Girl @ school - she's 15, I'm 14 does she like me?

[Tamed Wildflower]

You were on the right track here. She really does like you, and she is trying her darnedest to get a comfortable friendliness going between you so that she can get to a point where you can really date, but you sure ain't making it easy for her!

 

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Yeah, but she's acted as if she's liked me for so long now, I'm confused now. Today she was making a point to say "hi" everytime I saw her. Thats not odd or anything, but she's doing it more than she used to... Maybe I can talk to her easily now that this is over... maybe it will be harder, I don't know. It seems like she's making a point to get me to notice her...

Yes she likes you. Yes she wants you to notice her. "Now that this is over"?? It's not over, but if thinking it is over makes it easier for you to talk to her, then fine, think of it as "over".

 

I don't know... maybe she's trying to get me to talk more, or something? Maybe thats why she doesn't know if she likes me? I want to talk to her more, and at least get some sort of IM screen name or something so I can talk to her over the summer, regardless of it just being as friends or not.

Yes she wants you to talk more. Yes, that is why she doesn't know if she likes you. So relax, and talk more. Then she will become sure that she likes you. (The truth is, she already is sure she likes you. She loves you to death, remember? She just isn't sure if she wants to date you. If you relax and talk more, she will become sure that she wants to date you.)

 

She knows I like her... she made what you people, and my friend claim as clear signs she likes me, but she doesn't wanna date me? Maybe she wants to hear me say I like her or something?

Yes she knows you like her. And she likes you. She just needs you to relax so that she can get to know you more and feel at ease with you. Then she will want to date you.

 

This is so confusing. I'd try to do what you said, but if things go as they have for the past few months, we won't grow any closer. I only really get conversation started up with her once every week or so...

If you do as I have said, then things won't go as they have been for the past few months. You've been a jibbering wreck for the past few months. She doesn't want to date a jibbering wreck. She wants to date Clamdigger WTF. If you relax a little, you will actually be able to have conversations regularly. Then you will grow closer.

 

I was just trying to forget it, but then she specifically comes up to me in first period, and starts talking to me randomly. She didn't follow me today, but she was telling me "hi" at the most random times. Turns out that I couldn't forget it that easily... I still like her, but I don't wanna try anything now, especially since she already knows I like her... Don't need to make her uncomfortable.

She didn't start talking to you randomly, she started talking to you specifically. The only person who is uncomfortable is you. I defy you to name one occasion when you made her uncomfortable. WHAT THIS GIRL WANTS MORE THAN ANYTHING IS FOR YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH HER!!!

[clamdiggerwtf]

Well, I'll hopefully be talking to her over the weekend. I e-mailed her, and provided she can get to her friend's house this weekend, she'll be talking to me some more. I was still nervous while I was talking to her today, but I wasn't showing it nearly as bad as I did before... and I was a lot more open... Normally I can't say anything personal to other people.

 

When I did e-mail her, I just said something like "Hi. What are you gonna do over your weekend, since we have two extra days out? I think some of my friends are coming over... I should idiot-proof my house. E-mail me back, and instant message me if you get the chance. Have a good weekend, bye."

 

I made it as clear as possible that I did want to talk to her more, and it is kind of bland... There wasn't much more I could say, since you can't very well converse with e-mail... she e-mailed me earlier, just saying "Hi."

[HoldOn]

How many more signs do you need?

 

 

 

Wake me up when you ask her out.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Alright, so the friend is not being clear as to the no or the maybe.

 

On the other hand, the girl's behavior seems pretty clear.

 

Considering these two points, I would say that it is fairly clear that she likes you and is interested in the possibility of a romantic relationship with you.

 

What you could do is ask the friend to tell you clearly and honestly what exactly the girl said.

 

 

But I will make my point again, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH HER. So think about how a clear answer to the No or Maybe question would affect you. What would put you at ease? What would turn you into a jibbering wreck? Would knowing the answer help you?

 

Read my post about how flirting and courtship establish a necessary ease, comfort, caring, and fondness, and about how your discomfort has shortcircuited that process. Read it again and again if you have to. I truly think that is the best and most helpful analysis anyone can possibly give you.

 

 

Honestly, I think that you are totally on the right track now, opening up to her, enjoying being with her, exchanging e-mail addresses and AIM screen names. What's going on now is just awesome, you are totally headed in the right direction.

[clamdiggerwtf]

I will when she gets to know me better. I don't wanna get another indefinite "no" because I'm not open enough with her. I don't get as nervous around her anymore, so I'm definitely making progress.

 

I finally got the exact thing she said to my friend, too. "I love the guy to death, but I don't think I'd wanna date him."

 

Wasn't a "no", but it was close... I'm definitely getting closer to her now, so I'm not gonna worry about it as much, anymore. I believe she wants a more straightforward approach from me, instead of me having friends tell her... I can do that, though... I'm much more comfortable with her now.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

I made it as clear as possible that I did want to talk to her more, and it is kind of bland... There wasn't much more I could say, since you can't very well converse with e-mail... she e-mailed me earlier, just saying "Hi."

You can converse as well with e-mail as you can on a postboard forum (like LoveShack). If this is a comfortable way for you to communicate with her, go for it!

[HoldOn]

Also, stop telling her you are a geek. You want her to date you, right?

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

I believe she wants a more straightforward approach from me, instead of me having friends tell her... I can do that, though... I'm much more comfortable with her now.

AWESOME!!!

 

By the way, when all of this is said and done and you no longer need the thread in this forum, print out the entire thread and save it. Put it in a binder if you want. This is like a diary of a really wonderful time in your teenage years. It might not exactly feel wonderful right now, but when you are 40 and you happen upon this whole correspondence between you, me, Holdon, and others, you are going to laugh and cry with nostalgia. ( ) Just trust me on this one.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Its not really uncomfortable with e-mail, its just slow. I'd much rather use an instant messenger, since its much more convinient.

 

Bad thought just occured to me... is it possible she would do this so I don't feel bad, or something? I doubt it, but its sticking in my mind.

 

I did kind of compliment her during class today, and it was accepted well... I'd tell you what I said, but I've forgotten.

 

Oh, and the way the geek thing came up... I said that a website was blocked, and said I could get by it with a proxy, and then I go "there I go being geeky again." She then insists I'm not geeky, and says something like "Don't call yourself names, I don't want you to be like (old boyfriend)."

 

I then told her that I didn't see being geeky as a negative thing very much. I then said I do spend too much time on computers though, and then she says something like "You don't spend too much time on them... I wish I knew as much as you."

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Its not really uncomfortable with e-mail, its just slow. I'd much rather use an instant messenger, since its much more convinient.

 

Bad thought just occured to me... is it possible she would do this so I don't feel bad, or something? I doubt it, but its sticking in my mind.

 

I did kind of compliment her during class today, and it was accepted well... I'd tell you what I said, but I've forgotten.

 

Well, you did say you were "bland" because you can't converse very well with e-mail. Doesn't seem to me like the slowness of it would make it so that you'd have to write bland e-mails.

 

Oh, Clamdigger, you find the darnedest excuses. I swear, if you had her phone number, you'd say, oh well you can't really have a conversation on the phone very well. If she asked you out on a date, you'd come running here wondering what that meant. If she showed up at your doorstep dressed beautifully, gave you 2 dozen roses, read you a sweet poem about how wonderful you are, and proceeded to ask you if you'd like to take a walk with her to go watch the sunset, you would run to your computer and ask us, "But do you think she is doing it just to be nice? Just so I won't feel bad??"

 

She is not going out of her way to get to know you so that you won't feel bad. She is bending over backwards to be with you and talk with you because she wants to be with you and talk with you.

 

I am glad you complimented her today. Good move.

 

Just wondering... what kind of personal stuff did you talk about with her? You don't have to give me details. I just would like to get an idea what level of personal you mean.

[clamdiggerwtf]

What kind of personal stuff...? Hm... I really can't say, I can't remember... She was trying to learn what kind of personality I have, it seems. She was asking me questions about myself... I normally don't feel comfortable talking about myself, but she managed to make me comfortable...

 

Yeah, the e-mail thing is a stupid excuse, but I can say that it wasn't intended as such. I don't really use e-mail, to tell the truth. I'm not uncomfortable with it, slow communication is just a bit odd. Hey, I'm not complaining... If thats a way I can talk to her, I'll happily do it! I already have, actually.

 

When she gave me her e-mail... it was so off topic... it was like "Sorry I took so long to respond to you... I was e-mailing someone... You should, too... (insert e-mail here)."

 

She's definitely getting me to talk more about myself than most of my friends can.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

What kind of personal stuff...? Hm... I really can't say, I can't remember... She was trying to learn what kind of personality I have, it seems. She was asking me questions about myself... I normally don't feel comfortable talking about myself, but she managed to make me comfortable....

She's definitely getting me to talk more about myself than most of my friends can.

Sounds wonderful! I am really happy that you are getting really comfortable around her.

When I asked what kind of personal stuff, I was trying to get an idea of whether you were beginning to build a bond of emotional intimacy or just beginning to get comfortable with each other. If by personal you meant you were confiding in her some hurtful experience you had in middle school, that would indicate emotional intimacy. If by personal you meant you were discussing your taste in computer games, then you are building a rapport of comfort. I had thought that it was more the latter (computer games/comfort), but I wasn't sure how personal is personal for you, so I was just clarifying. [i wouldn't have characterized a conversation about your taste in pop culture (for example) as a discussion of really personal stuff.]

[clamdiggerwtf]

I'm waiting for her to e-mail me or IM me now... She said she would more than likely be getting back to me over the weekend if it was sunny... and it is. Maybe I should throw my phone number in the conversation if she IMs me?

 

One other thing... I'm curious of why she gave me an (indefinite) no before. Should I ask her about it? Yes, I know it wasn't exactly a "no", but it was very close.

 

No, it wasn't EXTREMELY personal stuff, but its a lot more than most people ever hear me say about myself. She seemed to want to know things about me, and was going deeper into my personality than most people do.

 

The reason I'm so confused about this... I was very close to getting a "no" from her, but I decide to talk to her still, but just as any other person, and not as someone I have any sort of crush on... She's making it impossible to do that, since she was going out of her normal daily routine to be around me, and when I was talking to her she was acting like she didn't want to leave class... she just wanted to "stay and talk."

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

I'm waiting for her to e-mail me or IM me now... She said she would more than likely be getting back to me over the weekend if it was sunny... and it is. Maybe I should throw my phone number in the conversation if she IMs me?

 

One other thing... I'm curious of why she gave me an (indefinite) no before. Should I ask her about it? Yes, I know it wasn't exactly a "no", but it was very close.

 

No, it wasn't EXTREMELY personal stuff, but its a lot more than most people ever hear me say about myself. She seemed to want to know things about me, and was going deeper into my personality than most people do.

 

The reason I'm so confused about this... I was very close to getting a "no" from her, but I decide to talk to her still, but just as any other person, and not as someone I have any sort of crush on... She's making it impossible to do that, since she was going out of her normal daily routine to be around me, and when I was talking to her she was acting like she didn't want to leave class... she just wanted to "stay and talk."

 

1) Yes, you should give her your phone number. That way you don't have to worry about calling when her parents don't want her on the phone. You can put the ball in her court to call you when it is okay for her.

 

2) It's really great that you are allowing her to get to know your personality, and wonderful that she is so interested in learning about your personality. This is a good sign. Continue to be open with her when she asks you questions about yourself, and venture information about yourself even when she is not asking you questions. Likewise, invite her to talk about herself. For example, when she asks you something about your personality, after you have spoken for a little while in answer to her question, say to her, "And what about you? What do you do when that happens/ what do you think about that/ do you get angry about that too/ (whatever the conversation was about)??"

 

3) In answer to your question about whether you should ask her why you got an "almost no", I will copy and paste from one of my post's from last night:

"But I will make my point again, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH HER. So think about how a clear answer to the No or Maybe question would affect you. What would put you at ease? What would turn you into a jibbering wreck? Would knowing the answer help you?"

 

CD, Think about how her answer could affect you. You are doing wonderfully right now, do you really need to know more information? If she tells you the "almost no" was more like maybe, will you turn into a jibbering wreck again?? If so, then DON'T BRING IT UP! On the other hand, if she tells you basically everything I said in my long post yesterday (that she really likes you but things have been so awkward that she is having trouble seeing you to being comfortable enough with each other to be romantically involved), then how will this affect you? Will you breathe a sigh of relief and suddenly be able to relax with her? If so, then maybe you should ask her about it.

 

In other words, base your decision on how it will affect things between you in the long run.

[clamdiggerwtf]

I don't think I'm gonna go back to being so nervous if I know... I just want to know because she's been acting even weirder since after she gave me her answer, which just seems like an odd time to wanna get to know me better.

 

Yet another weird comment I remember from the conversation we had in the morning... "Didn't you fail algebra, too? Since I'm about to, maybe we'll be able to take it together next year... I hope so."

 

Something like that.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

I don't think I'm gonna go back to being so nervous if I know... I just want to know because she's been acting even weirder since after she gave me her answer, which just seems like an odd time to wanna get to know me better.

 

Yet another weird comment I remember from the conversation we had in the morning... "Didn't you fail algebra, too? Since I'm about to, maybe we'll be able to take it together next year... I hope so."

 

Something like that.

 

Alright, well then you have your answer. If you want to know whether she rejected you and why, ask her.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Yeah, I am when I get the chance... I'm really hoping she didn't... I remembered something else she said when we were talking that was really odd... It was something like...

 

Her: You know... I feel like I can understand you a lot now.

Me: Really? Sometimes I have trouble understanding myself.

Her: Well... if you ever need me to interpret anything for you, just ask.

 

I don't know what this is supposed to mean, at all... or even what brought it up. I remember mentioning I was shy before this... this just seems really odd.

 

Anyway, what would be the best way to ask whats going on with this stuff? Just something like "Since you know I like you, and I was told you don't really feel the same, I was wondering... Why have you been talking to me more? I enjoy talking to you, but I was assuming after basically getting a 'no' that you'd be talking to me less."

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Yeah, I am when I get the chance... I'm really hoping she didn't... I remembered something else she said when we were talking that was really odd... It was something like...

 

Her: You know... I feel like I can understand you a lot now.

Me: Really? Sometimes I have trouble understanding myself.

Her: Well... if you ever need me to interpret anything for you, just ask.

 

I don't know what this is supposed to mean, at all... or even what brought it up. I remember mentioning I was shy before this... this just seems really odd.

 

Why is it odd that she would want to come to understand you? This is part of what you do when you get close to someone, er at least this is what women do when they become close friends, and this is what females expect to do when they begin to grow close with someone they want to be with romantically. Makes perfect sense to me.

 

Anyway, what would be the best way to ask whats going on with this stuff? Just something like "Since you know I like you, and I was told you don't really feel the same, I was wondering... Why have you been talking to me more? I enjoy talking to you, but I was assuming after basically getting a 'no' that you'd be talking to me less."

This sounds fine. This should clear things up.

 

You are over-thinking everything, my friend!

[clamdiggerwtf]

Its not odd that she understands me, it just seemed really strange for me. I can't remember any time she has ever talked to me like that... She's been acting weird in the sense she seems to really want to be around me, and learn more about me... She comes to talk to me every chance she got, she said she hoped we got algebra together next year, she would have rather stayed in class and talked all day, and she says she understands me...

 

It feels odd... Not uncomfortably odd, it just isn't the way I'm used to talking to her... I actually like it a lot. I should start paying more attention to her... I'm gonna make a point to say "hi" to her on Tuesday, at least... that is, if I can say something before she gets the chance to, if she keeps acting like she did yesterday.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Its not odd that she understands me, it just seemed really strange for me. I can't remember any time she has ever talked to me like that... She's been acting weird in the sense she seems to really want to be around me, and learn more about me... She comes to talk to me every chance she got, she said she hoped we got algebra together next year, she would have rather stayed in class and talked all day, and she says she understands me...

 

It feels odd... Not uncomfortably odd, it just isn't the way I'm used to talking to her... I actually like it a lot. I should start paying more attention to her... I'm gonna make a point to say "hi" to her on Tuesday, at least... that is, if I can say something before she gets the chance to, if she keeps acting like she did yesterday.

 

It's not odd, dear. It's what you do when you like someone. I'm glad you like it.

 

Yes, say hello to her on Tuesday.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Well, I've made progress since I started this topic... I know we're at least closer as friends, and it seems quite possible she likes me, but wants to know me better... First things first, though. I've got to ask her about that incident on Tuesday... I'll hopefully get something like "I only said 'no' because you don't talk to me enough." or something.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Well... thats it. I just have to wait for her to contact me. It sucks that she doesn't have her own internet connection yet... she's gonna try to go to one of her friend's houses to get on and talk... hopefully she will, cause I don't know if I can wait until Tuesday. I've figured out what I'm gonna say to her about her odd behaviour...

 

"Well, you know I like you, and you don't think you feel the same about me... I'm just wondering, why did you start talking to me so much and give me your e-mail on Thursday? It just seems kind of odd... I enjoy talking to you, so don't get me wrong, I'm just curious."

[Tamed Wildflower]

Yes, things have progressed a lot since you started this thread. You have come a long way, and I think you can take a step back for a moment and be happy about that.

 

Yes, you are now closer friends, so as you said, you should ask your friend on Tuesday what exactly she told your friend and why, where you stand in her eyes, etc.

 

But for now, take a rest from worrying about this and enjoy your long weekend.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Well... I wish she'd e-mail me or AIM me... she doesn't really have a way, so I can understand it... I can finally talk to her normally, though. I just hope she does like me, though. What other explanations could you give for her sudden odd behaviour?

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Well... I wish she'd e-mail me or AIM me... she doesn't really have a way, so I can understand it... I can finally talk to her normally, though. I just hope she does like me, though. What other explanations could you give for her sudden odd behaviour?

I do think she likes you. As far as explanations, I have given you all I've got, all explained in painstaking and elaborate detail. I have nothing more and I am pretty sure what I have given you is probably pretty close to the mark. If you don't think I am right, well, I guess you will have to wait until Tuesday to find out what's really going on. But you have to wait until Tuesday anyway. So like I said, stop worrying about it for now, and enjoy the rest of the weekend.