My Subordinate and I

[preraph]

You're in the same age range, so that's good. It's always risky asking out an employee, but if you're going to do it and don't want to try to get to know her better in a group to make sure it's worth it and it's not just all about her looks, then just ask her if she'd like to have lunch or dinner and let her know it's not business so she doesn't feel she must say yes.

[SSM3]

Ask yourself this. If she was a 4 or a 5 looks wise, would you still feel as strongly? I mean the first thing you stress is how stunning she looks.

 

So I think you're mistaking potential love for lust. After all, how do you supposedly love a girl you don't even know? Plus, how do you expect to act around you when you're her boss? It's not like she's going to be rude or non social. After all, it benefits her to stay on the boss's good side.

 

That's a good question, in my eyes she is an 8. If she was a four or five, I am not sure. My attraction started from her looks and then moved to her personality I guess.

 

Lust, love or this new word limerence I don't know what it is. When I met my ex g/f it was love at first sight and I didn't know her either.

 

My persona and way I am acting has changed over the past few weeks and I am trying to kick this into touch but can't. I expect to act like authority and have confidence so I can make decisions and run things properly.

 

It does benefit her (and others) to stay on my side. I have to say though that she approaches/speaks to me more than my business partner where she should be keeping him pleased too.

[SSM3]

You're in the same age range, so that's good. It's always risky asking out an employee, but if you're going to do it and don't want to try to get to know her better in a group to make sure it's worth it and it's not just all about her looks, then just ask her if she'd like to have lunch or dinner and let her know it's not business so she doesn't feel she must say yes.

 

I have been thinking a-long these lines too. I planned to ask her today, took her out for take out coffee but bottled it the last minute! Couldn't do it. Grrrrrrr!

 

I was thinking of asking her and her kids out for the day, but then had second thoughts because I know some women don't like to introduce their children to men as it can confuse them. I can't ask her in the office, as we don't get the time or space to really chat so I will have to drop her text or call her in the evening.

 

It's not all about looks, they help yes, but it's personality which is key and she has one for sure.

 

Thank you for your help, this forum helps you know!

[Gary S]

Start looking for other women to date. Nothing can take your mind off a crush like another girl crushing on you.

[preraph]

I have been thinking a-long these lines too. I planned to ask her today, took her out for take out coffee but bottled it the last minute! Couldn't do it. Grrrrrrr!

 

I was thinking of asking her and her kids out for the day, but then had second thoughts because I know some women don't like to introduce their children to men as it can confuse them. I can't ask her in the office, as we don't get the time or space to really chat so I will have to drop her text or call her in the evening.

 

It's not all about looks, they help yes, but it's personality which is key and she has one for sure.

 

Thank you for your help, this forum helps you know!

 

Yeah, don't ask the kids. But you will have to ask her out for a time when she has childcare. I'm guessing lunch would be easiest since she must have daycare to be at work.

[SSM3]

Yeah, don't ask the kids. But you will have to ask her out for a time when she has childcare. I'm guessing lunch would be easiest since she must have daycare to be at work.

 

Her little people go to school during the day and she finishes just before they finish so it works well

[SSM3]

Start looking for other women to date. Nothing can take your mind off a crush like another girl crushing on you.

 

Don't want to Gary

[preraph]

You sure better think about what you're going to do if she rejects you. If you fire her, she can sue you. If you don't, you'll have to really act normal and like it doesn't bother you at work. Let's hope that doesn't happen and things go well. Good luck.

[SSM3]

You sure better think about what you're going to do if she rejects you. If you fire her, she can sue you. If you don't, you'll have to really act normal and like it doesn't bother you at work. Let's hope that doesn't happen and things go well. Good luck.

 

Thanks. I know that and I think I will be fine knowing that at least I asked. I can then try and move on and be an adult about things. It's not knowing or doing anything about this which is tearing me apart. But I like your friendly approach to this and not putting her under any pressure.

 

Thank you

[coryreply]

Thanks. I know that and I think I will be fine knowing that at least I asked. I can then try and move on and be an adult about things. It's not knowing or doing anything about this which is tearing me apart. But I like your friendly approach to this and not putting her under any pressure.

 

Thank you

 

If you do anything in this situation, this seems like the best way to do it. There really are many, many things to be concerned about here.

 

Let me ask you this, if you guys did start dating, what would happen next at work? Would you keep it a secret? Would you disclose it to HR? Would she be reassigned?

[SSM3]

Made a proposition but turned down.

 

Head held high, least I tried. Won't try again. All smiles all good.

 

Thanks peeps

[barcode88]

If you're her supervisor and you ask her out, and she declines, she could hold it against you for a long time. If she thinks you're being distant, or any other thing, she can say its because she didn't go out with you.

 

Be careful.

[SSM3]

If you're her supervisor and you ask her out, and she declines, she could hold it against you for a long time. If she thinks you're being distant, or any other thing, she can say its because she didn't go out with you.

 

Be careful.

 

It's no problem. Abit gutted yes but it has to be business as usual tomorrow. I think because it's out in the open its going to help me. I certainly won't be asking her again and I will be as professional tomorrow as I was today and yesterday.

 

She is a valuable part of the team and will still be getting the pay rise later this month.

 

I now have to move on from this.

[spiderowl]

It is awkward if you are her Supervisor and she certainly could take it to HR if she felt you were harrassing her in anyway. That's the serious side, quite apart from the possibility of rejection.

 

Think about what you would do if she did reject you. Could you take it and still treat her as well as you treat the rest of your staff?

 

If you do want to ask her out, I'd suggest a text or something asking if she'd like to go out for a drink. Point out that you realise this might be awkward for her, given the positions you are both in, but if she says no you will never mention it again and you will be professional. It will in no way affect her job or her career if she refuses. Then leave it at that.

 

Sorry, should have read all the way through the thread. Sorry it didn't work out. Was she definite about it? Not that I'm suggesting you keep asking, just wondered.

[SSM3]

It is awkward if you are her Supervisor and she certainly could take it to HR if she felt you were harrassing her in anyway. That's the serious side, quite apart from the possibility of rejection.

 

Think about what you would do if she did reject you. Could you take it and still treat her as well as you treat the rest of your staff?

 

If you do want to ask her out, I'd suggest a text or something asking if she'd like to go out for a drink. Point out that you realise this might be awkward for her, given the positions you are both in, but if she says no you will never mention it again and you will be professional. It will in no way affect her job or her career if she refuses. Then leave it at that.

 

Sorry, should have read all the way through the thread. Sorry it didn't work out. Was she definite about it? Not that I'm suggesting you keep asking, just wondered.

 

I'm going to have a little chat with her this morning to let her know that everything is cool, nothing will change and it won't be mentioned (by me) ever again. You can't blame a man for trying she is truly stunning and a really nice young lady too.

 

I'm much happier now and fully realise the risk I took. It's a lesson learnt and I will be able to help others in a similar position to myself.

[SSM3]

Hi Peeps

 

Just want some advice, as I am confused after speaking with a mate of mine about what happened.

 

When I messaged this young lady I directly asked her out, she replied thanks for the offer it was very kind and gave me a smiley face. She then went on to say a couple of other things and then ended the text with another smiley face.

 

What does this mean? If she wasn't pleased to receive the message would you still leave two fecking smilies?

 

Today has been perfectly fine, like normal. We actually haven't really spoken about my proposition at all which I find abit odd. I said to her that I asked because I like her, in which she replied graciously.

 

Maybe she is shy? Maybe she is just being extremely mature about this, maybe she found it awkward? Baffled.

 

I totally understand that if I ask her again its going down dodgey ground but I'm trying to figure things out here.

 

I had a speach planned this morning, but didn't get to perform it

[barcode88]

It's no problem. Abit gutted yes but it has to be business as usual tomorrow. I think because it's out in the open its going to help me. I certainly won't be asking her again and I will be as professional tomorrow as I was today and yesterday.

 

She is a valuable part of the team and will still be getting the pay rise later this month.

 

I now have to move on from this.

 

Yes, move on from it.

 

If she gets a pay raise and you two get "involved", it could come under scrutiny as "favors".

[SSM3]

Hi Peeps

 

Just want some advice, as I am confused after speaking with a mate of mine about what happened.

 

When I messaged this young lady I directly asked her out, she replied thanks for the offer it was very kind and gave me a smiley face. She then went on to say a couple of other things and then ended the text with another smiley face.

 

What does this mean? If she wasn't pleased to receive the message would you still leave two fecking smilies?

 

Today has been perfectly fine, like normal. We actually haven't really spoken about my proposition at all which I find abit odd. I said to her that I asked because I like her, in which she replied graciously.

 

Maybe she is shy? Maybe she is just being extremely mature about this, maybe she found it awkward? Baffled.

 

I totally understand that if I ask her again its going down dodgey ground but I'm trying to figure things out here.

 

I had a speach planned this morning, but didn't get to perform it

 

Cheers for that but I'm looking for some inside knowledge on the above

[fitnessfan365]

Hi Peeps

 

Just want some advice, as I am confused after speaking with a mate of mine about what happened.

 

When I messaged this young lady I directly asked her out, she replied thanks for the offer it was very kind and gave me a smiley face. She then went on to say a couple of other things and then ended the text with another smiley face.

 

What does this mean? If she wasn't pleased to receive the message would you still leave two fecking smilies?

 

Today has been perfectly fine, like normal. We actually haven't really spoken about my proposition at all which I find abit odd. I said to her that I asked because I like her, in which she replied graciously.

 

Maybe she is shy? Maybe she is just being extremely mature about this, maybe she found it awkward? Baffled.

 

I totally understand that if I ask her again its going down dodgey ground but I'm trying to figure things out here.

 

I had a speach planned this morning, but didn't get to perform it

 

She was letting you down easy. When a woman says "how flattered she is" "how sweet", etc and doesn't give you a direct yes, it's her way of nicely saying "Thanks, but no thanks".

 

Just show her that you can take a hint and keep your distance. If you do talk to her, keep it about business. The only time it should come up again is if she brings it up.

[SSM3]

She was letting you down easy. When a woman says "how flattered she is" "how sweet", etc and doesn't give you a direct yes, it's her way of nicely saying "Thanks, but no thanks".

 

Just show her that you can take a hint and keep your distance. If you do talk to her, keep it about business. The only time it should come up again is if she brings it up.

That was the plan and part of my speech. I just didn't get the thanks but no thanks and smilies. Blimey, you women are hard to understand at times

Edited March 12, 2015 by SSM3

[fitnessfan365]

That was the plan and part of my speech. I just didn't get the thanks but no thanks and smilies. Blimey, you women are hard to understand at timed

 

Haha.. Did you just say "you women" in reference to me? Well technically I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

 

Women actually aren't that hard to understand man. It's funny because I've always been relatively good at reading between the lines. So I love teasing a woman and playfully calling her on her tests, and double meanings. Then when she giggles and asks me how I know, I always just say 'I excel in common sense".

 

Women tend to keep things pretty simple. A yes is a yes. Anything else is pretty much a no most of the time. Although I was confused by a woman's "I'll think about it" recently.

[preraph]

Of course, the smilies are her treating you with kid gloves as she rejects you, because you're her boss and her very livelihood is at stake. I wouldn't even speak about it to her ever again because that will just add one more awkward moment to get past. I'd let it drop and be very casual with her going forward and as normal as possible. It is very awkward for her. She is not shy and helpless to make up her own mind. She told you no in the gentlest way possible to preserve her job. So sorry it didn't work out. I know it pains you greatly. But you've got to put it behind you.

[SSM3]

Of course, the smilies are her treating you with kid gloves as she rejects you, because you're her boss and her very livelihood is at stake. I wouldn't even speak about it to her ever again because that will just add one more awkward moment to get past. I'd let it drop and be very casual with her going forward and as normal as possible. It is very awkward for her. She is not shy and helpless to make up her own mind. She told you no in the gentlest way possible to preserve her job. So sorry it didn't work out. I know it pains you greatly. But you've got to put it behind you.

 

That's what I intend on doing

[SSM3]

I just want to say thanks for the members who posted on here and took time to reply to me. You were a huge help during my moment of weakness. When you need someone to speak to its good to know there are some caring people on here.

 

I salute you!!

[SSM3]

For those of you who I have dealt with previously will know my story.

 

For those who don't.....

 

I had a really strong crush on my coworker four weeks or so ago which was nearly killing me, I had never felt the feelings I experienced ever; it was really weird. I wasn't eating properly and lost weight because of my feelings, yup weird! I finally got the courage to ask her out, she said no, and it hasn't been mentioned since. I am also her boss, but I have to say there was zero awkwardness and we both handled things professionally very well.

 

Since my proposition, we have spoken much more and she is opening up a little more to me, as she is getting to know me I guess. I am thinking I possibly played my card too early.

 

Anyway, although those extremely strong feelings have withered I still have feelings for her. She is stunning, inside and out. The more I deal with her on a day to day basis the more I find her attractive. I may be in love with this girl, I don't know. Will these feelings for her ever go away?

 

I have read on the internet that I had limerence and sometimes it can take years to get over a crush. If these feelings are here for years then I am leaving the country!

Edited April 2, 2015 by SSM3