smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Check out the office gossip and find out what everyone else has noticed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Girls do know....I can tell the second a guy looks at me....I can pretty much feel his vibe....yes guys, well most are pretty obvious. How can you tell? Can you explain it? Or is it something that can't really be put into words? Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 "I am trying to figure out if my co-worker and I could have any kind of future." Yes, if both of you are OK with losing your jobs and possibly your careers. Link to post Share on other sites
dcannon Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Ignore the chicken littles. Let her know you are interested. You cannot risk victory without risking crushing defeat. Or, you can tiptoe around and get nowhere. As a harvey kietel character once asked: "are you a man or a mouse?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 How can you tell? Can you explain it? Or is it something that can't really be put into words? It's called reading their facial expressions/ body language/ reading their vibe (not everyone can but I can). Guys may not realize they do it, but they do. By looking at where their eyes go, body shifting or slight sway, eye contact, feel their stare when you are not looking at them, choked up in their speech, anxious, putting in a little swagger or confident stance, the quick look over (checkin ya out). And that's at the start. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 It's called reading their facial expressions/ body language/ reading their vibe (not everyone can but I can). Guys may not realize they do it, but they do. By looking at where their eyes go, body shifting or slight sway, eye contact, feel their stare when you are not looking at them, choked up in their speech, anxious, putting in a little swagger or confident stance, the quick look over (checkin ya out). And that's at the start. Huh! You must have an eye for subtle things Stuff like that goes unnoticed by me, right over my head Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 It isn't that easy, I am her Supervisor! Which is why I am 'taking the nice guy approach'. can you spell harassment ? don't date people at your work place and do NOT hit at people who report to you, it's extremely unprofessional. the world is filled with women, please crush on someone else, you might endanger your job. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Huh! You must have an eye for subtle things Stuff like that goes unnoticed by me, right over my head No it's because you are not looking. Guys are so obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 No it's because you are not looking. Guys are so obvious. I have a coworker who smiles at me a lot and holds eye contact for a lot longer than anyone else would. Would you consider that a sign, or is that just the way he is? Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 It isn't that easy, I am her Supervisor! Which is why I am 'taking the nice guy approach'. do the cartman and tell the girl "get on your knees and respect my mf autoritay!" sorry it fitted your post perfectly. how long are you guys working together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 do the cartman and tell the girl "get on your knees and respect my mf autoritay!" sorry it fitted your post perfectly. how long are you guys working together? Nearly 3 months now. This past 3 weeks my feelings have grown. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 can you spell harassment ? don't date people at your work place and do NOT hit at people who report to you, it's extremely unprofessional. Of course I can. Why are you asking that? You don't know my circumstances, the company I work for, the staff, the girl so why are saying this? the world is filled with women, please crush on someone else, you might endanger your job. You can't help you fall for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Girls do know....I can tell the second a guy looks at me....I can pretty much feel his vibe....yes guys, well most are pretty obvious. Girls will be just as obvious if not more aggressive if the are into you....so if you feel you are getting very little or mixed signals...your love goggles are making you see things that are not there. There are signals, strong eye contact, glances my way, a few compliments passed. If a girl knows a guy likes her (but didn't like him back) what would she say and do? Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 There are signals, strong eye contact, glances my way, a few compliments passed. If a girl knows a guy likes her (but didn't like him back) what would she say and do? I dont know how old she is but it could be she doesnt have enough experience to give you hints that its ok to make a move. you have hints but ultimately go with your instincts. just dont wait too long, otherwise it might go to the friend area because shell realize youre not stepping up. hit the iron when its hot. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 There are signals, strong eye contact, glances my way, a few compliments passed. If a girl knows a guy likes her (but didn't like him back) what would she say and do? It all depends on the girl. If she is an attention whore, she's just going to encourage it and lap it up until it dries up. Most girls would avoid them, pull away because it's making them uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 I dont know how old she is but it could be she doesnt have enough experience to give you hints that its ok to make a move. you have hints but ultimately go with your instincts. just dont wait too long, otherwise it might go to the friend area because shell realize youre not stepping up. hit the iron when its hot. She is 32. Perhaps she is waiting for me, perhaps because I am her supervisor she feels she can't. I do need to remove this wall between us and just go for the kill. I am quite confident and normally just ask someone but it's because I work with her and her boss, plus all the posts on the internet which says dating a co-worker is not good is slowing me down Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 When a confident man is attracted to someone, he simply asks them out. He's not afraid of being rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 It isn't that easy, I am her Supervisor! Which is why I am 'taking the nice guy approach'. Be careful. Although not usually grounds for termination, affairs between co-workers can form the basis for expensive sexual harassment lawsuits. Even in the context of a consensual affair between an employee and a supervisor, an employer might be sued by other employees if the supervisor demonstrates favoritism. Also, under certain state laws, supervisors can be held strictly liable for claims of sexual harassment from their subordinates. And in some states, the supervisor may be held personally liable for proven claims of sexual harassment. Office Romances Are Risky Business | Top Los Angeles Law Firm - Martin & Martin, LLP Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Feel like my life is in bloody turmoil. I have a dilemma, and one which is really starting to irritate me and really affecting my work now. I have fallen hook, line and sinker for a stunning girl at work, we get on, have a little banter and there is some chemistry between us. She is not the flirty type at all so I can't tell 100% sure if this is reciprocal. I can not concentrate with her in the office, simple as that. I need to be on the ball, and at the moment I don't feel I am because of this girl. I have tried to stop these feelings and tell myself they will go away but they just aren't, they are getting stronger and stronger as the days and weeks move forward. What is making things worst for me is the fact that she is sitting in my office each day and I can not say anything to her at work. It's a small office with a small team. Normally, if I liked someone I would just approach them and be done with it, move on with or without. I can not go on like this. I would rather face rejection knowing that at least I have tried but approaching the subject is one which I dread. I think she would be extremely flattered if she knew how I felt (she would like the attention in a nice way) because of the way she is. She is single and I think could do with male companionship. But there is just an imaginary wall between us stopping me. I am a confident chap normally, but this is not a normal thing what I have going on. I could drop her a text message, but don't want to seem like a stalker or pest. I was thinking of sending her some flowers with just my initial, or a short note, but not sure what the hell is best. I am a mess and totally confused. I know you lot will warn against dating employees, but people do it. I have done it, and it was ok, no problems. I don't think this is just a crush, I think I love this girl and it's turning me into a wreck. By the way, I am in my late 30's and no kid. I would be devastated if she ever met anyone. Has anyone on here been in the same boat??? If so, please help!!! How did you move on? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I worked for someone I carried a torch for for years, and I think he carried one for me as well, but we had a bad incident before working together that broke us up, plus practicalities, him wanting family, etc. It was very hard over the years at times. But for you, you have no water under the bridge. So my suggestion is simple. Either invite her or her and a couple other people to lunch or happy hour and see if she accepts. Say, "A couple of us are going to happy hour. Wanna come?" See if she accepts or has some reason she can't or won't. Once out of the office, you can see if you are comfortable together and then next step, maybe just happy hour or lunch alone. Once alone, you can find out how she'd feel about dating an employee. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am her Supervisor. Should I just tell her? Some people say that you should, and some say that you shouldn't. I wake up, and she is in my head, I go to bed and she is still there! I could organise a drink after work but she is only part time, I could ask, but if she can't find a babysitter than I am still in this awful position. This is such a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position here. Let's eliminate a thing or two. First of all, you do realize that as her supervisor, she HAS to be friendly to you? So it may be hard to tell if she likes you back or not. Are you more than 7 years older or younger than her? If so, you should probably not go there. The odds just get too high that she would feel it was inappropriate. On a scale of 1 to 10, lookswise, how would you rate yourself? How would you rate this woman? If there's a point spread of more than 2 in her favor, the odds would not be good. And you did say she was stunning. If she's stunning, she has her pick of men. You may have your pick of women, too. I have no way of knowing. Does she talk to you about personal things? Has she gone into work friend territory? Or did you just ask her stuff and she told you? Has she asked questions about you besides about your kids, which is just politeness? Have you seen a photo of her ex? This might be worth its weight in gold to see what she's gone for in the past. If all those things line up, I still think organizing a happy hour group long lunch is your first step. Since you're a supervisor, you will have to invite everyone, though, or eyes will roll that you invited a part-timer and not the rest of the full-timers. But once there, you can sit by her and get to know her a bit better. This is getting expensive already, isn't it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I know she has to be nice, and I know I am putting myself in a vulnerable position. We have eye contact and there are some compliments which come my way, but these could just be in her nature. It's hard to say because of the way I feel. I have looked up on the internet and limerence is being mentioned, I have all the symptoms. Never have I had this before, never. Not even at school! I am 39, she is 32 I believe. Looks wise, not a bad looking bloke. 7-8, I don't know. Never really had to score myself before She talks about her family (parents/sister) and children to me, has shown me some pictures of them and she is always telling me about what they get upto but nothing personal yet. Work friend territory, what's that? We haven't really had chance to speak properly out of the office but when we have she wanted to know where my family (parents live). Upto recently she thought I was married, which I put her straight on, but she has never asked anything about my wife which she thought existed, not even asking her name or what she does. She just presumed I was married because of my age I guess. Her ex is a different race to me, but we are the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) Do I just tell her? I feel that if I did, it would help me. But then, if she doesn't feel the same (and she won't feel the same as I do) I guess this would make her feel really uncomfortable at work? Either blooming way, one of us in going to be unhappy. She is an 8 I reckon. Edited March 10, 2015 by SSM3 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Ask yourself this. If she was a 4 or a 5 looks wise, would you still feel as strongly? I mean the first thing you stress is how stunning she looks. So I think you're mistaking potential love for lust. After all, how do you supposedly love a girl you don't even know? Plus, how do you expect to act around you when you're her boss? It's not like she's going to be rude or non social. After all, it benefits her to stay on the boss's good side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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