Are women ever really single anymore? like single single

[gaius]

lol... it's not the first time I told people which area I live in... you just haven't been paying attention...

 

... but you have to agree... it is kinda the Appalachia of the North, agree? Even the guy I just started talking to isn't into 'country girls' and says he doesn't fit in with most of the other guys around here... DING DING DING...

 

I think we may have a winner... or at least a strong contender. Anyone who feels they don't 'fit in' around here as a single person def gets higher on my list.... but I'm off topic.

 

Kaylan, come on now... give up this foolishness. We really don't want to relegate you to bitter man-'skank' status. Way too many of those on LS and elsewhere...

I've actually never really been to New York, upstate or otherwise. Outside of my transportation vehicle that is. Last time I was on Amtrak they wanted to lay me over in New York and I made them switch it to Washington. I fly through Newark instead of JFK. So I'll have to take your word for it. I did have it narrowed down to New York, Massachusetts or New Hampshire though. Where's the thread about your new guy?

 

I get the vibe Kaylan is just feeling the burn and saying things he doesn't really mean. Life is not kind to men who have caretaker personalities. Have to cut them a little slack after they've been lit on fire for the umpteenth time.

[gaius]

Here's what it looks like Kaylan... From a 'single, single' woman...

 

The guy I just started talking to, doesn't have my real phone #. I use Google voice.

 

I don't text AT ALL until we've seen each other a few times and I think I want to see him more.

 

The only other men I 'talk' to are 100% friends or co-workers. Friends means no sex. No cuddling, no romance, no sexy talk... I treat my male friends the same I do my female friends. I always offer a guy I'm seeing to meet my friends. If he has female friends, I expect the same.

 

No house dates until I'm ready to be physically intimate with him at some level. Never sooner than a month to two months... If things go well there, I suggest mutual STD tests... This is usually where shyte falls apart with today's crop of lazy man-skanks... but that is ok. That is what it is designed to do. If they can't take a few hours off, and are too afraid to get a needle stuck in them for the sake of a LTR.... then they aren't sticking me. *shrug*

 

You might consider something similar. Adjust the timeline to your own requirements. You can be sure you won't be getting mislead, used, or anything else this way. But it is an investment, nonetheless. Can't get around that.

So if a guy successfully gets your number it's actually a bad thing? At least at first. That's worthy of a second post.

[RedRobin]

I've actually never really been to New York, upstate or otherwise. Outside of my transportation vehicle that is. Last time I was on Amtrak they wanted to lay me over in New York and I made them switch it to Washington. I fly through Newark instead of JFK. So I'll have to take your word for it. I did have it narrowed down to New York, Massachusetts or New Hampshire though. Where's the thread about your new guy?

 

I get the vibe Kaylan is just feeling the burn and saying things he doesn't really mean. Life is not kind to men who have caretaker personalities. Have to cut them a little slack after they've been lit on fire for the umpteenth time.

 

 

I agree that men with caretaker personalities have it worse than women. I'd argue, though, that women with caretaker personalities have it pretty bad too. They are the ones who get chewed up and spit out by the 'players'. We really have let a lot of our social filters go these days. The checks and balances that helped young people make their way in the world.

 

 

It's a blessing and a curse... all this social media and no barriers/boundaries. The sharks find it way too easy to find the guppies... I'd hate to be a parent in this day and age. If I were, I'd home school... and I'm not even religious.

 

 

No thread about my new guy just yet. I hardly even know him. Maybe when we get to that point where I'm thinking there might be a chance for a relationship. Right now, he's just saying everything I want to hear

 

 

He'll have to back it up before I take him seriously lol.

 

 

Edited: After Mr. Sexy Talk and a couple others, I've decided not to give my number out to anyone unless I know I want to date them for awhile. The tendency is for men to immediately jump on the texting... Creates a sense of faux intimacy... all this chatter back and forth with minimal face to face makes it VERY easy for people to lie and smooth talk... and conceal their real lives and interests. I'd recommend any woman looking for a real relationship skip the texting all together until they get to know a guy IRL a bit. Any woman doing OLD for sure. Even then, don't use it for regular conversations. Any guy who does that isn't or shouldn't be a contender... AT ALL.

 

 

Plus, Google Voice keeps a record of all calls.

Edited January 3, 2014 by RedRobin

[Frank2thepoint]

This thread has much WIN.

 

Well I'm a totally single woman. But I can't seem to find a totally single man. Men seem to be always sleeping around, having FWBs, etc etc.

 

You are meeting very exciting men with facet of interests. Just like I am a single man that keeps finding women that don't want to be romanced and in serious relationship. But maybe it's neither of our fault, just circumstances that exist around us.

 

 

There is an easy way to solve this little dilemma: don't ask about sexual or relationship history. Heck don't even ask about current relationship status unless it comes up naturally. Then, you can pretend you're the only person in her life and live in total bliss.

 

Yep, don't open that Pandora's Box. I learned a long time ago that knowing someone's past ends up causing too much trouble for me to handle.

 

 

Sure, but then again I don't have the insecurities and hangups you do. Once we go on a few dates and decide to be exclusive then yes I wouldn't accept him having other women.

 

I don't see it as a person having insecurities and hangups, just a personal preference on what they find acceptable. Just like some people prefer to date only one person at a time, regardless of exclusivity.

 

 

I am a single single, as I am not interested in anyone for the moment. And if I am, it's one at a time. Flirting/dating/etc with more than one man at the same time, gives me a choking feeling. There is a queue behind the red line, thank you.

 

Oh there's a queue? I'm there

 

 

I have never liked two people simultaneously. As simple as that. From the ones who are interested in me, I tend to pick the one who stands out in some way, all the others become invisible for a while. And beyond that, I am trying to avoid drama because it's very draining. If the one I picked isnt for me after 1-2-3 dates, I just move on and let him move on too. I think this keeps things simple, decent and clean for me. Easy to process, without too much noise. Not too much time wasted either.

 

You are so a Scorpio. I concur with you and feel the same way. I usually give a woman three dates for her to reciprocate the magic that I am providing. If she doesn't catch on, then she's a bore and doesn't want to ride this tiger to adventure.

 

 

What does this mean? I've tried "casual dating," but the man will invariably want to move things to a R with sex by about date 3. I cannot figure out how to keep things casual and still keep seeing someone.

 

^^^ This is an example of the women I meet. NYC is full of these chicks.

 

 

I dont know what you say, but I do know that I have telecinetic powers and I can bring any man in my arms. But I choose not to, because I believe in real love.

 

I'm right here baby. Use them powers on me

 

 

Truth. Go to NYC where men are surrounded by a surplus of women, who tend to be more attractive on average compared to other cities, and observe their behavior. Thats why in NYC few men settle down until they are 40 and average looking joes can have very high standards of beauty they require in women. All of my friends in NYC who are very attractive and have nice personalities could not find a guy to commit to them and had lots of boyfriends when they moved somewhere else.

 

Thanks, I'm glad you see this too. There are a surplus of single women in NYC, but the ones that are looking for a relationship, also have high standards themselves. Hence why they keep chasing after single guys with lots of options.

 

 

Whoa, wait a minute. New York City is the land of milk and honey for single men?

 

All this time I thought it was just a dirty smelly city with too many rules. Looks like I know where my next vacation will be...

 

I read an article few years ago that said that women come to NYC for two reasons. To further their careers and find a successful, attractive man to settle down with. Men come to NYC for two reasons. To further their careers and just have sex with the women that are looking for a successful, attractive man to settle down with.

 

 

I grew up in NYC and lived there until 2002 and I can say that it has only become that way in the last ten years and the women are just as the men. The reality is that there are plenty of commitment minded men in NYC but the women want chase after the players with tons of option.

 

You speak wisely Obi Wan.

 

 

 

Can we all stop caring about the morality and injustice of sleeping around? This chick was sleeping with this dude, that dude, whoever else doesn't matter at all. My life became a 1000 times easier when I went out looking for hook ups and not relationships. I stopped looking for companionship, and I found that it will develop over time with some.

 

Guys can sleep around and so can girls. No big deal. If guys want to be mad about how much easier it is for girls to do it, you are hating the game. Its a much better choice to learn to play it. We all have the power to sleep with each other. Its a much better choice to sleep with many and decide on few, than to choose a few and sleep with none. Play the field until you find one you are content with and then enjoy it. If you don't, you will end up settling or worse: alone.

 

On a side note, the most attractive female friends that I have are never single. There are also girls who hate being single and can only be gotten with by getting them to jump ship from their current boyfriend. If you are the type of person who hates the idea of hitting on a taken girl, you are only limiting yourself. Another example why we should stop worrying about the morality of the choices and learn to accept the injustice. We will hurt and get hurt to find the one we love.

 

This is an interesting perspective that I am slowly adopting. My frustration for trying to find a decent woman that wants something serious is a self-imposed barrier. If women around me say they want serious relationship, but their actions reveal they just want flings, then I am the one that needs to adapt. But I disagree with cajoling girls in relationships away from their boyfriends. Because if I can do it, then someone else down the road will do it to me. That's bad karma.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I'd hate to be a parent in this day and age.

 

I totally understand... If I see for example how bitchy and bullying teenage girls are around each other it scares me. Me and my classmates were not like that at all. I went to a catholic nun school where we had to wear a uniform so we basically all looked the same. And boys were something from another world.

And you know what, I don't think it harmed us at all. It was actually good to live in a very structured safe world between 12 and 18. Gives you the chance to develop some identity without too many disturbing factors.

 

Edited: After Mr. Sexy Talk and a couple others, I've decided not to give my number out to anyone unless I know I want to date them for awhile. The tendency is for men to immediately jump on the texting... Creates a sense of faux intimacy... all this chatter back and forth with minimal face to face makes it VERY easy for people to lie and smooth talk... and conceal their real lives and interests. I'd recommend any woman looking for a real relationship skip the texting all together until they get to know a guy IRL a bit. Any woman doing OLD for sure. Even then, don't use it for regular conversations. Any guy who does that isn't or shouldn't be a contender... AT ALL.

 

I give the number of a mobile phone that I keep just for OLD and make it very clear that I only give that number to use if we don't find each other at the first meeting. I do not call a guy before the first date because it happened a few times that I gave the number, they called and the call turned into some kind of interview of me and afterwards I never heard from them again. Then I felt kind of bad that I had told them some things about myself. I think there are guys out there who enjoy getting to know stuff about someone just for the fun of it. Another thing learnt. One finetunes one's approach all the time.

 

If I would be OLD again I would try to meet someone after a couple of mails. Just a one hour meeting for a coffee, during the day to start. It's already a good selection. Quickly asking for a meeting makes you spot those who are flaky = doing OLD without any intention of ever meeting someone. Meeting during the day and clarifying that this is just a meet and greet does to some extent weed out those who are out to get laid. They might still try something but if you stick for yourself to only meeting an hour, they will have to come up quickly with their indecent proposal.

 

When I was first OLD I had too many longer dates, like in having dinner which were nice but never lead to a second date coz the guy did not feel the chemistry. There are a lot of guys there who want to be totally swept off their feet during the first 10 seconds and if that does not happen some of them will still sit through a long date and pretend to be interested. If you don't hear from them again you feel like you have wasted your time.

Well, since they decide so quickly whether they want to see you again, I don't want to waste more than one hour on them for the first date.

 

I would want to be less strict on all this but you have to protect yourself as a woman, both physically and emotionally

[TB Rhine]

No... by the time they break up with one guy, they have another (or two, or three) waiting in the wings. Women in this day and age are serial monogamists.

 

It isn't even women's "fault," per se, so much as a function of the changing rules and boundaries where male/female interaction is concerned. It's become socially acceptable for women to spend time with a variety of different men, under the auspices of being "friends" or co-workers, regardless of either person's relationship status; this creates a climate where everyone, men and women alike, is essentially constantly playing the field, with little or no fear of social censure or reprisal.

 

If your significant other accuses you of fooling around, you can play the friend card and accuse them of being crazy/jealous; conversely, it's easy to suss out your compatibility with potential suitors, so there's no guesswork or "transition" period involved when it comes to moving from one relationship to another. You've already tested the waters - you can just jump right in.

[regine_phalange]

Oh there's a queue? I'm there

 

You are so a Scorpio. I concur with you and feel the same way. I usually give a woman three dates for her to reciprocate the magic that I am providing. If she doesn't catch on, then she's a bore and doesn't want to ride this tiger to adventure.

 

I'm right here baby. Use them powers on me

 

 

So eager. So unconditional. So willing to suffer. So.. pisces.

[Mrlonelyone]

This is an interesting perspective that I am slowly adopting. My frustration for trying to find a decent woman that wants something serious is a self-imposed barrier. If women around me say they want serious relationship, but their actions reveal they just want flings, then I am the one that needs to adapt.

 

 

Exactly what the OP, myself, and some others here have said. If women are into you for a fling then that's what you'll get. Even if they call in a relationship you can tell the difference if you have ever had a real relationship vs a "relationship" called such to not make a FWB seem so tawdry.

 

 

 

But I disagree with cajoling girls in relationships away from their boyfriends. Because if I can do it, then someone else down the road will do it to me. That's bad karma.

 

 

 

No one is talking about "cajoleing" committed woman away from anyone. All I've ever said is that married women, women with boyfriends, and women with more ambiguous relationships will come on to other men all the time. Either it's just flirty fun, or it's really looking to get some strange. They initiate it, and it's not our place to enforce the boundaries of their relationship.

 

 

Personally I draw the line at women who are married or even anything like married. However, if a woman who also has one or two other men, call them whatever, and wants to try me I'm game for it. As long as everyone knows what's what.

 

 

 

 

If your significant other accuses you of fooling around, you can play the friend card and accuse them of being crazy/jealous; conversely, it's easy to suss out your compatibility with potential suitors, so there's no guesswork or "transition" period involved when it comes to moving from one relationship to another. You've already tested the waters - you can just jump right in.

 

 

This is the reason. It's not this day and age. It's not a new thing. People have primarily chosen mates from the group(s) they interact with on a daily basis, friends, coworkers, fellow tribesmen since the dawn of time.

[samsungxoxo]

Yes, I've been single for years but the reason for that is a combination of work, class schedule and lack of friends or an active social life. In addition, it's been about 2-3 since the last I've been invited to a party.

 

I think your best bet is seek for a girl that's low in number of friends too and she would most likely be confused for an introvert.

[Tayken]

Here's what it looks like Kaylan... From a 'single, single' woman...

 

 

The guy I just started talking to, doesn't have my real phone #. I use Google voice.

 

 

I don't text AT ALL until we've seen each other a few times and I think I want to see him more.

 

 

The only other men I 'talk' to are 100% friends or co-workers. Friends means no sex. No cuddling, no romance, no sexy talk... I treat my male friends the same I do my female friends. I always offer a guy I'm seeing to meet my friends. If he has female friends, I expect the same.

 

No house dates until I'm ready to be physically intimate with him at some level. Never sooner than a month to two months... If things go well there, I suggest mutual STD tests... This is usually where shyte falls apart with today's crop of lazy man-skanks... but that is ok. That is what it is designed to do. If they can't take a few hours off, and are too afraid to get a needle stuck in them for the sake of a LTR.... then they aren't sticking me. *shrug*

 

 

You might consider something similar. Adjust the timeline to your own requirements. You can be sure you won't be getting mislead, used, or anything else this way. But it is an investment, nonetheless. Can't get around that.

 

 

So in essence, what you are saying is that you are MANIPULATIVE and everything has to be your way.....why do you think this is the right way to go about things? I mean if things work out, do you now take this same attitude into married life...everything has to be how you want it?

 

Wow.....this is such a red flag and goes with my mutual respect point. All am hearing here is that

 

1. you feel entitled

2. me me me

3. my way or the high way

4. etc

 

The question has to be asked, how is this working out for ya? Oh...I think I know....NOT SO WELL because you have described your interests as lazy skanks

[jcrew11]

I mean like really single, by themselves, not seeing anyone at all.

 

Seems for the longest time, that most girls I meet or know as friends, even if they are single, they are hooking up with someone, casually seeing someone, or talking to someone new. I mean, a lot of girls wont generally admit it, but having good chick friends is an eye opener into the lives of certain women.

 

Its a rarity to see guys have the same sort of single life. And tbh, it makes me expect a girl I take interest in to already have a dude on the side. I mean it seems like even the goodie goodie girls I know are weighing options around them.

 

eye opener really.

 

Well, I think the "women with men on the side" are actually women with men who don't want to commit. These men on the side are just players that want an easy hookup and casual sex; and they convince women to keep them around for casual sex and booty calls.

 

I think many guys also have booty calls and casual sex partners that they aren't committed to in a long term relationship. Guys just won't admit it if they have a girl on the side.

 

If these single girls are looking for a commitment, then it means their ex-bf's are players who just didn't want to commit.

[Radu]

Good thing there ain't such a thing a shared responsability, right ?