Girl @ school - she's 15, I'm 14 does she like me?

[clamdiggerwtf]

Heh... thanks...

 

Anyway, I don't normally just ask questions randomly. It'd feel strange if I just said something like "What kind of music do you like?" or "What is your favorite TV show?"

 

I don't fear rejection in these questions, they just feel a bit out of place.

 

...and I still need to get her phone number...

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

-Ask her what she's doing this weekend. Hey, I'm going to see such-as-such movie, do you want to come? I could consider doing this, maybe. I just don't get out much, so I'd have to make plans to.

So make plans to, you could even make plans to with some other friends, and invite her along.

 

-Make fun of a teacher.</i> Do it already.

So do it some more.

 

-Talk about how hard/easy/stupid a class is. Do it already.

So do it some more.

 

-Talk about your school's sports team or something. you know, btw, are you going to the game? So am I. or whatever. May be a good idea, but neither of us like sports.

So talk about something you both do like.

 

Look, at this point, I think you KNOW what you have to do, you are just afraid to do it!

 

Try a mental exercise:

think of something to say, anything that you think might be interesting or funny (a cool computer game, a teacher who gives absurd assignments, ANYTHING!)

 

Imagine yourself saying it to her. If you want, you could even say it out loud, alone in your room, or to a trusted friend or, heck, to your mother! I know, you must be thinking, "That sounds so dorky!" But really, people get nervous (no, it's not just you!), and you have no idea how many people practice saying things in front of a mirror, or role-play with a friend, or just practice how the conversation might go in their head. It's totally normal!

 

Then imagine what she might say back to you, what her manner and tone might be. You know her pretty well by now, you have a good handle on what kind of thing she might say to you.

 

Then, after you have gotten through the first 30 seconds of conversation, ask yourself: Was that so bad? Did you fall on your head? Did she get offended and stomp on your foot? Did she tell you you are a jerk?? NO, of course not!! Was that so bad?

 

You don't even have to plot out the rest of the conversation from there, just know that you can get through the first 30 seconds, and then let it flow from there.

 

You may want to keep in mind a few things to slip in here and there in the convo-- a compliment, perhaps? Also, keep in mind 1 or 2 other topics of conversation if you have a moment where you'd like to keep the conversation going. But remember it is not all on your end-- she will have things to say too, and she will probably do her part to keep the convo going. So the pressure is not all on you.

 

Relax a little and just enjoy her presence, her conversation, her smile, her funny mannerisms-- whatever it is you like about her.

 

You can do this, Cutie!

[HoldOn]

No, those questions are too contrived! Sounds very silly.

 

edit: I was talking about the questions like "What kind of music do you like?" etc...

 

Wildflower's post was right on.

 

 

You know what you have to do, you're just scared! Which is normal.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Argh... This isn't getting me anywhere. I understand what you're saying, and it is just something in my mind probably, but I can't avoid it. I guess I'll have to overcome it while talking... maybe I can this week.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Well, any other advice, people?

[HoldOn]

Uhhhh, just do it. That's all I got.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Well, thanks. I'm still really worried about this, but I really need to try. Its driving me insane. Are you guys sure the she more than likely likes me?

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Well, any other advice, people?

 

More advice, Clamdigger???

 

Dude, you have everything you need! We've both given you great suggestions!

 

OKay, try this. I think when you read our posts your mind is in automatic "But, but!" mode-- meaning you are in a sort of self-deprecating, self-doubting, contradictory mental state, so your automatic response is, "But I can't do that! But that won't work for me!! But what if she gets annoyed?!? But... But... But..." Put that word away for a moment, and set aside the mental state that goes with it.

 

Step 1) Try this on for size: a more open-minded, accepting mindset, one that is open to the idea that this girl might really like you, that talking to her might not be that hard.

 

Step 2) Then go back and read all your posts that indicate that she probably does like you, and all of our advice. Read them again. Read them again.

 

Step 3) Then after all this, come back and tell us how you feel. Without the buts. Come back and tell us we're right, she probably does like you, conversation isn't so hard, she probably sees some charm in you after all. Even if you don't quite believe it yet.

 

Step 4) Repeat step two, except this time also read the post you wrote for step 3.

 

Step 5) Repeat step 3.

 

Step 6) Repeat step 4.

 

Step 7) Repeat step 3.

 

And so on and so on until you say to yourself, "I really have gotten something out of Wildflower's silly exercise. I really can talk to my sweetheart!"

 

Then come back and tell us how it goes.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Yes, I think that she more than likely likes you. Honestly, I do.

 

And I don't see why she wouldn't!

 

I also think that you really can do this. Honestly, I do.

[clamdiggerwtf]

What do I do in the chance she doesn't like me? I don't want to make her uncomfortable around me.

[HoldOn]

you guys sure the she more than likely likes me?

 

sigh: 99.99% sure.

 

What do I do in the chance she doesn't like me? I don't want to make her uncomfortable around me.

 

You'll live. I promise.

 

Without risks, you'll never know pleasure.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Once again, Hold On is right.

 

If she doesn't like you, you will live.

 

You seem most worried about her comfort, this is very generous of you.

 

In the off-chance she doesn't like you, you will both feel a little uncomfortable for 3 days, a week maybe.

 

Then you will probably feel more comfortable around each other than you did before, because you will have been relieved of the tension and anxiety of worrying about whether or not she doeslike you, whether you can find the right thing to say, etc. Sometimes awkward moments really break the ice, make being around each other easier.

 

So even in the OFF-CHANCE she does not like you, everything will be alright.

 

 

And HoldOn is also right when she said that you have to take risks if you are ever to find anyone to be with romantically. You are not the only one, Man. I bet if you ask ANYONE over the age of about 20 (and many under 20) about this, they will agree. Everyone takes risks. Everyone's advances are mutual some of the time, and rejected other times. And we all live. And we are all the better for it.

[HoldOn]

Yeah, do you want to end up like some people on this forum who still can't ask a girl out when they're 25? and they've never had a girl friend? No offense to anyone, please.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Alright... I guess I could risk it. Hopefully she likes me, I don't wanna make her feel weird, and it would be pretty bad for me, too. =/

 

Thanks.

[HoldOn]

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Alright... I guess I could risk it. Hopefully she likes me, I don't wanna make her feel weird, and it would be pretty bad for me, too. =/

 

Thanks.

 

YAY!!!!!!!!!!! It's about time!!

 

 

Again, in the OFF-CHANCE she doesn't like you, she still won't feel THAT weird. And you will feel disappointed, but you will also feel relieved of anxiety, and VERY proud of yourself for doing it! And then you will go back to being friends.

 

But that is in the OFF-CHANCE she doesn't like you. You've had about a half dozen people with a little more experience than you on this board tell you that we are ALMOST completely sure that she does like you. This is a pretty good sign that she likes you.

[clamdiggerwtf]

You do know I'm still afraid, right? >_>

 

I'm gonna try this, but I can't be sure if I will or not.

 

Thanks a lot for your help, I just hope I can put it to use. I'm gonna try to find all of the hints that she might like me...

 

Signs she likes me:

- Doesn't mind sharing personal space.

- Doesn't mind physical contact.

- Likes to pronounce my first name.

- "Forces" me to follow her around sometimes.

- Insists that computers aren't geeky.

- Follows me around excessively provided she's not already talking to someone or until she finds someone else to talk to.

- She laughs at anything I say when attempting to be funny, even when it really isn't.

- Made successful eye contact.

 

Signs she doesn't like me.

- Refuses to hug me when given the chance.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Well, tommorrow is my chance. I haven't said anything to her since we've been back other than a simple "Hi."

 

I've gotta tell her, its driving me mad. I couldn't stop glancing over at her today in class.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Oh Clamdigger, you really are so cute!

 

Yes, tomorrow, have a nice long conversation with her during the class in which you have a sub. Compliment her, ask her what she's doing this weekend, if she'd like to hang out...

 

You can do it!

[clamdiggerwtf]

I'm worrying to much over this, but I can't help it. This sucks... compliments, when should I use them? What kind should I use?

 

Just thinking about it makes me nervous.

[HoldOn]

I don't know why I keep answering this thread! does anything I say help? is this going to go on forever???

 

Anyway,

- Refuses to hug me when given the chance.

 

Huh? Maybe she doesn't hug people! You know when I was single and I liked a guy, I would hug everybody BUT him! I was too embarrassed! What if he found out I liked him. This doesn't mean anything.

 

Complients: Try ONE of these. Not all of them.

"Hey, nice shoes"

"Your hair looks nice today"

"Is that a new dress/shirt/barrett? I like it."

"You seem so happy today"

 

Simple s***. Don't say something a line. Just find something you like and tell her. Girls do it all the time to each other and she'll like it.

 

Anyway, you'll never get anywhere unless you ask her out. Won't you feel much better after you've done it? No matter what the answer is. She'll say yes anyway.

[clamdiggerwtf]

You sure it isn't a bad sign? The event happened something like this.

 

She sees me hugging some random girl that I have no interest in whatsoever. She then says "oh... I'm jelous, you've never hugged me!" I approach her, and she goes "uh... NOT RIGHT NOW!"

 

This is what is confusing me a lot.

 

Yes, its helping, I just want to make sure of this stuff. I'll be saying something tommorrow. If its annoying you, just ignore it.

[HoldOn]

I'm jelous, you've never hugged me!" I approach her, and she goes "uh... NOT RIGHT NOW!"

 

Ok, really, you don't understand this? Don't you have any sisters?

 

She was jealous for hugging another girl, that's why she didn't want to hug you. This is a good sign.

 

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

She likes you.

Ask her out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[clamdiggerwtf]

Alright... thats it I guess, thanks. I'm still kind of afraid to ask, but I'll have to if I wanna get this off of my mind.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Yep, you have everything you need. You just need to do it.

 

If it helps, try the exercises I suggested in post #52 and 58.

 

But if thinking about it makes you nervous, maybe you should stop overthinking it altogether. That way you will just have to do it, without the time to get nervous.

 

Actually, that's a decent strategy for when you actually have to do it. Don't give yourself time to think. Just do it.