Phoenician Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 you only know each other at work, not at home or out and about, she is prolly channeling her work persona and as you are her boss, she is on best behaviour you have no idea what she is like once she gets home from work right darkmoon , Thats a factor that is 100% true , because the grass appears to be greener on the other side . I C op now in a situation where he is under drugs , called cupid shots. At the same time , let's analyze it logically , forget about venus ; his relation with partner is over ; believe me , I have been there .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 End the relationship he is in. Then pursue this new girl. Make new girl aware that you want to date with a long term relationship in mind. No rush to get physical. And dating life will be kept separate from their work life. Many business owners have married employees. Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) It seems to me you don't need to figure out choices. You know you want this new girl. Do it. Your problem seems to be so simple: you want to know if you break with present girl that you will replace her with girl B. Well I'm sorry to say it doesn't work that way. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Your only real decision to make is: when and how to end current relationship. You will find the rest comes easier. Your refusal to act is what is making it complicated and sordid Your present girlfriend will live, and find happiness without you. Trust me. Edited April 11, 2015 by fellini 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Break up with your girlfriend and pursue the new one. Happy end. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thinking about this a bit, I am willing to bet this girl has gone home to her girlfriends with this query: "Ohmygod, my new boss - and owner of the company! - has hit on me... And he's already married or attached or something! What do I do?" BFF: "First you gotta get out of the job! Brush up the resume and start looking 'cuz it can't end well..." OP, don't be surprised if your rebuff is countered with her quitting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 OP, don't be surprised if your rebuff is countered with her quitting. Even more probable since, if she stays, she gets to be the topic of breakroom gossip. "Susie, we've seen how Mr. SSM3 looks at you, what's going on?" It's my company OP, do you have EPLI coverage? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thank you for your help, support and input here. It's interesting to here your take on things and advice. The girl is on vacation for a couple of days but when she is back I am going to apologise to her for disrespecting her, being unprofessional and offending her too (which I probably did) and any embarrassment caused. I am also going to tell her that I was not looking to start some seedy affair but just to get to know her, which is genuinely true for the record. I am also going to apologise for asking her whilst I am still in this relationship too. This is something which I feel I have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 OP, please do NOT add that caveat of "I just wanted to get to know you better..." That is a well-known slippery slope of, "I am really interested in you and wanted to see if it could be reciprocated, even if that means it turning into an affair." Just be professional and - if possible - aloof. If you can display a modicum of apathy, it will come across as more professional. Confess the "wanted to get to know you" line of thinking and you will be seen as needy and wanting. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thank you for your help, support and input here. It's interesting to here your take on things and advice. The girl is on vacation for a couple of days but when she is back I am going to apologise to her for disrespecting her, being unprofessional and offending her too (which I probably did) and any embarrassment caused. I am also going to tell her that I was not looking to start some seedy affair but just to get to know her, which is genuinely true for the record. I am also going to apologise for asking her whilst I am still in this relationship too. This is something which I feel I have to do. Just stop talking to her about anything other than work. When you open your mouth you continue to stick your foot in it. You are making things worse. How did you manage to run a successful company if these are examples of how you make decisions? Geesh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Just stop talking to her about anything other than work. When you open your mouth you continue to stick your foot in it. You are making things worse. How did you manage to run a successful company if these are examples of how you make decisions? Geesh. Say as little as possible, yes I know. This hasn't happened to me before, so it's a whole new ball game. I have dealt with female staff and female customers before and there was none of this! Sometimes people just come into your life and BOOM something hits you. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thank you for your help, support and input here. It's interesting to here your take on things and advice. The girl is on vacation for a couple of days but when she is back I am going to apologise to her for disrespecting her, being unprofessional and offending her too (which I probably did) and any embarrassment caused. I am also going to tell her that I was not looking to start some seedy affair but just to get to know her, which is genuinely true for the record. I am also going to apologise for asking her whilst I am still in this relationship too. This is something which I feel I have to do. Pure player speak, act noble, trying to develop a relationship with her while not ending his current relationship. No need to address anything. Just talk business and let things pass. Then decide to keep or ditch your current bee-itch. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Sometimes people just come into your life and BOOM something hits you. You are supposed to be an entrepreneur -- somebody who deals in facts, balance sheets, hard numbers . . . use those skills here. While at work or dealing with employees at any time / location think with the logical part of your brain only. No emotions, no heart, just pure logic. Remember -- think with the big head not the little one. If your penis doesn't control how you do your ordering, how you handle your accounts receivable, or how you price your products, it does not get a vote on personnel matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 You are supposed to be an entrepreneur -- somebody who deals in facts, balance sheets, hard numbers . . . use those skills here. While at work or dealing with employees at any time / location think with the logical part of your brain only. No emotions, no heart, just pure logic. Remember -- think with the big head not the little one. If your penis doesn't control how you do your ordering, how you handle your accounts receivable, or how you price your products, it does not get a vote on personnel matters. I can't help but smile with this reply, proper quality Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Pure player speak, act noble, trying to develop a relationship with her while not ending his current relationship. No need to address anything. Just talk business and let things pass. Then decide to keep or ditch your current bee-itch. You reckon I should just leave it and not mention anything? Other comments above say they would be offended etc, that's the last thing I want to do us to offend her, or any other staff member. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) Thank you for your help, support and input here. It's interesting to here your take on things and advice. The girl is on vacation for a couple of days but when she is back I am going to apologise to her for disrespecting her, being unprofessional and offending her too (which I probably did) and any embarrassment caused. I am also going to tell her that I was not looking to start some seedy affair but just to get to know her, which is genuinely true for the record. I am also going to apologise for asking her whilst I am still in this relationship too. This is something which I feel I have to do. SSM3 I want you to do something. Let's say a girl - any girl, but one you are as strongly attached to as this one - is in your peripheral vision. The situation is the same; you're in a so-called 'committed relationship' but this girl, this new girl, has completely blitzed your heart and mind, and you don't know which way is up. You want to admit your undying love for her (conveniently setting aside, for one moment, that other 'committed relationship' you're in) and you want to really lay it on the line, be frank, forthright and totally open and honest with her. But - shock, horror - before you even get a chance to broach the subject, she tells you- "My calling, my ambition, is really to ordain as a nun. I want to give my love and life to God. I want to be pure, chaste, untouched and clean, and have no untoward inward fights with my heart, or have any romantic distractions. I aim to leave, very soon, and commit myself and retreat to a convent to lead a cloistered life." What would you do? You'd call a total halt to any thoughts of even hinting at how you feel, wouldn't you? You'd back right off, respect her decision and really work on just quelling all feelings for her, because they would be inappropriate, un-called for and very unwelcome. Tact, diplomacy and respect would prevent you from even almost looking her in the eyes again. You'd shut up, and see the utter futile foolishness of your intentions... Well, I want you to imagine that is entirely the case with this girl. And act accordingly. Forget the speech, forget the apology, forget the explanation, clarification or expansion. Just go back to work, as if nothing had ever happened, and act in a professional, friendly but detached manner. And either work on your relationship, or end it. But really, the more you say, the more badly you come across.... Edited April 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 SSM33 , put aside venus for a second .... You have a big issue with your partner man . Is it true that you want kids+ family and she doesn't or cant ? how is your relation with current partner ? When A man is loyal for 13 years : what drive him to look after another venus? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Concur with others. Say nothing - not even an apology. Be professional STOP with the out-of-work texting. Business-only contact during business hours only. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Concur with others. Say nothing - not even an apology. Be professional STOP with the out-of-work texting. Business-only contact during business hours only. agree with you carrieT , that is the logical approach , but let's dig more why SSM33 is looking at another women ? is he just cheating ? looking for a change ? or has a real issue in his current relationship ? The only time I though about cheating was after 17 years of tuff marriage ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 agree with you carrieT , that is the logical approach , but let's dig more why SSM33 is looking at another women ? is he just cheating ? looking for a change ? or has a real issue in his current relationship ? The only time I though about cheating was after 17 years of tuff marriage ... No Change of direction possibly Yes Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 She said no. Drop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 ssm , What are the real issues with your partner ? Try to look at the roots... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 ssm , What are the real issues with your partner ? Try to look at the roots... The roots can't be fixed Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 The roots can't be fixed then what is keeping you with your partner? why aren't you breaking up? you're not married, you don't have kids. you're scared of being alone, is that it? you probably don't want to hurt your partner but i mean... you're in an unhappy relationship. why do you hesitate in ending it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 you're scared of being alone, is that it? you probably don't want to hurt your partner but i mean... you're in an unhappy relationship. why do you hesitate in ending it? Scared of being alone, yes. This has been my life for such along time. Will I be making the biggest mistake of my life. It's not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 You're already MAKING the biggest mistake of your life: Staying in a relationship you'd rather be out of, and flirting with the danger of pushing it with this girl. You don't get that...? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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