Are women ever really single anymore? like single single

[regine_phalange]

I am a single single, as I am not interested in anyone for the moment. And if I am, it's one at a time. Flirting/dating/etc with more than one man at the same time, gives me a choking feeling. There is a queue behind the red line, thank you.

[RedRobin]

You'll have to change the circle of people you hang around with.

 

 

None of my close friends or family have had a FWB/FB.

 

 

Even then, a couple of people with that history have slipped through their screen. Mostly because they are naïve to that junk just like I was.

 

 

Part of the reason I wait 2-3 months before sleeping with someone, Kaylan, is to eliminate those with that background... and also to avoid being made into a FWB/FB without my permission... or used for sex, as you complained about in your other thread.

 

 

You could too, if you were willing to take time to get to know someone before jumping in the sack... Problem is, you don't want to go to that effort. Like so many people, you expect THEM to take the effort so you don't have to.

 

 

So, to answer your question... I'm 100% celibate in between relationships...

[Sand Man Dan]

I am a single single, as I am not interested in anyone for the moment. And if I am, it's one at a time. Flirting/dating/etc with more than one man at the same time, gives me a choking feeling. There is a queue behind the red line, thank you.

 

Woo so excited people like you exist still.

[Sand Man Dan]

You'll have to change the circle of people you hang around with.

 

 

None of my close friends or family have had a FWB/FB.

 

 

Even then, a couple of people with that history have slipped through their screen. Mostly because they are naïve to that junk just like I was.

 

 

Part of the reason I wait 2-3 months before sleeping with someone, Kaylan, is to eliminate those with that background... and also to avoid being made into a FWB/FB without my permission... or used for sex, as you complained about in your other thread.

 

 

You could too, if you were willing to take time to get to know someone before jumping in the sack... Problem is, you don't want to go to that effort. Like so many people, you expect THEM to take the effort so you don't have to.

 

 

So, to answer your question... I'm 100% celibate in between relationships...

 

Much excitement

 

And that's a really good point, change your circle. Birds of a feather. I find that those of that mindset usually have friends and family that share such a mentality.

[regine_phalange]

Woo so excited people like you exist still.

 

Dont get too excited, it's not me. It's my easily overwhelmed nature. My curse and my blessing...

[Sand Man Dan]

Dont get too excited, it's not me. It's my easily overwhelmed nature. My curse and my blessing...

 

Can you elaborate?

[kaylan]

Sure, but then again I don't have the insecurities and hangups you do. Once we go on a few dates and decide to be exclusive then yes I wouldn't accept him having other women.

Sorry but thats gross for me. If the chick is getting banged by some dude while Im talking to or seeing her, then let the other dude have her. Ive learned from experience and others that if you go into situations like that being ok with that behavior, its not likely that the other person will let go of their FWB so easily. Personally, I dont talk to other women while Im sleeping with another.

 

Next.

I don't mean to be rude. But that was a bit my point. You're stereotyping women to be that way aren't you?

 

It doesn't sound like you are very happy. I don't think you should worry. There is a right girl around the corner. And it won't matter if she's seeing anyone else. Because she'll pick you

But do you get my point? Someone else said it in another thread, that society is lead to believe that guys are mostly the ones always looking for the next girl or using people, as if the behavior isnt very common among women as well.

You'll have to change the circle of people you hang around with.

 

 

None of my close friends or family have had a FWB/FB.

 

 

Even then, a couple of people with that history have slipped through their screen. Mostly because they are naïve to that junk just like I was.

 

 

Part of the reason I wait 2-3 months before sleeping with someone, Kaylan, is to eliminate those with that background... and also to avoid being made into a FWB/FB without my permission... or used for sex, as you complained about in your other thread.

 

 

You could too, if you were willing to take time to get to know someone before jumping in the sack... Problem is, you don't want to go to that effort. Like so many people, you expect THEM to take the effort so you don't have to.

 

 

So, to answer your question... I'm 100% celibate in between relationships...

Ive been single for 4 years, going on 5. Ive only had 2 real relationships in my lifetime. Trust me when I say I vet women if my intention is to possibly make them my girlfriend. I guess I have to do a better job of vetting the women I casually date too.

Edited December 31, 2013 by kaylan

[regine_phalange]

Can you elaborate?

 

I shall try.

 

I have never liked two people simultaneously. As simple as that. From the ones who are interested in me, I tend to pick the one who stands out in some way, all the others become invisible for a while. And beyond that, I am trying to avoid drama because it's very draining. If the one I picked isnt for me after 1-2-3 dates, I just move on and let him move on too. I think this keeps things simple, decent and clean for me. Easy to process, without too much noise. Not too much time wasted either.

[Chocolat]

I am always single and never single at the same time. I define single as not being in a relationship. But I am usually casually seeing someone...I just can't find the right guy to commit to I would definetely like that at this point.

 

What does this mean? I've tried "casual dating," but the man will invariably want to move things to a R with sex by about date 3. I cannot figure out how to keep things casual and still keep seeing someone.

 

So yes, Kaylan, there are some of us who are truly single when we are not in a relationship.

[Sand Man Dan]

I shall try.

 

I have never liked two people simultaneously. As simple as that. From the ones who are interested in me, I tend to pick the one who stands out in some way, all the others become invisible for a while. And beyond that, I am trying to avoid drama because it's very draining. If the one I picked isnt for me after 1-2-3 dates, I just move on and let him move on too. I think this keeps things simple, decent and clean for me. Easy to process, without too much noise. Not too much time wasted either.

 

That's admirable. It's attractive too. Great attitude

[Mrlonelyone]

Kaylan remember what you realized earlier.

 

What you are seeing is women's true nature. They have options, they weigh those options. There are deep seated evolutionary reasons why they are this way about men.

 

Think about it. In paleolithic band of early humans...if a woman had sex and a baby with one or two men...that woman would have one or two men providing some support for her.

 

If one man dies, as i'm sure hunting big game in Africa with a sliver of stone for a weapon was dangerous work, she has a spare.

 

Likewise if a man had one or two or more women (not necessarily all at the same time) he's more likely to have that much more support when he needs it as well as more children. The most dominant man had the most children by the most women. The most dominant woman had children by the most dominant male(s).

 

The bottom line:Humans are not made to be truly monogamous by nature. We may have one partner at any time we strongly prefer. Yet we are always open to being tempted or to trying some strange.

 

 

To answer your original question more directly. I've never known anyone who is really truly single in the sense that you mean. Men and women just have a different outlook on this. If a man isn't having regular sex he can be married and feel single. A woman can have regular sex with a guy but if it's not an official relationship she will feel single.

[regine_phalange]

That's admirable. It's attractive too. Great attitude

 

Thanks, you are sweet to think that.

[regine_phalange]

Humans are meant to have a fight or flight response when they see a lion, but none of them runs away or tries to kill a lion in the zoo. Why?

[Sand Man Dan]

I don't subscribe to the notion that we are uncontrollably bound by pos evolutionary-tendencies. Instincts may be instincts, but to me, polygamy is about as natural as the fight or flight. Sure, attraction to other people will always happen whether in or out of a monogamous relationship. It's what we choose to do with this that defines each person very differently.

[RedRobin]

Ive been single for 4 years, going on 5. Ive only had 2 real relationships in my lifetime. Trust me when I say I vet women if my intention is to possibly make them my girlfriend. I guess I have to do a better job of vetting the women I casually date too.

 

 

If you aren't in a relationship with them and exclusive, you can't expect her to be.

 

 

There are lots of guys like you Kaylan... dime a dozen. The ones who get all grossed out by the women they are casually effing maybe seeing others... but the guys still want to keep THEIR options open.

 

 

Sorry, it doesn't work that way... unless you are a user, a liar, and a hypocrite.

 

 

This is also why I don't date multi-daters... while I'm getting to know someone, I expect they aren't effing others. If they are, I dump them. It takes me at least 2-3 months to sort this out. 2-3 months of no sex.

 

 

Obviously, almost none of them make it to that point for all of the reasons you've stated here. You've seen my frustration. I don't like the current dating 'style' here in the US.

 

 

but at least I know I'm not contributing to it. That's the least I can do.

[kaylan]

Are you understanding my posts?

If you aren't in a relationship with them and exclusive, you can't expect her to be.

I don't expect a woman to be committed to be if Im not committed to her. I expect her not to be sleeping with other people if Im not doing the same.

 

There are lots of guys like you Kaylan... dime a dozen. The ones who get all

grossed out by the women they are casually effing maybe seeing others... but the

guys still want to keep THEIR options open.

? Where did I say I wanted to screw a girl and have my options open? I said that NOWHERE. Im saying that If Im talking to a girl, its a turnoff if shes sleeping with someone. And I explicitly said that I don't talk to other women while Im sleeping with a gal. I only talk to other women when Im not being sexual with a single gal.

 

Sorry, it doesn't work that way... unless you are a user, a liar, and a

hypocrite

Learn to read my posts fully please, and clearly. I have NEVER on this forum tried to date in such a why.

This is also why I don't date multi-daters... while I'm getting to know someone, I expect they aren't effing others. If they are, I dump them. It takes me at least 2-3 months to sort this out. 2-3 months of no sex.

While Ive always said Im ok with multidating, I have NEVER on this forum said I was ok with sleeping with more than 1 chick at a time, or having a girl do the same with men. Its just dirty to me.

 

Obviously, almost none of them make it to that point for all of the reasons you've stated here. You've seen my frustration. I don't like the current dating 'style' here in the US.

 

but at least I know I'm not contributing to it. That's the least I can do.

Dude, read my other thread that's open now. My problem is not that women don't commit solely to me. My problem is the game playing, lying, selfishness, and lack of respect Im shown.

[Kate9292]

I don't expect a woman to be committed to be if Im not committed to her. I expect her not to be sleeping with other people if Im not doing the same.

 

So are you tellig every woman that before you sleep with her?

 

And if she says she is sleeeping with someone else, you bail on her?

[RedRobin]

Are you understanding my posts?I don't expect a woman to be committed to be if Im not committed to her. I expect her not to be sleeping with other people if Im not doing the same.

 

? Where did I say I wanted to screw a girl and have my options open? I said that NOWHERE. Im saying that If Im talking to a girl, its a turnoff if shes sleeping with someone. And I explicitly said that I don't talk to other women while Im sleeping with a gal. I only talk to other women when Im not being sexual with a single gal.

 

Learn to read my posts fully please, and clearly. I have NEVER on this forum tried to date in such a why.

While Ive always said Im ok with multidating, I have NEVER on this forum said I was ok with sleeping with more than 1 chick at a time, or having a girl do the same with men. Its just dirty to me.

 

 

Dude, read my other thread that's open now. My problem is not that women don't commit solely to me. My problem is the game playing, lying, selfishness, and lack of respect Im shown.

 

 

We all have that problem... as MANY others have pointed out to me... what comes across as game playing, lying, selfishness, and lack of respect are simply incompatibilities.

 

 

It would do both of us a lot of good to stop internalizing other people's behavior.

 

 

I don't date multi-daters because I've never come across one who wasn't either having sex with someone else they were seeing or trying to. Makes things very simple.

 

 

Not to mention that I have a hard time getting to know someone while seeing anyone else...

 

 

Maybe that is the disconnect. Just stop seeing multi daters or people who believe in multi-dating/FWB/FB or casual sex. That would likely fix about half your problem right there. It has for me.... and I can always tell. About a month in... which isn't a huge investment. It is easy to walk away then.

[kaylan]

So are you tellig every woman that before you sleep with her?

 

And if she says she is sleeeping with someone else, you bail on her?

It generally comes up in one way or another if either of us are sleeping with or intend to sleep with someone else. And yes I will bail if a girl is double dipping...especially for the sake of my health

[Sand Man Dan]

Maybe that is the disconnect. Just stop seeing multi daters or people who believe in multi-dating/FWB/FB or casual sex. That would likely fix about half your problem right there. It has for me.... and I can always tell. About a month in... which isn't a huge investment. It is easy to walk away then.

 

I agree with this kaylan. You just aren't meeting the kind of quality women I can tell you search for. If its not what you're looking for, don't even waste a single second.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I would stop all that right away if I met the right guy. That's just a time filler until then. Am I supposed to become a nun? It takes me YEARS to meet someone right for a relationship

 

I wonder if such time fillers do not prevent you from meeting the right guy? Are you ever truly available if you need fillers?

 

I am very black and white in things. I am either single or in a relationship. When I am online dating, I might be in contact with several guys but the contact is totally platonic until mutual feelings develop, and from then on I stop online dating and expect my partner to do the same.

 

The problem these days is that also a lot of guys have "fillers" going on. But how can you really let someone in your life if there is a "filler"?

 

I have the feeling that people these days are like toddlers who need constant entertainment and excitement: TV, computer, telephone, human presence. Everything to prevent them from being alone with themselves.

[fortyninethousand322]

Sorry but thats gross for me. If the chick is getting banged by some dude while Im talking to or seeing her, then let the other dude have her. Ive learned from experience and others that if you go into situations like that being ok with that behavior, its not likely that the other person will let go of their FWB so easily. Personally, I dont talk to other women while Im sleeping with another.

 

I agree with you here, but:

 

-I would never want to know if she's sleeping with another guy.

-I don't have a lot of confidence so I'd probably assume she'd like that guy more than me anyway so there's no point even trying with her. As far as I'm aware you don't have that problem though.

[kodakgirl]

I am a single single, as I am not interested in anyone for the moment. And if I am, it's one at a time. Flirting/dating/etc with more than one man at the same time, gives me a choking feeling. There is a queue behind the red line, thank you.

 

I am another woman like this-- I don't think I've ever even had a crush on more than one guy at a time! Like Phoe I've spent the majority of my adult life single single. If I'm not really really interested after maybe two dates (though usually if I am, it's after just one!), not going to pursue anything. I'm not interested in casual dating or fwb or hookups. I'd love to meet someone special and have a great relationship, but I'm fine being single if not. I don't need male attention just for the sake of it.

[regine_phalange]

rarely by choice are ladies single

 

I dont know what you say, but I do know that I have telecinetic powers and I can bring any man in my arms. But I choose not to, because I believe in real love.

[Sand Man Dan]

rarely by choice are ladies single

 

Yeah, and if faced with the same options, men would rarely be single by choice.

 

So it makes them stand out that much more when you find a solid woman who doesn't need to receive external validation constantly, and instead, probably place a higher premium on relationships and finding the right guy, not one that simply gets them wet