struggling, missing her so much

[xinaxxsdertf]

You don't actually miss them as much as you think. You just can't stand the rejection and the feeling of not being loved by someone who once loved you like no other. Mind blown? I didn't think so...

 

I thought this sounds pretty close man. I started thinking to myself, do I actually miss her? I know I do feel a s***load of rejection, but is that all it is? but if I think about it, I do actually miss her. her scent, that smell, that comfort, those warms cuddles on those cold nights. Im nearing the end of day 1 NC and life is a struggle but I seem to be okay when im not home. I feel pretty lost at the moment though, and everytime im out on the road, I always look around for her car. but a positive has come out of today, I blocked her number and I have no urge to unblock it

 

hopefully the next few days will be easier and hopefully I get to the point where I can say im at day 32 of NC

 

quick question, did your ex reach out to you during any of that?

[banana1522]

I agree that there is definitely 'missing her' in the equation somewhere, but it is totally compounded by the overbearing sense of rejection. Get over the rejection and you are over the biggest hurdle in my opinion. The warm cuddles and nice scent of a woman you can find anywhere (just get a new woman) Believe me, you don't think about the ex anywhere near as much when you are with someone new I know it feels impossible now but you will get there..

 

Nice one on blocking her - will she know you did that? If you did it for yourself then fine but personally I've never agreed to blocking/de-friending etc if the other person will know I have done it. I don't want them thinking they have that much effect on me that I need to go that far... But that's just me.

 

She didn't reach out once.. A bit disappointed if I'm honest, but again, I realise it is just my ego feeling bruised and rejected.

 

Don't fight the pain by the way. Accept it authentically, look at it, really feel it, then let it go. You will heal quicker than if you try and hide from it..

 

Feel better soon!

[AIJ]

I agree that there is definitely 'missing her' in the equation somewhere, but it is totally compounded by the overbearing sense of rejection. Get over the rejection and you are over the biggest hurdle in my opinion. The warm cuddles and nice scent of a woman you can find anywhere (just get a new woman) Believe me, you don't think about the ex anywhere near as much when you are with someone new I know it feels impossible now but you will get there..

 

Nice one on blocking her - will she know you did that? If you did it for yourself then fine but personally I've never agreed to blocking/de-friending etc if the other person will know I have done it. I don't want them thinking they have that much effect on me that I need to go that far... But that's just me.

 

She didn't reach out once.. A bit disappointed if I'm honest, but again, I realise it is just my ego feeling bruised and rejected.

 

Don't fight the pain by the way. Accept it authentically, look at it, really feel it, then let it go. You will heal quicker than if you try and hide from it..

 

Feel better soon!

 

My ex will probably know I've blocked her number, as my information won't appear on Whatsapp. Couldn't care less if she knows or not to be honest, likely that she won't care at all

[banana1522]

My ex will probably know I've blocked her number, as my information won't appear on Whatsapp. Couldn't care less if she knows or not to be honest, likely that she won't care at all

 

Well, that's fine if you truly don't care. But I don't like the idea that she might think I hate her or am too affected by her online actions so I have left her as a friend on FB. Basically, I think NOT doing those things sends out a message of indifference (both to them and to you IMO), blocking etc only serves to reinforce the idea that even having them in your virtual life has some sort of impact on you. Nah, I'm not giving her that satisfaction... Again just my personal stance. Not saying it's right or wrong..

[Charlie101]

Best part is the amount of pure bull**** she spouted nearing the end and after the relationship ended.

 

'I'd never end it with you'

'You make life good, I love you so much'

After she ended it - 'I won't be getting close with someone else for a while'.

 

BULL ****ING ****.

 

This is spot on Heard it all, then it ends and on to the next guy, all I think is you desperate bitch it cracks me up how I can be happy on my own and she's off chasing guys cause she's so desperate to be with someone, if you can't be happy on your own you can't be happy with anyone else.

[banana1522]

This is spot on Heard it all, then it ends and on to the next guy, all I think is you desperate bitch it cracks me up how I can be happy on my own and she's off chasing guys cause she's so desperate to be with someone, if you can't be happy on your own you can't be happy with anyone else.

 

It takes a while to realize that though. I must admit I jumped from gf to gf after every break up, whether I pulled the plug or not. It stings pretty bad to be on your own, especially after a LTR..

[Charlie101]

Oh yeah I completely understand it takes a while, don't get me wrong I Much prefer being in a relationship and having life to share with someone, but you've got to wait for the right person, but when you do realise that it's like a breath of fresh Air

[xinaxxsdertf]

thanks for all the help and advice guys. Im nearing the end of day 3 NC, has been the hardest week for me. Have had all these rushing feelings and memories come flooding in the past few days. Cant get my ex's face out of my head. Its funny because when i was with her, i could look at other girls like i found them attractive But now that i dont have her its like i have zero attraction to anyone else. anybody have any idea why that is? When i think about her, i just think she is the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. how do u stop yourself from thinking this way?

[AIJ]

thanks for all the help and advice guys. Im nearing the end of day 3 NC, has been the hardest week for me. Have had all these rushing feelings and memories come flooding in the past few days. Cant get my ex's face out of my head. Its funny because when i was with her, i could look at other girls like i found them attractive But now that i dont have her its like i have zero attraction to anyone else. anybody have any idea why that is? When i think about her, i just think she is the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. how do u stop yourself from thinking this way?

 

I was like this for a while after the break up too, just couldn't find anyone else attractive. My ex was genuinely top notch material, Eastern European, blonde, blue eyes, incredible body. Shame she's a crazy psychopath.

 

It'll pass, you guessed it, with time. Time, time, time. That's all you need pal

[Charlie101]

Exactly as aij said mate, it's all in the time, it'll pass I was the same didn't even wanna look at other women cause they just didn't compare in my eyes, I think it's cause your head is so focused on your ex there's no room to even look at anyone els cause all your thoughts are occupied, but it will pass eventually it does get easier stay strong bro

[xinaxxsdertf]

Charlie i think you're right about my thoughts being clouded by my ex. thats right because shes all i think about all day, im not distracting myself enough maybe?

 

so i blocked her mobile number, facebook and twitter and then lastnight at 12.15 i got a phone call. i think it just went straight to the voicemail because of her being blocked, and my voicemail isnt set up so she cant leave one. but it popped up saying she called me anyway. the thing is, is 3 days ago when i told her i have to block her to move on, i love her too much that i cant move on with you still in my life. i tried to be gentle and make her understand. her reply was "you didnt need to tell me, you couldve just done it. but dont block me you dont need to, i just wont text you". That was like a slap in the face so i blocked her. yeah just wondering if u know why she wouldve called after not caring that i blocked her?

[AIJ]

Charlie i think you're right about my thoughts being clouded by my ex. thats right because shes all i think about all day, im not distracting myself enough maybe?

 

so i blocked her mobile number, facebook and twitter and then lastnight at 12.15 i got a phone call. i think it just went straight to the voicemail because of her being blocked, and my voicemail isnt set up so she cant leave one. but it popped up saying she called me anyway. the thing is, is 3 days ago when i told her i have to block her to move on, i love her too much that i cant move on with you still in my life. i tried to be gentle and make her understand. her reply was "you didnt need to tell me, you couldve just done it. but dont block me you dont need to, i just wont text you". That was like a slap in the face so i blocked her. yeah just wondering if u know why she wouldve called after not caring that i blocked her?

 

Don't overanalyse her breadcrumbs. Push them to the back of your mind and continue with no contact. Whatever she wanted to say isn't important. If it WAS that important to her, she would make damn well sure she could contact you and make sure you knew.

[xinaxxsdertf]

EXACTLY. she knows my number off by heart (i know hers too) so could easily hop on a friends, her mum or dads phones to call or text me.. but no obviously only when shes having a bad moment and struggling hence why it was so late at night. always needs my comfort when shes struggling, but then when i show struggle, shes no where to be seen

[na49]

Yeah.. no amount of blocks will keep them from coming back (even if it is to relieve their guilt). Keep your blocks up, and unless she gives you the feeling that she wants to try things again, you don't owe her anything. She's probably lonely. Ironically we are on spring break this week, so my ex is back at home without her friends on campus. Of course she reaches out to me. The disposable boyfriend on a shelf..

[banana1522]

The best way to let go of pain and sorrow is it allow it in... Yup I know that sounds counter-intuitive but all the bs "you need to go out and have fun" or "go buy some new clothes" and "Get drunk and get laid" type stuff won't help one bit. It will be a temporary distraction. Face the pain! HEAD ON! If you need to cry into your pillow then go ahead. Whatever you allow to be present holds much less power than something you try to get rid of!

 

I (REALLY) know how almost impossible it can feel to get out of bed in the mornings but if you can do a little breathing meditation while you're lying there thinking 'oh.. this is still real..', I found that helps. The one 'distraction' that actually does help is exercise! Go for an intense workout (not just a 15 minute jog..) Seriously, go and take some pilates or spinning classes and that endorphine/dopamine rush will make a big difference. Plus, you might spot a hottie!

 

Chin up dude. As the guys said, time is the greatest healer. By week 2/3 you should be much better, but in the meanwhile try the above. Oh and here's your reminder not to break NC! You'll be fine!

[xinaxxsdertf]

Yeah.. no amount of blocks will keep them from coming back (even if it is to relieve their guilt). Keep your blocks up, and unless she gives you the feeling that she wants to try things again, you don't owe her anything. She's probably lonely. Ironically we are on spring break this week, so my ex is back at home without her friends on campus. Of course she reaches out to me. The disposable boyfriend on a shelf..

 

yeah i dont understand how they can be like 'i dont care if u block me'. and then still try get through lol. the entire point of blocking was so i get no breadcrumbs, wouldve been better if my phone just doesnt show the calls. caught me off guard lastnight when i saw she had called, and now im thinking about her again

[AIJ]

yeah i dont understand how they can be like 'i dont care if u block me'. and then still try get through lol. the entire point of blocking was so i get no breadcrumbs, wouldve been better if my phone just doesnt show the calls. caught me off guard lastnight when i saw she had called, and now im thinking about her again

 

I'd consider changing my number if I were you. I get my upgrade on my phone relatively soon and I will 110% be changing my number.

[xinaxxsdertf]

I'd consider changing my number if I were you. I get my upgrade on my phone relatively soon and I will 110% be changing my number.

 

yeah its just the fuss of having to give out my new number to everyone. ive had this same number for like 6 years, always take out my sim card and put it in my new phone. it would be a lot easier though if she didnt know my mobile number so i wouldnt have to worry about breadcrumbs

[Charlie101]

Keep at it mate, don't give in to the breadcrumbs, she's only testing to see if you followed through with blocking her and if she still can get a hold of you.

 

It really does get easier pal, just look at me for abit of inspiration I was in exact same boat as you, it wasn't that long ago where I was wondering whether I should try contacting mine again, but I didn't kept at it, and the pin has finally dropped, get the odd moment of thinking about her but it's more I wonder what she's doing rather than I miss her, I can hand on heart 100 percent say if she rang me now or anything and said I'd like to sort it out can we have another go, id say nah you had your chance and my life is doing much better without you thanks, wish her all the best and send her on her way. So you will get there mate, like the guys are saying embrace the pain take it in and then let it out and over abit of time it'll slowly disappear and one day you'll wake up and everything will be okay.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Thats the level i need to be at charlie! I need to be able yo carry on life and not have her in my thoughts. Shes on my mind everyday, when im at home, when im at work, wen im in the gym, when im going out...

 

I have gone out drinking every weekend because i always think about her saturdays thinking shes partying hard so i get so drunk that i forget about her but it backfired last weekend when she was in the same club as me and i was too intoxicated to think logically, just let all tge emotions run wild..

 

This weekend, im going to test myself. Going to stay at home, going to go to the gym saturday night and then go home and relax. I know im going to hurt and think about her, but if i can force myself to not contact even when im struggling then i should be okay. I need to face this pain head on and hopefully eventually it will desensitize its effect it has on me. I cant live like this, cant let someone continue to have all this control on me, its not fait but holy f*** do i miss her right now..

[xinaxxsdertf]

Im just so stuck because the second she wants me back, i jump at the opportunity. Why do i love her that much, she has broken me and ruined me with this break up. Why cant i just hate her, she doesnt deserve this struggle im going through. I shoild be happy that i can no longer get hurt from her. she was so selfish but yet so amazing, soft, fun and just lovable. Everybody i introduced her to would always say we look like the best couple and we would always get mentioned together. It was always me and her, ppl wouldnt really know us seperately because we did everything together. I didnt just lose my partner, i lost my bestfriend.. i have a best friend who everyone knows is my bestie but.it was always her. she was always my best friend.

 

Thats why last week when she was f***ing me around and i was an idiot that broke NC for her, she cried to me and said "i miss my best friend". Those words have bren imbedded in my brain and it hurts alot cause all i wanted to say was "then come f***en get me!"

[banana1522]

I watched this guy's videos for two weeks.. It helped. I'm not saying he is for everyone but I found a lot of good information that helped me see what I am/have been doing wrong in my relationships and also to not let anything like this happen to me again. I think every man should understand this stuff!

[xinaxxsdertf]

I watched this guy's videos for two weeks.. It helped. I'm not saying he is for everyone but I found a lot of good information that helped me see what I am/have been doing wrong in my relationships and also to not let anything like this happen to me again. I think every man should understand this stuff!

 

Yeah ive seen a few but then i always end up watching the "get your ex back" videos in the suggestions and it makes me look at all the breadcrumbs and start missing my ex then i start getting ideas like maybe i should text her, maybe she will reach out to me etc etc i keep givng myself false hope but i know i have to let go, shes not coming back. Its easy for me to say it out loud but deel down my heart still longs for her and is still holding onto hope. Have you experienced this? Where logically you know its gone for good and u know nothing will happen but your god damn heart just doesnt let go.. it weeps for her

[banana1522]

The problem with breadcrumbs is not having established the distance properly and stating what you want. Have you actually followed HIS steps to get the ex back?? If you did then you would know that when she contacts you you should be asking her if she wants to meet up, but she should also know NOT to contact you unless it is anything other than to rekindle things and that you are not happy with being friends... So basicallly she will only contact you if she wants to give things another go. Makes it really ****ing simple to know why she is contacting you when you put it to them that way! TBH though, even if she reached out, I get the feeling you are not emotionally ready to be around her without making her feel like you can't live without her. I think you NEED to take time out first even if there is a possibility to reconcile in the future (that's not to say you definitely will) but you HAVE to be fine by yourself before you can ever hope to attract her back..

 

I'm not a nihilist like a lot of people seem to be on these kinds of forums.. No one here is a mind reader, no one here can read into the future no matter how much they guarantee she will 'never come back'. I simply don't look at things that way. Not because I want to give myself or anyone else false hope, but simply because, you just never know... In fact there ARE reconciliation stories everywhere on this and other forums. It's just that it doesn't help you having too much faith in that happening when you are in this kind of state.. All you can do is be her best option. And that means telling her want you want, and if she is not prepared to meet you there, you walk and never look back!

 

I still love my ex and hope we can reconcile in the future but it doesn't have to happen any more.. I don't block either. I've said it before, it looks like you are completely affected by their actions and it gives them a nice ego boost if you do. If it is that crucial to your healing then fine but I have recently found that learning to develop inner strength is more important than trying to create a favourable situation for yourself externally. We have no control over external factors and this is true about many situations in our lives, I am personally tired of running from them all the time and would prefer to learn to be strong enough to be able to handle a situation through inner strength. I know it is easier said than done but don't let anything she does bother you dude! Everything is fine just as it is.. The old expression 'man up' applies here. Get out there, fulfil your mission, and the rest will fall into place, don't let some chick ruin your life! I spent way too many years changing my direction based on what my gf was doing or where she was living etc. NEVER AGAIN!

 

If she wants you, she will contact you. Breadcrumbs are only breadcrumbs if you don't set boundaries. Tell her you don't want contact from her UNLESS she is looking for more than friendship! You want a girl who will jump fences for you not one who sits on the fence dithering. If she contacts you, it is then on your terms, set a dinner date at your place. If she refuses to come over be cool about it and go back to NC until you hear from her again. Rinse, recycle, repeat.

 

PS don't look at the scam get your ex back videos. Corey is enough and he is free... lol

Edited March 20, 2015 by banana1522

[xinaxxsdertf]

Thanks for the big message banana.

 

I told her a few weeks ago that i love her and want her back and told her to not contact me unless she feels the same.. a week later she started dropping breadcrumbs asking how i Was (i was actually stronger than what i am now) and i replied to one saying ive been good hope shes doing well. She said shes been ok but misses me and i didnt reply. Then texts me a week later and i was still in NC. Begs to see me so i reply and let her, she came Over. We kissed, cuddled, she cried in my arns squeezing me saying she misses me and then i told her again my feelings are too strong for her that i cant keep doing this as a friend.

 

Week went by and she was dropping breadcrumbs every 2 or 3 days saying she loves and misses me. But youre right, im not emotionally available to reply to those sort of messages so i only replied to some of them. Then i dont hear from her for 3 days, i bump into her in a club, i went up to talk to her and her best friend (whose a b****) was telling me to piss off and she pulled my ex away from me and they left. THEN my ex had the cheek to text me the next day and said "you acted immature, my friends and i dont deserve that". (I swore at her mate for getting in our business, im not a rough person at all so i found it upsetting when her mate stood in my way and was telling me to go away).

 

Thats when i realised that my ex didnt even think to consider the way i was feeling and thought it was okay that her friend told me to piss off and was giving me the most sour looks. My ex knows me better than anyone so shouldve seen how disrespectful that was to me nd shouldve stuck up for me.

 

So the next day after all that, i messaged her saying im sorry but i need to block your number, i love u so much that it gives me false hope everytime u text me. She said "you didnt need to tell me, couldve just blocked me but now youre making more drama". Why the f*** does she do this?? Ive tried so hard to be genuine. I knew it was going to make it look like im struggling but i just had to let her know bcoz i didnt want her texting me asking why i never reply.

 

So yeah she pretty much acted like she didnt care that i was blocking her, so i did it. Then on the 3rd night of NC, she called me. My phone blocked it though so muatve went straight to voicemail i think? Just came up saying she called but had a blocked Thingy on it.

 

Why act like You dont care but then try and call a few days later.. so even when i had her blocked, i still received unwanted breadcrumbs. Any ideas on what to do here other than change my number? Really dont want to change it bcoz i have a lot of people that need to contact me on this number.

 

Should i unblock her and just tell her plz dont contact me? Actually that aounds like a bad idea... what do i do? Shes blocked on all social media too. I did it because i miss her way too much and after that last clash in the club last weekend, i pretty much gave up all hope on a reconciliation. So i needed to completely erase her from my life to be able to get over her. I need to hear nothing, see nothing and know nothing about her So i cant get set back to square one. what i dont understand is why she always texts every few days even after i told her only contact me if u want me back. But yet when she does contact, its along the lines of "i want u back".