Danda Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Yes but they both cheated, but if we are splitting hairs she has committed the even more cardinal sin of cuckolding him by going with him after she has been with the other man. That is...well, there are simply no words for how disrespectful and malicious that is. Whilst they both have cheated (and I have very little sympathy for the OP in that sense) the wife here has crossed the line and that alone, if it were me, would rule out any sort of reconciliation. What I was trying to get at, though, is that James has been sharing his feelings, his perceptions, his experiences and his desires, and very few seemed to be paying attention to all of that. And then when it turned out she was guilty, it escalated in a kind of creepy way in this thread lol. I'm not quite sure what generated this but if it's the best you can do to help then maybe you'd like to rake you "support" elsewhere. I love my wife dearly and have never had trust issues with her or in any other relationship. I feel that there are some things here that don't add up. Yes, I am suspicious at the moment. I really hope that my suspicions are wrong, I really do. What if the worst happens? I will do everything I can to repair whatever is wrong that would make her do this. While some (maybe even most or all) of us would not have the same reaction and immediately divorce a cheating spouse, that is not what James said he would want. And he is here asking for advice. He also explained his own past cheating, which likely explains why his reaction is likely different from the reactions most of us would probably have if we were cheated on by a current or hypothetical spouse. I guess the overall point I was trying to make is for those who are able to offer insight/advice, let's help James out with what he wants instead of acting like a lynch mob. I guess I see this as being about James and his feelings/needs, is all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Well he banged his OW for 4 months. Maybe she's only been banging her OM for 1 month and maybe she will stop after 2 months. Then she can be righteously indignant that she only cheated for 2 months while her husband screwed around for 4. Does that make sense? NOBODY has any higher moral ground in this situation. They are both liars and cheaters and whatever pain and humiliation you (general you) think she deserves, he deserves the same. He doesn't get a free pass just because he never got caught. I completely agree. But nevertheless, I think that this marriage is toast and the sooner ended the sooner the people involved can learn from the divorce and get started on the rest of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Ya you guys stop hi-jacking this thread. Lets get back on track here and help the OP deal with his discovery. Past cheater or not, this is a difficult time for him and his marriage. This is why we should be here....for some support and advice. Some of the advice is that he admit his affair to his wife. Perhaps the shock of that will allow them to sit down and figure out where they are going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I also think it's interesting that he assumes she never found out about when he cheated on her for months, because the way she makes her own cheating so absurdly obvious almost reeks of "revenge sex". Even if there is a significant time gap, I still couldn't help but ponder that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
petee Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 James, are you Ok mate? Not heard for a while, but then i guess the world is pretty grim at the moment. Keep reading mate, plenty of victims posting above, but in amongst the poison and vitriol there is a small part of the community that is here to help. Insert had the best idea, so if that's something you want to do we could put the icing on the cake over the next few days. If it isn't, and you want to you can sound us out whenever. The posts here are quick to skim through as the poisonous ones don't get read!! Chin up mate, it's Monday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I also think it's interesting that he assumes she never found out about when he cheated on her for months, because the way she makes her own cheating so absurdly obvious almost reeks of "revenge sex". Even if there is a significant time gap, I still couldn't help but ponder that. That crossed my mind too. Link to post Share on other sites
petee Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 James, what's occurring? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 James, what's occurring? Since he hasn't posted in days, unfortunately it's likely he's going through a really rough time. If he had good news, he would have likely been posting to update right away. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yep! This is turning into a dead thread Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Since he hasn't posted in days, unfortunately it's likely he's going through a really rough time. If he had good news, he would have likely been posting to update right away. James I hope you are ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yep! This is turning into a dead thread Naw naw, it's not dead - it's resting. (Remarkable bird,the Norwegian Blue...) Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 James Hope you are doing ok. And keeping your cool. HM Link to post Share on other sites
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