth a little bit this morning, keeping it pretty light and funny... Anyways I let it drop off for a little bit, and now all of a sudden out of the blue she sent me a text cancelling for tonight.

 

 

She said her Grandpa is in the Hospital again, and she's the only one who can go pick him up and she won't be back in time (different state) for our plans later, she's really sorry blah blah. However no mention of a different date/time.

 

I kind of saw this coming. Maybe her Grandpa really is in the Hospital, but the timing is really coincidental, so I have a feeling it might be more of a partial truth.

 

Of course I just said No problem hope he feels better, etc. and left it at that.

 

 

I think I'm just going to go dark on her and wait and see if she contacts me back, and at least walk away with my dignity somewhat intact.

 

My gut instincts were right once again... Lol.

 

Sowwy .....it sucks eh !

 

You're right let it go and concentrate on your other prospects. It's definitely up to her to get back to you at this point but don't hold your breath.

[barcode88]

Sowwy .....it sucks eh !

 

You're right let it go and concentrate on your other prospects. It's definitely up to her to get back to you at this point but don't hold your breath.

 

Well like I said, I saw it coming (remember where I said I had a bad feeling?) lol.

 

Maybe i'll booty call her next week, haha.

 

 

I got 2 other prospects at the moment, calling one of them later tonight.

 

It's funny because the last 2 days on Match I've been getting a 50% response rate when I usually get 10% or less.... Insane! lol. I did improve my profile a bit recently though so that may be it.

 

 

 

EDIT: She just texted me again, more explaining lol... She was very specific so maybe its legit, who knows.

Edited May 29, 2015 by barcode88

[barcode88]

So she seems pretty apologetic and keeps texting me, now she's asking how my day is going???? Hmmm. It could be a legit cancellation, or is she playing games? Aghhhhh!

[elaine567]

So she seems pretty apologetic and keeps texting me, now she's asking how my day is going???? Hmmm. It could be a legit cancellation, or is she playing games? Aghhhhh!

 

If you like her you have to give her a chance. Grandpas do get ill.

[d0nnivain]

I think it's legit. Let her go at her own pace until her grandfather stabilizes.

[fitnessfan365]

Dude.. I know you're trying to put on a brave face. But it's obvious you're pretending to be indifferent and you genuinely like the girl. So it will be easier on yourself when you just admit it. I mean no girl that you'd want to "booty call" would have you this shaken. Just saying..

 

Just wish her the best with her grandpa and tell her to get back to you when she's able with availability for next week. After that, it's on her to do so.

[minime13]

So she seems pretty apologetic and keeps texting me, now she's asking how my day is going???? Hmmm. It could be a legit cancellation, or is she playing games? Aghhhhh!

 

You're putting waaaaay too much thought into this. This is precisely how relationships get screwed. Don't over-analyze everything.

 

You've been out on fewer dates than the number of toes on your right foot (assuming they're all present and accounted for). She's not given you any reason to assume she'd lie about a sick relative, from what I have read. The awkward second date could be for a number of reasons, but most likely because she's thinking 'oh my God we had sex on the first date, he probably thinks I'm easy, so maybe I'll dial it back a little so we can get to know each other.'

 

If she's seeing a few other guys, so what? You're seeing a few other girls. It's just dating right now and feeling each other out. Let it just be that, and relax.

 

If you go into any potential relationship automatically over-analyzing every single thing said and always thinking the worst, you are in for a rather bumpy road. Dial down the investigation a little, and just enjoy your dates.

[barcode88]

I guess he's ok, but just needs a ride home otherwise has to spend the night at the hospital and get charged another day.

 

I stopped responding, and then she double texted me asking how my day was, so I responded but kept it short and sweet leaving the ball in her court if she wants to reschedule. I implied that I made other plans this evening and wasn't bothered that she cancelled (I'm not too bothered really).

 

 

@FFan yeah I like her but if she doesn't feel the same, I don't want to push things. I think she might be legit telling the truth though, so I'll give her another shot.

 

@minime, yes I'm not so naïve as to think there aren't other guys besides me... I realize this. When interacting with her I keep things simple, but she's making it complicated

 

 

I made other plans tonight, so it's not the end of the world.

Edited May 29, 2015 by barcode88

[Lansing]

My advise would not be too cold... It might look from her perspective that YOU flipped a switch. I don't think there is harm in asking her out again. I think girls expect guys who are interested to ask them out, even if they cancel. I see so often that people say "if she is interested, she would ask you out" or "if she is interested, she would suggest an alternative time" but, that doesn't match with all girls personalities. They are getting advice saying "if the guy is interested, he would ask you out again", etc.

 

No black and white on that.

[barcode88]

My advise would not be too cold... It might look from her perspective that YOU flipped a switch. I don't think there is harm in asking her out again. I think girls expect guys who are interested to ask them out, even if they cancel. I see so often that people say "if she is interested, she would ask you out" or "if she is interested, she would suggest an alternative time" but, that doesn't match with all girls personalities. They are getting advice saying "if the guy is interested, he would ask you out again", etc.

 

No black and white on that.

 

Yeah I didn't flip a switch on her, but I'm not going to ask an alternate date right away.