Are women ever really single anymore? like single single

[Kate9292]

It generally comes up in one way or another if either of us are sleeping with or intend to sleep with someone else. And yes I will bail if a girl is double dipping...especially for the sake of my health

 

So sounds like the best bet for a girl is to never tell or lie if asked to make you think your the only one.

 

And having multiple guys doesn't mean she has STDs anyway.

[fortyninethousand322]

Whoa, wait a minute. New York City is the land of milk and honey for single men?

 

All this time I thought it was just a dirty smelly city with too many rules. Looks like I know where my next vacation will be...

[Sand Man Dan]

Whoa, wait a minute. New York City is the land of milk and honey for single men?

 

All this time I thought it was just a dirty smelly city with too many rules. Looks like I know where my next vacation will be...

 

Oh yeah. There's a guy that scores lots of women on this website who lives in NYC and he's short and skinny. I'd check it out

[carhill]

IME, and as noted from the postings about dating in Manhattan, the topical dynamic is really demographic-driven. Anytime there is a marked disparity in the supply of a particular gender and, within that gender, sought after examples, that gender and such examples will be in demand and less likely to be 'single single'. Even if not married legally, they will be either actively interviewing potentials and/or dating/living with selected partners.

 

In my demographic, the only exceptions I see are, generally, widows and older (60yo+) women who *choose* to be 'single single'. They are focused on their personal pursuits, children, grand/great grand-children and simply opt out of meeting and greeting or responding to the advances of *any* man. Perhaps they don't even count as 'single single' since they're not available for dating in any capacity, by choice.

 

Up until recently, when I began to have more contact with the older generations of women, I never met a woman, ever, who was truly 'single single'. They were always dating others or had a boyfriend or were married, either by their own admission or evidence in the mutual social circle. The woman I married was no exception and would go on to be partnered with and living with another man before we were divorced. That's not an indictment. It's normal around here. It's easy. It works.

[Sand Man Dan]

IME, and as noted from the postings about dating in Manhattan, the topical dynamic is really demographic-driven. Anytime there is a marked disparity in the supply of a particular gender and, within that gender, sought after examples, that gender and such examples will be in demand and less likely to be 'single single'. Even if not married legally, they will be either actively interviewing potentials and/or dating/living with selected partners.

 

In my demographic, the only exceptions I see are, generally, widows and older (60yo+) women who *choose* to be 'single single'. They are focused on their personal pursuits, children, grand/great grand-children and simply opt out of meeting and greeting or responding to the advances of *any* man. Perhaps they don't even count as 'single single' since they're not available for dating in any capacity, by choice.

 

Up until recently, when I began to have more contact with the older generations of women, I never met a woman, ever, who was truly 'single single'. They were always dating others or had a boyfriend or were married, either by their own admission or evidence in the mutual social circle. The woman I married was no exception and would go on to be partnered with and living with another man before we were divorced. That's not an indictment. It's normal around here. It's easy. It works.

 

Carhill you're scaring me.

[radiodarcy]

IME, and as noted from the postings about dating in Manhattan, the topical dynamic is really demographic-driven. Anytime there is a marked disparity in the supply of a particular gender and, within that gender, sought after examples, that gender and such examples will be in demand and less likely to be 'single single'. Even if not married legally, they will be either actively interviewing potentials and/or dating/living with selected partners.

 

In my demographic, the only exceptions I see are, generally, widows and older (60yo+) women who *choose* to be 'single single'. They are focused on their personal pursuits, children, grand/great grand-children and simply opt out of meeting and greeting or responding to the advances of *any* man. Perhaps they don't even count as 'single single' since they're not available for dating in any capacity, by choice.

 

Up until recently, when I began to have more contact with the older generations of women, I never met a woman, ever, who was truly 'single single'. They were always dating others or had a boyfriend or were married, either by their own admission or evidence in the mutual social circle. The woman I married was no exception and would go on to be partnered with and living with another man before we were divorced. That's not an indictment. It's normal around here. It's easy. It works.

 

I agree that demographics can have a lot to do with this. Where I live the ratio of women to men is 10:1. So there are quite a few women (myself included) who are single single.

 

That being said, the rate of infidelity seems to be pretty high around here too. Most of the men I've been contacted by via OLD are either married/in a relationship and looking for a FWB type situation.

 

Or single but not looking for anything serious; presumably because they either a.) don't want to "settle" or b.) want to enjoy the variety.

 

Being introverted, I've pretty much given up on trying to make myself stand out and have been single single for well over a year now.

[Woggle]

I grew up in NYC and lived there until 2002 and I can say that it has only become that way in the last ten years and the women are just as the men. The reality is that there are plenty of commitment minded men in NYC but the women want chase after the players with tons of option.

[MissBee]

I mean like really single, by themselves, not seeing anyone at all.

 

Seems for the longest time, that most girls I meet or know as friends, even if they are single, they are hooking up with someone, casually seeing someone, or talking to someone new. I mean, a lot of girls wont generally admit it, but having good chick friends is an eye opener into the lives of certain women.

 

Its a rarity to see guys have the same sort of single life. And tbh, it makes me expect a girl I take interest in to already have a dude on the side. I mean it seems like even the goodie goodie girls I know are weighing options around them.

 

eye opener really.

 

It stands to reason that if all these women are in casual hook up relationships or are talking to someone, if they are straight, they are doing it with men. So how can it be possible that women are in these relationships but men supposedly aren't in it as much, when these women doing so are doing it with men???

 

In any case, I don't see single as meaning you're isolated and have no options. It simply means you are not in a committed/exclusive relationship so you're still on the market and fair game, even if you date casually.

 

I guess I don't see why it is phrased as "girls won't admit it" like this is some conspiracy or misrepresentation. And as far as I've observed men do the same thing....like I said, how is it even logical that women supposedly have all these casual arrangements and men don't, when women are engaged in these situations with men? Clearly for every woman who is heterosexual who is doing so, there is a man doing it too.

[Sand Man Dan]

It stands to reason that if all these women are in casual hook up relationships or are talking to someone, if they are straight, they are doing it with men. So how can it be possible that women are in these relationships but men supposedly aren't in it as much, when these women doing so are doing it with men???

 

In any case, I don't see single as meaning you're isolated and have no options. It simply means you are not in a committed/exclusive relationship so you're still on the market and fair game, even if you date casually.

 

I guess I don't see why it is phrased as "girls won't admit it" like this is some conspiracy or misrepresentation. And as far as I've observed men do the same thing....like I said, how is it even logical that women supposedly have all these casual arrangements and men don't, when women are engaged in these situations with men? Clearly for every woman who is heterosexual who is doing so, there is a man doing it too.

 

Not sound reasoning. It's more a case of 50% or less of men are responsible for getting with 80% of those on the market.

[Phoe]

for every woman who is heterosexual who is doing so, there is a man doing it too.

 

I've said the same thing time and time again on this forum, haha.

 

 

I don't get why it's so impossible to see normal logic. *shrug*

 

 

I also don't understand why questions get asked on this forum just for people to either ignore/deny the answers that don't fit their own agenda or beliefs.

 

 

I don't hookup, and I don't casually date. If I'm not in a relationship, then I am truly and completely single. Why does that not compute for most? lol.

[Sand Man Dan]

I've said the same thing time and time again on this forum, haha.

 

 

I don't get why it's so impossible to see normal logic. *shrug*

 

 

I also don't understand why questions get asked on this forum just for people to either ignore/deny the answers that don't fit their own agenda or beliefs.

 

 

I don't hookup, and I don't casually date. If I'm not in a relationship, then I am truly and completely single. Why does that not compute for most? lol.

 

Everyone's got their own hang ups. It's hard for some people to see until they believe. I know no (young) women in my life like you phoe, or many of the other wonderful gals out there on this site. They exist but are among the minority. It takes true character to stand up for AND live what you say you believe.

[Phoe]

Everyone's got their own hang ups. It's hard for some people to see until they believe. I know no (young) women in my life like you phoe, or many of the other wonderful gals out there on this site. They exist but are among the minority. It takes true character to stand up for AND live what you say you believe.

 

I'll admit it's less common, but I have known others like myself. I've met a handful or so in my life.

 

 

My college roommate, cute and smart, socially adept - a virgin and had never dated ANYONE. Ever.

 

 

She had no desire to date and start looking for someone until after college and after getting everything else in her life where she wanted it.

[Kate9292]

Hmmm.

 

Between my first and second relationship I had a few ONSs. Like 5 over the year. I was flirty with some more guys throughout but nothing more came out of it so it doesn't count. Actually my next relationship was from a ONS that was persistent.

 

Between that and my current BF I had an FWB and nothing more, maybe a few flirts here and there. There were a few weeks periods when ther was no one in a picture.

 

Why does it matter anyway? Either a woman is open to a relationship with you or she isn't. If she is and she's willing to drop other guys for you, be flattered - she must have thought you are better than all of them.

[Phantom888]

Some very desirable women choose to be alone because they want to work on improving themselves or just want to focus on enjoying themselves without complications involving men. Some of the hottest, most desirable women I have ever met were completely single when I met them, including my current GF. So it all depends on where you are looking.

[carhill]

I totally forgot to address the homosexual angle, relevant to demographic. My exW had/has a number of lesbian friends and they also complained of the lack of 'single single' partner potentials and the few I got to know well seemed very reticent to end existing partnerships simply because finding a new partner could be daunting. It's not that lesbians in general are in short supply but rather they were/are, supposedly, in my demographic. Gay men, OTOH, seem/appear to do quite well, based on my observations of, and anecdotes from, gay friends. More men equals, per the same percentages, more potentially gay men, all else being equal. In another demographic, it could run completely opposite, relevant to gender.

 

As an example, relevant to demographic, when I run a 10 mile radius search for men and women on a popular paid dating site, I usually get 2-3 times the men in all age ranges versus the women. It's easy to gauge, as there are so few. Generally, with all ages combined, there are under 20 women listed, so 40-60 men. This is actually an improvement over when I was seeking online potentials before marrying my exW about 15 years ago; I met her online but only after expanding my search out to 100 miles. She lived 60 miles away. Of course, an online dating profile is no indication of whether the person is 'single single', dating, LTR or M. Only getting to know them resolves that.

[Scales]

Can we all stop caring about the morality and injustice of sleeping around? This chick was sleeping with this dude, that dude, whoever else doesn't matter at all. My life became a 1000 times easier when I went out looking for hook ups and not relationships. I stopped looking for companionship, and I found that it will develop over time with some.

 

Guys can sleep around and so can girls. No big deal. If guys want to be mad about how much easier it is for girls to do it, you are hating the game. Its a much better choice to learn to play it. We all have the power to sleep with each other. Its a much better choice to sleep with many and decide on few, than to choose a few and sleep with none. Play the field until you find one you are content with and then enjoy it. If you don't, you will end up settling or worse: alone.

 

On a side note, the most attractive female friends that I have are never single. There are also girls who hate being single and can only be gotten with by getting them to jump ship from their current boyfriend. If you are the type of person who hates the idea of hitting on a taken girl, you are only limiting yourself. Another example why we should stop worrying about the morality of the choices and learn to accept the injustice. We will hurt and get hurt to find the one we love.

[Sand Man Dan]

On a side note, the most attractive female friends that I have are never single. There are also girls who hate being single and can only be gotten with by getting them to jump ship from their current boyfriend. If you are the type of person who hates the idea of hitting on a taken girl, you are only limiting yourself. Another example why we should stop worrying about the morality of the choices and learn to accept the injustice. We will hurt and get hurt to find the one we love.

 

Many of us choose not to hit on women who have boyfriends because if they do jump ship, that's a display of a fatal lack of character. In other words, a girl who wants to get with me while she has a boyfriend isn't my kind of gal.

Edited May 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RedRobin]

For the record, I was never a GIGS, or BBD'der... nor did I sleep around even when I had the chance and the demographic was in my favor.

 

 

I work around all men and went to school around all men. All I can say for sure is that the 'best' ones tend to get taken fairly early. They get married and stay married. A rare few come available after divorce or death of their spouse.

 

 

The rest are on a continuum with the other FWB/FB/casual sex having, rather brainless and impulse driven lot that make up the majority. Sorry, can't get excited about those.

 

 

I made a poor choice of spouse when I was at that age, and am still paying for it.

 

 

In other words, Kaylan... your best bet to find a solid, lasting relationship is no better than it is now. Stop wasting your time with this casual shyte... otherwise you can and likely will end up in this crappy pool for life... or take a very long time to escape it.

 

 

Or will become a dating zombie with dog-eat-dog philosophies...

[Scales]

Many of us choose not to hit on women who have boyfriends because if they do jump ship, that's a display of a fatal lack of character. In other words, a girl who wants to get with me while she has a boyfriend isn't my kind of gal.

 

I see your point, but I stopped caring about that kind of stuff a long time ago. If the relationship is strong or she won't leave then she won't leave. If she does then I get what I wanted. I'm not trying to break up everyone's relationships, but if I find the girl attractive I'll go for it. If she rejects no big deal, I don't push it and on to the next. If you auto-disclaim any girl who would do this it just limits your options. You never know the next person who you could have a great relationship with.

[radiodarcy]

I went to a college that had a surplus of women too...the men there rarely wanted girlfriends and just wanted a string of FWB's/hookups. I did know a few girls with bf's but they were usually older men they met outside of the college. It is extremely hard for an introverted girl in that environment to snag a boyfriend. I did have like 2 men seriously interested in me

 

I'm glad someone understands! A lot of people think I'm making excuses. But it really is just the nature of the way things are.

 

And I won't even consider getting involved with a man who's married, engaged or otherwise attached.

 

The single guys I have dated seem interested at first, but their attention spans a extremely short - - whether we had a FWB or not.

[kaylan]

I grew up in NYC and lived there until 2002 and I can say that it has only become that way in the last ten years and the women are just as the men. The reality is that there are plenty of commitment minded men in NYC but the women want chase after the players with tons of option.

 

This.

 

I grew up in nyc and now live in a suburb of nyc. Me and my friends would say the same thing that east was just said here.

[William]

Our hydra with a thousand heads showed up in this thread so, if there are responses to quotes which go nowhere, it's because moderation left the substantive ones intact when deleting the postings of the hydra. Please continue, relevant to the topic. Thanks!

[ponchsox]

If they are into you, they will make themselves single.

[Woggle]

I would never take a woman away from a boyfriend or a husband because if she does it to him she will do it to me.

[carhill]

If they are into you, they will make themselves single.

When I was younger, I believed this to be true, but time and experience caused me to modify this perception to 'If they want you to believe they are into you to serve a larger personal purpose, they can lead you to believe they are or they'll make themselves single for you'. The most expert at this were the women who turned out to be married. I still run into them all the time. In comparison, the 'single single' women aren't even a blip on the skill chart. It's like a different universe of ability and determination. They're good. Again, demographics at work. If there were a surplus of them, IMO they'd trend to the more respectful and appreciative. Being in demand can have marked effects on the processing of the id. One begins to believe, and invest in, one's own press.