D-day

[harrybrown]

Has he at least gone NC with the OW?

 

Ask him how he can get your heart beating again after he ripped it out of your chest? Is he a miracle worker?

[man_in_the_box]

A warpath?? Really? Good luck with that, lady.

 

Doesn't that constitute as a threat or something? I bet a restraining order or some police involvement would peg her down a notch.

[peaksandvalleys]

Doesn't that constitute as a threat or something? I bet a restraining order or some police involvement would peg her down a notch.

 

Her BS told me this. I think it would be classified as hearsay. But I am on my way out. WS is in the shower. When he gets out I will be long gone. Jerkface.

[underwater2010]

I wake up to the smell of breakfast. I assumed one of my kids have let themselves in and decided to make breakfast. Wrong:sick: it is WS. Yells good morning over the music and tells me to sit down he has a big day planned for us:confused:. All I can stomach is coffee and a bagel.

 

So is it going to be like this until I can move out? My new place isn't ready so I have to stay here a bit longer than I thought. He informs me he has a counseling appointment set up for us tomorrow and one for himself for today. He is going to show me the kind of man he can be. Yada, yada, yada.

 

He is going to try everything in the book to get you to change your mind. I would take him up on the joint counseling....he will be in for a huge shock when he realizes that it WILL revolve around the affair.

 

Gave my lawyer a call and he told me to play nice so that if he decides to fight tooth and nail I can say I did everything possible.

 

And your lawyer is correct. You found a great one!!!! You are strong enough to muscle through. Hell it will probably make your soon to be ex realize his crap.

 

I feel as if I have done everything anyway. I trust the lawyer but this just makes me even more angry. How am I dealing with his blah, blah, blah you ask. I am typing to you as his lips continue to flap in the wind. He needs some certs or tic tacs or something.

 

On another note I got an email from OW's H who says that his paternity tests results should be in soon but that it doesn't matter whether the child is biologically his. I can respect that. As long as he has the facts he can choose what he wants to do with them. He also warned me that she is on the warpath. Big deal so am I. I am holding on by a thread so coming at me any kind of way is not in her best interest right now.

 

It always infuriates me when I find out that the MOW's BH is generally a good guy. Here is a man that is willing to continue parenting a child that might not be his. I know a lot of jerks that just walk away even if the kid is theirs.

 

As far as MOW being on the warpath. Of course she is. Her little fantasy world just got blown up. She now has to face every little pain she has caused everyone. I hope she just keeps digging herself a deeper hole.

 

 

Hang in there!!!!

[whatatangledweb]

I am sorry Peaks. I have had panic attacks for many years. They are very scary and you feel as though you are dying. Did the doctor put you on some anti-anxiety meds? Valerian is a natural supplement that works well.

Can your lawyer send the OW a note telling her never to contact you? That all contact will go through him? Is there a way you can stay with a friend or one of your kids until your place is ready? Funny how he wants to talk now but this summer when you tried to talk to him. He just told you everything will be ok. I wouldn't go to the couseling with him.

[AlwaysGrowing]

PV, glad to hear that you still have your sense of humour. As you know, you are going to need it. WS and AP's can say the darndest things.

[BetrayedH]

Her BS told me this. I think it would be classified as hearsay. But I am on my way out. WS is in the shower. When he gets out I will be long gone. Jerkface.

 

You crack me up. I love your sense of independence and hope you keep it up.

 

I do, however, hope you talk to your attorney about a C&D or RO.

[willpower654]

All I wanted to say to peaks is: Stay strong. In those moments when you want to pull all your hair out or in the moments you want to just go off the deep end and be the headline in the newspaper - remember that none of this is your fault and that you deserve a better life. I admire your strength, and don't forget there is a light at the end of this tunnel...

 

It appears that emotions are high with your ex(h) and the OW right now. But really they are out of line for even trying to ask you why you are ruining their lives... No one would be in this predicament if THEY didn't do what they did. So forget her, she is ridiculous and should be ashamed of herself. We are all responsible for our actions and choices. Karma is on your side!!

 

This is my favourite quote from the Rocky Movie:

 

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!

-- You will come out of this, you will be okay. Lots of hugsss!

[dichotomy]

I get why MOM BH might want to continue as father even if tests say it is not his - but he is likely to face child support no matter what. The law sucks in this regard in most places.

 

Speaking of which - why in the world is that man staying with MOM? With all the evidence I would think he would have kicked her to the curb...but then there is the child I guess.

 

And I don't think your WH is staying with you out of the goodness of his heart - I think he sees his lifestyle is about to come crashing down on him and on MOW. I would not be surprised if MOM is telling him to be nice to get you to back off.

[peaksandvalleys]

I get why MOM BH might want to continue as father even if tests say it is not his - but he is likely to face child support no matter what. The law sucks in this regard in most places.

 

Speaking of which - why in the world is that man staying with MOM? With all the evidence I would think he would have kicked her to the curb...but then there is the child I guess.

 

And I don't think your WH is staying with you out of the goodness of his heart - I think he sees his lifestyle is about to come crashing down on him and on MOW. I would not be surprised if MOM is telling him to be nice to get you to back off.

 

 

I honestly don't know what his motives are. I haven't asked him anything about what he wants to do. He seems to be shell shocked and I can see why. I've had time to wrap at least a portion of my brain around this mess he hasn't had the same amount of time. I have no idea if my WS is sincere or not. I don't care. I have shut that door. The only emotion is extreme anger. I am the puppet master where I am concerned now. There have been enough people in with strings attached to me and using them to control my choices. No more.

[Yesterday]

From your original post:

 

 

My phone started ringing non stop from OW and her BS. I told BS I would met with him if he wanted to. If not I will no longer contact him. I suggested he see a lawyer ASAP and get a paternity test. He is in shock of course. She left messages on the answering service when I wouldn't answer her calls. She is screaming on some, crying on others and calling me every name in the book that I have ruined her life. Yeah well....I don't give a f*ck. She needs to be prepared for the audit of her accounts at her job.

 

 

p&v

Congratulations on your handling of this, you certainly have been busy in a short time! I believe your husband will be in awe too when he realizes just how much he didn't know you, and he completely underestimated some of your strengths.

 

My question is about the OW, your reference for her to be prepared for the audit of her accounts at her job. Do you have any update on this part of your original post?

 

Keep strong!

[peaksandvalleys]

From your original post:

 

 

 

p&v

Congratulations on your handling of this, you certainly have been busy in a short time! I believe your husband will be in awe too when he realizes just how much he didn't know you, and he completely underestimated some of your strengths.

 

My question is about the OW, your reference for her to be prepared for the audit of her accounts at her job. Do you have any update on this part of your original post?

 

Keep strong!

 

No I don't have an update. This came about during my looking for information. My lawyer said that some of the stuff that was uncovered had nothing to do with me but did have something to do with her job. I haven't concerned myself with that because there is just so darn much else to concentrate on. She is still calling the house and leaving messages. They saved and kept as documentation. She just wants to met, much like a poster over in OW/OM section. I haven't decided if I want that. I will admit I am tempted. Just don't know yet.

[underwater2010]

No I don't have an update. This came about during my looking for information. My lawyer said that some of the stuff that was uncovered had nothing to do with me but did have something to do with her job. I haven't concerned myself with that because there is just so darn much else to concentrate on. She is still calling the house and leaving messages. They saved and kept as documentation. She just wants to met, much like a poster over in OW/OM section. I haven't decided if I want that. I will admit I am tempted. Just don't know yet.

As much as you are tempted...I wouldn't. She has nothing to tell you that you don't already know. She hasn't even attempted an apology at least from what I have seen. Just keep logging the calls and wait for her to show up so you can slap her with a restraining order.

[RightThere]

She just wants to met, much like a poster over in OW/OM section. I haven't decided if I want that. I will admit I am tempted. Just don't know yet.

 

Just as info, I did agree to meet with the OM who had been sleeping with my wife. My purpose was to tell him to back off (as my wife and I are reconciling) but his purpose was "to try and gain back some honor".

 

I didn't get anything out of meeting with the OM. Although I seem to have finally gotten my space.

 

I don't know, but I doubt you would get anything productive from meeting the OW.

[peaksandvalleys]

I know I wouldn't get anything productive from her. I just feel like yanking her chain. Yes that sounds angry, cruel and not so nice. I don't really care right now. Today is a just a little rough. Our anniversary is in less than two weeks and I am listening at him make plans at the same time she is calling the house. Just kind of sucks.

[HtotheN]

Her BS told me this. I think it would be classified as hearsay. But I am on my way out. WS is in the shower. When he gets out I will be long gone. Jerkface.

 

I freakin love you. Just sayin, in a completely non-lesbian but just admiring your strength kind of way.

[ComingInHot]

Peaks, I'd say nil on the meeting up with MOW. If she truly is on "the war path" it could lead to something ugly with you ending up in a position that you have so gracefully and honorably avoided so far*

 

As you are logging the calls and attempted communications, have you at ANY time told her to "STOP"? If so, then she is harassing you and I have read MANY times over by OW's that ANYTHING that makes you feel "panicked" and harassed is worth getting a legal cease and desist letter written up and mailed then an RO.

 

This is what the exOW ended up forcing me to do.

In the end though, I think it also "helped" her to move on too*

 

PEACE!

CIH*

[cif]

No I don't have an update. This came about during my looking for information. My lawyer said that some of the stuff that was uncovered had nothing to do with me but did have something to do with her job. I haven't concerned myself with that because there is just so darn much else to concentrate on. She is still calling the house and leaving messages. They saved and kept as documentation. She just wants to met, much like a poster over in OW/OM section. I haven't decided if I want that. I will admit I am tempted. Just don't know yet.

 

I know I wouldn't get anything productive from her. I just feel like yanking her chain. Yes that sounds angry, cruel and not so nice. I don't really care right now. Today is a just a little rough. Our anniversary is in less than two weeks and I am listening at him make plans at the same time she is calling the house. Just kind of sucks.

 

IDK if it's a good idea to meet her in person. She already knows you carry a weapon and might get you to use it. Your H is getting advice from somewhere about how to reconcile OR how to get the most out of the divorce.. be wary. Also want to add that I respect how you handled this entire situation. Very admirable.

[peaksandvalleys]

IDK if it's a good idea to meet her in person. She already knows you carry a weapon and might get you to use it. Your H is getting advice from somewhere about how to reconcile OR how to get the most out of the divorce.. be wary. Also want to add that I respect how you handled this entire situation. Very admirable.

 

 

I don't carry the weapon with me unless I am out after dark. I am authorized to carry a weapon. I made sure she did know that in case she got any ideas.

[goodyblue]

I don't carry the weapon with me unless I am out after dark. I am authorized to carry a weapon. I made sure she did know that in case she got any ideas.

 

I guess I missed it... has she threatened you in any way?

[peaksandvalleys]

I guess I missed it... has she threatened you in any way?

 

 

No I wouldn't call it a threat. More like a promise that she is more than willing to go dirty. So am I. So I would call that a promise.

[2sure]

My XH had several OW before our divorce. I did speak to most and met with several. I didn't ask them questions, because like you, I learned not to ask a question unless I already knew the answer. So, if you feel that meeting her will emotionally put you a step forward, then do it. And it might.

 

As to her calling the house while you're husband is in the midst of fixing everything. Tell him you'd really like for him to get her to stop calling. That it would make you happy.

 

Let him figure it out.

[peaksandvalleys]

I think I am going to speak to her again. A public place with my girlfriends already there in and in place. I will let her have all her say and then I will have all my say. My first question for her will be, "what do you want to happen now?"

[whichwayisup]

I think I am going to speak to her again. A public place with my girlfriends already there in and in place. I will let her have all her say and then I will have all my say. My first question for her will be, "what do you want to happen now?"

 

Do it in public and a place where there are video cameras on site. This way in case she goes nuts and there is a possibility since she sounds nutty and one that could lose her temper and do something dangerous, this way it's on video and you're protected. It's good your friend is coming with you. Though I do hope she is calm and you two are able to talk and she'll let it go, move on after this.

[whichwayisup]

My other suggestion is, leaving it to emails or phone calls.

 

You have courage though, and you're strong!

 

Side note, what do the rest of the family think about what has happened? extended family etc? I can't remember if you posted about that or not, sorry.