Author Caliguy30 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 I am happy to say I'm still going strong with no contact. Her blocked message came through that she left yesterday. Saying happy Easter and she wishes me nothing but the best and that she knows I've blocked her number. Means absolutely nothing. Should've just deleted the message. I'm proud of myself though I needed to take control of my situation so I did. I was sick of week after week talking to people about the same thing. Things needed to change.
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 On iPhones you don't receive the phone call, but verbal messages come through as blocked message.
Craft81 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Oh, never mind -- beat me to it. Edited April 21, 2014 by Craft81
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 Struggling today. Been thinking about her while I'm at work. Sucks. Still haven't broken NC, even though I want to I know it will be a huge personal set back with no actual change to the outcome.
KaliLove Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 What would happen if you went for another round with this girl? Do you really think you're going to change her?
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 No, what I miss is just the contact, having someone. I know nothing is going to change. Which is why I haven't broken NC.
Craft81 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 No, what I miss is just the contact, having someone. I know nothing is going to change. Which is why I haven't broken NC. Yeah, this was the one mistake I kept making over and over and over again... because I was lonely and she gave me attention at times when I needed it... but nothing ever changed.. it was good for a few hours and then always blew up towards the end.. more fighting etc.
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 That's what I keep reminding myself. She had her chance. If she really wanted to make it work she knows where I live she knows how she can at least contact me other than my phone.
KaliLove Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Honey..she will NEVER want to make it work. Borderlines do not love themselves, and they think anyone who does love them is crazy..therefore you're the enemy because you love her. BPDers can never ever ever be in healthy relationships. 5
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 It seems like it's getting harder each day. The first week was ok, but now it's getting tougher
carl777 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Keep it up, you're doing good. If it makes you feel any better, it took me 3 years to really move on from my previous relationship with a BPDer. I've been in NC for 6 months now and I don't really care how she's doing anymore. I'm done being the caregiver for someone else. 3
Emilia Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 It seems like it's getting harder each day. The first week was ok, but now it's getting tougher Just stick with it! It will pass. 1
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 I'm trying to. Just really missing her. Trying to focus on my work.
FreedomRings Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Caliguy30 is this your first real heartbreak? Maybe that's why it's so tough. Hang in there, you'll get through this. Seek counseling if need be. I just recently officially broke up with my BPD ex and it was so confusing and difficult because I've put so much into this relationship...risked so much for him. Once I saw a thread where Downtown explained BPD symptoms and it described my ex to a t .... I felt like a weight had been lifted, and I was finally at peace with moving on and letting go. I will be starting counseling next month because this has been my 3rd long term (dysfunctional) relationship and it has been by far the worst one, yet the one I sacrificed the most for. I'm pretty fed up with giving my all to dysfunctional losers, so I believe counseling will help with building self esteem and self confidence. Be happy to have gotten out of this relationship with new lessons learned and a clean slate. Now you can start anew, work on who you are and who you want to be... and eventually you'll find someone who can enhance an already stable, happy life. That's just my take on it. It's going to be hard, but hang in there, you're learning some valuable lessons here. I wish you the best! 2
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 Thanks Freedom. It isn't my first breakup it's my third from a long term relationship. This one has just seemed to be the hardest as the others were healthy cutoff going different places in life kind of breakups, which had healthy boundaries established afterward. I allowed myself to get completely lost in this relationship. I'm in counseling, and it has been said that this will probably be my hardest breakup. I've taken control of my situation by establishing no contact and am pretty proud of my progress. For some reason the last few days have been harder than the first 7. Just posting here so I don't contact her. 1
erklat Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Once I saw a thread where Downtown explained BPD symptoms and it described my ex to a t .... I felt like a weight had been lifted, and I was finally at peace with moving on and letting go. Can you link me with that thread ?
Author Caliguy30 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 While I understand that venting on here is good, please tell me how something other than actual contact with the ex replaces the emptiness of not contacting the ex. In my situation I try to realize the toxic situation, but there's a lacking of attention that really sucks and it seems other things can't replace.
KaliLove Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 You just have to be strong for a while. Then eventually you'll meet someone who gives you attention. 2
FreedomRings Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Can you link me with that thread ? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/430282-moved-abroad-him-now-s-over#post5273951 Downtown's reply is on page 2.
FreedomRings Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 While I understand that venting on here is good, please tell me how something other than actual contact with the ex replaces the emptiness of not contacting the ex. In my situation I try to realize the toxic situation, but there's a lacking of attention that really sucks and it seems other things can't replace. For me, I've just been getting back into the things I enjoy. Music has been helping a lot...I've been listening to break up songs and love songs and sounds corny, but it works for me. Reminds me that I'm not the only one who is going through or HAS gone through this pain. Listening to music kind of reassures me because I actually feel and understand what they felt when they wrote the song. And I know that these singers/song writers have felt that pain but have healed and moved on in their lives, better and stronger for it... The empty feeling will go away with time...healing doesn't happen overnight. Especially not when it comes to loss. Just remember, this will pass...It's okay to not be okay for now! You're doing all the right things, you'll be fine 1
Craft81 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 For me, I've just been getting back into the things I enjoy. Music has been helping a lot...I've been listening to break up songs and love songs and sounds corny, but it works for me. Reminds me that I'm not the only one who is going through or HAS gone through this pain. Listening to music kind of reassures me because I actually feel and understand what they felt when they wrote the song. And I know that these singers/song writers have felt that pain but have healed and moved on in their lives, better and stronger for it... The empty feeling will go away with time...healing doesn't happen overnight. Especially not when it comes to loss. Just remember, this will pass...It's okay to not be okay for now! You're doing all the right things, you'll be fine I've been trying to do that lately.. last several years and it's been tough. I lost all motivation with the things I love and all the hobbies I use to have. Now that I'm moving out of state and being a bit more closer to family within the next week, I hope I can get back into the groove of things -- also looking at potential new homes.. Vegas is one at the moment but we shall see.
Emilia Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 While I understand that venting on here is good, please tell me how something other than actual contact with the ex replaces the emptiness of not contacting the ex. In my situation I try to realize the toxic situation, but there's a lacking of attention that really sucks and it seems other things can't replace. Because it's merely a habit and an oxytocin bond. A habit you need to get out of. 1
starryeyedsurprise Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I am in the same boat. I've been in a relationship with a man for over a year now. Same push and pull behavior, but it's from both of us. He is a liar, that is a fact. When I met him he was living with someone else and convinced me it was over and they needed to live out the lease. He said she knew they were done, etc etc....That I found out was not true, and to this day she is still pining over him. I have caught him in numerous lies, I even hear him on the phone lying to other people for no reason at all. I don't know what he has, could be bi-polar, NPD, sociopath, psycopath, I don't know. The hardest part is walking away from him. I go from extreme highs knowing he cares, and than extreme lows when he pushes me away. We've played this game for over a year now, and I keep telling myself if he could just stay consistent with his behaviour we would be great. In the beginning he told me everything I wanted to hear, soulmates, other half, best friend, marriage, future, etc. Than life got too tough for him and all that disappeared. It's hard knowing that I am the one fighting for him now. I know he cares, but it's limited. I take the breadcrumbs like they are a lifesaver. He won't let me go though, everytime I try to end it he won't say anything to cut it off. He refuses to say goodbye to me, so I get sucked right back in. Yes, he has a huge personality disorder, but I am such a damn empath and care for him so deeply that I don't know what to do. We all need to stay strong. Stay or walk away, that is the question that I play in my mind on a daily basis.
Recommended Posts