Western men seeking foreign wives.

[jay1983]

Whether I saw the problems before marriage or not, my point is that there's a plethora of men out there who want it all -- in the sense that they think they're entitled and superior to their wives.

 

And to answer your question, no, I didn't see it. I was perfectly happy to work and didn't understand all the complications that came with having children until our son was born. When I figured it out, that's when I made the offer to my husband to go to college full time and finish his degree (he had 120 hrs but they didn't add up to any particular degree). He wanted a big family but had no plan as to how to make that work. That wasn't the only problem between us but it caused me to lose a lot of respect for him.

 

I'm not knocking you for saying you have problem. Women who are having problems need to try and figure something out. What I see a lot of is women saying "where have all the good men gone" while 10 guys wave their arms and say "hey I'm right here" only to get ignored. We all have preferences or standards and if I don't meet yours, there's nothing I can do about that.

[atreides]

Guys, if you want a woman to do all those things for you, there's nothing wrong with that but be prepared to support her. Running a household, nurturing a husband and kids is a full time job and should be respected. But it isn't respected anymore and that disrespect mainly comes from men.

 

I know the OP was not looking for "traditional" arguments, but the above i disagree with entirely... this disrespect comes mainly from women. I actually do not know one man that disrespects a woman for being the "traditional" housewife, but i do know legions of women you criticize them.

 

This i think is where the OP is headed vs non-american if there is to be a generalization. That root attitude which is stronger today with women vs women on what should define a "woman." A contradiction of sorts.

 

Again a generalization with a very large swath.

 

 

 

From the things I read about on this site, the common thread is that men want a woman to have a career and divide up the money. They want her to split the cost of the meal and yet basically be his mommy.

 

I agreed with this up until the last part... maybe there are men like that and shame on them... i don't know any... but every couple i know... both work, both also do the chores and divide who pays... I am a big advocate of separate accounts too. That said, "value" of a person as you stated, should not be precluded by such as to say because you pay as well.

 

Taking care of a woman at least my own marriage stems from other things as decisions, to lean on me when the times are tough. Sound mind when all hell breaks loose. To have discipline in ourselves and enforce with the kids.

My wife however is not American but Central American... not that it would be any different if she were American. however when i met her, she let everybody run her over.. I needed to wear off on her and in 16 years, no one runs her over, not even me... something i wanted her to have and of extreme value in my opinion; to stand up, know who you are and defend it. What could be better than making a woman feel safe by then to empower her.

 

You could say there is a change in American women but at the same time not... what i am getting at.. is that perhaps as the "mob" affect but women will be women in of themselves and as societal movements may change, the individual usually does not.

Edited September 5, 2014 by atreides

[jay1983]

I know some guys that ARE superior to their wives. At least from the standpoint of what they offer in a relationship. Most of the housewives I know don't do squat, that's why guys like me are shocked when we meet a more traditional style woman, like my one friend's wife. Watching TV all day while the kids are in school, then tossing a bagged meal in a slow cooker isn't near as good as someone who works all day to provide a life of comfort for their family.

 

 

 

Those guys don't inspire the same "chemistry" that the tall, charming, but cheating douchebag does.

 

The threads on this forum paint a bleak picture for men.

 

 

 

Mostly true. I do know of some women who sit home and don't do anything while their husband works. I don't have much respect for that type of housewife.

 

I think meant that other women who work are usually the ones that talk down on on house wives.

[Candy_Pants]

I do all that traditional stuff but I'm certainly not a traditional woman. Where does this idea come from that we are either good wives, or throw aways?

 

What's funny is I've had a youth filled with enjoying myself and experiencing life to the fullest. Including sexually. And yet I still wake up at 6 am to cook breakfast and lunch for my husband, clean the house, make sure he has a fresh towel, boxers, and shirt for after the shower when he gets home, cook dinner and do the dishes, and scratch his feet till he falls asleep.

 

And he's willing to do all that and more for me on days I need it. It's a partnership. Not slavery.

[bathtub-row]

I'm not knocking you for saying you have problem. Women who are having problems need to try and figure something out. What I see a lot of is women saying "where have all the good men gone" while 10 guys wave their arms and say "hey I'm right here" only to get ignored. We all have preferences or standards and if I don't meet yours, there's nothing I can do about that.

 

I recall a previous post of yours where you say that most women have issues with men who aren't tall. What I think happens is that a lot of men decide that American women must be the problem because he can't get a gf. So they trash them and go elsewhere. Going elsewhere is fine but stop saying that American women are the problem. You never know, not being tall may be a universal problem.

 

It's just all this generalization about women from any particular country that I find disturbing when there are just as many men with the same problems.

 

For some reason, the guy from the UK felt it was a status symbol to have an American woman on his arm. I wonder why he'd feel that way if we're so bad.

[denise_xo]

Rather than focussing on nationality/continent, I think you first need to focus on what you want out of a marriage, in terms of personal characteristics of a spouse, criteria of compatibility, and identifying a type of partner that shares your view of marriage (whatever that might be).

 

I'm married to someone from "overseas" and compared to "local" men there are variations that have been both positive and negative for me. You can make some generalisations when comparing different nationalities or cultures, but at the end of the day, you're marrying a person, and there are usually quite significant differences within cultures/countries.

[jay1983]

I recall a previous post of yours where you say that most women have issues with men who aren't tall. What I think happens is that a lot of men decide that American women must be the problem because he can't get a gf. So they trash them and go elsewhere. Going elsewhere is fine but stop saying that American women are the problem. You never know, not being tall may be a universal problem.

 

It's just all this generalization about women from any particular country that I find disturbing when there are just as many men with the same problems.

 

For some reason, the guy from the UK felt it was a status symbol to have an American woman on his arm. I wonder why he'd feel that way if we're so bad.

 

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I addressed that comment to you by accident. I looked back at your post and realized it wasn't what I thought I read. That's why it came out of left field I meant to send you an apology message, but I couldn't PM you because you're status was member.

 

No, I'm not that short, I'm 5'11". Never mind that comment.

[angie2443]

I do all that traditional stuff but I'm certainly not a traditional woman. Where does this idea come from that we are either good wives, or throw aways?

 

What's funny is I've had a youth filled with enjoying myself and experiencing life to the fullest. Including sexually. And yet I still wake up at 6 am to cook breakfast and lunch for my husband, clean the house, make sure he has a fresh towel, boxers, and shirt for after the shower when he gets home, cook dinner and do the dishes, and scratch his feet till he falls asleep.

 

And he's willing to do all that and more for me on days I need it. It's a partnership. Not slavery.

 

 

The bolded is what makes it a partnership. I have the feeling, though, that a lot of men who hate how women in the U.S.A. act, don't want to give as much as the woman does.

[angie2443]

This thread on arranged marriages was started last year.

 

This was my post which I will just recopy here:

 

 

This is my concern with some of these bringing some women over from another country. Many of these woman are comming from a bad situation, or are bieng seperated completely from their families. Some are leaving out of desperation, and reach a point where they want their freedom and don't want to be stuck with a man who wants, from what I can tell by some of these posts, pretty much a domestic servant. It simply isn't natural to give your all to a partner, with them giving you little, and be happy about it.

 

If it wasn't for that, then I'd say fine, if you can get someone who truely likes catering to your every need, then go for it. Heck, I'd like that to- I think.

[carhill]

What I noted most markedly in the women I dated was how they were both 'strong' in that they could and did handle what life threw at them, which was often quite oppressive, but at the same time were very feminine and gentle in their relations with a current or prospective intimate partner. This was perceived not only in obvious actions but also in their body language, tone of voice and the 'aura' they gave off.

 

I remember, when one of them came to visit (that Thanksgiving thing I mentioned prior), even though I had moved on and was dating my exW, it was quite obvious at the differences, even when walking off the plane and meeting me at the gate, the world traveler quite confidently striding into somewhere she had never been, yet taking my arm and talking in soft tones (and quite improved English, which she thanked me for!) and with feminine body language, even though at that point we had both moved on and were friends. It was simply a way of interacting which I had/have never substantially experienced in my local demographic, even with MW's.

 

Now, with a lot of life experience and a M under my belt, I accept that such synergy for myself does not exist here so I'll go where I find a better match, though not that far (foreign) away!

[BlueIris]

Not to mention the fact that, because she does so much for him, he is happy to take care of her.

 

I think this equation is universal. People who are giving and appreciative tend to be happier, no matter where they are.

[angie2443]

I think this equation is universal. People who are giving and appreciative tend to be happier, no matter where they are.

 

This is true. In relationships, where one is giving and giving and the other is just soaking it up and not giving it back, resentment builds.

[bathtub-row]

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I addressed that comment to you by accident. I looked back at your post and realized it wasn't what I thought I read. That's why it came out of left field I meant to send you an apology message, but I couldn't PM you because you're status was member.

 

No, I'm not that short, I'm 5'11". Never mind that comment.

 

5'11" isn't even close to being short. lol. No worries there.

 

I didn't know people couldn't PM me. I'll look into that.

[Mr. Lucky]

j

Since that's all kinda vague, here are some examples. My buddy gets every meal prepared for him, and she does so happily. He works early, so she wakes up to make him breakfast, and packs his lunch before he goes. While he is at work, she starts preparing his dinner, which will be ready not long after he gets home. No Hamburger Helper crap, either. She learned the things he likes, and makes all of his favorite meals. This one is my absolute favorite. I helped them move into their new place, and when I got there, my buddy asked me to wait a moment before we could leave to pick up the things he was bringing back to his new place. He went into his bedroom and came out with a new shirt on. When I asked why he changed into a new T-shirt just for us to be moving furniture around, his wife said that her husband would NOT leave the house in a wrinkled shirt, so she was ironing it for him. I had to ask her why. She said that she would be a failure as a wife if she didn't do those things for her husband.

I think it simply comes down to what you want in a spouse. I can cook, iron and clean so not looking for a woman to do anything other than share those chores with me. Rather have a partner whose focus was on shared interests and activities.

 

No disrespect to your friend, if housekeeping is his priority I'm sure he's happy...

 

Mr. Lucky

[denise_xo]

Where I live (European country), all stats consistently show that in marriages where both the man and the woman work full time, women do more of the house work. So from that perspective, on average and taking a representative sample of the population of cases where both spouses work, women don't contribute less to a marriage than men do. (House work here covers things talked about in this thread, like preparing meals and ironing shirts).

 

In cases like the above, where women work full time and do more of the housework, I think that reflects a work ethic where they work pretty hard to take care of the family unit. However, if you're working full time, have two to three kids and do most of the house work, inevitably there will be some ready meals and all shirts won't be immaculately ironed. I don't think men in the same position (working full time and doing the majority of the house work) would always have a meal made from scratch ready at the dinner table when the wife comes home from work, either. Or they may have to take care of a screaming child in the morning and let the wife prepare her own breakfast. Those are the kind of choices you have to constantly make when life is hectic and you have small children.

 

Of course, if you're a stay at home spouse, the equation is different. I haven't seen stats on the amount of time stay at home spouses invest in house work every day, but clearly, if that's your job, then preparing meals would be a taken for granted part of that job. I've never encountered the attitude that it's acceptable for a stay at home spouse to basically bum around all day (not saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does - the point is I've never met anyone who openly argues that this is acceptable in a marriage).

 

I've lived several years in countries where divorce is very uncommon and where women are to a much greater extent obliged to do ALL the housework (prepare all the meals for their husbands, prepare tea or coffee on demand, do all the chores related to the children, and always be ready to provide sex on demand). It's true that in such settings, on average people work harder to resolve marital problems because in most cases you don't have a way out, and divorce will to a great extent ruin you socially (and financially as well if you have been a stay at home mother). I think going that extra mile to address and work with problems long term is something that we could do much more of where I live. I also think it reflects a difference in life goals. In many countries like that, a successful marriage and children is more of an overarching objective of life - while in European countries, we add a lot of other stuff to that objective (being fit, pursuing different hobbies, whatever), so having 'success' now involves a whole lot of other things than a 'good home'/marriage, and priorities/efforts are diverted to a much broader range of objectives. However, my experience is also that many women in such 'overseas' countries can be quite resentful of the fact that they have a ton of obligations that men don't have. Yes, men are the main providers, and 'putting food on the table' is a responsibility that is never placed upon women. However, if you add up 'hours worked per day', the picture is similar to the stats quoted above in cases where both spouses work full time - basically, men will have some spare time in the evenings after work, while women don't (or have much less of it).

 

On the issue of paying for dates: personally I've never understood why American men still pay for women on dates. It made sense in the 50s when men worked and women didn't. It makes no sense today.

 

On women being the ones filling for divorce: I see those numbers being thrown around a lot and IMO it's a pretty meaningless statistic if it's not broken down according to reason. If a women divorces due to domestic violence, infidelity on the part of the husband or other grave causes of negligence, that's not something that should be held against women as an argument that they're not committed to marriage. Clearly, there's a whole mix of reasons involved in that 70% bulk figure - including, I'm sure, infidelity and negligence on the part of women. But we need that figure broken down if it's going to be a meaningful part of the debate.

Edited September 6, 2014 by denise_xo

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think the thing with American culture today is that American women are generally taught that they should expect more in whatever capacity that may be, from men. But men on the other hand should expect less.

 

In American society, according to many women, what a woman does should basically have no reflection on what she ultimately deserves or is entitled to because this is not a judgment that can be made by a man anymore, therefore he doesn't have that "right" anymore to choose...so whether she sleeps with a thousand men, cheats on men, gains 100 pounds (which makes her "curvy), has poor health, doesn't desire giving sex in a relationship, doesn't cook, clean, that's all part of her own business AND if she has a job/career then she's a "strong/independent woman" anyway, where as men are just simply expected to do that even if they don't necessarily meet that expectation...she thereby deserves everything her heart desires in theory, she cannot tarnish that expectation in any way in her eyes...meaning you cannot tell her she does not deserve anything but the best kind of man her fantasy desires and the American culture roughly supports that, regardless of the choices she makes, how she behaves or conducts herself because there's this whole anti-shaming movement against men, if men say something to critique women it's like a white cop shooting a black person, there's nothing you could do or say that'll make it any better just worse, it's automatically racist in the media regardless of the facts...women are always seen and painted as the victims in nearly every situation and should be met with empathy, support and kindness...which men are relegated to the title of "what can he do for YOU? as a woman...what makes him WORTHY enough of having you?"...it's never a question of whether she's "good enough" unless shes' speaking about herself from a place of vulnerability and self-pity...because ultimately there is no standard of expectation for women that is universally accepted by society but because they must be accepted for whatever they choose to be but on the other end there's still a very strong generic profile of a man (just check OLD) that most American women seem to envision in terms of values and healthy expectations, and you never hear the contrary of what a man deserves or is entitled to, it's taboo to encourage men out of fear of boosting their ego and giving them any sense that they are entitled to someone better than you, because it's not the same for women because they already have low self-esteem and deserve it...it's different, society allows it to make men feel worthless by whatever expectations are demanded by women, it shouldn't work in the other direction according to many women because those qualities are "superficial" and less justifiable if stated by men, if not a downright assault or attack on them as a woman just because she finds it offensive.

 

It's ok for a woman to desire a man realistically from her wildest dreams...but for a man it's a laughing matter.

 

That's the part of the American culture I really don't like, it's completely biased...you never see a man getting any kind of encouragement, where you essentially must coddle and support women for all they've been through. So it's not a big surprise that men manipulate women just to gain some emotional support, it's really the only way they can...because on the contrary without a romantic affair society essentially pities and shuns men for their "weakness"...because men do not receive or deserve the same kind of support or empathy openly but only from within relationships themselves nearly always, it's as if they are expected to persevere regardless of obstacles like soldiers on a battlefield, nobody cheers the coward who runs away...where women should be assisted and not be judged for anything they do like newborn babies. This whole woman power movement and equality movement in the US is anything but equal.

 

Even from what I've seen and noticed from spending time in Europe, the expectation from men is much lower and much more balanced (realistic)...you don't have to be a rock-star, make six-figures, make up some wild and interesting life on FB to impress women or lavish women with gifts and luxurious vacations...hell, from all the European guys I've talked to they probably don't even have to take you on a proper date, or the women even go after you themselves, and there's hardly any courting process at all other than getting to know each other and deciding you're an item after sleeping together.

 

Furthermore women make much more of an effort themselves to stay fit and in healthy shape, to meet a standard of attractiveness...where as many American women feel that is irrelevant and mostly relegated to youth because beauty should be seen for what's on the inside not the outside...meaning there's no rules on how much weight a woman can gain in American culture, it's accepted, ESPECIALLY if she got pregnant or had kids...that's at least worth 50 to 100 pounds of extra weight permanently, regardless of the fact that she could actually lose the weight with effort like many other women do, in American culture there's simply no need to meet any expectation unless of course you're single and trying to seal the deal...because once you do the hard job of finding a BF, then getting married, it's all downhill from there on for many American women, they've already given their best effort just to "catch you"..once they got you it's a whole different story and they've got a laundry list of allowances for themselves but it's more about what you do for them...the tables turn, and the law and society tells them they're entitled to it because American men are nearly always the bad guy or in some way not holding up their end of the bargain, even if they are and some...people will simply ignore that and find some other way to criticize the guy for not being good enough...after all, that's EXACTLY why he doesn't get treated well is the common assumption, so for a man to get the basics in a relationship...he will be expected to do more..it's not like that in other cultures.

 

So it's no surprise to me that American men are more eager to avoid relationships and commitment with many American women, there's just really not much in it for a lot of men ultimately without desiring a family in which they still run the risk of losing their own children and assets, so instead of divorce it leads many men to look outside of marriage from complete satisfaction instead of face divorce out of fear of losing their family and assets. Women in American culture essentially want to retain the traditional roles that men have provided in the past, while at the same time forfeiting their own...so the dynamic is moving in favor of the woman and in much less favor of the man, but if you argue that then well, as a man you're going to get chopped up pretty quickly...because again, they deserve it and it's simply not open to criticism because again, it's attack on women as a whole (aka race card) you as a man do not deserve a fair argument because everything you say by simply saying is by default unfair to women...and everything that is given is a luxury you should go above and beyond to show your appreciation towards.

 

......

 

I'd like to state that there are many American women that do not fit this profile and this argument/view point is not reflective of much of my own personal experience, but this my objective view of how the American culture works in general living there my entire life from my perspective and discussing these things with other American men, especially married. Many of the American women I choose to date are NOT entitled and do not act out in this way or in all the ways mentioned above at all (although they tend to be cultured). But especially for a lot of married American men, I believe this is often the dynamic they experience and try to avoid with women which may lead a minority to realistically ultimately and seek relationships outside of American women that they perceive as offering more for that kind of commitment and cost/benefit...since ultimately they're expected to be a provider anyway by many American women, maybe they'll get treated right in return and with respect. That's not to say many women aren't simply being abused that are good women to their abusive men, but there are many guys out there that want to treat a woman right and just want someone to be good to them, but they don't necessarily tend to be the guys that set your panties on fire either.

Edited September 6, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[xxoo]

I've played the traditional wife role, wearing my frilly aprons and serving hot meals, keeping the house tidy, and being a kitten in the bedroom after the little ones are in bed.

 

But let me tell you, that man appreciated it. I treated him like a king, and he treated me like a queen.

 

Now I work (kids grew), and the work load is more egalitarian at home. We still treat each other like a king and queen.

 

Good treatment really isn't about cooking and laundry.

[jay1983]

I think the thing with American culture today is that American women are generally taught that they should expect more in whatever capacity that may be, from men. But men on the other hand should expect less.

 

In American society, according to many women, what a woman does should basically have no reflection on what she ultimately deserves or is entitled to because this is not a judgment that can be made by a man anymore, therefore he doesn't have that "right" anymore to choose...so whether she sleeps with a thousand men, cheats on men, gains 100 pounds (which makes her "curvy), has poor health, doesn't desire giving sex in a relationship, doesn't cook, clean, that's all part of her own business AND if she has a job/career then she's a "strong/independent woman" anyway, where as men are just simply expected to do that even if they don't necessarily meet that expectation...she thereby deserves everything her heart desires in theory, she cannot tarnish that expectation in any way in her eyes...meaning you cannot tell her she does not deserve anything but the best kind of man her fantasy desires and the American culture roughly supports that, regardless of the choices she makes, how she behaves or conducts herself because there's this whole anti-shaming movement against men, if men say something to critique women it's like a white cop shooting a black person, there's nothing you could do or say that'll make it any better just worse, it's automatically racist in the media regardless of the facts...women are always seen and painted as the victims in nearly every situation and should be met with empathy, support and kindness...which men are relegated to the title of "what can he do for YOU? as a woman...what makes him WORTHY enough of having you?"...it's never a question of whether she's "good enough" unless shes' speaking about herself from a place of vulnerability and self-pity...because ultimately there is no standard of expectation for women that is universally accepted by society but because they must be accepted for whatever they choose to be but on the other end there's still a very strong generic profile of a man (just check OLD) that most American women seem to envision in terms of values and healthy expectations, and you never hear the contrary of what a man deserves or is entitled to, it's taboo to encourage men out of fear of boosting their ego and giving them any sense that they are entitled to someone better than you, because it's not the same for women because they already have low self-esteem and deserve it...it's different, society allows it to make men feel worthless by whatever expectations are demanded by women, it shouldn't work in the other direction according to many women because those qualities are "superficial" and less justifiable if stated by men, if not a downright assault or attack on them as a woman just because she finds it offensive.

 

It's ok for a woman to desire a man realistically from her wildest dreams...but for a man it's a laughing matter.

 

That's the part of the American culture I really don't like, it's completely biased...you never see a man getting any kind of encouragement, where you essentially must coddle and support women for all they've been through. So it's not a big surprise that men manipulate women just to gain some emotional support, it's really the only way they can...because on the contrary without a romantic affair society essentially pities and shuns men for their "weakness"...because men do not receive or deserve the same kind of support or empathy openly but only from within relationships themselves nearly always, it's as if they are expected to persevere regardless of obstacles like soldiers on a battlefield, nobody cheers the coward who runs away...where women should be assisted and not be judged for anything they do like newborn babies. This whole woman power movement and equality movement in the US is anything but equal.

 

Even from what I've seen and noticed from spending time in Europe, the expectation from men is much lower and much more balanced (realistic)...you don't have to be a rock-star, make six-figures, make up some wild and interesting life on FB to impress women or lavish women with gifts and luxurious vacations...hell, from all the European guys I've talked to they probably don't even have to take you on a proper date, or the women even go after you themselves, and there's hardly any courting process at all other than getting to know each other and deciding you're an item after sleeping together.

 

Furthermore women make much more of an effort themselves to stay fit and in healthy shape, to meet a standard of attractiveness...where as many American women feel that is irrelevant and mostly relegated to youth because beauty should be seen for what's on the inside not the outside...meaning there's no rules on how much weight a woman can gain in American culture, it's accepted, ESPECIALLY if she got pregnant or had kids...that's at least worth 50 to 100 pounds of extra weight permanently, regardless of the fact that she could actually lose the weight with effort like many other women do, in American culture there's simply no need to meet any expectation unless of course you're single and trying to seal the deal...because once you do the hard job of finding a BF, then getting married, it's all downhill from there on for many American women, they've already given their best effort just to "catch you"..once they got you it's a whole different story and they've got a laundry list of allowances for themselves but it's more about what you do for them...the tables turn, and the law and society tells them they're entitled to it because American men are nearly always the bad guy or in some way not holding up their end of the bargain, even if they are and some...people will simply ignore that and find some other way to criticize the guy for not being good enough...after all, that's EXACTLY why he doesn't get treated well is the common assumption, so for a man to get the basics in a relationship...he will be expected to do more..it's not like that in other cultures.

 

So it's no surprise to me that American men are more eager to avoid relationships and commitment with many American women, there's just really not much in it for a lot of men ultimately without desiring a family in which they still run the risk of losing their own children and assets, so instead of divorce it leads many men to look outside of marriage from complete satisfaction instead of face divorce out of fear of losing their family and assets. Women in American culture essentially want to retain the traditional roles that men have provided in the past, while at the same time forfeiting their own...so the dynamic is moving in favor of the woman and in much less favor of the man, but if you argue that then well, as a man you're going to get chopped up pretty quickly...because again, they deserve it and it's simply not open to criticism because again, it's attack on women as a whole (aka race card) you as a man do not deserve a fair argument because everything you say by simply saying is by default unfair to women...and everything that is given is a luxury you should go above and beyond to show your appreciation towards.

 

......

 

I'd like to state that there are many American women that do not fit this profile and this argument/view point is not reflective of much of my own personal experience, but this my objective view of how the American culture works in general living there my entire life from my perspective and discussing these things with other American men, especially married. Many of the American women I choose to date are NOT entitled and do not act out in this way or in all the ways mentioned above at all (although they tend to be cultured). But especially for a lot of married American men, I believe this is often the dynamic they experience and try to avoid with women which may lead a minority to realistically ultimately and seek relationships outside of American women that they perceive as offering more for that kind of commitment and cost/benefit...since ultimately they're expected to be a provider anyway by many American women, maybe they'll get treated right in return and with respect. That's not to say many women aren't simply being abused that are good women to their abusive men, but there are many guys out there that want to treat a woman right and just want someone to be good to them, but they don't necessarily tend to be the guys that set your panties on fire either.

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. These are the problems I'm running into ^^ Not so much she won't cook my food, do my laundry and stuff like.

Edited September 6, 2014 by jay1983

[DaisyLeigh1967]

One of my best friends married an Asian woman he met while he was overseas. He is the happiest married guy I know. According to her, her culture takes great pride in being a good wife. I have never known a wife who was so good to her husband.

 

Since that's all kinda vague, here are some examples. My buddy gets every meal prepared for him, and she does so happily. He works early, so she wakes up to make him breakfast, and packs his lunch before he goes. While he is at work, she starts preparing his dinner, which will be ready not long after he gets home. No Hamburger Helper crap, either. She learned the things he likes, and makes all of his favorite meals. This one is my absolute favorite. I helped them move into their new place, and when I got there, my buddy asked me to wait a moment before we could leave to pick up the things he was bringing back to his new place. He went into his bedroom and came out with a new shirt on. When I asked why he changed into a new T-shirt just for us to be moving furniture around, his wife said that her husband would NOT leave the house in a wrinkled shirt, so she was ironing it for him. I had to ask her why. She said that she would be a failure as a wife if she didn't do those things for her husband. She meant it.

 

That's the sort of dedication she has to her husband. According to her, it is part of her culture, and that most of the women in her country would do the same thing. I have never met a Western woman who is nearly as good to her man. Not even close.

 

 

You mean, a Western woman who is not a slave/servant to her husband.

 

What does he do for her?

[DaisyLeigh1967]

As someone who was born in a developing country and who was raised by an old school family, I can tell you that the thing these stories leave out is that the expectations go both ways. Yes, you might find an old school woman who will cook you dinner every day, but you'll be expected to be an old school man, and your worth as a man will be directly related to how well you provide for the family. Traditional-minded women from my country are experts at nagging and demanding that men pull their weight. I find it hilarious that men who complain about gold diggers find themselves eager to snatch up a "Third World bride."

 

Amen to that! it goes both ways. But here in the US, we are expected to be like that perfect little Asian chick, AND bring in the bacon, AND do all housework AND childcare while the dude either: does not work, or thinks because he has a penis, that he is not supposed to do anything else.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I do all that traditional stuff but I'm certainly not a traditional woman. Where does this idea come from that we are either good wives, or throw aways?

 

What's funny is I've had a youth filled with enjoying myself and experiencing life to the fullest. Including sexually. And yet I still wake up at 6 am to cook breakfast and lunch for my husband, clean the house, make sure he has a fresh towel, boxers, and shirt for after the shower when he gets home, cook dinner and do the dishes, and scratch his feet till he falls asleep.

 

And he's willing to do all that and more for me on days I need it. It's a partnership. Not slavery.

 

 

That is the point! He does for you too. You have a real partnership, not a servant/master relationship.

 

My BIL is such an ass he spilled water and yelled for his wife to come clean it up, right in front of me. She was at the other end of the house, no doubt doing something else for His Royal *******. I asked him if his arms were broken.

 

My husband would love me to do ALL so he can just sit on his ass. He also wants me to work fulltime. Screw all of that. I work, go to school fulltime and do what I can. For the children. He doesn't want a wife, he wants a servant who has no brains, opinions and who never complains. Sorry, I am a human being, not a robot.

 

The Asian wife in the OP is fine and dandy. But the grass is not always greener on the other side, y'all.

[fortyninethousand322]

I mean I would do it, not because of how American women act (because I have no real problems with that). But rather because I can't really get dates. Maybe it would be easier to get a girlfriend if I looked abroad but I don't know for sure.

[jay1983]

I mean I would do it, not because of how American women act (because I have no real problems with that). But rather because I can't really get dates. Maybe it would be easier to get a girlfriend if I looked abroad but I don't know for sure.

 

Having a hard finding a date is just the start of it.

[Mr. Lucky]

He went into his bedroom and came out with a new shirt on. When I asked why he changed into a new T-shirt just for us to be moving furniture around, his wife said that her husband would NOT leave the house in a wrinkled shirt, so she was ironing it for him. I had to ask her why. She said that she would be a failure as a wife if she didn't do those things for her husband. She meant it.

What you're describing isn't a partner or a spouse, it's a combination maid, concierge and servant. I can see why you'd want one, I just don't see why you'd want to be married to one.

 

Maybe I'm just being defensive, having realized that if my wrinkles define my loved one's success as a wife, she's an abject failure. And through no fault of her own ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[xxoo]

What you're describing isn't a partner or a spouse, it's a combination maid, concierge and servant. I can see why you'd want one, I just don't see why you'd want to be married to one.

 

Maybe I'm just being defensive, having realized that if my wrinkles define my loved one's success as a wife, she's an abject failure. And through no fault of her own ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It also describes a mother. No thanks!