He's been with hookers?

[Jethro]

By your own words, he's a really sweet guy? And a strip club aficionado? And been with hookers?

 

 

Can I add your contact info to my sales call rotation? Because I'm pretty sure I will be able to sell you ANYTHING!

 

 

Edit: I'm going to add to this. See, I know the strip club regulars all too well. I had a boss that was addicted to strip clubs. I have spent probably 100 nights of my life in strip clubs UNFORTUNATELY. The point is, I know what kind of person is a regular at strip clubs. Sweet is not the word to use for any of them.

Edited April 15, 2015 by Jethro

[123321]

If the OP finds his behavior morally repulsive, she shouldn't be with him.

 

We can argue all day about our own opinions on it, but the only one that matters is hers.

 

In fact, given his apparent propensity to be open and honest I'd say she's possibly doing him a favor.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

In fact, given his apparent propensity to be open and honest I'd say she's possibly doing him a favor.

 

If I were him I wouldn't say anything personally, its really none of her business what his past is... But whatever the damage is done. He will probably be less open in the future though given her reaction.

 

I don't think the OP is necessarily unfair, she can't really change how it makes her feel.

[hotpotato]

I'm not particularly religious. There isn't necessarily a religious or spiritual reasoning behind my reluctance to date someone with a varied sexual history whether he slept with hookers or whether he slept with random bar chicks.

 

My question was whether a person can look past something like that when choosing a mate. If he had come to me and said "I've have 100 ONS" then my initial post would reflect that.

 

A man with a long and varied sexual history might be a deal breaker for me. I don't know. I'm going to speak with him as honestly as he spoke with me.

 

And being turned off by most men? That's ok. Better than feeling like I'm with someone who gifts his penis to half the population.

 

I said spiritual. I didnt necessarily means religous as one can be spiritual but not belong to a religion. I recommended this because most men are cool with nsa sex with various women.

 

I think many people can look past that, but can you? Thats the question.

 

Good luck finding a man who doesnt want to slip his salami to nearly anyone. So far ive met one, and I used to date a lot. :lol:

[blueskyday]

Sleeping with hookers is not exactly the same thing as a ONS. It's a ONS plus something else: an attitude about sex that says I can rent out another human being's body for my own pleasure.

 

It is a complete abdication of humanity and concern for another human being's situation. Very clearly, there is a power differential. One of the parties needs money, not sex. That is control on the part of the John. It's a disgusting way to treat another person. It's also very dangerous and risky.

 

Really guys, you might as well stick your d*#k in a sewer. Yuck!

 

I was heartbroken when the guy I fell in love with told me he had been with hookers. He had presented himself as a religious guy who was celibate. I just knew something was up and that he was lying about something. After much badgering, he told me. I was blown away! Didn't expect that at all.

 

He said he was lonely, blah blah. Had given up on finding the One (but was still dating so that didn't make sense). Said he had never known love until me. Who knows the truth? I gave him the benefit of the doubt, for a while.

 

I would have rather had it be one night stands with many "regular" women. It would still have been a problem but more workable in my mind in some way, perhaps because it was at least consensual. I don't view prostitute sex as consensual. (ONS still a concern, however and would warrant discussion.)

 

I stayed with him after that but never trusted him again. It destroyed the relationship. So I say run. Save yourself the heartache. The whole strip club thing that's happening currently really shows he still views women as something to consume.

Edited April 16, 2015 by blueskyday

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Sleeping with hookers is not exactly the same thing as a ONS. It's a ONS plus something else: an attitude about sex that says I can rent out another human being's body for my own pleasure.

 

It is a complete abdication of humanity and concern for another human being's situation. Very clearly, there is a power differential. One of the parties needs money, not sex. That is control on the part of the John. It's a disgusting way to treat another person. It's also very dangerous and risky.

 

Really guys, you might as well stick your d*#k in a sewer. Yuck!

 

I was heartbroken when the guy I fell in love with told me he had been with hookers. He had presented himself as a religious guy who was celibate. I just knew something was up and that he was lying about something. After much badgering, he told me. I was blown away! Didn't expect that at all.

 

He said he was lonely, blah blah. Had given up on finding the One (but was still dating so that didn't make sense). Said he had never known love until me. Who knows the truth? I gave him the benefit of the doubt, for a while.

 

I would have rather had it be one night stands with many "regular" women. It would still have been a problem but more workable in my mind in some way, perhaps because it was at least consensual. I don't view prostitute sex as consensual. (ONS still a concern, however and would warrant discussion.)

 

I stayed with him after that but never trusted him again. It destroyed the relationship. So I say run. Save yourself the heartache. The whole strip club thing that's happening currently really shows he still views women as something to consume.

 

Not every guy visits an escort for sole sexual gratification. They might just be lonely and want someone to talk to (and yes maybe have sex)

 

Don't be so quick to judge

[dreamingoftigers]

Such a negative vibe from those who show so much disgust,

However, everyone has a past, in that much you can trust.

Your judgement is your own, you can choose whatever you feel is right,

Personally, I feel it's kind of snobby to judge him in this light.

 

You have no idea how many women sleep for men for personal gain

Money being only one...power, security, leverage, or even fame.

However, for some it's definitely a dealbreaker out of a few,

There's also male escorts you know, you may have already unknowingly slept with one too.

 

Everyone has a past, this you can be sure

But she shouldn't get involved if this makes her insecure.

Some women out there may choose to dig for gold.

But if she isn't one of them, on this she can't be sold.

 

This thread is about her and him, not any other.

Her love isn't unconditional, she isn't his mother.

Why should she be the next cheap screw?

When to her standards and her heart she could be true.

[dreamingoftigers]

I told you that? Or other people did? You mean people can have different thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, morals, desires, standards, opinions, and lifestyle choices?!

 

Frisky, Smackie, Preraph, yes I DO have boundary issues and problems saying no. It's gotten me into uncomfortable situations with overzealous men because I can't just turn someone down flat. It is something that was pointed out to me and the more I think about it, the more I see my dating issues have stemmed from it. The really pushy/creepy guys have tried to take advantage of me and I just get more and more hesitant about putting myself out there.

 

Leigh, maybe that's what scares me. Being cheated on because he must really, really like hookers. I'm NOT experienced; I am enthusiastic and amorous and touchy-feely. But that might not be enough.

 

From what I understand, he has one or two escorts that he's seen a few times. And I don't even know how many times he's been to the strip club. Again, deeply appreciate his honesty but it might just be too much of a history.

 

Le sigh. We've been texting all day and he's rather anxious to meet up. I don't think he has much experience DATING, which I don't mind. However, he has lots of SEXUAL experience.

 

You know what?

 

I was a woman with practically no boundaries.

 

I married a guy "with a past."

 

He didn't tell me about the "one hooker" he saw until we were mere weeks away from being married. I was upset he hadn't told me and he freaked out.

 

"It was all in his past."

 

Guess what?

Total sexual addict.

 

I have no doubt that he loved me before we got married and for quite some time afterward. But his boundaries around sex were horrid, if there were any at all. I find this to be the case with men in general who see prostitutes/do the strip club thing. They have (IN GENERAL) utterly divorced sex from love and connection.

 

So guess what happens? After the fun in the relationship wears off a bit, they find it the old-fashioned way. They go back to paying for it or pursuing it from new partners for the novelty.

 

And men who choose to see prostitutes etc. don't get it. They just don't get it. They blah blah blah about women's empowerment, feminism, how guys need it, he can be faithful, much like he can do laundry.

 

Yay..... just what we want. The guy who "can be faithful" if he tries real hard.

[SawtoothMars]

You know what?

I was a woman with practically no boundaries.

I married a guy "with a past."

He didn't tell me about the "one hooker" he saw until we were mere weeks away from being married. I was upset he hadn't told me and he freaked out.

"It was all in his past."

Guess what?

Total sexual addict.

I have no doubt that he loved me before we got married and for quite some time afterward. But his boundaries around sex were horrid, if there were any at all. I find this to be the case with men in general who see prostitutes/do the strip club thing. They have (IN GENERAL) utterly divorced sex from love and connection.

So guess what happens? After the fun in the relationship wears off a bit, they find it the old-fashioned way. They go back to paying for it or pursuing it from new partners for the novelty.

And men who choose to see prostitutes etc. don't get it. They just don't get it. They blah blah blah about women's empowerment, feminism, how guys need it, he can be faithful, much like he can do laundry.

Yay..... just what we want. The guy who "can be faithful" if he tries real hard.

 

Your xH waited until the last moment to get honest with you. OP's guy was pretty up front. THOSE are the traits that are important. A dishonest guy is going to be dishonest... whether he is seeing prostitutes or cheating with your best friend.

 

That said.... We all have the right to choose what we are willing to accept in a relationship. We are allowed to discriminate based on whatever we want.... and that is the way it should be!

[dreamingoftigers]

After looking again there is usually at least 1 thread a day here where everyone is like "if he isn't understanding then he isn't worth your time". Unfortunately nobody here has said the same about the OP's BF, because it's clear that feminists only want things 1 sided — equality only then it suits.

 

The OPs bf slept with other women that he just happened to pay for. I think the reason why she's bummed out is that it becomes a threat, because if she ever tried to control him with her pussy then he'll know where he can get it elsewhere real quick & easy.

 

I've slept with maybe 13 or 14 hookers. Jay you are wrong not all are ugly, the ones I've been with are usually a 7 or 8 and cost $80 for a half & half, some are friends of friends. Every time I mention it to a gf I eventually realize that they are upset because they aren't going to be able to play to vagina-withhold card with me.

 

There are guys that try to control their girl through money (hence why rich girls become intimidating) and women that try to control men through sex. However, sex becomes a commodity with a guy that has access to quality hookers just like with rich girls money is just money, in a way a 'john' = rich girl, and an attractive john = hot rich girl.

 

Yeah, OP, here's another example of those weird-ass mentalities of men that visit prostitutes.

 

My husband actually withholds sex from me and then goes off and does whatever else sexually. I have never withheld sex or any act of sex from my husband. Period. I have also initiated a lot.

 

Sexual addicts tend to use sex as a measure of control. They often do it because of their own deep-seated insecurities, such as above. It's a form of abuse.

[dreamingoftigers]

First of all, NO. Sex is not a game to me. My vagina is not tool or a bargaining chip. So please. Don't even try that.

 

If anything, a vagina is a bargaining chip to men who visit prostitutes.

 

I mean, seriously, that's the WHOLE point. They bargain and pay for vagina.

 

And somehow, we aren't supposed to have an issue with this?

 

Looking at an intimate act as a $=act ?

 

Then they accuse women of this mentality. Projection much?

[ZA Dater]

If anything, a vagina is a bargaining chip to men who visit prostitutes.

 

I mean, seriously, that's the WHOLE point. They bargain and pay for vagina.

 

And somehow, we aren't supposed to have an issue with this?

 

Looking at an intimate act as a $=act ?

 

Then they accuse women of this mentality. Projection much?

 

Tell me one thing, what do you suggest guys do who simply cannot find anyone or anyone they are attracted to who wants them in a sexual way?

 

I'd be interested in the answer really I would.

 

I have considered the pay route before, never done it because I wouldn't feel good about doing it BUT I can understand why guys like me who cannot find anyone do resort to paying for it, I don't think its go anything to with using people at all, in my opinion everyone who walks this earth uses people to lesser or greater degrees.

[dreamingoftigers]

Tell me one thing, what do you suggest guys do who simply cannot find anyone or anyone they are attracted to who wants them in a sexual way?

 

I'd be interested in the answer really I would.

 

I have considered the pay route before, never done it because I wouldn't feel good about doing it BUT I can understand why guys like me who cannot find anyone do resort to paying for it, I don't think its go anything to with using people at all, in my opinion everyone who walks this earth uses people to lesser or greater degrees.

 

KEEP LOOKING

 

Dating etc. is a numbers game in the sense that if your parents were attractive enough to mate and produce you, it is a matter of time and self-marketing to find someone that is attracted to you, that you are attracted to and mate with them.

 

20% of men use prostitutes (the ones that admit to it!)

You can't be serious that 20% of men can't find someone that is attractive that would be attractive to them!

 

Plus, this guy has CLEARLY found someone to date that would have been attracted to him had he not had money for sex transactions.

 

Plenty of women list it as a dealbreaker as well. So really, you get choices. You can close some options or open more. Just like everything else in life, what you invest in provides a return positive or negative.

 

Re: the bolded,

 

more "justification" for using prostitutes.

[dreamingoftigers]

Your xH waited until the last moment to get honest with you. OP's guy was pretty up front. THOSE are the traits that are important. A dishonest guy is going to be dishonest... whether he is seeing prostitutes or cheating with your best friend.

 

That said.... We all have the right to choose what we are willing to accept in a relationship. We are allowed to discriminate based on whatever we want.... and that is the way it should be!

 

Well, to be frank, I was aware of the approximate 60 ONS he had had otherwise, but had chalked it up as his past etc. At the time I had concerns about him lacking connectivity to sex. However, he did not seem what I described at the time as "predatorial." Just trying to get it in everyone etc. A lot of his lifestyle circumstances were very condusive to ONS. I won't get into it.

 

He showed a lot of dedication to our relationship, leaving his past behind and being faithful. I didn't have any doubts during the engagement up until that next point.

 

He waited on the prostitute confession.

 

I sincerely believe that any guy who can put it in a strange woman with semi-regularity should not be considered partner material. My story is anecdotal, but over and over I have read and seen so many stories, as well as joining a group for the wives of Sexual Addicts who have similar issues come up later in life.

 

Does it seem stringent? Maybe. I would rather be stringent and recommend young women who preserved a higher standard (like myself) find a suitable partner rather than one who nails anything that moves and figures that they are entitled to the same stability as someone who didn't.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Just because a guy HAS visited an escort doesn't make them a sex addict. Just like taking a shot of whiskey doesn't make you an alcoholic. I also don't think it makes EVERY guy incapable of true love.

 

You need to judge each situation case-by-case otherwise you're making broad generalizations about people.

Personally I'd be more forgiving if it was an experimental thing rather than a long term addiction.

 

I stand by my earlier statement that the OP Shouldn't be with this guy if it makes her feel the way she does -- but that doesn't mean we need to negatively judge him for being honest.

Edited April 16, 2015 by barcode88

[AD1980]

Yes, it is a turn off to me if a man can not genuinely attract a woman.

 

I don't have a problem with a history including casual sex, as long as both parties wanted the sex. A man who manipulates or pays for sex, rather than seeking to connect and arouse a woman (even just for one night), is a turn off to me.

 

You're generalizing men who can't attract women..There are sociopaths who can attract women easily and great guys who can't attract women because of anxiety issues unattractive faces etc

 

Apparently in your mind the sociopath is a better catch because he has better social skills

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

You're generalizing men who can't attract women..There are sociopaths who can attract women easily and great guys who can't attract women because of anxiety issues unattractive faces etc

 

Apparently in your mind the sociopath is a better catch because he has better social skills

 

Also-

Not every guy who has visited an escort in their past is unable to attract Women - or has a serial addiction to hookers.

[SmartDude]

I have visited sex workers in the past, And most of my experiences were positive and did have a real element of human connection. I don't see were people get this idea that they are treated like objects. In some cases yes, But the majority I would guess would be similar to what I experienced. A win-win situation.

 

There are certain experiences that are only available by making sure the woman is compensated.

 

One of the experiences I enjoyed most was the nervous tension before seeing someone new. There is a thrill to not knowing who will be on the other side of the door. The experience of knowing someone for just a few minutes and then having sex with them can be quite empowring in terms of confidence for both men and woman.

[hotpotato]

You're generalizing men who can't attract women..There are sociopaths who can attract women easily and great guys who can't attract women because of anxiety issues unattractive faces etc

 

Apparently in your mind the sociopath is a better catch because he has better social skills

 

Thanks, thats what I was trying to say but not so well. Like x 1000000

[EveAFlame]

I have visited sex workers in the past, And most of my experiences were positive and did have a real element of human connection. I don't see were people get this idea that they are treated like objects. In some cases yes, But the majority I would guess would be similar to what I experienced. A win-win situation.

 

There are certain experiences that are only available by making sure the woman is compensated.

 

One of the experiences I enjoyed most was the nervous tension before seeing someone new. There is a thrill to not knowing who will be on the other side of the door. The experience of knowing someone for just a few minutes and then having sex with them can be quite empowring in terms of confidence for both men and woman.

 

Hypothetically speaking, if part of the allure for him is the thrill of newness, how could I know that he'd be faithful? That's definitely a fear! It's so distasteful to me to be chasing the strange!

 

I saw him last night. I was upfront and honest and enumerated my hesitations and apprehensions. He's BEGGING me to give him a chance and not let this go. He said he'd stop going to the strip club and that he hasn't seen an escort in months.

 

The pros: we have the same hobbies, same sense of humor, he's physically my type (tall, gorgeous eyes, kinda goofy, squishy.) We are similar in our temperaments (very shy but open when we get to know people.)

 

The cons: he is more sexually experienced, perhaps less cautious than I am. He's moving VERY fast now and not enjoying our time together, more focused on the next step.

 

If my best friend came to me and told me all this, I'd probably tell her to cut and run. I don't know why it's hard for me to let him go. But it's hard to commit to staying.

[SmartDude]

Hypothetically speaking, if part of the allure for him is the thrill of newness, how could I know that he'd be faithful? That's definitely a fear! It's so distasteful to me to be chasing the strange!

 

I saw him last night. I was upfront and honest and enumerated my hesitations and apprehensions. He's BEGGING me to give him a chance and not let this go. He said he'd stop going to the strip club and that he hasn't seen an escort in months.

 

The pros: we have the same hobbies, same sense of humor, he's physically my type (tall, gorgeous eyes, kinda goofy, squishy.) We are similar in our temperaments (very shy but open when we get to know people.)

 

The cons: he is more sexually experienced, perhaps less cautious than I am. He's moving VERY fast now and not enjoying our time together, more focused on the next step.

 

If my best friend came to me and told me all this, I'd probably tell her to cut and run. I don't know why it's hard for me to let him go. But it's hard to commit to staying.

 

Roller Coasters are also thrilling....

Try and find a person who enjoys riding them all day long though.

Probabbly not going to find too many.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Hypothetically speaking, if part of the allure for him is the thrill of newness, how could I know that he'd be faithful? That's definitely a fear! It's so distasteful to me to be chasing the strange!

 

I saw him last night. I was upfront and honest and enumerated my hesitations and apprehensions. He's BEGGING me to give him a chance and not let this go. He said he'd stop going to the strip club and that he hasn't seen an escort in months.

 

The pros: we have the same hobbies, same sense of humor, he's physically my type (tall, gorgeous eyes, kinda goofy, squishy.) We are similar in our temperaments (very shy but open when we get to know people.)

 

The cons: he is more sexually experienced, perhaps less cautious than I am. He's moving VERY fast now and not enjoying our time together, more focused on the next step.

 

If my best friend came to me and told me all this, I'd probably tell her to cut and run. I don't know why it's hard for me to let him go. But it's hard to commit to staying.

 

I think if it's only been months, that is still very recent and he might not be totally over it yet. It's possible that might be part of the reason he told you as well - if it was in his past and was insignificant, he would probably never bring it up since it means nothing. But apparently this is important enough for him to bring up early on. I think it's weird, but he could just be a very open person too, hard to tell.

 

He sounds like he gets a thrill out of Strippers/Escorts, and that may be hard for him to give up -- he LIKED it and kept doing it. It's not like he just went a few times for the experience and stopped; because some guys have visited escorts before and are otherwise normal and it isn't a habit for them.

 

I think if you're having reservations about this, that you should cut and run because in MY experience, going with your gut is always the best choice. Everytime I go against my gut feeling I usually end up disappointed.

[EveAFlame]

Roller Coasters are also thrilling....

Try and find a person who enjoys riding them all day long though.

Probabbly not going to find too many.

 

Very true! But there are people who constantly seek that high or new relationship energy. New sex is better than anything to them. They terrify me. How can I be sure a man I am seeing is NOT always chasing new booty?

[xxoo]

You're generalizing men who can't attract women..There are sociopaths who can attract women easily and great guys who can't attract women because of anxiety issues unattractive faces etc

 

Apparently in your mind the sociopath is a better catch because he has better social skills

 

I know that some men use prostitutes because, for whatever reason, they can not attract a woman. This is not the case with the original post, who has attracted the original poster.

 

As for men who can attract women, but choose to use prostitutes instead, I then wonder about his views of sex. Why choose a prostitute instead of a mutual attraction? There are a lot of potential reasons, and none of them are good.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I know that some men use prostitutes because, for whatever reason, they can not attract a woman. This is not the case with the original post, who has attracted the original poster.

 

As for men who can attract women, but choose to use prostitutes instead, I then wonder about his views of sex. Why choose a prostitute instead of a mutual attraction? There are a lot of potential reasons, and none of them are good.

 

Well, lets use an analogy to strippers.

 

You'd be hard pressed to find a guy who hasn't been to a strip club at LEAST once -- sure there's probably a few guys who haven't, but many guys have.

 

Having gone to a strip club should be a non issue if its not a regular habit, like once every year or two. But if the guy is going every month and spending loads of money, then he probably has a problem/addiction.

 

Probably less guys have seen escorts, but I daresay there's probably a good number, most won't admit it to anyone. But at any rate, if it was a one or two time thing and didn't develop into a continuous habit for them, then clearly they are able to exercise some sort of restraint and they're not addicted.

 

 

I'll probably get bashed for saying this, but anything in moderation is usually OKAY - exceptions probably being prostitutes or hard drugs. But if someone experimented with Hard Drugs when they were younger but no longer do any drugs or have any drug addictions, I think most people would forgive that? Why would a past with escorts be any different if the circumstances were the same?