D-day

[KathyM]

Are you all going to sit here and tell me that anyone in the mental health industry would tell her she is 'okay' or 'doing the right thing'? Aside from Kathy M whom I seriously doubt is a professional... give me a break. this is so unhealthy.

 

I do feel sorry for you. I hope you find your way out of the madness soon.

I'm a therapist intern. I have a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology and work as an intern providing therapy to clients. I'm not a professional therapist, since I am not licensed yet. Why you dragged my name into this discussion, I have no idea. I don't think I even participated in this thread. But believe what you want about me. I have no reason to lie to people on here, nor would I want to.

[rumbleseat]

All the OP has done isliterrallyapain herself and take back her power. I don't know what that ruffles someeiple's feathers so much. She has gotten legal advice and made sure that everything she did is both legal and ethical.

 

When ou really think about it, what she has done makes perfect sense. She hasn't brought aching upon the ws or ow . They did that to themselves.

 

It's actually quite "tame" . The worst action I have ever heard of is an ow who claimed to be a mental healthrofessilnal and who was quite smugly he idea that she could have her mm's bs involuntarily committed to the local hospital's mental health unit (for her own good, of course :roll eyes: )

[threelaurels]

Better.

 

I don't know. I know that we have no idea what caused this to happen. I only know that she needs to seek some sort of mental health eval before she runs to a meeting with MOW with a gun. Sorry. That is just how I feel. I am not condemning her. I am WORRIED for her. There is a HUGE difference and I can't believe everyone would sit here, looking at all she has said and cheer this on. It is a messed up situation from top to bottom. Of course WS and MOW are wrong, of COURSE. But this woman sounds like she is calm, and not in a good way. More in a Ted Bundy way.

 

Well, I've said all there is I can say. I hope you are well, and if I read about this on the news at least there is proof here on LS that BS was carrying a gun. Good luck.

 

When you get involved in an affair, you never know who you're ****ing with. I own a gun, carry it whenever I am legally allowed to, and I'm quite the sharpshooter when it comes to a rifle. I am aware of the law where I live, and I have no duty to retreat if I am threatened.

 

There is nothing wrong or unhealthy about people using guns to defend themselves from people like P&V's psycho MOW who stalked her to a restaurant and confronted her in her front of her daughter!

 

If someone doesn't like the prospect of pissing someone with a gun off, they probably should aim not to piss anyone off. We are everywhere, and you never know who's packing!

 

And before anyone throws out the mental health line with me, my therapist was the one who recommended I get a gun and learn how to shoot

[ComingInHot]

goody wrote, " listen. You're all cheering her on because you were to chicken to do this for yourselves."

 

I read that comment as having Quite a bit of angst towards the BS due to being an exOW.

 

 

Goody wrote, " I am not denying or minimizing her feelings. I'm just worried at how this could escalate. Not you people. You can't wait. Pathetic."

 

With this statement and rereading past ones, it just comes of as kind of mean and "judgy"

 

Goody then wrote, "This poor woman needs to speak to a professional post haste. Not YOU people who are angry, bitter and helpless."

 

I'm pretty sure P&V IS speaking to professionals; Criminal Attorney, Divorce Attorney (and I thought a Business Attorney).

And, Again w/the Judging we are ALL "Angry" stuff...

I'm not angry at all, just defending the OP from someone who seems quite emotional about her, so far, rational, sane & legal course of actions.

 

Goody, when I personally read supportive responses or Give them, especially to the opposite side of the A triangle, I let them know w/out doubt when I'm being sincere, just in case my words/comment doesn't come off that way.

 

Maybe try that?

Edited October 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Betterthanthis13]

Better.

 

I don't know. I know that we have no idea what caused this to happen. I only know that she needs to seek some sort of mental health eval before she runs to a meeting with MOW with a gun. Sorry. That is just how I feel. I am not condemning her. I am WORRIED for her. There is a HUGE difference and I can't believe everyone would sit here, looking at all she has said and cheer this on. It is a messed up situation from top to bottom. Of course WS and MOW are wrong, of COURSE. But this woman sounds like she is calm, and not in a good way. More in a Ted Bundy way.

 

Well, I've said all there is I can say. I hope you are well, and if I read about this on the news at least there is proof here on LS that BS was carrying a gun. Good luck.

 

None of us really know P&V personally or can judge her mental health. For all we know, she is in a manic state waving her loaded gun around like a banshee and is truly a dangerous, "unhinged" individual who is gonna end up on death row for shooting people.

 

I don't personally think that is the case. The reason I don't think that is, and the reason I think people are "cheering her on" is because she is acting EXACTLY the way many of us fBS's would have liked to have acted around DDay but didn't, because we were too much in shock and acting like a bunch of hurt "chickens". Personally, I think she is the poster child for BS good mental health (if there is such a thing) and a good example for other BS's to follow who don't want to regret the precious time they spent wallowing around in shock acting like a wounded chicken. Like me. I could be wrong though. Maybe we will see P&V on the news.... I bet not. I think she can hold it together even under this absurd uninvited surprise pressure and exit this fiasco that was rudely forced into her life with dignity and grace. Seems like she has been doing exactly that so far.

[peaksandvalleys]

Better.

 

I don't know. I know that we have no idea what caused this to happen. I only know that she needs to seek some sort of mental health eval before she runs to a meeting with MOW with a gun. Sorry. That is just how I feel. I am not condemning her. I am WORRIED for her. There is a HUGE difference and I can't believe everyone would sit here, looking at all she has said and cheer this on. It is a messed up situation from top to bottom. Of course WS and MOW are wrong, of COURSE. But this woman sounds like she is calm, and not in a good way. More in a Ted Bundy way.

 

Well, I've said all there is I can say. I hope you are well, and if I read about this on the news at least there is proof here on LS that BS was carrying a gun. Good luck.

 

 

1) I never said I carried a gun. I have said and I quote for the umpteenth time.....I am authorized to carry a gun. Not one time did I say I carry one. It seems you haven't taken the time to read the numerous occasions I have stated that.

 

2) Why would anyone assume I haven't talked with a professional. I never said one way or the other if I have sought input on this situation.

 

3)Because I do not respond with begging and crying and voice my thoughts here I am on a level with Ted Bundy?

 

I have to admit a few of you make me want to laugh and puke at the same time. And you worry to much about people who have no affect on your life. It might be a good idea to save it for someone you truly have some input with. It is energy wasted here.

[peaksandvalleys]

Dear lord. Okay. I am NOT taking her feelings of hurt from her. I'm glad she's being proactive. What I AM saying is that this woman needs to think. I'm not posting as FOW. I'm posting as a human being who sees another in pain, but you know what? If it makes you feel better to take away any positive I might give because I am FOW, feel free. But you would be making a mistake and all of you are making a mistake in spurring this hurt, upset, heartbroken woman on when she is already so angry it seethes through my monitor.

 

Peaks, listen, I understand that you are upset. Your life is topside. But please, before you make any more moves, step back. Take a breath.

 

 

Don't assume I haven't thought. Actually that is all my lawyer and I have done is thought and planned. I don't need to step back from my life at any point. My breathing is fine thank you for what you believe is concern.

[rumbleseat]

OP,

Have you talked to your daughter about getting some counselling for herself? Does she think it could be helpful to her? No matter what he did, he is still her dad, and this is likely a really difficult time for her. Not on,y has she found out that her dad has really hurt her mom (both of whom she loves and looks to for support, as all kids do) , but now, thanks to the actions of his ow who inserted herself when you and your daughter were out together, she has been put in the middle.

 

 

It sounds like all you wanted was to end things with your husband cleanly and quietly, but between him and his ow, they've done their best to make sure that won't happen.

[peaksandvalleys]

One more thing... just because I was OW does NOT mean that I haven't anything relevant to say. So, she's going to listen to you, who stroke her. Good luck.

 

 

I listen to the people who I pay for their services (sigh). It appears that you think people who post on the internet are easily lead or stroked by people I don't know. That isn't how I live my life. I use this place to read and vent. My lawyer knows I post here. While I might not be the kind of BS that you have an image of in your head, I am a BS who is doing what I find appropriate for my life.

 

I am not now nor have I ever been physically violent, but I have been called tough, focused and I am sure by some of my colleagues I have been called ruthless or the "B" word on occasion. Those are all adjectives that I feel like I have earned over years by people who have dealt with me for years. You know what I post and even then some of the things I have posted are ignored and I am not sure why. I can only conclude that it is because it does not fit whatever internal image you have.

 

Answering direct questions isn't a problem for me but speculation is just that. A lot of speculation.

[velvette]

What good would it do to point it out? Nobody here will listen. You're all cheering her on because you were to chicken to do this for yourselves. I am not denying or minimizing her feelings. I'm just worried at how this could escalate. Not you people. You can't wait. Pathetic.

 

This poor woman needs to speak to a professional post haste. Not YOU people who are angry, bitter and helpless.

 

I'll just sit back and watch the news and when I read of this disaster, you can blame yourselves.

 

Carry on.

 

Well it might do some good. Right now you sound quite hysterical, so its hard to understand what you are talking about.

 

What exactly has Peaks done that you are so concerned about? What happened that the rest of us missed?

 

I haven't seen anyone cheering her on to do anything crazy or illegal.

[goodyblue]

I sound hysterical. Oh dear god. Because I don't agree with you I am hysterical. Whatever you say.

[peaksandvalleys]

Are you in counseling? I would recommend it. Not that you are doing anythig wrong but rather to help you continue on your chosen path. Somewhere safe to vent and let those duck legs stop paddling. Maybe you don't need it but give it a shot and see if it helps... And then send the bill to your WH.

 

 

My children and I have talked about their relationship with their father and how they want to handle it. Right now they are angry and don't want to even talk about him. I think he only reached out to them once maybe twice. He is hiding waiting on them to make the move.

[sweet_pea]

I was just wondering what made you think what she was doing was unhealthy, and I'm not surprised that you won't share why. I honestly think you're calling it all unhealthy because you don't like/agree with how it's being handled, not because it's actually unhealthy.

 

Anyway, I believe P&V HAS sought legal/professional counsel in regards to her situation, in fact if I remember correctly, she did so ahead of time, and kudos to her, I wish I thought the way she has when I was going through DDay.

 

The other things about us being bitter, angry, helpless, etc. Well, whatever. Call us what you will but at least we are supporting P&V to the best of our abilities and not calling her "crazed" and other less-than-supportive things. I've seen posters give great advice, such as maybe going to counseling, supporting/not-supporting the meeting and so on.

[goodyblue]

CIH. Don't worry, I caught it when you called me goody blew. I get it. I'm really disappointed in you though, I thought you were better than that. So unfortunate.

[peaksandvalleys]

OP,

Have you talked to your daughter about getting some counselling for herself? Does she think it could be helpful to her? No matter what he did, he is still her dad, and this is likely a really difficult time for her. Not on,y has she found out that her dad has really hurt her mom (both of whom she loves and looks to for support, as all kids do) , but now, thanks to the actions of his ow who inserted herself when you and your daughter were out together, she has been put in the middle.

 

 

It sounds like all you wanted was to end things with your husband cleanly and quietly, but between him and his ow, they've done their best to make sure that won't happen.

 

Yeah I can't say that I wanted to end things quietly. I think that because so much had been kept hush hush and buried I wanted to open a can of worms that could not be ignored.

[whichwayisup]

Originally Posted by goodyblue

One more thing... just because I was OW does NOT mean that I haven't anything relevant to say. So, she's going to listen to you, who stroke her. Good luck.

 

I'm sure like many other thread starters, each person is very capable of figuring out which posters/repliers are giving honest and sincere advice vs the ones who aren't. It is very obvious which posters/repliers here aren't. Why even bother needling and assuming so much, let alone even replying.

[HopingAgain]

I absolutely love the fact that PV is so on top of her game that she had random OW who dont know her from a hole in the ground quaking in their boots! You are a force to be reckoned with PV! Dont ever allow any cowardly OW convince you otherwise!

[peaksandvalleys]

I absolutely love the fact that PV is so on top of her game that she had random OW who dont know her from a hole in the ground quaking in their boots! You are a force to be reckoned with PV! Dont ever allow any cowardly OW convince you otherwise!

 

 

And I honestly do not get why they are so adament that I am "unhinged". If I were ranting in the streets carrying a sign saying "my husband cheated on me with the woman on xyz street" I might understand it. But because I am too calm I need to seek mental help. I don't get it.

Edited October 28, 2013 by peaksandvalleys

[Realist3]

I will just say that the person I read in the first thread on this forum does not in any way sound like the person I am reading in the last few threads.

 

In the first thread we read someone who is resigned and 'checked out' to the point of contemplating infidelity herself. Admitting her own failings in the marriage to some extent. Now we are reading this fireball, for lack of a better term, who is hellbent on revenge, and taking great lengths to exact as much pain as possible over a relationship she had pretty much given up on. Bipolar maybe?

 

Someone earlier mentioned it reads like a movie on Lifetime. I freely admit I have never watched a movie on Lifetime, but I can imagine this is a lot what it would be like, x 10.

 

OP, I realize this probably hit you like a ton of bricks, but I also hope you are able to take a step back and realize it is not the end of the world. Hurting other people in whatever form is never going to make anything better out of this.

 

You mentioned something about drama, and how you would certainly play your role. Think about whether that is the best thing for YOU. Good luck.

[Journee]

What good would it do to point it out? Nobody here will listen. You're all cheering her on because you were to chicken to do this for yourselves. I am not denying or minimizing her feelings. I'm just worried at how this could escalate. Not you people. You can't wait. Pathetic.

 

This poor woman needs to speak to a professional post haste. Not YOU people who are angry, bitter and helpless.

 

I'll just sit back and watch the news and when I read of this disaster, you can blame yourselves.

 

Carry on.

 

 

 

You honestly sound like a bully. Calling people pathetic and cowards. Does your FOW label make you feel superior? "You people" lol seriously. Yes, we are all pathetic and less than.

 

BS are damned no matter what choice they make. I don't think that anyone is rallying behind her with pitch forks. Just offering support right? This is a support forum right? NO one is encouraging violence. BS are always made out to be dramatic but you acting like this will lead to a murder suicide is a little much too. Get a grip.

 

Still loling at "You people"

 

You know, you remind me of another poster that used to be here....

[Journee]

And I honestly do not get why they are so adament that I am "unhinged". If I were ranting in the streets carrying a sign saying "my husband cheated on me with the woman on xyz street" I might understand it. But because I am too calm I need to seek mental help. I don't get it.

 

 

 

What people seem to not understand is that there is a gauntlet of emotions a BS can go through. Everyone processes the information differently. If you were on here blubbering you would be bashed for being weak. Since you are at least typing to us in a deliberate manner you are obviously a crime of passion waiting to happen.

 

It's incredible.

[peaksandvalleys]

I will just say that the person I read in the first thread on this forum does not in any way sound like the person I am reading in the last few threads.

 

In the first thread we read someone who is resigned and 'checked out' to the point of contemplating infidelity herself. Admitting her own failings in the marriage to some extent. Now we are reading this fireball, for lack of a better term, who is hellbent on revenge, and taking great lengths to exact as much pain as possible over a relationship she had pretty much given up on. Bipolar maybe?

 

Someone earlier mentioned it reads like a movie on Lifetime. I freely admit I have never watched a movie on Lifetime, but I can imagine this is a lot what it would be like, x 10.

 

OP, I realize this probably hit you like a ton of bricks, but I also hope you are able to take a step back and realize it is not the end of the world. Hurting other people in whatever form is never going to make anything better out of this.

 

You mentioned something about drama, and how you would certainly play your role. Think about whether that is the best thing for YOU. Good luck.

 

 

If you read the first threads you will know I had over some time asked him to work with me. I was told there was nothing wrong. I was lied to for years. Here is well the hell bent on revenge comes in. Pissed off, still not denying that. And yes it is best for me to continue this path and thank you for the lucky wish.

Edited October 28, 2013 by peaksandvalleys

[Henrirose]

Wayward Spouses and their "others" do the deed, never expecting the severity of the consequences and, in this case, the consequences were drawn up and executed in a careful, methodical, and no holds bar way.

 

Well done, P&V. Well done. You were handed a s.h.i.t sandwich and you tied it in a bow and marked it Return To Sender.

[peaksandvalleys]

It isn't just BS's that are damned if you do, damned if you don't. WS are to... And pretty much anyone that someone has taken a dislike to.

 

I do think the OP should be in counseling. Not seeing a Shrink, not having an evaluation, not be on meds, just seeing an unbiased person to allow her emotions out. Besides, i am pretty sure seeking Counseling will look good for her legal actions. I also agree her kids need to be seeing a counselor as well.

 

 

 

We are clear that I am talking to people right? I have friends, family and legal advice. My children are young adults who are out of the house and they will decide if they need counseling no matter how many times I might suggest it. As I stated before WS wants to go to counseling and my lawyer said that it would look good. I listen to his advice as he hasn't led me wrong and been very honest with me.

[whichwayisup]

We are clear that I am talking to people right? I have friends, family and legal advice. My children are young adults who are out of the house and they will decide if they need counseling no matter how many times I might suggest it. As I stated before WS wants to go to counseling and my lawyer said that it would look good. I listen to his advice as he hasn't led me wrong and been very honest with me.

 

Peaks, you don't have to defend yourself to the few posters who are purposely poking at you. This is your life and you know what is best.