gaius Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 He is lovely. Really, I am thrilled, I feel blessed to have a man who does nice things for me. He cooks dinner, cleans it up, takes the trash out.... My ex would just take a shower here, leave his towels on the floor and go to sleep. Trust me I know how lucky I am. Still comparing him to and talking about the ex. I dunno, I get the vibe if your ex had a stroke while you were dating your feelings on the matter would be completely different. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I would love a guy that is willing to stay at home and cook and clean while I work and travel. That would be ideal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 People in the states raise kids comfortably on 60k...and even less depending on the area. Yea, but there's that whole crap government and crap educational system thing. Oh, healthcare too. Link to post Share on other sites
OhThatGirl Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 OR, move to the states, where it would be pretty damn easy to raise kids on 80K a year. Couple things. 1) that depends on WHERE in the US. I live in San Diego, I make a little over $100k and new guy I'm dating makes around $60k... Yes, in my hometown in Ohio this is GREAT money. In San Diego? Not so much. A 2 bedroom condo is easily $350k and if I want a house with a yard and 4 bedrooms? Like $650k. Not to mention I'm getting killed in taxes. 2) Not only that, but her PAY would be less in the US. You can't take her out of high cost of living and expect her to make the same amount of money. The truth is, she has legitimate concerns. Whether it's Botox and overseas trips or private school and organic food, this is the lifestyle in which she would want to live and raise children. That's her right. The problem she asks about isn't her choices in lifestyle, it's how to deal with a disabled partner with limited earning potential. Very fair and wise to not ignore the issue. But again, from my perspective, I'd say this relationship is probably going south fast. In addition to the differences in wanting children, I hear a lot of "he's smitten with me" and not a lot of "I'm so smitten with him" There are nice guys out there. Just because he's smitten with you doesn't mean deep down you feel the same for him beyond his generous attitude. :/ 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Solution? Da burbs lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 OP cares a lot about material comfort and keeping up with the Joneses. I'm pretty sure OP has the courage to admit this. That's nothing to be ashamed of. OP, you are what you are. Some people care about material wealth more than others. You don't have to pretend otherwise. In light of your priorities, it would be PURE FOLLY to marry a man with such a serious disability, especially when your "love" for him doesn't seem to be very strong 10 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Wow, sounds like a very difficult situation..between a rock and a hard place indeed! So, the thing is it sounds like you two are incompatible aside from the fact that he's so taken with you. You have this spirit that wants to travel and see the world, he does not. On paper, that only looks like one "thing" but I believe it extends to so many much deeper things if you have one who is passionate for seeing the world and partaking in its experiences, and one who is not. You know you don't feel comfortable being the high wage earner solely, so if you were to do the politically correct thing and marry the guy you would end up resenting him. I find some things on your list superficial such as comparing your friend and her situation to yours but, superficial or not those things are real to you and I understand that. I think a good talk with your boyfriend is in order because I don't see this ending anything more than resentment and bad feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Leigh, you can get 2 areas botoxed for around $100 in Asia. Just sayin'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 Dump him. He'd be better off with a woman who has better priorities. Love and kids come before botox and expensive vacations. I couldn't marry a woman who didn't feel the same. Considering your dating history, truly think about whether you'll find such a devoted guy again. And its not like you just found out about your bfs life situation. Why waste his time to begin with? Also, you need to be more realistic about the kind of salary fresh grads receive...especially if you don't have professional experience on the field to back it up. I really think you should let this guy find a woman who will accept him for who he is. Why wouldn't I find such a devoted man again? And how is wanting to travel overseas and rescue dogs unreasonable? I have wanted to do these things my entire life. having kids with him would hinder me from the life that I want. We would be poor. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 having kids with him would hinder me from the life that I want. We would be poor. There you have it. You're simply not compatible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenbrwn Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Let him find someone who appreciates his great qualities more than money. Honestly everyone thinks they will find someone just as good but without whatever downside their current partner has. More than likely if you found someone as good as your boyfriend who also makes the money you want their standards for women will be higher than what you can offer. You will have to take the trade off somewhere just have to decide what area you are willing to trade as it is obviously not money. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 You need to take the old Work Mule behind the barn, shoot him and replace him with a better one. You don't have to necessarily have to do it in that order either. People like you generally don't shoot the old Work Mule before replacing it with a new one. Below is a great place to find a new Work Mule: sugardaddie.com Oh please Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 Yea, but there's that whole crap government and crap educational system thing. I regularly look up the starting salary for social work graduates. I am doing a diploma in youth work at the same time as my honors degree. I will get professional work before I finish my college degree. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Deb, you are truly selfless and you have dedicated your whole life to your children. That is very admirable. While I am very generous and supportive of others, I am not that selfless. No i am not completely selfless i am giving though and i do go without sometimes so they can have a treat...i smoke that is not selfless its down right selfish of me......i am giving that up though .......and sometimes i hide out in the bathroom when i hear battle cries of mummmmmmmmmmmmmm ...quickly jump in a hot shower and soap my hair up..i have made a lot of mistakes parenting...i get impatient and cranky thats not selfless......its human though......you have what you want your life to be and he has his....doesnt seem like you want to go in the same direction leigh i hope both of your true hearts desires comes to pass....either together or apart.... i dont think you are quite sure yet what that desire really is..he is and you arent..deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 Let him find someone who appreciates his great qualities more than money. Honestly everyone thinks they will find someone just as good but without whatever downside their current partner has. More than likely if you found someone as good as your boyfriend who also makes the money you want their standards for women will be higher than what you can offer. You will have to take the trade off somewhere just have to decide what area you are willing to trade as it is obviously not money. I will be a professional woman. I am not ugly, I have straight teeth and full lips and ice eyes. A lot of men love my hour glass figure. I am not depending the best looking men. I date over weight men, men with acne, I am not fussy with looks. I am not the best looking but I know I have plenty of decent guys who find me attractive. I don't have to be great looking in order to find a man who earns an average income who also adores me. I think I will be desirable enough to attract professional men who earn an average wage are average looking and who are crazy about me. I don't think I'm asking for too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenbrwn Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Why wouldn't I find such a devoted man again? Well in 10 years let us know how many wealthy devoted men who treat you well you ended up having to turn down marriage offers from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 People in the states raise kids comfortably on 60k...and even less depending on the area. Not in California - Los Angeles area you wont, you'll be living in a wooden shack if you want a home or way out in the boonies where you've got to drive hours just to get to work in rush hour traffic every day. 60k goes pretty easily out here, and that's just renting and single. I would love a guy that is willing to stay at home and cook and clean while I work and travel. That would be ideal Well...helloooooo, I can make a mean pair of toast and cereal, and don't forget you're making babies. ................ As far as Leigh goes, I think you're panicking at this stage, and envisioning your impending doom a little too overwhelmingly, I do believe with his assistance you will be able to eek out a living and accomplish what you want, although on a very strict budget. I also feel that you absolutely do not want children, I do not think you are in a position to give children love, I still think you're finding yourself and figuring out how to become whole first, and I think you should continue to do that. You also don't have to sacrifice everything for a guy who's just treating you right, that's not a reason you want to stay with a person or let it influence you...because you're worried you won't find someone better or treats you the same. Once you accomplish some things in your life Leigh, start providing some real security and income for yourself (which I believe will take some time, not too sure I'd bank on that 60k just yet) I think you're going to have a different sense of security and vulnerability, I don't think you feel so "needy", I think you'll find you kind of like your own independence and that you do have options...these whirlwind romances will come and go, they won't just disappear on you and now that you know not to invest into relationships like the past I think you're a bit more aware and conscious of what is going on now and won't waste time like you may have in the past. So first thing first, don't panic. Just reflect on the situation as a whole and think about what you really want first. Then just be honest with yourself, do you really want to bear children? I think you're really just not ready for that commitment right now but it is worth thinking about the future, but it doesn't need to be decided today or tomorrow, you'll need to figure out what you can truly compromise with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenbrwn Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I will be a professional woman. I am not ugly, I have straight teeth and full lips and ice eyes. A lot of men love my hour glass figure. I am not depending the best looking men. I date over weight men, men with acne, I am not fussy with looks. I am not the best looking but I know I have plenty of decent guys who find me attractive. I don't have to be great looking in order to find a man who earns an average income who also adores me. I think I will be desirable enough to attract professional men who earn an average wage are average looking and who are crazy about me. I don't think I'm asking for too much. Ok, well as long as you know you have to take the trade off somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 Well in 10 years let us know how many wealthy devoted men who treat you well you ended up having to turn down marriage offers from. I don't want a wealthy man. I want a man with an average income. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 How come all your posts involve talking about your "straight teeth, nice eyes, hourglass figure, and full lips" involved? Why not put it in your sig so you don't have to write it out? 15 Link to post Share on other sites
D.Mc. Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I suddenly feel very differently about my relationship. Hi, although I'm pretty new here I've always thought your posts were insightful, sorry you are going through this thing now. I would tell you that your quote says it all for you. Yes, you must talk to him about everything you're feeling, but keep in mind you're not looking for him to talk you out of what you're feeling. It's never acceptable for one person to do the "heavy lifting" in any relationship (personal/work/family etc). Whether the burden would be physical/financial or emotional, the relationship ends because of the inequities if not solved in a way BOTH partners can accept. Don't forget, people change over time: from where you started to where you are now is a huge change. You have a dream for yourself & in the end it may not be able to accommodate being w/someone who has your BF's limitations and his dream for what your life would be together. On his part, once you've expressed yourself honestly to him, he may agree w/you. Do you think he would want to stay w/you if you may grow to resent him even if you started the relationship accepting his limits due to the stroke? That would lead to him resenting you. Resentment is not something any relationship can withstand in the end. That's the hard part of falling "in" love, it is possible to fall "out" of it, & people do it everyday w/ far less consideration & for way more trivial reasons than you are going through. I hope you can find a decision/direction soon. Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Why do you want botox? Do you have any idea of how botox works? If you did, you probably wouldn't want it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 I am smitten with my boyfriend, I am in love. I just refuse to EVER be put I a situation where I have to raise kids with a low income partner. I am very loving and generous but I don't want to bare children if we will be poor. My father is dying and I have seen the strain on my own mum; she makes 120 a year yet struggles to support her husband who is too I'll to work. I know how much of a struggle it is.... to support a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 How come all your posts involve talking about your "straight teeth, nice eyes, hourglass figure, and full lips" involved? Why not put it in your sig so you don't have to write it out? Because some people question whether or or not i am desirable enough to find a man who is crazy about me and who earns an average income and is of a average looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Because some people question whether or or not i am desirable enough to find a man who is crazy about me and who earns an average income and is of a average looks. And desirability is all about looks? I'm ****ing gorgeous. But that's not where my worth lies. Nor do I need to convince interweb peoplez of my worth, or looks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts