Author me2me2 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Well, I have already left him. I just packed a suitcase and told him I was going back to work (in my hometown and son's hometown). He freaked out and accused me of cheating on him etc. He eventually apologized. But he unfriended me on FB. And took all our photos down. Then, when I didn't come right back home he said that he couldn't live with me out of town for the week. He says it is time to come home. He says he can't do the long distance. I've moved in. If I want to end it. He will ship my things. I thought about telling him that he wanted me.. And really wanted to marry me... He can come get me. He did request to come see me today. But I think it was just to beg and manipulate me back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 1)He is the wrong man for you on SO many levels so I actually am glad to read that you moved away and broke up with him. Be on your own for a while, enjoy life as a single woman and get your bearings. You ended a marriage and a week later was a involved with someone else that you really don't know well. He has issues and is an ass/hole! He treated you so badly..You deserve to be treated with love and respect! 2) Yes, he is creepy and was having an inappropriate 'friendship' with his daughters best friend. He also says the girl has "confidence issues " and that's why he tries to "prop her up"... NOT HIS place to do that! He crossed the line and I am shocked that this girls parents don't see it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Definitely inappropriate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) Now that I'm thinking about all of this....I am remembering his 13 year old daughter also told me that one of her girlfriend's got very angry with my boyfriend. The story goes that he had the girls at the store and the girl didn't have any money and that she said she couldn't buy anything. He offered to pay, she declined. And he insisted and bought it for her anyway. Apparently, the parents said that he can't be around her anymore because he didn't follow the rules... That may be a coincidence and totally legit -- but now it makes me wonder. And another thing -- he told me once that he was at his daughter's volleyball game and that her friend/teammate was staring at him and he thought she had a crush on him. He's a doctor and said he thought she idolized him. I've seen kids check me out too -- but I definitely don't acknowledge it OR tell ANYONE I noticed! Gross! Edited January 14, 2015 by me2me2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Well, I have already left him. I just packed a suitcase and told him I was going back to work (in my hometown and son's hometown). He freaked out and accused me of cheating on him etc. He eventually apologized. But he unfriended me on FB. And took all our photos down. Then, when I didn't come right back home he said that he couldn't live with me out of town for the week. He says it is time to come home. He says he can't do the long distance. I've moved in. If I want to end it. He will ship my things. I thought about telling him that he wanted me.. And really wanted to marry me... He can come get me. He did request to come see me today. But I think it was just to beg and manipulate me back. This guy is a walking billboard of manipulation. Do not falter on this and stay away from him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Yes that is me --this is from my previous marriage. Yes, It's pretty clear I jumped from frying pan into the fire. I met this new man the week after my divorce was final. We moved very quickly.... Slam the breaks on and get this guy out of your life before any more damage is done. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Yes but you didn't acknowledge that my gut feelings were right and to trust them. Different person, different situation, different story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 So, do I just send him the address AGAIN of where he should ship my things? I'm fearful that if I go to his house again -- I will get sucked back in. I Love this man, so much. I don't know how I am so wrapped up. But, he's had me under his control (no work or outside friends) for 3 to 4 weeks straight. I spent every moment with him. He works only about an hour or 2 a day as a surgeon and still makes good money. So, we were attached at the hip. Now, I feel like I'm out on an abyss... trying to feel safe. I miss him so much! It would be easy to go back...but then I would miss my son....and he would have 1000 percent control --as I have NO money left ....and I took a leave of absence unpaid to be with him. He THINKS I quit my job and I'm just doing freelance work right now. But, that's not the case. If I leave now -- I would have to REALLY quit my job ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 You said you saw some of his messages to the girl; did you see any of her responses? They might have been revealing. I am really sorry about the situation you find yourself in. It's not always easy to tell a person's character before you get to know them, especially if they are a good 'talker'. It sounds like you are taking it seriously. Take care of yourself. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 So, do I just send him the address AGAIN of where he should ship my things? I'm fearful that if I go to his house again -- I will get sucked back in. I Love this man, so much. I don't know how I am so wrapped up. But, he's had me under his control (no work or outside friends) for 3 to 4 weeks straight. I spent every moment with him. He works only about an hour or 2 a day as a surgeon and still makes good money. So, we were attached at the hip. Now, I feel like I'm out on an abyss... trying to feel safe. I miss him so much! It would be easy to go back...but then I would miss my son....and he would have 1000 percent control --as I have NO money left ....and I took a leave of absence unpaid to be with him. He THINKS I quit my job and I'm just doing freelance work right now. But, that's not the case. If I leave now -- I would have to REALLY quit my job ... If you go back to him you're walking away from yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 So everyone here agrees that this relationship is awful? I'm trying to get the guts to tell him to ship my things. God it's going to hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aStranger Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Its beyond awful - its immoral, disgusting and he should be ashamed of himself. A man has to understand that they are just children and treat them as such. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Well, we talked tonight and here's where he's at. He says he has already committed to taking care of me financially etc. He says that he wants me to come back to the house-- I asked to work 2 more weeks (3 hours from him) and just see how things are going. He said he would "try" but he can say most likely he would not be able to continue the relationship. He wants to get engaged. I WANTED to get engaged. I told him long ago that I didn't want to move in with him unless we were engaged. So, I took a leave of absence from work and took the plunge to be with him. And he didn't start looking for rings until last week. So, I said tonight -- me jumping back and QUITTING my 200k a year job and moving away from my son AGAIN -- should be the equivalent of getting married to me...at the very minimum ...getting engaged. I said WHAT IF -- I quit and I jump back with him...I'm unemployed and he and I start fighting again and he decide or "I" decide that I could do this anymore..then what? I have no security... He responded by saying...well, I'm agreeing to take on your bills and health insurance -- until you find a job you like....so that is MY commitment to you....and we will get engaged "soon". Am I the only one here who thinks...this is crazy on my part to jump without a ring? And that's not to mention all the other problems we are talking about in these posts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Well, we talked tonight and here's where he's at. He says he has already committed to taking care of me financially etc. He says that he wants me to come back to the house-- I asked to work 2 more weeks (3 hours from him) and just see how things are going. He said he would "try" but he can say most likely he would not be able to continue the relationship. He wants to get engaged. I WANTED to get engaged. I told him long ago that I didn't want to move in with him unless we were engaged. So, I took a leave of absence from work and took the plunge to be with him. And he didn't start looking for rings until last week. So, I said tonight -- me jumping back and QUITTING my 200k a year job and moving away from my son AGAIN -- should be the equivalent of getting married to me...at the very minimum ...getting engaged. I said WHAT IF -- I quit and I jump back with him...I'm unemployed and he and I start fighting again and he decide or "I" decide that I could do this anymore..then what? I have no security... He responded by saying...well, I'm agreeing to take on your bills and health insurance -- until you find a job you like....so that is MY commitment to you....and we will get engaged "soon". Am I the only one here who thinks...this is crazy on my part to jump without a ring? And that's not to mention all the other problems we are talking about in these posts. Are you listening to anything we are posting here? Why are you entertaining an engagement with him or anything for that matter? You just got out of a marriage and now are in a relationship with a man who skeeves on young girls who are his daughters friends. He is not remotely marriage material. End the relationship and learn to be on your own for a while to give you time to heal from your marriage and this disaster. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I do see on FB that this girl has been best friends with his daughter for years... and I know my boyfriend is very close friends with this girl's parents. He also says the girl has "confidence issues " and that's why he tries to "prop her up"... But, I looked through facebook and saw that she was a swimsuit model a couple of years ago...so while she MAY have confidence issues -- she clearly has an attraction ... My boyfriend said he took those girls to starbucks and the mall all the time.. on the weekends while his ex wife was out of town at events. And why did he wait until she was out of town to do this? My spidey senses are going off about this, so was his ex wife's and so are yours. It's not wrong to show an appropriate but distant level of friendliness towards your children's friends but I think the texting is very strange and the ex obviously realized it was a beyond the norm closeness. I can't fathom my father texting my bestfriends calling them pretty and gorgeous, that would be so inappropriate! Or if I were a mom me texting my son's bestfriend saying how handsome he is. As an adult I would never interact with my children's friends in that way. I would dig deeper into this. Something's off about it. Do you see other signs of inappropriate behavior? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 RED Am I the only one here who thinks...this is crazy on my part to jump without a ring? And that's not to mention all the other problems we are talking about in these posts. RED FLAG. He's Gaslighting you. Get out of this relationship as soon as you can. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Just read the rest of your thread. Please see a counselor as someone else suggested, because maybe you need a professional opinion to help you realize how crazy this situation is. I know it's not easy to walk away but please do not marry this man or continue a relationship with him. Your man picker is clearly waaaaaaay off and you need to work on that before joining yourself to a man with so many red flags and issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 The only response I saw from her -- was very short. He asked her if she would be coming back to our state (she goes to school out of state)....and she said she would after college. He said "oh ..rude! just joking.." And that appeared to be the end of it. But the next time I saw his phone -- that text message thread with her had been deleted. You said you saw some of his messages to the girl; did you see any of her responses? They might have been revealing. I am really sorry about the situation you find yourself in. It's not always easy to tell a person's character before you get to know them, especially if they are a good 'talker'. It sounds like you are taking it seriously. Take care of yourself. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 It does rather sound like he's flirting. And bad at flirting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Forgive my ignorance. How is this gas lighting? QUOTE=Satu;6106814]RED FLAG. He's Gaslighting you. Get out of this relationship as soon as you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aStranger Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Give up your job? Moving away from family for him? Come on - this jerk cultivated a sexual relationship with a teenage girl. Why would you think this was the one and only time and that it won't happen again. You make 200k per year? Will you marry me? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Now that I'm thinking about all of this....I am remembering his 13 year old daughter also told me that one of her girlfriend's got very angry with my boyfriend. The story goes that he had the girls at the store and the girl didn't have any money and that she said she couldn't buy anything. He offered to pay, she declined. And he insisted and bought it for her anyway. Apparently, the parents said that he can't be around her anymore because he didn't follow the rules... That may be a coincidence and totally legit -- but now it makes me wonder. And another thing -- he told me once that he was at his daughter's volleyball game and that her friend/teammate was staring at him and he thought she had a crush on him. He's a doctor and said he thought she idolized him. I've seen kids check me out too -- but I definitely don't acknowledge it OR tell ANYONE I noticed! Gross! He's a narcissistic ego maniac who has pedo tendencies. Stay away from him. He's not well in the head! Really there is something very wrong with him. What kind of Dr is he? Not good to hear seeing how he is with young girls. Yuck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Well I don't think he ever had a sex relationship with the girl. But certainly this is suspicious. And yeah... Why is it I'm so attached to this man? Feel so reluctant to leave him permanently ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 He's a general surgeon. He's a narcissistic ego maniac who has pedo tendencies. Stay away from him. He's not well in the head! Really there is something very wrong with him. What kind of Dr is he? Not good to hear seeing how he is with young girls. Yuck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 So everyone here agrees that this relationship is awful? I'm trying to get the guts to tell him to ship my things. God it's going to hurt. If you don't do it, there's something wrong with you. With everything you know now, plus your gut instinct, RUN!! Yes you love him and you're gonna hurt. It will be painful but you know what? You'll be saving yourself a lifetime of feeling obligated to stand by a weirdo man who has potential to harm young girls. The fact you "love" him so desperately, willing to still be with him no matter what, just shows how blinded you are. This is a very UNhealthy love that will lead you to world of hurt and confusion. End it. Get your stuff back. Grieve the loss. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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