sidney2718 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Oh wow! I am sorry to hear that. With the profuseness of the discharge, I thought it may be thrush and Canestan cream perhaps. Are you completely certain it cannot possibly be your semen? If you are certain, then I leave it to the experts on here to tell you where to go now, but once you have proven to yourself she is cheating, there is no need to prove it to her, i.e. she will ask to see proof, after proof, after proof but she is not entitled to that. You know, and that is what is important here. I want to reinforce what elaine wrote. Your wife KNOWS she is cheating. Now you know too. There is nothing to argue about. You have a decision to make. Don't let her challenge you. Just tell her that you know. How you know is not important.
beach Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 What do you do now? How did we know you wouldn't have a plan in place when that gross evidence came back as positive for cheating? You kick her out and tell her you don't intend to live with a gross cheater who swishes around all day at work with semen in her panties! Then change the locks, close bank accounts and credit cards and file for divorce. You don't have a marriage. She ruined it day after day with blatant cheating! Give her $100 and tell her to figure out where to go. Then take plenty of time to cool off...but not with her hanging around to convince you she didn't do the nasty everyday at work with her boss.
insert_name Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 They have sex, semen gets on her panties, she whips then off as soon as she can get to a toilet, puts them in a plastic bag in her handbag, puts on a fresh pair and continues her day. She then puts the dirty knickers in the laundry basket at home. Modern romance for you, right there. Dont forget she boasted about not wearing knickers so its perhaps a bit optimistic that she changed them at all and didnt just go 'au natural' for the rest of the afternoon.
elaine567 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 What do you do now? How did we know you wouldn't have a plan in place when that gross evidence came back as positive for cheating? You kick her out and tell her you don't intend to live with a gross cheater who swishes around all day at work with semen in her panties! Then change the locks, close bank accounts and credit cards and file for divorce. You don't have a marriage. She ruined it day after day with blatant cheating! Give her $100 and tell her to figure out where to go. Then take plenty of time to cool off...but not with her hanging around to convince you she didn't do the nasty everyday at work with her boss. There is the little issue of the 4 month affair that the OP had, he may be more inclined to reconcile than other BHs. 2
elaine567 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Modern romance for you, right there. Dont forget she boasted about not wearing knickers so its perhaps a bit optimistic that she changed them at all and didnt just go 'au natural' for the rest of the afternoon. Ugh!
theendisnear Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 First of all really sorry that. What do you do now is all up to you. You probably need to move on this pretty quick. You may want to contact a lawyer pretty soon and take some steps like canceling shared accounts and stuff like that. The only advice I'd give, outside of getting tested for STD's, is try to approach things rationally and keep your calm. It's not an easy thing.
NJ123 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 They have sex, semen gets on her panties, she whips then off as soon as she can get to a toilet, puts them in a plastic bag in her handbag, puts on a fresh pair and continues her day. She then puts the dirty knickers in the laundry basket at home. The thing that's really sick about all of this is she had sex with the OP even after banging some other guy. It's just so nasty, I really don't know how people live with themselves doing these type of things, I really don't. It's just so sad & a really sick world we're living in today. 1
oldshirt Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I want to reinforce what elaine wrote. Your wife KNOWS she is cheating. Now you know too. There is nothing to argue about. You have a decision to make. Don't let her challenge you. Just tell her that you know. How you know is not important. I agree with this and what Elaine said prior to this. You have the the same forensic evidence that got a president impeached, you don't need to convince her she had an affair, she already knows. What you need to do is explore options and determine a course of action. I recommend holding off on the confrontation until you have a reasonably definitive course of action in mind. I recommend consulting an attorney and arming yourself with as much information as you can and know what your options are and what potential outcomes will be. Battles are won and lost before the first shot is ever fired. Get your wagons circled and shore up your battle plans . Whether you choose to try to stay and reconcile or whether to divorce and move on, I urge you to consult a professional first and lay out all the facts to them and have them help you sort through options and come up with plan of action under professional advisement. 1
Friskyone4u Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Sorry this has happened but is no surprise to anyone who has read this thread. First I will tell you what you should NOT do (1) you don't tell her how much you love her and will do anything to keep her (2) you don't beg her to stop screwing the OM and plead with her for the truth (3) you don't tell her that you will set up MC while she is still cheating (4) you don't tell her she can have some time and space to think about it (5) you don't let children or any outside influences to allow you to make an excuse for not acting. If you insist on doing the above, no one here can tell you anything that will help you . You then just accept you are in a open marriage and live with it. Only you can fix this and it is NOT going to be easy. If you at still reading , here is what you do do (1) you immediately go see an attorney ( like yesterday) and find out exactly what you legal situation is. You get divorce papers prepared quickly. (2) you do not have to waste any more time snooping because you have evidence that would hold up in court that proves no matter what lies she may tell you they are meaningless. You do not have to prove anything to her (3) you sit her down and tell her you know she is cheating and that IF she wants to have any chance to remain married to you she will tell you the truth the first time. Don't worry . She will still lie and whatever she tells you believe about 25% of it. (4) you the. Inform her you cannot control what she does but that you are not going to be part of a marriage with more than two people in it. And. You tell her she does not have a long time to make a decision on what she is going to do. Now, there is a lot more for you to do IF you do the above , and you will have a lot of questions that people here can help you with. But before you get to that point you have to stop asking for advice on how to tell your wife anything and do what needs to be done. You other option is to continue to be emotionally abused and disrespected. Hope you make the right choice 1
insert_name Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 The thing that's really sick about all of this is she had sex with the OP even after banging some other guy. It's just so nasty, I really don't know how people live with themselves doing these type of things, I really don't. It's just so sad & a really sick world we're living in today. As others have said, some women get a kick out of the cuckoldry aspect and its all part of the fun for them to sleep with the other guy then run home so that hubby can unwittingly be subjected to sloppy seconds. In fact thats the part I find most unpalatable about the whole thing. Cheating itself is pretty shady, but there is a certain something about the mentality of someone who seeks to rub their husbands nose in it by knowingly luring him into having another man's left overs. It makes you wonder where their heads are at and what thwir marriage vows meant if they are doing **** like this a few years later. Unreal. 1
NJ123 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 As others have said, some women get a kick out of the cuckoldry aspect and its all part of the fun for them to sleep with the other guy then run home so that hubby can unwittingly be subjected to sloppy seconds. In fact thats the part I find most unpalatable about the whole thing. Cheating itself is pretty shady, but there is a certain something about the mentality of someone who seeks to rub their husbands nose in it by knowingly luring him into having another man's left overs. It makes you wonder where their heads are at and what thwir marriage vows meant if they are doing **** like this a few years later. Unreal. I know it's so nasty. If I had a wife I would never ever be able to kiss her again knowing she had some other guys cock in her mouth. And than the aspect of another mans cum in her mouth or inside her..... Just so gross! I'd get a divorce without hesitation. 1
petee Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 (edited) Tell her you want her to go to the other man, she deserves the happiness you obviously aren't giving her. Mess with her head, and do it soon, do it today or tomorrow, kick her out- even if you think you can reconcile. Don't do anything daft, but get the skank out for a while. It's going to hurt like hell, but going nuclear will allow her to appreciate the pain you are in. Right mate, you also need to confront the guy, and do the right thing if he's married. Get the evidence of the flirting printed, let's see if we can ruin his Xmas too. I take it you're a Brit? If you don't R then it's a small victory to show her a nasyside, if you do R then she knows what to expect if there is a next time. It's rubbish, mate, I am truly gutted for you as I was expecting to be be raising a glass with you saying.....'we'll it all lined up but as dumb blokes we got it wrong. Be strong mate, weakness in front of her would not be good. Oh, and any money you have aside for her Xmas present gets spent on you, if you've bought it then get a refund and get YOU something. If you try to R do not get her a nice present, that will hurt her as women love being spoilt, regardless of what they transmit from their mouths. Whatever you do, treat her like a skank for now, get the other guys family brought into it and take some pride in yourself. In a few month at the very latest we will raise a pint pot. I promise. Edited December 6, 2014 by petee 1
stillcold Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear that James. I was following your thread for awhile and I too was not hoping to hear what we all suspected. With that said, here's what you should do even if you do or don't have R in mind as this will not only scare her, but also protect you: 1) Secretely start cutting all her funds, access to bank accounts, etc. With secrecy, cut her off financially before you confront her. Tell her to go get her support from the OM. 2) Talk to a lawyer, get the divorce papers prepared and serve it to her. Let her know you mean business. And even if she signs it, it still doesn't mean you guys can't get back together if you still have R on your mind so make sure to instill fear. 3) Kick her out of the house. Tell her you can't stand a liar and two face. 4) Throw the panties in her face. Do these and I guarantee you she will be scared to **** and you will come out on top. Please make sure to talk to a lawyer and also cut her off financially without her knowing before you confront her. You surprise her just as much as she surprised you. Good luck, I feel your pain man and this is what I'd do. 2
jackslife Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I wouldn't be surprised if deep down she wanted to be caught. I also think there is a degree of cuckoldry here. Leaving evidence which is easily found. Going to work so tarted up, still having sex with him. It sounds like the buzz was having an affair AND rubbing James's nose in it. The advice as to what to do next given here is pretty spot on. Ignoring all the soap opera melodrama "here's a hundred bucks, get the f out" - James has a choice, live in a cuckold marriage, reconcile or divorce, only he knows what he wants given the limited options he now has. 1
insert_name Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I'd want to ruin her christmas on the back of this, if I could get it sorted in time (no idea how quickly divorce papers take to knock up) I'd wrap the papers up and give them to her on Christmas day. Then when she looks all confused, give her a second wrapped present which is the underwear and test results. Then finally I would kick her out and tell her to go to her OM and spend Christmas with him. Compared to the way she has cuckolded the OP she would still be getting off lightly. 3
Realist3 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Ok, I have evidence. It was semen the panties that I tested. So where do I go from here? Where do you want to go from here? Do you want to try to reconcile? Do you want to go scorched earth? Do you want to part amicably? Do you want an open marriage?
petee Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I would go with Insert_name. Absolutely outstanding. But do NOT waiver and buy her anything. Xmas this year will be a lesson!!
Danda Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Is anyone actually listening to James or is this just like some mouth-frothing Jerry Springer crowd in this thread. James cheated on her and she never found out. He didn't even have to tell us that, ****. He is honest, humble and said he wants this marriage to work. He's already explained that while this would hurt, that he understands his wife's perspective because he cheated, too. They are both cheaters who cheat on each other. He doesn't seem to be caught up in some crazed vengeance drama. It's like his own behaviors/experiences have actually influenced his perspective and he's not some narcissistic double standard complex. Maybe he will have changed his mind/feelings by the next time he posts but it's just creepy how like, almost nobody seems to be actually listening to him. 2
anika99 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear that James. I was following your thread for awhile and I too was not hoping to hear what we all suspected. With that said, here's what you should do even if you do or don't have R in mind as this will not only scare her, but also protect you: 1) Secretely start cutting all her funds, access to bank accounts, etc. With secrecy, cut her off financially before you confront her. Tell her to go get her support from the OM. 2) Talk to a lawyer, get the divorce papers prepared and serve it to her. Let her know you mean business. And even if she signs it, it still doesn't mean you guys can't get back together if you still have R on your mind so make sure to instill fear. 3) Kick her out of the house. Tell her you can't stand a liar and two face. 4) Throw the panties in her face. Do these and I guarantee you she will be scared to **** and you will come out on top. Please make sure to talk to a lawyer and also cut her off financially without her knowing before you confront her. You surprise her just as much as she surprised you. Good luck, I feel your pain man and this is what I'd do. Oh my God! I can't believe the tone of some of these posts advising the OP on kicking her out, calling her names, calling her dirty names, cutting off her funds. Hello!! Did you all miss the post where James said he had his own 4 month affair that his wife never found out about? He has no moral high ground here, he is the same as his wife. James if you are going to confront your wife about this and demand the truth then be a man and tell the truth yourself. If you call her names, humiliate her, and punish her all without confessing your own affair that would be truly disgusting. You two either need to end the marriage or you both need to confess everything to each other and then work on repairing the marriage. 2
insert_name Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Is anyone actually listening to James or is this just like some mouth-frothing Jerry Springer crowd in this thread. James cheated on her and she never found out. He didn't even have to tell us that, ****. He is honest, humble and said he wants this marriage to work. He's already explained that while this would hurt, that he understands his wife's perspective because he cheated, too. They are both cheaters who cheat on each other. He doesn't seem to be caught up in some crazed vengeance drama. It's like his own behaviors/experiences have actually influenced his perspective and he's not some narcissistic double standard complex. Maybe he will have changed his mind/feelings by the next time he posts but it's just creepy how like, almost nobody seems to be actually listening to him. Yes but they both cheated, but if we are splitting hairs she has committed the even more cardinal sin of cuckolding him by going with him after she has been with the other man. That is...well, there are simply no words for how disrespectful and malicious that is. Whilst they both have cheated (and I have very little sympathy for the OP in that sense) the wife here has crossed the line and that alone, if it were me, would rule out any sort of reconciliation. 1
beach Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Don't start second guessing your evidence now. You were collecting those panties on days when you knew you didn't have sex with her but you suspected why her undies would be that way. 1
Akheron Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I suggest that you get more evidence, just so there is no wiggle room. I would hire a PI and get pictures. During this time I would have divorce papers drawn up as well along with slowly cutting her finances off as suggested. Don't let her believe that you know until all of this is done. When you have everything in order, sit her down across the table from you and start laying things that you have on her onto the table one by one. Panties, semen test kit, pictures, and lastly the divorce papers. Don't say one word while you're laying them out. Let her squirm. Don't show emotion, and have a "take no prisoners" attitude when you do have to speak. Cuckolds thrive on submission and humiliation. Don't give it to her.
petee Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Da da, what are you on about? He came here asking a question, he has got answers. We are listening, but to the question not to the birds. His wife, if I have to be brutal, is walking round with another mans cum inside her and she has also been sleeping with James. It's disgusting, and the fact she's let him in with no protection, whilst girlishly teasing and flirting with him is unforgivable. It does not matter about his past, she never knew so this is not revenge. You need to wake up, the past is not a factor in this, at all. Your simple mentality would have us never speak to the Japanese or Germans again. I have to wonder when over simplistic people post on here, I really do.
beach Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I suggest that you get more evidence, just so there is no wiggle room. I would hire a PI and get pictures. During this time I would have divorce papers drawn up as well along with slowly cutting her finances off as suggested. Don't let her believe that you know until all of this is done. When you have everything in order, sit her down across the table from you and start laying things that you have on her onto the table one by one. Panties, semen test kit, pictures, and lastly the divorce papers. Don't say one word while you're laying them out. Let her squirm. Don't show emotion, and have a "take no prisoners" attitude when you do have to speak. Cuckolds thrive on submission and humiliation. Don't give it to her. He's got his evidence. No need to create more denial at this juncture.
Man Mountain Makino Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Tell her you want her to go to the other man, she deserves the happiness you obviously aren't giving her. Mess with her head, and do it soon, do it today or tomorrow, kick her out- even if you think you can reconcile. Don't do anything daft, but get the skank out for a while. It's going to hurt like hell, but going nuclear will allow her to appreciate the pain you are in. This really is the best way to go. She preferred another man to you - fine, go to him. You're his problem now, not mine. Good luck.
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