Western men seeking foreign wives.

[Els]

That is a very good point. Perhaps that is one reason why guys who have those traits but are not extremely assertive tend to gravitate towards Asian women?

 

Possibly, this could be the case.

 

It's hard to talk about this in general terms because there are always variations among people... but it's easy to see trends. If you read studies that show what creates a happy lasting marriage, none of these traits are reflected among things that western culture values in a spouse.

 

I agree to an extent, though I don't think it's 'western culture' that is the issue - there are many people from western cultures who have been happily married for decades. I know a few.

 

I think the issue is the 'instant gratification' mentality that is becoming prevalent in the newer generation of some Western cultures (and also some non-Western ones, but less prevalent there). I see a lot of it on LS - people advocating for throwing in the towel when a marriage is going through some intimacy problems a few weeks after the birth of a child, people calling a man a 'chump' or 'gay' for thinking about anything or anyone else besides himself and his penis, someone saying that 'only children date and make out for two weeks before they have sex'.

 

 

 

He also fed her when she couldn't feed herself, does laundry (as do I), shops for food (I help), cooks dinner (as do I), washes floors, and so on. My parents have always taken care of each other, and been able to take care of themselves. My mother is a Western woman, a hard worker, owned her own business up until six years ago. Before they married, she was taken care of by her mother - she worked and cleaned the house, but her mother had always cooked dinner, and done the laundry, so dad had to teach her to do both. But they're *partners*, and think beyond what's in it for them (unless they've been through an occasional bad patch, when anyone would think about moving on).

 

Lovely post, Anela. I agree. This sort of love is beautiful, and transcends all superficial matters. Nor is it exclusive to any one race or group of races.

[Els]

How well do those important traits stack up against a good looking guy? A majority of the women I meet will pass on the guy you described to go out with a better looking douchebag.

 

I suppose it depends on the sort of women you are meeting. Personally, looks doesn't even make my top 5 list of desired traits in a man. I suppose there is always a limit - I doubt I could be attracted to a morbidly obese man - but 'better looking' is largely irrelevant.

 

There are other women who are similar, though, you're probably just not meeting them.

[SawtoothMars]

I think the issue is the 'instant gratification' mentality that is becoming prevalent in the newer generation of some Western cultures (and also some non-Western ones, but less prevalent there). I see a lot of it on LS - people advocating for throwing in the towel when a marriage is going through some intimacy problems a few weeks after the birth of a child, people calling a man a 'chump' or 'gay' for thinking about anything or anyone else besides himself and his penis, someone saying that 'only children date and make out for two weeks before they have sex'.

 

Lovely post, Anela. I agree. This sort of love is beautiful, and transcends all superficial matters. Nor is it exclusive to any one race or group of races.

 

Instant gratification is part of it. A general lack of trust and blatant antagonism towards the opposite sex is I think an even greater driving factor.

 

I once told a date that I didn't read many female authors... and got a 5 minute lecture about my "privilege" and my "white male entitlements". I politely listened and nodded my head, and when the check came she didn't even pretend to offer to split it... then never responded to any of my attempts to contact her. I was young and that stuck with me for years!

 

I have also on more than one occasion caught women messing around with other guys while dating me. That stuck with me too!

 

I mean the fact is that we jump in and out of these relationships SO much and run into so many people who treat us like crap.... that when a marriage becomes tough all we have ever practiced is how to cut and run. You learn that if the woman isn't physical with you fast and early... then you are guaranteed to lose to another guy who is more pushy and aggressive. Heck, sometimes it feels like if you don't attempt to rape a western woman on the first date, she is going to feel like your not that into her, or gay.

[Woggle]

There is so much mistrust and animosity towards the genders right now I am surprised people even get together anymore.

 

While I don't think that a foreign woman is the answer I understand many men's frustrations about the modern relationship scene. To many it just seems like it's more drama than it's worth. A relationship is supposed to make your life better and not cause a bunch of stress and problems.

 

I am not one of these guys that wants women to be stuck in the kitchen but nearly every guy I know has had experience with a woman that treats a man like crap and when he takes issue with it he is a misogynist pig. In this kind of atmosphere it is understandable why some men looks towards more traditional cultures.

[Thegameoflife]

Every woman that I've been with, liked me because I was dominant over them. I'm a fair person, not abusive, but I can't take a woman's crap behavior. Women try to be dominant, but are submissive in their nature. I find most men don't know how to rise to the level that women will respect, where they will give a man authority. I'm a very well rounded person. I'm extremely intelligent to the point where my decisions are nearly impossible to argue against. I'm not selfish, and I'm very considerate. Men have to deserve a leadership role for it to be respected by a woman. It used to be a given, but it's not anymore.

[Elliotte]

I dated a lot of women from other countries; Mexico, Argentina, Brazil, Sweden, Germany, Japan, Turkey, etc etc. I married a German woman, but I didn't marry her simply because she was German.

 

Yes, it's hard not to think women from other countries are not 'better' than American women (or women from whatever country you are in). But really, I think that is more because everyone perceives "different" as better. To a certain extent you may feel more compatible with a woman (or man) that comes from a place with a strong emphasis on values you hold dear that you think aren't very common in the area you live in.

 

Speaking in broad generalizations, my experience with American women versus foreign women is American women (hell, Americans in general, guys included) have an inflated sense of entitlement, we've been promised all the opportunities and have excessive expectations when compared to most other countries. While on the whole foreign women seem more down to earth, realistic and often do not want to be pampered with material excess. That being said, I still have met the occasional spoiled brat girl from another country that shows a sense of entitlement just as bad as any American girl, and American women who are just as down to Earth as any foreign woman. When speaking in generalizations, there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule, but dominant cultural norms in each part of the world just make some types of people more plentiful.

 

Another thing foreign women seem to be is less picky about looks, and a lot more approachable. See that foreign bombshell across the room? She is a lot less likely to look down her nose at you than an American woman, if you come up to start a chat, she may even find your goofy jokes more charming! (again, my experience)

 

But hey, then why do women love guys with foreign accents? Watch The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, the guy is from Scotland and he talks dirty to actresses and somehow always manages to get away with it, and while he has a lot of charm, I am sure he'd get in a lot more trouble if he was an American!

[whatcanitellyou]

I agree that Americans in general have a huge sense of entitlement. There just happens to be more of an opportunity for men to look for overseas partners than women.....and my family is from a country that is a popular place to find what you'd call mail order brides. I can tell you that while the men think they're getting a prize often they're getting someone that has no opportunities where they are.

 

As an American woman married to an American man, it's my feeling that the US is still struggling with changing gender roles brought on by women entering the workforce en masse. Real social change can take generations and people tend to be suspicious of change, often yearning for the "good old days" and conveniently overlooking some of the not so good aspects of said good old days. So the days of clearly defined gender roles are over, and men and women are now struggling with who does what.

 

Many men were raised by old school parents so they've come to expect that their woman should do for them, but also expect their women to work and look like a model while raising their kids. And she should also fulfill his expectations of a sex life influenced by porn.....it's a lot to try to live up to. And if she doesn't work and assumes a more traditional role, heaven help the day the marriage doesn't work out and he has to support her.....see accepting the role of supporting someone only works well if they can't leave you. If that option is there you're on the hook, and while it's true that women initiated most of the divorces that doesn't mean her husband hasn't cheated/treated her like crap/done little to nothing to sustain the marriage, it just means he'll live in misery and not file. Hardly something to be proud of. All because he's got this idea that he'll get the short end in a divorce, which is only the case because of this traditional arrangement where he wanted a woman dependent on him financially so she'd do for him, and you can see how the cycle goes.

 

I work full time and make very good money; I can also cook quite well but guess what? Some nights my husband cooks because that's what partners do. We share household chores; he doesn't "help", he does his part because he lives here. I think in a couple of generations people will be more used to the fluid gender roles; I hope so because I also have sons and do think about the world they'll be living in. But I'm also trying to raise them to be good partners who have a lot to offer so they can get a good partner.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Every woman that I've been with, liked me because I was dominant over them. I'm a fair person, not abusive, but I can't take a woman's crap behavior. Women try to be dominant, but are submissive in their nature. I find most men don't know how to rise to the level that women will respect, where they will give a man authority. I'm a very well rounded person. I'm extremely intelligent to the point where my decisions are nearly impossible to argue against. I'm not selfish, and I'm very considerate. Men have to deserve a leadership role for it to be respected by a woman. It used to be a given, but it's not anymore.

 

God you sound like a winner:o

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I agree that Americans in general have a huge sense of entitlement. There just happens to be more of an opportunity for men to look for overseas partners than women.....and my family is from a country that is a popular place to find what you'd call mail order brides. I can tell you that while the men think they're getting a prize often they're getting someone that has no opportunities where they are.

 

As an American woman married to an American man, it's my feeling that the US is still struggling with changing gender roles brought on by women entering the workforce en masse. Real social change can take generations and people tend to be suspicious of change, often yearning for the "good old days" and conveniently overlooking some of the not so good aspects of said good old days. So the days of clearly defined gender roles are over, and men and women are now struggling with who does what.

 

Many men were raised by old school parents so they've come to expect that their woman should do for them, but also expect their women to work and look like a model while raising their kids. And she should also fulfill his expectations of a sex life influenced by porn.....it's a lot to try to live up to. And if she doesn't work and assumes a more traditional role, heaven help the day the marriage doesn't work out and he has to support her.....see accepting the role of supporting someone only works well if they can't leave you. If that option is there you're on the hook, and while it's true that women initiated most of the divorces that doesn't mean her husband hasn't cheated/treated her like crap/done little to nothing to sustain the marriage, it just means he'll live in misery and not file. Hardly something to be proud of. All because he's got this idea that he'll get the short end in a divorce, which is only the case because of this traditional arrangement where he wanted a woman dependent on him financially so she'd do for him, and you can see how the cycle goes.

 

I work full time and make very good money; I can also cook quite well but guess what? Some nights my husband cooks because that's what partners do. We share household chores; he doesn't "help", he does his part because he lives here. I think in a couple of generations people will be more used to the fluid gender roles; I hope so because I also have sons and do think about the world they'll be living in. But I'm also trying to raise them to be good partners who have a lot to offer so they can get a good partner.

 

I agree.

 

They want the hausfrau but she damn well better work outside of the home too. Then they get to relax because they woooooorrrrrk.

[Fugu]

I keep hearing more and more about men going overseas to find women to marry because they don't like the way western women behave. The other day I spoke to my cousin and found out he's engaged to be get married to a girl from back home. I saw pics of her on facebook and she's very attractive. I've never dated a foreign simply because there aren't that many around, but I've worked with some guys who were happily married to foreign women. I've been to a couple places overseas and I noticed the women there are very approachable and easy to talk to.

 

Anybody have any experience with foreign women or married to eastern women?

 

Married to an Eastern woman. They're every bit as complex as a Western woman is, but I didn't marry my wife because she's Asian; I just thought she was someone I couldn't live without.

[Fugu]

There is so much mistrust and animosity towards the genders right now I am surprised people even get together anymore.

 

While I don't think that a foreign woman is the answer I understand many men's frustrations about the modern relationship scene. To many it just seems like it's more drama than it's worth. A relationship is supposed to make your life better and not cause a bunch of stress and problems.

 

I am not one of these guys that wants women to be stuck in the kitchen but nearly every guy I know has had experience with a woman that treats a man like crap and when he takes issue with it he is a misogynist pig. In this kind of atmosphere it is understandable why some men looks towards more traditional cultures.

 

The problem for men is, marriage is a choice.

 

On the one hand, I think it's a good thing - many women used to be trapped in awful marriages with no end in sight. I think it's good that women can escape from abusive or adulterous relationships in which they're degraded. But some women feel like they're entitled to a divorce simply because their guy "doesn't understand them anymore," or because they've "outgrown them." Marriage ought to be a commitment, not just another form of dating.

[lollipopspot]

Every woman that I've been with, liked me because I was dominant over them. I'm a fair person, not abusive, but I can't take a woman's crap behavior. Women try to be dominant, but are submissive in their nature.

 

Sorry, I'm not interested in having someone be dominant over me, and your pop psychology views about women's "nature" are ridiculous. I wonder why so many men like the military, since a soldier's job is to be subservient to his leader? I guess men must be subservient by nature!

 

I'm a very well rounded person. I'm extremely intelligent to the point where my decisions are nearly impossible to argue against.

 

In my experience when someone develops a lot of pride, this is when their mistakes are the most serious.

 

I'm interested in both men and women being able to express themselves, and become their best and most developed selves. None of this 'woman's job is to be the subservient helper to the man' crap. It's very convenient for a guy to decide that a woman's role is to be his subservient helper, and I'm sure many would even continue to have slaves here were it still legal. But I sure as hell don't appreciate someone preaching to me about my so-called "subservient nature," I've been held back enough in life by these sexist ideologies. I'm sure if you have a daughter and you're a decent man you will want more for her than to be under someone's thumb.

[scatterd]

What country has good men.Because after this one I don't want another one from here.

[SawtoothMars]

I agree that Americans in general have a huge sense of entitlement. There just happens to be more of an opportunity for men to look for overseas partners than women.....and my family is from a country that is a popular place to find what you'd call mail order brides. I can tell you that while the men think they're getting a prize often they're getting someone that has no opportunities where they are.

 

It's hard to say "American Women" and have that actually mean something, because there are so many diverse subcultures. Dating a Southern Belle is totally different from an inner city hipster. However, there is a somewhat generic culture which predominates in most all states.

 

Men in America are entitled brats. In dating this makes short, fat, bald, ugly, men think that they deserve super models. This does not happen for 99% of them, so their expectations come back down to earth. American Woman do NOT have this mechanism to bring them back to reality. This is just a fact of dating here.

 

If you look around the world and compare the greatest difference you will find between women anywhere else in the world and those raised in US culture is LOYALTY. This also applies to English and Australian women as well. This group of women as a culture seems to be attempting to turn Cheating into a professional sport. Frankly... if they are not cheating on you... it's just because they have not met the right guy!

[elaine567]

If you look around the world and compare the greatest difference you will find between women anywhere else in the world and those raised in US culture is LOYALTY. This also applies to English and Australian women as well. This group of women as a culture seems to be attempting to turn Cheating into a professional sport. Frankly... if they are not cheating on you... it's just because they have not met the right guy!

 

Cheating is no longer the preserve of men in the West, women no longer have the thought of penury nor the label of sluttery nor the worry of ostracisation from society to dissuade them from doing what men have been doing for generations.

The control over them by men that many "foreign" women endure, has MADE them loyal. The risk is just too great otherwise.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm a very well rounded person. I'm extremely intelligent to the point where my decisions are nearly impossible to argue against.

 

Thomas Merton said:

 

Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real.

 

Mr. Lucky

[40 Fonzarelli]

So what's the best way to meet foreign women? This thread sparked my interest after seeing the show "90 day fiance"

[Rejected Rosebud]

So what's the best way to meet foreign women? This thread sparked my interest after seeing the show "90 day fiance"

Travel to other countries! Or join an online dating site that specializes. I even think you can go on an organized tour for men looking to date women from whatever country! Good luck!

[CarrieT]

So what's the best way to meet foreign women?

What ethnicity are you attracted to?

 

You can find women desperate to leave their countries just about anywhere; Eastern European, Thailand, Philippines, South America...

[taiko]

So what's the best way to meet foreign women? This thread sparked my interest after seeing the show "90 day fiance"

 

What you saw on the show, many were in another country to work or study for an extended period before being cast and having the extended family play racist and ugly American roles. Like asking if you are a green card prostitute or demanding that my ex husband has no more children because it might cut my child support for examples.

 

Second best depending upon how you roll is to get on the net and make a connection or have a matchmaker. Many will say just take a short trip and expect the US/Western European passport privilege means that many will throw themselves at you as that passport transform Joe Schmo into a rock star. However if there is an active sex industry where you land that passport also makes you a probable sex tourist and the retiring sex workers will be about the only people willing to be seen you and take the risk unless you connected before, either online chat or better by a family member matchmaker.

[piggyoink]

So what's the best way to meet foreign women? This thread sparked my interest after seeing the show "90 day fiance"

 

download wechat on your android or iphone.

[insert_name]

In the course of my travels I have found foreign women to be much more appealing than women from the UK. I feel this is due to western society which is trying to make up for oppressing women a century ago by pandering to them by celebrating dubious character traits and lifestyle choices whilst trying to remove personal responsibility. The result is that women think that life owes them the best of everything. I was vaguely aware that there was 'something in the water' in the late 90's and now since the advent of social media and smart phones its patently obvious that women are demanding more from men for less quality in return and more and more people seem to be picking up on this- the word 'entitlement' seems to be everywhere these days.

 

The place that left a particular impression on me (which I would recommend to men who are serious about meeting a foreign woman) was Poland. I was actually 'visible' there, women would regularly make eye contact in the street and smile at me- hot women too in a very demure classy way, not brash like an escapee from a rap video as is often the style in the West. Most in good shape. The women were also generally more attractive all round, seemed happier and approachable (in the sense that they did not mind being talked to by a random guy)

 

During my all too brief time there it really did seem that the culture works a lot differently to the west. In Poland it felt like men demand that women be their equal, rather than pedestalise them like we seem to do here. Instead of the onus being on the man to prove himself worthy of having a woman, the signs were that women have to compete for the attention of men. Would certainly explain why I seemed to get a positive reaction from the women there.

 

The country itself is very nice and economically has really picked up in recent years, I think it would be a goldmine for foreign men if it wasn't for the language barrier which was the major stumbling block to me jacking it all in here and moving over there. Polish is such a dense language, especially for a Brit to learn, harder than Russian by all accounts.