Van Norden Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hey, dunno if I'm allowed to post in this conversation between you both, but at some point I had to stop reading and getting involved. Take it easy, man. I'm suffering from the same recent heartbreak, but please be realistic and don't get intoxicated and looking for constant one night stands. Eventually you'll crash with reality and see that nor even the drunken ones want someone with a false sense of security due to alcohol or drugs. I've been there and I know how it hurts to get your expectations crushed after repeating yourself the alpha-male discourse and blasting Manowar at the gym. Take your time to recover, heal, learn from wiser users in this forum (certainly not me) and yes, move on, but be careful and don't try to fake things. Oh, and if that helps, I spend a good amount of my time weeping for my lost love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Yeah van norden it came out harsher than what i actually meant lol. I enjoy clubbing with my friends and i just meant thats what im going to do. Im not going to go looking for anyone or trying to get a one night stand i just meant i will go out and have fun and if something happens then it happens. I would usually hold myself back and not go there but for now i will just keep my options open. Im not going to go out on the prowl like some sort of predator lol i just need some fun. I enjoy having a few drinks and hitting the dance floor with friends. I just need anything to help get my mind off her, i even take different routes when im driving to places hoping she will be aroind there. I find myself always looking out for her car when im on the road. I miss her so frickin much i just wish i could hate her. Its like my insides want to cry and jist scream but on the surface its like i am emotionless. I even feel like i might feel a bit better if i was able to cry but i just cant? I have cried before but i st cant seem to let anything out now,. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 It just generally sucks to break up with someone you care so much about..... I. Having one of those days today where I, wondering about a reconciliation would it work how would I go about it in the long run, it's a hard thing to think about I know that by thinking about it shows that I'm not healed. But im just wondering today, it's almost two months on now, and I've not herd a peep really apart from one message a month through. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Hey Charlie Hey xinaxxsdertf and all Maybe I can chime in here. My gf of 4 years ended it last month - full story here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/518311-4-years-down-pan-can-i-get-her-back It is so damn hard going through every day not contacting her, but it has been 3 weeks since I saw her and zero contact since. I don't want to get out of bed until 2 pm sometimes and my studies are suffering for it... ugh..! I'm with Charlie, check out Corey Wayne's videos! They really help to see what we are doing wrong as men to create bad situations in our relationships. xinaxxsdertf - Unfortunately women do tend to move on quicker than guys do. They know that getting into another relationship will ease any hurt and that's why they often have rebounds quite soon after breakups. The other side to it is that women also hang around until they have extremely low attraction for their man so by the time they are ready to slam the door they are pretty much emotionally detached, whereas us dudes thought everything was fine and then all of a sudden they're gone and we're licking our wounds... I now look back and see why everything I did completely turned off my long term gf and what I would do if things miraculously turned around. Seriously, check out coach Corey's videos and you will understand a lot better what you did/are doing wrong... Charlie - You say you are getting messages from your ex. Are you not tempted to invite her around like Corey says to do? Did you give her the full "no to friends" speech? Peace guys! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 H xinaxxsdertf - Unfortunately women do tend to move on quicker than guys do. They know that getting into another relationship will ease any hurt and that's why they often have rebounds quite soon after breakups. The other side to it is that women also hang around until they have extremely low attraction for their man so by the time they are ready to slam the door they are pretty much emotionally detached, whereas us dudes thought everything was fine and then all of a sudden they're gone and we're licking our wounds.. What a load of garbage! There's no gender difference in how people handle breakups -- male or female, it's the same process for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 What a load of garbage! There's no gender difference in how people handle breakups -- male or female, it's the same process for everyone. its good advice but i too also looked at that part and thought I havent heard this before lol. yeah life has been a real struggle this week. I miss her so much now and NC is getting harder and harder to hold everyday. I keep putting ideas in my head that maybe I can just send her a text and see how she is. But deep down i know im not ready to hear bad news. all I want to do is talk to her but i feel depressed enough as it is, so im setting myself up for a big fall. I just got in trouble with work because i took a few days off this week. Its so hard to be at my job when im thinking about her because i feel like im going to have a breakdown in front of everybody there. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 What a load of garbage! I'm curious, have you ever even watched one of his videos? Maybe it will make some sense if you actually watch one or two. Or maybe you are a psychologist as clearly you know a lot about both male and female thought process. Thanks for sharing so tactfully your opinion. I'd be grateful if you didn't try to shove it down my throat though. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 As a woman, I assume I'm prohibited from watching your guy-cult videos. All these guys who promote "how to get your ex girlfriend back" videos, programs, etc. are all directly marketing to young inexperienced guys like yourself.... basically taking advantage of your vulnerability and hoping to make a buck off your heartbreak. Nice. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 As a woman, I assume I'm prohibited from watching your guy-cult videos. All these guys who promote "how to get your ex girlfriend back" videos, programs, etc. are all directly marketing to young inexperienced guys like yourself.... basically taking advantage of your vulnerability and hoping to make a buck off your heartbreak. Nice. There's your first mistake.. He's not an "ex girlfriend recovery" expert. He's a life coach. He tries to help us guys (yes - men predominantly) understand how to show up in our relationships in such a way as to not get dumped in the first place. He has many women followers as well, and has helped hundreds of couples recover their floundering relationships. More importantly though - how to move past their mistakes so that they are not repeated in their next relationship. As for my lack of experience. I'm 32, not 13. I have had quite a few girlfriends but unfortunately, despite being nothing but a nice guy every time, I still can't seem to hold a good woman down.. So far Corey has helped me immensely to understand what I have been doing wrong (plenty of 'Ah ha' and 'doh!' moments when I watch his newsletters) and actually I haven't paid him a dime.. So.. However well intentioned your reply, I suggest you go check him out before passing judgment Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Hi banana... Nah man I since going strict no contact I got one text from her a month in to it, and I hadn't watched the videos by then so didn't react to it, but had no contact from her since, if I did then yes I would use here's theory of assuming she wants to meet but I've not heard anything from her, which I'm really disappointed with, I have was give. Abit of info today thought that she is dating someone new....so that's hit me like a ton of bricks I'm pretty devastated about that, I can't beleive women or her more so can just move on like she is, not even caring in the slightest about me not a second thought it just doesn't make sense to me, we lived together we brought a dog together that she's just ditched wth me aswell which I don't mind I love him to bits but still, I just can't believe it yano Ahhhhh Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 A s**t man... If she did it once she could do it again... Current events cause future trends Was yours a long relationship? If so, could still be a rebound... Stay strong in NC and get dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Was just over a year mate so not ages but was an intense year, maybe it's been almost a month since that message though so I doubt it now I think she's gone. I just thought I meant more than that yano but hey life goes on I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Plenty of good posts on this forum but I don't believe in all this cynicism mate... I'm not saying reconciling is a guarantee by any stretch but it does happen! Best to heal and move on but if you fellas want something to give you a glimmer of hope then here it is - Getting back together really does happen! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Hi banana... Nah man I since going strict no contact I got one text from her a month in to it, and I hadn't watched the videos by then so didn't react to it, but had no contact from her since, if I did then yes I would use here's theory of assuming she wants to meet but I've not heard anything from her, which I'm really disappointed with, I have was give. Abit of info today thought that she is dating someone new....so that's hit me like a ton of bricks I'm pretty devastated about that, I can't beleive women or her more so can just move on like she is, not even caring in the slightest about me not a second thought it just doesn't make sense to me, we lived together we brought a dog together that she's just ditched wth me aswell which I don't mind I love him to bits but still, I just can't believe it yano Ahhhhh Keep your head up charlie! this is exactly the reason i havent contacted my ex because i dont want to hear this info either. Hang in there man shes just got a rebound, thats it. Rebounds never work out in the end. Keep working out and doing yourself. For her to move on that quickly means that she hasnt even sorted herself out and recognized the problems and issues from your guys relationships so shes taking them straight into the next. Atleast you are working on yourself so you have more of a chance of your next relationship being successful. She couldnt be successful with you so she moves straight to the next. Thats going to be a cycle she will go through for the rest of her life until she decides to work on herself. youre doing the right thing bro, shes just out there breaking hearts. it sucks to hear shes with another man but im telling you now that its only temporary.This will help push you further away from her now too. the fact that she could move on so drastically and quickly says it all. She doesnt care. If she loved you with all her heart, she would not have moved on that quickly. she wouldve grieved just as you are. a girl like that just means trouble so i think its a helping step in the right direction my man. Keep looking after yourself and the right girl will walk into your life and make you realize why no other relationships ever worked. I have faith in you charlie just from talking to you on here i can see how your head is working and how you are growing even despite the struggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 you feel as though you know somebody inside and outside. I thought i knew my ex better than anybody in this world. But after the way she left me and all, i feel as though i dont know her as well as i thought. Its like break ups mess with their head and they go all crazy and do in-the-moment things. just be thankful that its obvious you are the more mature one out of the relationship and and she just isnt at your level of maturity yet. You will get what you deserve buddy be strong Link to post Share on other sites
Nolan 93 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Im with you guys on here my current ex gf left me for her ex out of the blue. Was hard to handle with it but im getting over it slowly. Happened back in november she lost a good guy for an ex who was no where near as good as me. Oh well her loss you know Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Cheers lads...it's just hard to hear, it pisses me off more than anything, I know that she ain't gunna be single forever and neither will I but its not even been 2 months yet ridiculous, but like you say she won't of changed her self, but yeah just means pushing me in the right direction to fully move on cause I guess I was still sorting hoping in the back of my mind for some sort of reconciliation. Sucks cause it was on my mind when I went to bed I obviously dreamt about it, and my God did it seem real when I woke up I was literally like thankgod that wasn't real lol did all the wrong things in the dream haha. Ahh well on wards and upwards just have to sort my self out fully then go out and get myself a worldy, and as childish and immature as it sounds I hope her relationship goes wrong and she's left wondering haha Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm going to add something that I've kept quiet all this time, but think I need some advice on how to go about it, we are going to see eachother again at beginning of April cause she owes me a fair bit of money that when she broke up she says she will have by that time, and she'll be in touch then when she's got it, I don't know if this has much to do with anything really but I just feel like because of this she's always known she would hear from me again and see me again for her to give this to me, but even if I say give it to a friend she is still going to contact me about it at the end of this month, anyone got any thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Super struggling today...now I know she's interested in someone else I've got this burning urge to get in contact with her and try get her thinking about me again but I know that I can't, can't believe she's actually gone and moved on so quickly. I dint know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm going to add something that I've kept quiet all this time, but think I need some advice on how to go about it, we are going to see eachother again at beginning of April cause she owes me a fair bit of money that when she broke up she says she will have by that time, and she'll be in touch then when she's got it, I don't know if this has much to do with anything really but I just feel like because of this she's always known she would hear from me again and see me again for her to give this to me, but even if I say give it to a friend she is still going to contact me about it at the end of this month, anyone got any thoughts on this? If she contacts you, give her your account details to transfer the money. No need to actually see her. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I was talking about it with my mate today....I guess I've had it in the back of my mind that by end of March we would have to talk for this reason and I guess I've been kind of hoping that when this happens we will of had 3 months apart maybe by then we would of spent enough time apart to possibly reconcile....cause I've always known it would be coming ive sort of always used it as an excuse to like she ain't got to contact me now cause she knows she's gunna speak to me then....it's difficult now I found out she's got interest in another guy, I was quite happy with my ignorance until you always get someone tell you what you don't want to hear. I guess after March that's the final string cut and there will be nothing left, it's hard knowing that thought, I wish I didn't feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Hey charlie im so sorry to hear about that man. She has moved on unbelievably fast so obviously the relationship means alot more to you than her. I know it really sucks to hear but yea you need to move on man. If the relationship meant anything to her at all then the thought of you will cloud her mind while with this new guy but if she can be with him and not even think of you then shes lost her lpve for you completely. Its terrible how some people can go on in life like this, they dont care. But i guess maybe thats her way of handling a break up or maybe she already was interested in this guy towards the end of your break up. Girls absolutely love guys like you man so one day you are going to be sweeped up, obviously she just isnt the right one to do that. But you will be and you will realize why this one wasnt meant to be. Stick to the gym man and work on yourself. I wish i never drank alcohol this weekend, thought it might be a distraction but when im intoxicated, shes all i think about. So i need to stick to the gym too to heal myself. Sorry it took me so long to reply, im in another city but im going home in a few hours. Be strong man Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Agh man it's one of those things ain't it her loss, although I still extremely miss her and still love her, it's her decision I told her how I felt before and she hasn't come back it's up to her to come back not me waiting around hoping for it, it did obviously mean more to me than it did to her so. I gave myself abit of a pep talk today and basically told myself to get a grip stop being a wet blanket, yes I will miss he and not just be able to get over her but hey, time to get up and crack on I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Count your lucky stars bro. Mine contacted me last night while i was out clubbing saying she needs to see me and then begged to see me today when i got back to my hometown. Me being an idiot i said yes she can come see me. so when i got to my hometown i texted her saying i was here, and she said she'll be okay now dont worry. And i was looking forward to seeing her so i replied telling her to come over. Then i ended up receiving a message from another guy telling me to **** off but they said it on her phone. Then she texted saying sorry it wasnt her. and begged me to text her back. Once again Im now going back to NC and that has just completely ruined my good weekend. I wish she never even texted me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 What an arsehole mate....that's mind games if ever I've heard them, make sure you stay strict no contact now do not reply or answer any of her messages, she's gone now don't let yourself fall into that trap....I know it's easy for me to say, because if mine now text me saying that I'd probably hit the roof and be like yeah come over haha, but if she did all that then mugged me off like that, I'd be like I'd probably send her maybe one message back saying, you've one just made me look like a mug giving someone to cheek to tell me to **** off, off your phone and two you begged to see me so I said yes then decided your okay now....I'd say you wanna see me to sort things out you know where you can find me but I ain't playing these stupid games anymore or replying to petty texts.... And then just walk away and don't look back, you've put in your message she knows where to find you if she's that desperate she'll turn up at yours when she knows you'll be there anything less not worth it she's playing games just trying to keep you hooked. Stay strong bro Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts