banana1522 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I'll give you a proper response soon xina. I really suggest you watch more of Corey's videos in the meanwhile. It does sound like you want to move on and forget her in which you are doing what you should. From the sounds of it it wouldn't surprise me if after a while longer of blanking her she will start to look for ways to get back in touch but it really is up to you how you want to play it. Do you definitely not want her back? Are there irreconcilable differences? Cheating? Abuse? You have to be cool with whatever happens while you are trying to reconcile so arguing or swearing is not going to help your situation.. If you don't want to see her anymore then keep doing what you are doing and be strong! Date some hot girls! You will definitely forget about her! You what's funny.. IN thee two weeks after my BU, girls suddenly became interested in me.. It's like my obvious lack of any desire (because of pining over the ex) caused their interest levels to go up.. It's a nice boost to have hot women look at you that way again1 For now I leave you with this.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 there was no abuse or cheating involved. Just excessive arguing and both becoming too jealous of each other.. Im on day 6 of NC and i miss her so much. all morning ive been trying to convince myself to give her a text saying i miss her but i dont want to get hurt. it would just take her 1 reply of saying "leave me alone" then i would be back at square one again.. i want to see her so badly. anyone think i should send her a text? day 6 of NC but we have been broken up for just over a month now. this was also my first weekend staying home, didnt go out this week thought it might help me feel better but i still miss her so much!!! atleast i dont have a hangover and stuff finally should i text her and just let her know i miss her? Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 there was no abuse or cheating involved. Just excessive arguing and both becoming too jealous of each other.. Im on day 6 of NC and i miss her so much. all morning ive been trying to convince myself to give her a text saying i miss her but i dont want to get hurt. it would just take her 1 reply of saying "leave me alone" then i would be back at square one again.. i want to see her so badly. anyone think i should send her a text? day 6 of NC but we have been broken up for just over a month now. this was also my first weekend staying home, didnt go out this week thought it might help me feel better but i still miss her so much!!! atleast i dont have a hangover and stuff finally should i text her and just let her know i miss her? I'm in the same position, but I'm on day 40. Matty is suggesting that I send her a well-written email explaining how much I want her and the changes I'm making/made. But at the same time, it could totally push her away and if she's in a relationship now (or exploring the possibility of one) it makes me look like a jabroni. However she's very impulsive and indecisive and I feel like if I don't make any kind of move, she's just going to totally move on thinking that I have given up also. I'm so torn. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 DON'T DO IT! Here's a couple of links from LS (with thanks to the OPs): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back-7.html http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances You're both doing so well! Don't give them the power to hurt you again or ruin any chances for the future. It absolutely has to be them that reaches out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 I'm in the same position, but I'm on day 40. Matty is suggesting that I send her a well-written email explaining how much I want her and the changes I'm making/made. But at the same time, it could totally push her away and if she's in a relationship now (or exploring the possibility of one) it makes me look like a jabroni. However she's very impulsive and indecisive and I feel like if I don't make any kind of move, she's just going to totally move on thinking that I have given up also. I'm so torn. how did u get to day 40 without breaking it? and did she reach out to you at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 DON'T DO IT! Here's a couple of links from LS (with thanks to the OPs): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back-7.html http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances You're both doing so well! Don't give them the power to hurt you again or ruin any chances for the future. It absolutely has to be them that reaches out! I feel as though she has already reached out to me a few times though and ive ruined it and I got a really bad vibe from her when I said I was blocking her number so maybe that pushed her over the edge? ive unblocked her but she doesn't know.. maybe just send a text saying ive unblocked you and I don't need to have her blocked to get over her? I'll have a read of those pages now, hopefully something convinces me not to text her because every urge in my body right now, wants to be with her :'( Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 how did u get to day 40 without breaking it? and did she reach out to you at all? I got to day 40 through a ton of tears and heartbreak. Plus I respect the hell out of her and love her with every fiber of my being. I'm basically trying to respect her space. I've also got a lot going on in my life so I try to stay as busy as possible. I work full-time, go to grad school full-time, train martial arts three times a week, and hit the gym 4 times a week. Any extra time I have....i'm pretty much crying like a little bitch and overanalyzing everything. lol Oh...and no, she has not reached out to me at all. No breadcrumbs, nothing. I think she's already in a relationship so I'm just an afterthought at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) Xina - let's look at what you said. Every urge in your body makes you want to be with her. You are coming from a place of fear and loss and neediness. Anything you "do" in this state will not show you in a good light! Inaction is the BEST form of action you can "do"! Let her go and have the space to miss you! Forcing yourself on her and trying to speak to her, no matter how much you want to will not help matters. Your logical mind thinks this, but emotionally that is not what will make her respond... This is partly my theory, partly what I have read, but I believe the first few weeks/months are hardest on the dumpee and easiest on the dumper. After a while the tables can turn where the dumpee has healed, at least partly, and the dumper starts forgetting the hate and the hurt and begins to get nostalgic. To get to that place though you must let them know what life is like when you disappear... Edited March 22, 2015 by banana1522 Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I feel as though she has already reached out to me a few times though and ive ruined it and I got a really bad vibe from her when I said I was blocking her number so maybe that pushed her over the edge? ive unblocked her but she doesn't know.. maybe just send a text saying ive unblocked you and I don't need to have her blocked to get over her? I'll have a read of those pages now, hopefully something convinces me not to text her because every urge in my body right now, wants to be with her :'( What's done is done. I don't think you did or said anything terribly wrong other than what happened in that club which you already apologised for. Don't tell her she's been unblocked... It just makes you look weaker. She already told you you didn't need to tell her she was blocked so what do you think she will say to herself if you go back telling her you've unblocked her. You are giving all your power away by doing that. You need to walk and never look back mate. I'm sorry it's really hard but leave her to have that empty space and show you can be a man and walk away! If she wants to reconcile it is now up to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Thanks for the big message banana. I told her a few weeks ago that i love her and want her back and told her to not contact me unless she feels the same.. a week later she started dropping breadcrumbs asking how i Was (i was actually stronger than what i am now) and i replied to one saying ive been good hope shes doing well. She said shes been ok but misses me and i didnt reply. Then texts me a week later and i was still in NC. Begs to see me so i reply and let her, she came Over. We kissed, cuddled, she cried in my arns squeezing me saying she misses me and then i told her again my feelings are too strong for her that i cant keep doing this as a friend. Week went by and she was dropping breadcrumbs every 2 or 3 days saying she loves and misses me. But youre right, im not emotionally available to reply to those sort of messages so i only replied to some of them. Then i dont hear from her for 3 days, i bump into her in a club, i went up to talk to her and her best friend (whose a b****) was telling me to piss off and she pulled my ex away from me and they left. THEN my ex had the cheek to text me the next day and said "you acted immature, my friends and i dont deserve that". (I swore at her mate for getting in our business, im not a rough person at all so i found it upsetting when her mate stood in my way and was telling me to go away). Thats when i realised that my ex didnt even think to consider the way i was feeling and thought it was okay that her friend told me to piss off and was giving me the most sour looks. My ex knows me better than anyone so shouldve seen how disrespectful that was to me nd shouldve stuck up for me. So the next day after all that, i messaged her saying im sorry but i need to block your number, i love u so much that it gives me false hope everytime u text me. She said "you didnt need to tell me, couldve just blocked me but now youre making more drama". Why the f*** does she do this?? Ive tried so hard to be genuine. I knew it was going to make it look like im struggling but i just had to let her know bcoz i didnt want her texting me asking why i never reply. So yeah she pretty much acted like she didnt care that i was blocking her, so i did it. Then on the 3rd night of NC, she called me. My phone blocked it though so muatve went straight to voicemail i think? Just came up saying she called but had a blocked Thingy on it. Why act like You dont care but then try and call a few days later.. so even when i had her blocked, i still received unwanted breadcrumbs. Any ideas on what to do here other than change my number? Really dont want to change it bcoz i have a lot of people that need to contact me on this number. Should i unblock her and just tell her plz dont contact me? Actually that aounds like a bad idea... what do i do? Shes blocked on all social media too. I did it because i miss her way too much and after that last clash in the club last weekend, i pretty much gave up all hope on a reconciliation. So i needed to completely erase her from my life to be able to get over her. I need to hear nothing, see nothing and know nothing about her So i cant get set back to square one. what i dont understand is why she always texts every few days even after i told her only contact me if u want me back. But yet when she does contact, its along the lines of "i want u back". Almost day 20 of NC for me, and not a single breadcrumb. probably because my ex got a new bf two weeks after the BU. Her last words were from the day I started NC " I am sorry for everything I have done to you. I really am.. " Which I didn't reply. Sometimes I wish that she would do something like yours, but sometimes I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Almost day 20 of NC for me, and not a single breadcrumb. probably because my ex got a new bf two weeks after the BU. Her last words were from the day I started NC " I am sorry for everything I have done to you. I really am.. " Which I didn't reply. Sometimes I wish that she would do something like yours, but sometimes I don't. Breadcrumbs are the worst man. My ex pretty much said she loves me and misses me and came to see me but still cant be with me.. so you see how hope can screw with you? Im now fighting every single day with the urge to text her bcoz she hasnt dropped any breadcrumbs now Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 My ex never said a single word of regret after the break up. No I miss you or anything. But I'm sure that she didn't because to save face. Oh well. Stay strong bro. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
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