clia Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 So how do you know how low to go? Most men don't want to pursue obese women, regardless if they are obese or not. You've seen the pictures of my and I. Could you imagine me with a woman who was 50 lbs heavier than I am? I didn't say anything about forcing men to pursue obese women, or that obese women were what I was referring to when I said "aim lower." There are hundreds of different qualities about a person, including looks, education, job, personality traits, etc. it's not just one thing. Also, you aren't doing the things I listed in my post. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 So how do you know how low to go? Until they start saying "yes." You've seen the pictures of my and I. Could you imagine me with a woman who was 50 lbs heavier than I am? Yup. Totally could. See bold. Maybe it's an arousal problem. They want to date porn stars. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I didn't say that at all You've seen the pictures of my and I. Could you imagine me with a woman who was 50 lbs heavier than I am? I see it every day. Not everyone can get a hottie! How was I supposed to interpret your post? I made a post strictly about weight, and if a woman was 50 lbs heavier than me, that would put her at 200. And then you talked about hotties. Basically saying that any woman who isn't 50 lbs heavier than I am, is a hottie. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 How was I supposed to interpret your post? I made a post strictly about weight, and if a woman was 50 lbs heavier than me, that would put her at 200. And then you talked about hotties. Basically saying that any woman who isn't 50 lbs heavier than I am, is a hottie. Interpret it as: a woman 50 lb heavier than you most likely would not be a hottie, but not everyone can get a hottie, and most guys find partners they are happy with and attracted to nevertheless. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I didn't say anything about forcing men to pursue obese women, or that obese women were what I was referring to when I said "aim lower." There are hundreds of different qualities about a person, including looks, education, job, personality traits, etc. it's not just one thing. Eh.... To a man, none of those things actually matter except for looks. So when you say, "aim lower" to a man, the first thing that comes to his mind is, go after less attractive women. Then the next step in a mans mind is the thought that less attractive women = obese women. So basically, "aiming too high and should adjust your focus" means, "start chasing bigger women." Or maybe that's just how my brain works Also, you aren't doing the things I listed in my post. Yeah but....... I can't hear you when I'm running away! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 But they tell me there is no such thing as "leagues"... However, you are correct. Its not getting a girlfriend that's the problem. It's getting a girlfriend who you actually like and are sexually attracted to, which cannot be ignored because without sexual attraction, a romantic relationship is not possible. And of course it's necessary to actually like the person. I feel like because of my lack of height and average looks I won't be able to get a girlfriend that I am actually attracted to both physically and as a person. This is the cause of my self-loathing. No, I don't think I have standards that are too high, but I do need to actually be attracted to the girl. Otherwise, what's the point? And the women you are attracted to aren't attracted to you. It's quite a conundrum, isn't it? Well, you either adjust or standards or carry on alone. Your choice. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Eh.... To a man, none of those things actually matter except for looks. So when you say, "aim lower" to a man, the first thing that comes to his mind is, go after less attractive women. Then the next step in a mans mind is the thought that less attractive women = obese women. So basically, "aiming too high and should adjust your focus" means, "start chasing bigger women." Or maybe that's just how my brain works Yeah but....... I can't hear you when I'm running away! THe bolded might be the root of the issue. That's not true for all men, but maybe is more true for the men who struggle to attract "anyone". 4 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 THe bolded might be the root of the issue. That's not true for all men, but maybe is more true for the men who struggle to attract "anyone". It actually makes things more broad than I think you're imagining. When I look at a woman, she's either cute or not. The vast majority of women in my target age range of 22-30 are cute. That means I'd almost go on a date with just about anyone. So how could that be hindering me? Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 adjust or standards How do I do this? Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 It actually makes things more broad than I think you're imagining. When I look at a woman, she's either cute or not. The vast majority of women in my target age range of 22-30 are cute. That means I'd almost go on a date with just about anyone. So how could that be hindering me? Your "just about anyone" doesn't include the girls that will go on a date with you. How do I do this? Get drunk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 It actually makes things more broad than I think you're imagining. When I look at a woman, she's either cute or not. The vast majority of women in my target age range of 22-30 are cute. That means I'd almost go on a date with just about anyone. So how could that be hindering me? Because some women have expressed interest in you, but you aren't attracted to them. Other men, who have a broader interest in women beyond appearance, would have relationships with those women. They wouldn't be alone feeling that they couldn't have a date with "anyone". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Get drunk. I am underage. And I want to abstain from alcohol anyway. Besides, once I am not drunk, my standards would go back to normal anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I am underage. And I want to abstain from alcohol anyway. Besides, once I am not drunk, my standards would go back to normal anyway. Heh... that'll change. Stop watching porn and ****. That'll get your standards down. Then start appreciating the attractive features (including her personality) of a girl, instead of judging EVERY LITTLE DETAIL about her appearance. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 How do I do this? Abstain from porn. Make lots of friends, with guys and girls. Get to know people beyond the superficial. Have fun with groups of young men and women and see who sparks your interest after you get to know them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Alright thanks. Will do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Because some women have expressed interest in you, but you aren't attracted to them. Other men, who have a broader interest in women beyond appearance, would have relationships with those women. They wouldn't be alone feeling that they couldn't have a date with "anyone". The only women who have expressed interest in me, all 3 or 4 of them over my entire life, were the "50 lbs heavier than me" women I was talking about. Of course, the only woman that was not heavier than I was, who expressed interest in me, very subtly I might add, was my ex. A woman being heavier than me is the biggest and most important deal breaker I have, yet I'm constantly being told I should throw it away. I should not and I absolutely will not settle for a woman that I have absolutely zero physical attraction to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 (edited) I think BOTH genders need to take responsibility. Men are entitled. They think it is their right for females to date and hump them regardless of any other factors. They whine about the girls who go after the bad boys and the druggies and compare themselves as better than them. Apparently, if you are a dull boy with less than average looks whose entire life revolves around finding a gf, you aren't interesting, it has nothing to do with being nice because plenty of nice, smart, cute, interesting guys get girls all the time. Women think they deserve less and men think they deserve more, therefore women settle for idiots and bad boys and men want the top of the pack, the most beautiful and sexy with the biggest hooters so they can be admired by their friends. It is whack. No one is entitled to anything. If you aren't getting laid or a date, it is because you are lacking in some way so work on it. Gym, education, job, makeovers, hobbies, friendships, loyalty, confidence, knowing who you are as a person and what you believe,etc. makes you more interesting to others because it ups your ante. I agree with your second paragraph but think your first is wrong and disempowering. Single women's big fault isn't that they're too generous and they don't realize how awesome they really are [laughs]. They go by attraction just much as men do. Attraction isn't logical or fair, but it's far healthier and empowering to say that you aren't meeting the guys you are attracted to, or that the guys you are attracted to are bad for you. Take responsibility! Men make horrible choices too by the way. As I mentioned somewhere else, there are plenty of sweet women with a good heads on their shoulders who are getting passed up for the "hot messes". Men aren't doing this out of the kindness of their hearts, they are doing this due to attraction (which isn't logical or fair). On a related note... irc333, I feel the need to comment on your post and how this topic relates to your last thread. Yes, the women in your dating pool have habits that probably don't serve them when it comes to men. I do wonder though, about *your* standards. Why are you thinking about the women your friend knows who aren't into meetups for example, and concern yourself more with the women there who do want to meet someone. I do wonder sometimes if you are going for the one or two women in your social circle (meet up, church) whom every other single guy wants to get with, and I don't think it serves you. Edited May 25, 2014 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 The only women who have expressed interest in me, all 3 or 4 of them over my entire life, were the "50 lbs heavier than me" women I was talking about. Of course, the only woman that was not heavier than I was, who expressed interest in me, very subtly I might add, was my ex. A woman being heavier than me is the biggest and most important deal breaker I have, yet I'm constantly being told I should throw it away. I should not and I absolutely will not settle for a woman that I have absolutely zero physical attraction to. Have fun being alone then *shrugs* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 The only women who have expressed interest in me, all 3 or 4 of them over my entire life, were the "50 lbs heavier than me" women I was talking about. Of course, the only woman that was not heavier than I was, who expressed interest in me, very subtly I might add, was my ex. A woman being heavier than me is the biggest and most important deal breaker I have, yet I'm constantly being told I should throw it away. I should not and I absolutely will not settle for a woman that I have absolutely zero physical attraction to. I don't think you should settle. But the guys who are more flexible and are able to be attracted to an individual woman who is overweight do not end up alone and unhappy. They end up in relationships, and they are the norm. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I think BOTH genders need to take responsibility. I agree with your second paragraph but think your first is wrong and disempowering. Single women's big fault isn't that they're too generous and they don't realize how awesome they really are [laughs]. They go by attraction just much as men do. Attraction isn't logical or fair, but it's far healthier and empowering to say that you aren't meeting the guys you are attracted to, or that the guys you are attracted to are bad for you. Take responsibility! Men make horrible choices too by the way. As I mentioned somewhere else, there are plenty of sweet women with a good heads on their shoulders who are getting passed up for the "hot messes". Men aren't doing this out of the kindness of their hearts, they are doing this due to attraction (which isn't logical or fair). On a related note... irc333, I feel the need to comment on your post and how this topic relates to your last thread. Yes, the women in your dating pool have habits that probably don't serve them when it comes to men. I do wonder though, about *your* standards. Why are you thinking about the women your friend knows who aren't into meetups for example, and concern yourself more with the women there who do want to meet someone. I do wonder sometimes if you are going for the one or two women in your social circle (meet up, church) whom every other single guy wants to get with, and I don't think it serves you. I should have made it clear, I wasn't talking about all men as some men are happily dating away, I was taking about the men who can't get a date with anyone as was mentioned in the topic. They feel entitled and don't adjust their expectations. What I meant about women expecting too little is they take a lot from those bad boys because they have poor self esteem. I think we agreed, I just didn't word my reply very well. It is all about personal responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I should have made it clear, I wasn't talking about all men as some men are happily dating away, I was taking about the men who can't get a date with anyone as was mentioned in the topic. They feel entitled and don't adjust their expectations. What I meant about women expecting too little is they take a lot from those bad boys because they have poor self esteem. I think we agreed, I just didn't word my reply very well. It is all about personal responsibility. No, unhappy single men are not "entitled" any more than unhappy single women are. BOTH women and men put up with bad treatment from the wrong person due to attraction/feeling bonded with them/low self-esteem. And women are dateless due to having unrealistic standards just as much as men are. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 The only women who have expressed interest in me, all 3 or 4 of them over my entire life, were the "50 lbs heavier than me" women I was talking about.. I wanted to address this, too. It was only 3 or 4, but they basically did ALL the approaching. It's super rare for women to approach without any encouragement at all! So if you were the type of guy who could be attracted to a woman of bigger size, and you flirted and tried with those women, you might have had a lot of interest. It's just a hypothetical, because you aren't able to be attracted, but for the guys who ARE able to be attracted (most men), that's how they get in the game. Just keep trying with women of all types, because most young men are horny enough to get aroused with any woman 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I don't think you should settle. But the guys who are more flexible and are able to be attracted to an individual woman who is overweight do not end up alone and unhappy. They end up in relationships, and they are the norm. What about the guys who find a woman who has a healthy weight? Are women who are non-obese now considered to be abnormal? And how come it has to be the guy that is flexible? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 So I'm interested. Are there really people on this forum who cannot get a date with any person? People who would honestly date any (sane and reasonably nice person) of any age/any weight/any looks/any race but who genuinely keep getting rejected by absolutely everyone? 'Cannot' is water long under the bridge but there was a period from my late teens to mid-twenties where I couldn't get a date to save my life, with anyone, mainly because it was impossible, even with a relatively active social life, to meet any single women who didn't reject my dating advances. After that point, 'cannot' ended and I did date mostly single mothers who were divorced or had never married. I didn't really meet a single childless woman who went on dates with me until my late 30's when dating a nice lawyer in Lviv and later marrying my exW, who was also childless. IMO, 'reasons' vary but for myself it was a combination of demographics (surplus of males) plus relatively outlier and unattractive behavior from myself, relative to the customary and usual behavior of males in my demographic. I didn't have enough 'edge', either physically or psychologically, resulting in a lot of rejections. Another man's situation will be unique to him. Like I said, water long under the bridge. Life is good today. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 What about the guys who find a woman who has a healthy weight? Are women who are non-obese now considered to be abnormal? And how come it has to be the guy that is flexible? Oh, man, do women ever have to be flexible, too! Do ya'll think you're a prize? The more attractive people, in appearance and otherwise, get their pick. That's just life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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