somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I wanted to address this, too. It was only 3 or 4, but they basically did ALL the approaching. It's super rare for women to approach without any encouragement at all! No, it's not. It's actually very common for obese women to be aggressive. So if you were the type of guy who could be attracted to a woman of bigger size, and you flirted and tried with those women, you might have had a lot of interest. It's just a hypothetical, because you aren't able to be attracted, but for the guys who ARE able to be attracted (most men), that's how they get in the game. Just keep trying with women of all types, because most young men are horny enough to get aroused with any woman The first woman I ever kissed, and "dated" for two weeks was obese. She just did not work for me. I felt disgusted in myself for settling with woman I was not attracted to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 The first woman I ever kissed, and "dated" for two weeks was obese. She just did not work for me. I felt disgusted in myself for settling with woman I was not attracted to. That's fine. No one is saying you should start chasing solely obese women, but you could stop ruling out women who aren't thin immediately. Sometimes, when you give someone a chance and get to know them, they become attractive to you, even if they weren't initially. I'm not generally attracted to short men, but I dated a man who was 5'6". I dated him because I liked him and that made him attractive to me. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 That's fine. No one is saying you should start chasing solely obese women, but you could stop ruling out women who aren't thin immediately. Sometimes, when you give someone a chance and get to know them, they become attractive to you, even if they weren't initially. I'm not generally attracted to short men, but I dated a man who was 5'6". I dated him because I liked him and that made him attractive to me. Are you actively turned off by short men? Is there any physical trait in a man that turns you off? Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 The more attractive people, in appearance and otherwise, get their pick. That's just life. Which is why we self-loathe. We don't want to accept the ugly truth. Anyway, don't we all have some things that are immediate deal-breakers to us? I don't think it's necessary to tell somedude81 to force himself to be attracted to overweight women because that's just one of his personal superficial deal-breakers. I have them too. We all have them. Or am I missing something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Which is why we self-loathe. We don't want to accept the ugly truth. Anyway, don't we all have some things that are immediate deal-breakers to us? I don't think it's necessary to tell somedude81 to force himself to be attracted to overweight women because that's just one of his personal superficial deal-breakers. I have them too. We all have them. Or am I missing something? I think the major issue is seeing individuals as "overweight women" or "short men" or whatever other group. People are individuals. If you get to know lots of individuals of a variety of shapes and sizes, most find that there are individuals who we are attracted to. In the absence of porn, and spending a lot of time with friends, you may find that your thoughts and fantasies are drifting towards someone you'd never expect. And that isn't something that can be forced. It's something that happens on its own, but only if given a chance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 (edited) Look, somedude81 is attracted to whom he is attracted to. He doesn't "owe" anyone a chance. Especially because he already knows from experience that being overweight is a deal-breaker for him. HOWEVER, just as the women who say they have "no options" have to have perspective that in fact, they DO have guys willing to go on dates with them, somedude81 needs to have perspective, and realize that he too has women willing to meet him, even if they aren't his type. He would do well to take responsibility in that regard too. Edited May 25, 2014 by Imajerk17 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 IMO, 'reasons' vary but for myself it was a combination of demographics (surplus of males) plus relatively outlier and unattractive behavior from myself, relative to the customary and usual behavior of males in my demographic. I didn't have enough 'edge', either physically or psychologically, resulting in a lot of rejections. Another man's situation will be unique to him. Like I said, water long under the bridge. Life is good today. Carhill, what did you eventually do to change your physical and psychological presentation, and your behavior, that resulted in being able to get more dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Are you actively turned off by short men? Is there any physical trait in a man that turns you off? Which is why we self-loathe. We don't want to accept the ugly truth. This thread is fraught with deflection. Jesus... take some responsibility for your situation. STOP blaming women for all your problems. Take a long hard look at yourself, acknowledge what is undesirable, and WORK to change what you can for the better. It's that simple. I know I know... you don't want to put in any effort into a positive change of self. You want the world to change for you. Sorry, but that will NEVER happen. Stop ****ing feeling sorry for yourself. Life doesn't owe you anything... you have to take what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 That's fine. No one is saying you should start chasing solely obese women, but you could stop ruling out women who aren't thin immediately. Sometimes, when you give someone a chance and get to know them, they become attractive to you, even if they weren't initially. I'm not generally attracted to short men, but I dated a man who was 5'6". I dated him because I liked him and that made him attractive to me. I get the strong impression that you view short men as I view women with small breasts. Essentially I could say, "I'm not generally attracted to small breasted women, but I dated a woman who was a B cup. I dated her because I liked her and that made her attractive to me." As It's well known on this forum, I'm phenomenally attracted to women with large breasts. I am extremely turned on by slim busty women. But I'm able to make an exception and date women how have a smaller than average chest. I won't let a womans breast size stop me from dating her if shes otherwise a great person. I get the impression that you see short men in the same way. Being obese is basically the one physical thing I cannot make an exception for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Carhill, what did you eventually do to change your physical and psychological presentation, and your behavior, that resulted in being able to get more dates? Most of the changes resulted from being an OM at the young age of 25 and 'hardening up' and becoming less empathetic and accommodating and 'friendly'. Along with that, I took up endurance cycling, which increased fitness as well as testosterone production, changing my appearance to a harder look than my prior 'baby face' look. This was especially important in a demographic with surplus males. Along with that, I ranged further out to meet eligible ladies, culminating in international dating in my mid-late 30's. My first LTR lived around 40 miles away, as one example. IMO, such factors are individual, as well as related to demographic and generation. Boiling it down, there was a lack of single ladies irrelevant of appearance or attractiveness or compatibility, and in my generation at that time and in that demographic I was unattractive to those I came across. I tried different things until meeting with some success. I would say my unwillingness to let go of parts of my personality which were unattractive contributed markedly to the delay. One specific thing I did do was to watch how successful men behaved with women and to take a critical look at myself. At a more advanced age, my give-a-damn is broken so I just accept whatever results obtain, but I can understand the younger male's frustrations, as they're still driven biologically to pair-bond and reproduce. For most, it works out fine. They'll get there. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 This thread is fraught with deflection. Jesus... take some responsibility for your situation. STOP blaming women for all your problems. Take a long hard look at yourself, acknowledge what is undesirable, and WORK to change what you can for the better. It's that simple. I know I know... you don't want to put in any effort into a positive change of self. You want the world to change for you. Sorry, but that will NEVER happen. Actually, I don't blame women for not liking short men. They can't control what they are attracted to. And I am doing the bolded. It's just when I read stories like this (actually read the thing before laughing hysterically at the title: https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130810193023AAiEbnf), I feel like I have no hope. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Look, somedude81 is attracted to whom he is attracted to. He doesn't "owe" anyone a chance. Especially because he already knows from experience that being overweight is a deal-breaker for him. HOWEVER, just as the women who say they have "no options" have to have perspective that in fact, they DO have guys willing to go on dates with them, somedude81 needs to have perspective, and realize that he too has women willing to meet him, even if they aren't his type. He would do well to take responsibility in that regard too. I agree with your post. But I want to clarify that I'm not asking SD to give anyone a chance, except himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 It's just when I read stories like this (actually read the thing before laughing hysterically at the title... I feel like I have no hope. How tall are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Who cares. They should have never measured R3D's height. Maybe then he'd be happy. Stop defining yourself by your height, dude. I get the strong impression that you view short men as I view women with small breasts. Essentially I could say, "I'm not generally attracted to small breasted women, but I dated a woman who was a B cup. I dated her because I liked her and that made her attractive to me." As It's well known on this forum, I'm phenomenally attracted to women with large breasts. I am extremely turned on by slim busty women. But I'm able to make an exception and date women how have a smaller than average chest. I won't let a womans breast size stop me from dating her if shes otherwise a great person. I get the impression that you see short men in the same way. Being obese is basically the one physical thing I cannot make an exception for. *facepalm* Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 How tall are you? 16 and 5'3.5. Details for why a late growth spurt is not possible: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/478426-today-i-find-out-i-got-all-short-genes Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 How tall are you? Better yet, how old, 16 IIRC? Way too young to be self loathing. And may have growing to do yet. Very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 *facepalm* Care to explain why you "facepalm" that post? Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 16 and 5'3.5. I don't want to veer off too much, but I have a doctor who is less than your height, with a somewhat oddly shaped body too. He's a fantastic guy, and he has a lovely wife and daughter. You are small in America, but you are taller than the average male in Bolivia for example, and average for a male in the Philippines. It's part of normal human variation. Your height is not your destiny. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 (edited) I get the strong impression that you view short men as I view women with small breasts. Essentially I could say, "I'm not generally attracted to small breasted women, but I dated a woman who was a B cup. I dated her because I liked her and that made her attractive to me." As It's well known on this forum, I'm phenomenally attracted to women with large breasts. I am extremely turned on by slim busty women. But I'm able to make an exception and date women how have a smaller than average chest. I won't let a womans breast size stop me from dating her if shes otherwise a great person. I get the impression that you see short men in the same way. Being obese is basically the one physical thing I cannot make an exception for. That's fine, but surely you also realize that such women tend to get a lot of attention. If you are going to be waiting until you are able to attract one of these women to be your loyal girlfriend, then you might be staying single for quite a while. Especially if you aren't willing/able to do the "work on yourself" stuff in the meanwhile. We haven't even gotten to the important stuff such as personality, kindness, character... Edited May 25, 2014 by Imajerk17 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Care to explain why you "facepalm" that post? His perception of reality is so distorted and he doesn't even realize it. The only girls he can get a date with are chubby, and here he is saying **** like: Essentially I could say, "I'm not generally attracted to small breasted women, but I dated a woman who was a B cup. I dated her because I liked her and that made her attractive to me." As It's well known on this forum, I'm phenomenally attracted to women with large breasts. I am extremely turned on by slim busty women. But I'm able to make an exception and date women how have a smaller than average chest. I won't let a womans breast size stop me from dating her if shes otherwise a great person. As if dating a girl with a B cup is a HUGE sacrifice and she should be so lucky to be dating such a stud, when she has so little to bring to the table. "Slim busty women"??? Sounds like someone has been watching too much porn. SD's gonna need to make more exceptions than just breast size with his attitude... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 That's another thing I wanted to bring up. I know this has been asked before, but I think this thread warrants the discussion. Are short men the male equivalent of fat women? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 That's another thing I wanted to bring up. I know this has been asked before, but I think this thread warrants the discussion. Are short men the male equivalent of fat women? Nope. The short guys will tell you there's no reason the women can't lose weight. But they can't get taller. Follow me? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Nope. The short guys will tell you there's no reason the women can't lose weight. But they can't get taller. Follow me? I say that too. But I mean in terms of raw attraction. Is being a short guy as unattractive to a girl as a fat girl is unattractive to a guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I think one reason why you guys get so much heat is because you whine and whine about how unfair it is that women don't like short guys, and yet you shamelessly go on about how you want slim women with big breasts. This strikes even me (a guy no one would consider a feminist) as odd. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I say that too. But I mean in terms of raw attraction. Is being a short guy as unattractive to a girl as a fat girl is unattractive to a guy? People are individuals. Some short guys and fat chicks are very desired by the opposite sex! Alone and lonely is equivalent to alone and lonely, regardless of shape or size. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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