Author Yikes Posted February 12, 2005 Author Share Posted February 12, 2005 Yea, sucks don't it. I turn 42 in a month and I can't say that I am looking forward to it. I poked around "match.com" just for fun yesterday. Yikes!! Scary. No thanks. Definitely not for me. I didn't think that it was something I'd want to do anyway. To be honest, online dating interests me about as much as singles dances. NOT AT ALL. Bar scene? Nope. It really doesn't leave much else outside of accidently backing my car into someone. With my luck she'd turn out to be a lawyer and sue my sorry a$$. I've heard about more bad stories and seriously creepy people via the online dating scene. I'd consider using a reputable "dating service" where they do in depth personality profiles in person. They are pretty expensive, but the up-side of that is it tends to filter out some of the more "screwy undesirable types". These services generally attract more "professional people" that aren't into online hook-ups and the bars. I might try taking a night-school course this spring just for interest sake. Worst case scenario, I meet some new people and that's not so bad. Maybe I'll meet someone interesting, who knows? I'm thinking maybe a cooking course. I am managing okay in that department, but I am sure that it wouldn't hurt to expand my culinary repertoire a bit. Perhaps a gardening / lanscaping course? Hold the phone, I could be a practice customer for a lap-dancing course - hey I can dream can't I? Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 WEll I can tell you Yikes, That shape changing, time and space manipulating creature you, Devildog and I married is on Match.com. Heck, I checked it out and she came up my #1 match. completely compatible! Yikes!! Guess they don't Work! How bout Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Seriously though, Yikes, b52, Why not do something outside of the usual. I'm thinking about starting a rehab business, and maybe joining a motorcyle club. I mean you gotta get out and meet people right? If I want to meet a beautiful, interesting someone, I do a beautiful interesting something. right? I know I'm not going to meet my next crush doing volunteer work for 1-800-S_U_I_C_I_D_E. But Framing for Habitat for humanity for a couple years, I'm sure I'll meet some great folks. Then there's the park, get back into running, Do some open mic nights, attend some classes, there's lot's of stuff to do. Only issue is while you're out doing that, and you get hit on, will you have the guts to take them up on it. B52, the first thing I really consider on a woman is her character. Sure attraction is there, but if you're a woman, guys are attracted to you. It's up to your to maximize you mojo! I'm sure you're a dollface! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yikes Posted February 12, 2005 Author Share Posted February 12, 2005 D Originally posted by MassiveAtom That shape changing, time and space maniulating creature you, Devildog and I married is on Match.com. Heck, I checked it out and she came up my #1 match. completely compatible! Yikes!! That CAN'T be good. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 So work today.. had to actually work! LOL! Ugh! Was trying to get to this.. but my patient load kept getting in the way.. Otter.. not that it would matter a whole hella lot.. BUT I think YOU'RE WORTH FIGHTING FOR.. You're an amazing person girl.. stronger than you even know.. you know what I've found.. that in so many ways I *test* the waters so to speak.. like hmmm IF I do this is he still going to be there for me? (I mean nothing bad ya know? Just maybe checking myself or checking him.. ) Do you do that? DevilDog~ I understand and agree.. Trust.. how do you know when the *Voice within* is leading you the right way.. honestly when I think about it my problem wasn't with my *Inner Voice* leading me the wrong way it was ME not trusting myself at times to listen.. when I married my EXH, I knew BEFORE that it wasn't the right thing for me.. what was going to be okay for him, wasn't going to be okay for me.. but I pushed that voice away and did it anyway.. my last relationship the *Voice* wasn't gently telling me something.. it was screaming RUN RUN RUN MERIN!!!! Again.. I didn't listen and I let fear of failing drive me.. So how do you know when you can trust someone.. I guess you trust yourself FIRST. Then IF the other person in question gives you the vibe that something isn't okay.. you either figure out whats up OR you don't allow fear of failing to drive you and you get the hell outta there.. for me the deal breaker is cheating.. I can't have it.. My EXH not only wanted to screw around he also wanted me to screw around with his friends... uh.. sh*t! My EXBF.. lied and lied and lied some more.. He never admitted he was messing around (we were LDR) but yeah.. I just knew. When I met my BF Josh.. I told him straight up when he wanted me to see no one else.. thats all well and good.. BUT cheat on me even ONE TIME.. I'm leaving and it won't matter if you're sorry or what the circumstances were as to why you did it.. I'm leaving and won't look back. Yikes~ I can't believe you read a letter from your EXW to her BF?! I swear to you if I had based my SN on what I was feeling about my EXBF it would've been "****er" I can understand that it's difficult to meet new people.. but I say look around every where.. you never know what could be a potential.. even if it's not someone that blows you away.. whos to say she won't know someone else that might.. friends.. can never have enough of those right? Eh who am I kidding.. get laid! LMAO JK JK JK!!! MA~ Pssshhhh you've got Mojo like mad! woooorrrrrkkk it! Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Hey Merin, your boyfriend knows that if he screws up and hurts you there is going to be a bunch of guys buying plane tickets to come out there and inflict a massive dose of pain on him right? Something I was thinking about today. I never felt that initial "spark" with my STBXW. There wasn't that initial connection that I have since felt with other women, who I kept at a distance because I was married. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog Hey Merin, your boyfriend knows that if he screws up and hurts you there is going to be a bunch of guys buying plane tickets to come out there and inflict a massive dose of pain on him right? Something I was thinking about today. I never felt that initial "spark" with my STBXW. There wasn't that initial connection that I have since felt with other women, who I kept at a distance because I was married. DevilDog~ What can I say to that.. LOL mad to you.. Thank you It is interesting isn't it.. when you look back on things.. When I first met my EXH I didn't even want to go out with him.. LOL sadly enough.. I'm NOT kidding. I *liked him* but I also didn't have that connection with him the way I felt I should.. Oddly enough as well, I wasn't *That Girl* who just HAD to get married.. I didn't want to.. just wasn't all about it and I wonder now IF it was because I really knew it wasn't the right thing to do you know? I wonder if I would've been more *into it* IF he had been the right person for me? We had a great friendship.. but yeah.. eventually things got strange, and again I wonder DD if I had missed it or if I had just ignored things about him that I hadn't seen or didn't want to see in him.. it's odd to me. Did you ever get or feel that connection with your EXW as time went on? AND BTW good man for NOT acting on things when you were married.. a lot to be said for that. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 THAT spark is what I think will eventually burn away the trust barrier. But don't let it burn out of control. It's all in the "simmer" the spark, then a slow burn. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Merin DevilDog~ What can I say to that.. LOL mad to you.. Thank you Merin you are a wonderful lady. You deserve alot better than you have gotten in the past. I'm telling you, if you were available, and cuter instead of gorgeous........ It is interesting isn't it.. when you look back on things.. When I first met my EXH I didn't even want to go out with him.. My STBXW actually asked me out. In my mind I thought, hmmm, why not? LOL sadly enough.. I'm NOT kidding. I *liked him* but I also didn't have that connection with him the way I felt I should.. Oddly enough as well, I wasn't *That Girl* who just HAD to get married.. I didn't want to.. just wasn't all about it and I wonder now IF it was because I really knew it wasn't the right thing to do you know? I wonder if I would've been more *into it* IF he had been the right person for me? I hear you. When she started talking about marriage my response was more like "hmmm, I don't have a problem with that". We had a great friendship.. but yeah.. eventually things got strange, and again I wonder DD if I had missed it or if I had just ignored things about him that I hadn't seen or didn't want to see in him.. it's odd to me. Did you ever get or feel that connection with your EXW as time went on? AND BTW good man for NOT acting on things when you were married.. a lot to be said for that. I felt closeness, I felt affection, I felt desire. I felt Love. But I never really felt that spark. OMG, I did settle. WTF was I thinking? To tell you the truth, the heaviest spark I ever felt in my life was with a woman I worked with. My STBXW and I had been dating about 3 months at that point. And I kept my distance from the woman after that. I just don't even put myself into the situation. Semper Fidelis - Always Faithful. Marine Corps motto. I live my life by it. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog Merin you are a wonderful lady. You deserve alot better that you have gotten in the past. I'm telling you, if you were available, and cuter instead of gorgeous........ My STBXW actually asked me out. In my mind I thought, hmmm, why not? I hear you. When she started talking about marriage my response was more like "hmmm, I don't have a problem with that". I felt closeness, I felt affection, I felt desire. I felt Love. But I never really felt that spark. OMG, I did settle. WTF was I thinking? DevilDog.. the same is to be said about you.. You're an amazing person and you deserve better than you got.. IF only I was cuter and single.. Don't think I wouldn't see what it would take to get you to come in slow motion with me When my EXH asked me to marry him.. omg my response was "Why?" ssshhiiiiitt! I felt the same way though DD (well for awhile) tight with him, affectionate, desire, Love.. but not IN love.. because like you, I never felt that spark.. that blew me away you know? The conclusion that we settled.. that sucks! LOL But, I've got to believe that something good can come from that.. in knowing the next time what you're NOT going to settle for again.. the pain, doubt and bullsh*t you go through when the relationship ends I do think makes you a lot more selective and less willing to be okay with she's/he's OKAY.. Semper Fidelis.. words to live by.. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 DevilDog.. the same is to be said about you.. You're an amazing person and you deserve better than you got.. IF only I was cuter and single.. Don't think I wouldn't see what it would take to get you to come in slow motion with me Okay, you have officially made me blush. Merin, I think we just didn't really know what love was at that point. We knew what it was supposed to be. But I have learned alot from that experience. I have learned what I want, and resolved to find someone as close to perfect for me that I can find. Maybe I will start making a list of what I need and want in the perfect woman. A blueprint if you will for Ms. Right. Okay, to begin, Merin's insight and compassion, and Merin's cleavage...... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog Okay, you have officially made me blush. Merin, I think we just didn't really know what love was at that point. We knew what it was supposed to be. But I have learned alot from that experience. I have learned what I want, and resolved to find someone as close to perfect for me that I can find. Maybe I will start making a list of what I need and want in the perfect woman. A blueprint if you will for Ms. Right. Okay, to begin, Merin's insight and compassion, and Merin's cleavage...... LMAO!! I made you blush?! Sweet! You're 110% right DevilDog.. I don't think I knew what Love was, because in all honestly I don't think I was IN Love with him you know? I knew that it should probably be something more than I was feeling, and couldn't understand why I wasn't *there* I guess in a lot of ways I just assumed that everyone felt the way I did. Merins insight is often blind.. Merins compassion, for those I care about is loyal always.. and Merins clevage.. uh.. Yay for boobs! Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Oh the love fest! Wow! Dd tienes mucho grandes cojones, no? Merin, tu no sabe que to diche! You guys are awesome!!!! LoveShack should be a country! Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Merin LMAO!! I made you blush?! Sweet! You're 110% right DevilDog.. I don't think I knew what Love was, because in all honestly I don't think I was IN Love with him you know? I knew that it should probably be something more than I was feeling, and couldn't understand why I wasn't *there* I guess in a lot of ways I just assumed that everyone felt the way I did. I remember my STBXW asking me once if I loved her or if I was in love with her. I had to seriously stop and think about that for a while. Apparently I gave her the answer she needed to hear. But it wasn't a definitive answer in my opinion. Merins insight is often blind.. Merins compassion, for those I care about is loyal always.. and Merins clevage.. uh.. Yay for boobs! Merin's insight has been a godsend to me. Merin's compassion, a gift that I am grateful for. Merin's cleavage.... yeah, Yay for boobs!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom Oh the love fest! Wow! Dd tienes mucho grandes cojones, no? Merin, tu no sabe que to diche! You guys are awesome!!!! LoveShack should be a country! MA~ Por su comodidad y seuridad, por favor, abrochense los cinturones de seguridad DevilDog.. you know I think I did Love my EXH.. but wasn't IN Love with him and I didn't know there was a difference for a long time.. I've done things that I look back on and wonder "What thaaaa..?!" I guess it's just lessons learned. *Yay for Boobs* NOW theres a T-Shirt! I am grateful as well for your amazing insight, compassion and concern.. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Merin DevilDog.. you know I think I did Love my EXH.. but wasn't IN Love with him and I didn't know there was a difference for a long time.. Exactly. That is it. Right there. AMEN!!!! Took me awhile to finally realize that. *Yay for Boobs* NOW theres a T-Shirt! I think we just found a new motto for our club Yikes and MA, what do you think? "Yay for Merin's Boobs!!!" I am grateful as well for your amazing insight, compassion and concern.. There you go with the making me blush thing again. And you like thongs too!!!! Josh better be careful he doesn't have an accident. j/k Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog Exactly. That is it. Right there. AMEN!!!! Took me awhile to finally realize that. I think we just found a new motto for our club Yikes and MA, what do you think? "Yay for Merin's Boobs!!!" There you go with the making me blush thing again. And you like thongs too!!!! Josh better be careful he doesn't have an accident. j/k Omg DevilDog.. I'm laughing so hard! *Tears* Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I am sure those T-shirts would sell!! I could make killing off of those here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yikes Posted February 12, 2005 Author Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Yikes~ I can't believe you read a letter from your EXW to her BF?! I swear to you if I had based my SN on what I was feeling about my EXBF it would've been "****er" Yea, but that's only half of it. The guy? My best friend. Now ex-best friend. Talk about two brutal kicks to the gonads. When I finished swearing I was litterally ill. Then I wanted to hunt him down but he was away on vacation with HIS family. Good thing too, right now I could be somebody's bitch it prison for killing a cop. The law tends to frown on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes Yea, but that's only half of it. The guy? My best friend. Now ex-best friend. Talk about two brutal kicks to the gonads. Yikes! OMG! You are one brave dude. Congrats for making it through this far. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yikes Posted February 12, 2005 Author Share Posted February 12, 2005 Hey, here's a question. Why is it that I have less anger toward my ex-wife than at my ex-friend? My wife was the one that promised before God, friends and family that she'd be loving, honest and faithful. My ex-friend made no promises... I think it's because he broke the "Male Code". Rule # 1 - NEVER mess with another man's woman. Rule # 2 - ALWAYS stick by your friends. Rule # 3 – If your buddy has the opportunity to get a little "somethin' - somethin"? Forget Rule # 2 and hit the bricks! (there are more rules, but if I list them, I get my a$$ kicked) A friend of mine said something the other day that makes me stop and think. She said "Yikes, you hide an aweful lot of pain behind humor". I didn't really give it much thought at the time, but I think she's right. But in the end coping with humor is better than hunting down the OM I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 You know Yikes, If hunting down and laying a whoopin on the garbage that interefered in our marriages would solve anything, there is a piece of crap that would be eating his meals through a straw for the rest of his pain filled, torturous existence. But it wouldn't do anything but land me in jail. These jerk-offs don't live by the male code because they are not men. They don't even get classified as human in my book. They are classified somewhere between toad snot and your grandmother's toe jam. So it is a code they are unfamiliar with. But sadly the law still recognizes their right to not get beat down for their actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes A friend of mine said something the other day that makes me stop and think. She said "Yikes, you hide an aweful lot of pain behind humor". I didn't really give it much thought at the time, but I think she's right. But in the end coping with humor is better than hunting down the OM I suppose. "If we couldn't laugh at ourselves, we would cry out eyes out." Amy Ray Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 This is a fabulaous thread. I'm still cheering from the side-line. ...And reading fast to catch up!!! I loved this by rble, btw: Originally posted by rble618740 Second, by way of observation, I see that some of the posters have kinda' blended insecurity and trust. I view these differently. Insecurity, in the dictionary of my mind, is self-focused. Trust - on the other hand, focuses on someone else. To that end, as a woman, I'm more likely to tolerate insecurity than I am lack of trust. If you're unsure of your footing because of your experiences, I can relate to that and can be understanding. If you don't trust me, and there's no basis for that lack of trust except for someone's actions that I don't even know, I think the prognosis is bad. Honestly, my integrity is extremely important to me and I wouldn't tolerate being questioned and treated as untrustworthy for very long. A little advice, make sure in your interactions in future relationships that you don't frame your difficulty in opening up as a lack of trust, but instead as your own insecurity based on your past pain and experiences. I think taking responsibility for the shakiness will go a long with with future female friends. That's good advice for EVERYBODY. Calling your emotions by their proper names and taking ownership of them can't help but improve any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes Yea, but that's only half of it. The guy? My best friend. Now ex-best friend. Talk about two brutal kicks to the gonads. When I finished swearing I was litterally ill. Then I wanted to hunt him down but he was away on vacation with HIS family. Good thing too, right now I could be somebody's bitch it prison for killing a cop. The law tends to frown on that. MG! Does his family know? I'm assuming he was/is married? Honestly Yikes.. yeah I can see why in some ways you felt more anger towards him.. while I understand that it was your wife who made certain promises to you.. I guess I look at my best friend as my sister you know? that whole blood is thicker than water deal.. Feeling anger *more so towards the other person involved in an affair isn't uncommon* it's very common.. my take is that it's sometimes *easier* if you will.. to put the anger and blame on the OW/OM (and I think it's especially true when you share little people with your spouse) because you don't want to look at the person who made you promises in a *bad light* to accept that they would do those things to you... is to accept the unacceptable.. does this make sense? BTW.. My EXH is a cop.. and I swear to you Yikes he had zero conscience.. he not only wanted to have sex with others he actually wanted me to have sex with his friends (most of them were in his station) DevilDog~ I'll get the shirt that says "I'm Merin and I like thongs " if you let me join your elite club! I was laughing about that last night for the longest!!! Thank you for making me Link to post Share on other sites
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