Mz. Pixie Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Okay, I'm not defending him here but a bacterial infection down there can make a man pretty sick. I have a male friend that got one- and his nads got swollen up about the size of a orange overnight. He rushed to the ER and they scared the crap out of him by saying it could be cancer and scheduling him for a biopsy. Once he saw the urologist he didn't think it was- they drained him and gave him really hard antibiotics. I mean, he was running fever, vomiting the works. He couldn't get it up either for several weeks after that even with Viagra! Mexico sounds great although I can't believe he forgot Valentines Day! Did you tell him if anything remotely happened like that again that it was over between you two? I would say, Last Chance buddy! Sometimes men just do not think, that's not an excuse but yeah, they mess up on occasion. Whether or not you feel it's worth it to give him another chance would be up to you hon, only you know the real dynamics of what goes on.
MassiveAtom Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Hi {{{Merin}}} You like Fiona Apple? Try listening to "Shadowboxer" I would listen to it all the time trying to figure out whether my ex was just mean, or just COULDN'T be compassionate. I think you're being observant, and wary. -- Once bitten, twice shy. twice bitten, I may cry. bitten three times change my mind bitten again? well, you just try.
Author Yikes Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by Merin I took him in the afternoon.. they had to put a needle in there (ooouuuccchhh) and gave him antibiotics... he has to be off work for the rest of the week... Ouch, that hurt just reading that. So his twin are sore now, that's unfortunate. Not enough guys listen to the doctor. Mine said "take it easy for at least 5 days, keep the area iced". While he didn't specifically say not to scoot out for a "buy", I figured it was probably implied. Merin, ever thought about putting on probation?
blind_otter Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme That's "I had", Merin. Past tense. That was quite the situation. It'd be too long to tell and makes no sense to me yet. He treated me like a queen and was loving and kind to me. But that was it. Was my constant companion and everyone was convinced we were lovers but the only intimacy he wanted was the emotional sort. The real kicker was that when he found himself a lover, he still wanted to keep me around to fulfil his emotional intimacy needs!!! He figured you could parcel out relationships and have different needs met by different people! Anyway, back to the thread. I hope you're wrong and that it works out for you but it sounds like you have one of those wretched gut feelings that's probably correct. Damn. Hah. Sounds like my exbestfriend. Who has joined to dumbass club because he won't answer the phone when I call...that's what I get for calling him a ****ing cokehead. har har har. It's funny to me - betrayal in a relationship, any relationship, platonic or romantic, is still betrayal. And in some ways, those you share emotional intimacy hurt you more than those you just f*ck - well I doubt many people parcel their affection out as rigidly as I do....but you get the picture. I have said over and over, Mr.T's abandonment of me, especially with my neurological problems and seizure disorder, espcially because I had a seizure RIGHT in his apartment, hurts more than any breakup I had. Back to square one I suppose. I cancelled my date with the massage therapist. someone told me that you should always cancel the first date. I am definately (a) intimidated and (b) afraid he is playing a game with me. He's 19 years older than me, for God's sake!! I still can't really trust ANYONE enuf to be in a relationship. Besides, Mr. T got all freaked out by my seizure disorder, I'm sure the majority of men would put that under "dealbreaker" category... Merin, thanks - I really look up to you ya know. You are one special lady. Your wee ones must be great. As for your guy, I am intimately familiar with the ins and outs of marijuana consumption, and buying and selling....it's hard to deal with if you're not with it because by the very nature of the habit he will be secretive. And in all honesty, no matter what anyone else says, you can't quit just for someone else - you quit when you want to, or when the consequences of the habit become too much to deal with (thus, no more alcohol or occassional cocaine for me, little seizure that I am). Woah the room is spinning. Thanks dilantin. I hate being heavily sedated. Well I only like it when I chooooooose to be.
Merin Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 MA~ I actually do like Fiona Apple! I just went to starbucks.. uh for lunch? LOL heard staind on the radio a song called "It's been awhile" hmmm ... makes me think. You like that song? Thank you MA for your words.. it makes me feel like maybe I'm not crazy and was/am justified... Mz P~ I do know what you're saying.. he told me he was sorry for being an idiot.. added that he had not been feeling well.. and while I can understand that.. this is the first time in a long time that I haven't made it *OK* for someone to treat me bad.. know what I mean? My Dad always tells me IF you become a doormat for someone it doesn't matter who it is or how nice they are... it is human nature to be walked on when you become that... so yeah... Yikes~ LOL he did do pretty well following his Docs instructions.. but yeah I know what you're saying... when you say a probation time.. do you mean for him? For me to set limits so to speak? Otter~ Love to you Girl.. be careful and take care of you
Author Yikes Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 I was thinking that "assuming" that you weren't shutting him dowm all together that you may want it made clear to him that he's on probation. He needs to know that he will not be pulling that crap on you again. Plus he has to take you to Mexico for a vacation. He is? Damn you're good! Kidding aside, no one here wants you to be treated with disrespect. The guy needs keep his head out of his a$$. Off the stuff all together would be nice for you, but that's not likely I suppose. Y
Merin Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes I was thinking that "assuming" that you weren't shutting him dowm all together that you may want it made clear to him that he's on probation. He needs to know that he will not be pulling that crap on you again. Plus he has to take you to Mexico for a vacation. He is? Damn you're good! Kidding aside, no one here wants you to be treated with disrespect. The guy needs keep his head out of his a$$. Off the stuff all together would be nice for you, but that's not likely I suppose. Y I know what you're saying Yikes.. and sincerely I appreciate you guys looking out for me. It's funny how words on a screen with a *connection* to people you've never seen can still really make you feel better.. and Yikes, MA, DevilDog.. the 3 of you have made me feel so much better.. thank you. This isn't to exclude you ladies LOL just a male perspective is good too! I did tell him when we spoke yesterday Yikes that this isn't something I'm down for or willing to make *Okay* the way he was with me was sh*tty and I DIDN'T deserve that.. He again said he was sorry.. but yeah I did tell him not to let it happen again.. Mexico.. damn I need a vacation! LOL I haven't talked to him about him not smoking.. I did tell him never to put me in a place where this could effect me he hasn't (so far) so we'll see. How was your valentines day Yikes?
Author Yikes Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 How was your valentines day Yikes? It was pretty much just a regular day for me, thanks for asking. My kids are with my ex this week, but they did have a pizza send to me at work 15 minutes before quitting time with a little Valentine taped to the box. I shared it with the people in my department. That was a nice surprise, I realize that this was really my ex's doing, so I was sure to pass a thank-you on to her. (she can be nice and very considerate when she wants to) I dropped off a little something for the kidlets and also had a card and a little gift for her from the kids. The rest of the evening was quiet. I did find myself getting a little bummed out, but I guess that's to be expected. I have a feeling that I was not the only one. Gotta a date this weekend, so we'll see what that brings. Hopefully things go well for all of us in this thread. We all must have some better days in the bank that we're due. At least I like to think that we do. Y
Merin Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes It was pretty much just a regular day for me, thanks for asking. My kids are with my ex this week, but they did have a pizza send to me at work 15 minutes before quitting time with a little Valentine taped to the box. I shared it with the people in my department. That was a nice surprise, I realize that this was really my ex's doing, so I was sure to pass a thank-you on to her. (she can be nice and very considerate when she wants to) I dropped off a little something for the kidlets and also had a card and a little gift for her from the kids. The rest of the evening was quiet. I did find myself getting a little bummed out, but I guess that's to be expected. I have a feeling that I was not the only one. Gotta a date this weekend, so we'll see what that brings. Hopefully things go well for all of us in this thread. We all must have some better days in the bank that we're due. At least I like to think that we do. Y A date this weekend!!!???!!! LOL YOU HAD BETTER keep me posted on this! Yay Yikes!
MassiveAtom Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Hey Merin, I was putting together the traits I wanted and I thought about your situation with this guy. Forethought and compassion are important to me, and on my list, but I may be asking too much. She won't be able to read my mind, but she will be able to excersize some consideration. This guy was just not that considerate. I'm sorry everybody wishing her the best, but this kinda stinks to me now, Thinking about it. I may be projecting but if it were me, I'd take a break and look at what this means. Dd put it best the other day, will anyone ever be able to meet these new expectations? AM I being unrealistic? Overly Idealistic? Maybe. But then the other Aspect of the woman I want, is that she knows and appreciates theat I've had a full life before I met her, AND I come with all the changes those experiences will inevitably cause. SHe'll care that they are there, and understand being careful. And I have little girls! She'll have to understand that anything she does that's illicit, and she's with me, that... Damn it's so damn difficult! Something about this doesn't sit right with me.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 MA I'm telling you- you're not asking too much! She is out there!!! That's what I was saying the other day- everyone comes with the imprint of the experiences that they have had on them. I myself come from an abusive home- that fact alone makes me especially different to deal with. BF's sweet card for Vday said something about how he thought he had been loved before I came along but in reality he had not. For me, there were so many things I wanted that my ex would not give me or could not give me- there was always time for him to do everything he wanted but if it was something I wanted- a little affection, a little consideration etc there was never time for that. Funny, I bet he has alot of time on his hands right about now. With BF- with his marriage- he thought he'd found the one- but she cheated after a short period of time, before they had any hardships whatsoever. Sad really. His last serious relationship hurt him in many ways and she turned out to be nuts. But- We just mesh in a really wierd way. When we're in the kitchen doing something it's like we move like one person almost. I don't think that he asks too much from a relationship and he doesn't think I ask too much, but it was too much for our previous partners....... He came along at a time when I really didn't need a relationship, wasn't looking for one. I'd just separated etc. If I had listened to alot of people who said, well you know you shouldn't do this until after the divorce- I would have missed out on so many blessings!!! You will meet someone who will knock your socks off- will be more than willing to give you what you desire. I truly deeply believe that because it's happening to me beyond my wildest imagination. Keep the faith dahling- Mad love! Pix
MassiveAtom Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie For me, there were so many things I wanted that my ex would not give me or could not give me- there was always time for him to do everything he wanted but if it was something I wanted- a little affection, a little consideration etc there was never time for that. Funny, I bet he has alot of time on his hands right about now. sounds like my ex His last serious relationship hurt him in many ways and she turned out to be nuts. sounds like my ex again! I don't think that he asks too much from a relationship and he doesn't think I ask too much, but it was too much for our previous partners....... That's what I think about my ex. Keep the faith dahling- Mad love! Pix So I'll just stop this fidgeting and get to the business of putting myself back together. Figuring out what I want, and as my friends here say, not settling for less. Thanks Pix. ---SIDE POST Hi, You're that woman I keep thinking about, you know who you are. I want you to know that there is hope for us yet. I know the odds are against us, and I know you're out there. Everybody tells me you are. But it'll be while before we meet. Until that day I promise you this. I am growing stronger every second, more ready by the hour. So when I look at you funny that first time, and you think I might just be stunned. It's only the surprise that I've finally found you, that's all. Until then. MA
Author Yikes Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 Massive Atom... Y'old softy! I actually came across something last night that I had written this time last year. It has a very similar flavour. Y
Devildog Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Back to that whole learning how to trust thing that started all of this. I still don't have the answers to how to know it. All I know is it can happen. You might not even see it coming. There is just something inside, different from that little voice, that says it is okay. Maybe you shouldn't analyze it. Maybe it is just something you sense. I'm babbling, I know.
MassiveAtom Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Okay, you amazingly wonderful people. I got a new take on this just now. What if these trust issues really stem from a weakened ability to trust in myself? My own instincts. My own judgment. you know, "I picked this one and thought it would be good. What's to say I won't make the same mistake again?" Hey that's what Digger is dealing with ain't it? What then? Note to self: get thee to therapy! But loveshack is cheaper!
Author Yikes Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom What if these trust issues really stem from a weakened ability to trust in myself? My own instincts. My own judgment. you know, "I picked this one and thought it would be good. What's to say I won't make the same mistake again?" I guess at the end of the day, we might make a mistake. The difference this time around is that our experience has hopefully made us a little wiser. Secondly, I will not be getting involved with a 21 year old woman again (I've accepted that. ) There is a lot of growing as a person and changing that goes on in your 20's. I would hope that by dating someone a little older that it would be a more "what you see is what you get" kind of thing. I know that I now have a better idea of what I want, but more importantly, I know now what I DON"T want. My therapy begins again in the spring. I do 9 holes of therapy during the week and try to do 18 holes of therapy on the weekend! It works!
Israfil Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 You guys are so awesome! This IS as good as therapy. Nice to know there are others that have similar issues. Dam* it, though, like you said MA, I wonder if I haven't learned at all - I keep picking lying bastards. Dam* It! I don't even trust in myself to recognize this in them, anymore. With my first ex, I had my suspicions for some time, but it took me literally years to realize it. And now, with the latest, it totally blindsided me. I am doubting myself so much..... *sigh* Every morning is still a challenge.
Ladyjane14 Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes My therapy begins again in the spring. I do 9 holes of therapy during the week and try to do 18 holes of therapy on the weekend! It works! Good therapy Yikes! Seriously, I bet EVERYONE is going to feel a little bit better, when the weather is nice and we're all able to get some fresh air and sunshine. Heres a link on S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder): http://www.nosad.org/ (Just FYI...for anybody who has real problems with the winter blahs.)
Author Yikes Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by Israfil I wonder if I haven't learned at all - I keep picking lying bastards. Yea this IS good therapy... and no muligans! Rest assure, all guys are not lying bastards. Where are you meeting these guys? If it's at a club, maybe try some place different. Just a thought. Good luck. FORE!!!
blind_otter Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes Yea this IS good therapy... and no muligans! Rest assure, all guys are not lying bastards. Where are you meeting these guys? If it's at a club, maybe try some place different. Just a thought. Good luck. FORE!!! I make it a point to never date anyone I meet at clubs, yet they all seem to be (a) neanderthals (b) controlling, abusive a**h***s © have "white knight" syndrome. Well, there is the bouncer from the club I used to go to when I could drink (haha, it's only been 5 days and already I fiend for alcohol) I think it's about who you attract, whether it's some dude you meet at a friend's house, or the guy who you keep running into at the bookstore. Or rather, who you notice is attracted to you. The men who have persued me the hardest, with the most determination, when I keep cancelling dates and ending our phone conversations after 20 minutes, tops, were usually and are usually the worst guys. You nice boys need to be more aggressive! Come on! Have at you!!
Merin Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I make it a point to never date anyone I meet at clubs, yet they all seem to be (a) neanderthals (b) controlling, abusive a**h***s © have "white knight" syndrome. Well, there is the bouncer from the club I used to go to when I could drink (haha, it's only been 5 days and already I fiend for alcohol) I think it's about who you attract, whether it's some dude you meet at a friend's house, or the guy who you keep running into at the bookstore. Or rather, who you notice is attracted to you. The men who have persued me the hardest, with the most determination, when I keep cancelling dates and ending our phone conversations after 20 minutes, tops, were usually and are usually the worst guys. You nice boys need to be more aggressive! Come on! Have at you!! The guys that I usually end up having a relationship with and not just a date or two.. I was attracted to right away.. LOL well except for my EXH.. I liked him.. but I wasn't like Omg got to get that for real! My BF now.. I was attracted to right away when I saw him.. then when I talked to him, I liked him more (he was very polite) AND then there is the other side of him.. strong personality.. kind of my happy medium in some ways I guess.. my EXH was/is passive/aggressive.. My EXBF is just aggressive.. and My BF now is cool.. (yeah he does have his times as you all know that he's made me question things) but I also know he won't hesitate to call me on something if he's feeling something.. so yeah, I actually like that too.. know what I mean? I'm not going to ditch the relationship because of one thing that happend.. I think if I did that, I would never be in any relationship.. no one is perfect all of the time.. but at least in this one, I feel okay with telling him whats okay for me and what isn't..
Author Yikes Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter (haha, it's only been 5 days and already I fiend for alcohol) So are you on the wagon these days? If so good luck! Y
Author Yikes Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by Merin I'm not going to ditch the relationship because of one thing that happend.. I think if I did that, I would never be in any relationship.. no one is perfect all of the time.. but at least in this one, I feel okay with telling him whats okay for me and what isn't.. That makes perfect sense to me. You are still letting him know what is acceptable and what is not. If you were just willing to take it, then there's a problem. "Oh, Mexico It sounds so simple I just got to go The sun’s so hot I forgot to go home Guess I’ll have to go now"
blind_otter Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes So are you on the wagon these days? If so good luck! Y Yup. Going into convulsions on friday night was enough for me.... I have like 3 guys on my burners right now. I can't commit. I keep cancelling my dates and putting them off. I have become a phone bitch.
Merin Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes That makes perfect sense to me. You are still letting him know what is acceptable and what is not. If you were just willing to take it, then there's a problem. "Oh, Mexico It sounds so simple I just got to go The sun’s so hot I forgot to go home Guess I’ll have to go now" Yay for Mexico! Thanks Yikes.. I'm happy to know I make some sense.. we'll see what happens with things Otter.. maybe you're putting off the guys because you're not ready to do something there.. nows the time to take care of you girl!
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