D-day

[peaksandvalleys]

I've posted on this site and a couple of other infidelity based one for many years...and I've never seen anything quite like this.

 

This truly is one of those "exception" stories.

 

I'll be curious to see how it plays out as it moves forward.

 

 

I read on a lot of sites before posting and including here. I read mainly the OW/OM forums then the BS forums. I learned without paying attention I guess. I also research all my decision and is such an ingrained habit that I think it served me well. I just want to rewind 25 years or so. But then I wouldn't have my kids.

[hollyhillcourt]

I read on a lot of sites before posting and including here. I read mainly the OW/OM forums then the BS forums. I learned without paying attention I guess. I also research all my decision and is such an ingrained habit that I think it served me well. I just want to rewind 25 years or so. But then I wouldn't have my kids.

 

Proof that knowledge is power. Stay strong.

[NotCamelot]

Nothing sadder than two grown people sitting in a restaurant and crying like babies. He is so hurt. He didn't ask many questions, said the info he got was very detailed and he needed to face some things. I had the feeling that he suspected for some time but couldn't figure it out.

 

I explained what led to my actions. That I had been confused about my own marriage and even the thoughts of cheating myself because I needed something I thought I wasn't getting. I realize that I might not have said that in hindsight. It was just what came out at the time.

 

His phone was constantly buzzing. I know it was her or even my BS. I will turn my phone back on after I talk with my kids. For now I don't want to hear from him at all.

 

 

Was this a revelation to him? Did he even suspect anything? Did you share (copy) the evidence for him?

[peaksandvalleys]

peaksandvalleys you inspire me. I cannot tell you enough, I wish I did things the way you did. It has exactly the impact needed.

 

Job well done! Now celebrate and have some wine with your girlfriends. Maybe have a spa day. Remember to eat and drink when you are really upset.

 

It's going to be a rollercoaster ride ahead, hold on!

 

 

Already down 10 lbs. Not something I am happy about. Having trouble keeping food down.

[peaksandvalleys]

Was this a revelation to him? Did he even suspect anything? Did you share (copy) the evidence for him?

 

 

He had a package delivered to him at the same time his wife got hers.

[peaksandvalleys]

You're a freakin' badass.

 

 

I wish. Anger is a huge motivation.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Anger that is borne of profound hurt.

 

I admire your resolve.

 

Now, time to focus on you. Just you.

[whatatangledweb]

I am so sorry you are hurting Peaks. I think you dealt with this quite fairly. You were kind to the OBS because he is innocent in this. Your WH and the OW should be the ones who pay. They choose to do this, you and the OBS had no choice.

 

I have looked but I can't find out where you wrote about her child. Is it your WH's ? How long was their affair?

[dichotomy]

Nothing sadder than two grown people sitting in a restaurant and crying like babies. He is so hurt. He didn't ask many questions, said the info he got was very detailed and he needed to face some things. I had the feeling that he suspected for some time but couldn't figure it out.

 

I explained what led to my actions. That I had been confused about my own marriage and even the thoughts of cheating myself because I needed something I thought I wasn't getting. I realize that I might not have said that in hindsight. It was just what came out at the time.

 

His phone was constantly buzzing. I know it was her or even my BS. I will turn my phone back on after I talk with my kids. For now I don't want to hear from him at all.

 

I am a BH and I wanted to say this was very kind and considerate of you. While you were giving shock and awe nuclear bombs to WS's - you showed the other side of you ...in this tender act in meeting with OW 's BH and sharing hurts.

 

Is he going to file for divorce? did you advise him not to be a dormat?

[aliveagain]

Bravo and hugs.

[Spark1111]

You need to take some really deep breathes and contact your children. Stay calm and reassuring.

 

It may be your finest performance yet, but with them, please take the high road.

 

He is the only father they will ever have and no matter what, they should continue to love him while they heal from this.

 

be kind.

[underwater2010]

I am happy for you that your plans worked out and I hoped you save her messages and laugh about her reaction.

 

Now that most of your proactive work is done be ready for the collapse. I only worry that you have had plenty to keep you busy and you are now going to be over run with emotions. Hang in there and realize there are many people here who have been through this and are here to listen should you need it. HUGS

[Betterthanthis13]

I think P&V's threads should be stickied under a heading of "How to be a Rockstar BS" right under "What every WS should know"

[Debanked]

Peaks,

 

Curious about the financial ramifications of your entire plan. What did everything set you back $ to pull this off?

[yellowmaverick]

I think I love you.:love:

[threelaurels]

Even though I am already an adult, I want to be just like you when I grow up

[HtotheN]

Even though I am already an adult, I want to be just like you when I grow up

 

I was going to say the same thing!

[doubled]

I wish I did what you did. I admire you.

[jlola]

I think P&V's threads should be stickied under a heading of "How to be a Rockstar BS" right under "What every WS should know"

 

I think P&V and "CHUMPLADY" should do a Nationwide tour of "How to deal with a WS's the right way 101 " !

[waterwoman]

Brilliant!

 

Well done that woman.

 

It must be so hard though - be kind to yourself when the adrenaline wears off xxx

[cozycottagelg]

How did lunch go with the BS yesterday. How are you holding up?

[peaksandvalleys]

Talked with my kids yesterday. They are shocked to say the least. I didn't give them all the details but they are going to find out some pretty big ones soon enough. I don't want to get into all we talked about because I hate seeing them so hurt and it is hard to type that. I go home, he's not there and I try to get some sleep. Nodding off and waking up. Too many thoughts running through my head. When I finally doze off I hear my name being screamed at the top of his lungs. He is sloppy drunk! I mean drunk and I have NEVER seen him drunk before. A little tipsy but not drunk. I try to ignore him but he goes into the kitchen and starts to bang pots and pans. I don't know why he is trying to cook he has never done that before. So I go down.

 

He tells me how sorry he is, that he didn't mean for any of this to hurt me or our family. He wants to know what he can do to make it right. I tell him he can do nothing and I am going to bed. He literally starts bawling like a two year old. I mean WTH? Isn't this what you wanted? He says it isn't and that he is confused. He loves us both but he has a history with me and to let him make it up to me. I tried to go upstairs and he kept blocking my way telling me that I am being unreasonable to throw away so many good years.

 

I asked him if he read all the information in the package. He said he didn't because he knew the information. I told him to go read EVERYTHING that I know the extent that he and OW have been involved and how long that involvement has lasted. He is so drunk he isn't even filtering anything he says. He says,

 

"she told me you would be a "B" about this and that you would take us down because you can't handle being rejected."

 

I literally laughed in his face. I told him I have been rejected by you for the last 20 years so that is nothing new to me now get the hell out of my way. Get upstairs and I crash. Wake up to my youngest shaking me. Says dad called last night and told them he was going to disappear. She hung up on him which explains why he got drunk.

 

She and I go to get breakfast and in walks the OW. She makes a beeline for me and asks me if we can talk? That is a big mistake on her part. I ask my daughter to move to a table across the restaurant with her phone handy. She sits, I wait for her to talk and she starts to cry. What the hell is with all the crying? I am the one who should be balling my freaking eyeballs out. Do any of you know what it is like to have a brick sitting in your stomach pressing down and at the same time have something slowly sucking the air out of your lungs? That's how I felt, I still feel typing this.

 

She wants to know if I know what I am doing to her family? How her husband is hurting? That he is asking for a paternity test for their youngest? If I considered the damage I was doing to two families? She wanted to inform her family and career mean everything to her and how much my WS REALLY does love me. He loves me as much as she loves her husband. By the way I think she is right about that one. She loves her husband as much as my WS loves me which is not at all. She wants me to know that she never meant to hurt me so she can't understand why I am intentionally trying to hurt her. She wants me to understand what she will loose if I go through with my plans and that she doesn't appreciate being named in my divorce proceedings that we had problems before her.

 

I want to throw up on her nice outfit. When she finally takes a breath I speak. I let her know that I don't give a damn about her future or her career. Sometimes you ought to think about where you step before you make that move. You never know what you might step in. For the second time in a 12 hour period I am called a "B". I let her know that she has no idea how much of a "B" I will be if she comes near me again and that I have a permit to carry a loaded weapon. I won't hesitate to use it if I feel like I am in danger and then I leaned back and said very loudly, "should really be careful who you sleep with. All wives won't treat as generously as I have". I got up to leave only to be told this isn't over. "I will fight for my family". I am good with that I plan to fight for mine as well. WS is all yours with his broke a(s)(s).

 

Just typing this makes my blood boil and the knots twist in my stomach. I will met with her BS one last time because he has a couple of questions he wants info about. I will let him know I will no longer communicate until I am in a better place.

[peaksandvalleys]

Peaks,

 

Curious about the financial ramifications of your entire plan. What did everything set you back $ to pull this off?

 

 

I had to dip into my savings. It wasn't cheap but is cheap compared to spending the rest of my life living a lie or worse thinking of cheating myself.

[peaksandvalleys]

How did lunch go with the BS yesterday. How are you holding up?

 

 

Post 26 on this thread.

[underwater2010]

Wow...she is ballsy. What she doesn't realize is that the damage has already been done. She cheated and you did the right thing by exposing her. There is no turning back. Even if you did take her off the proceedings (I wouldn't) her marriage will never be the same. And you are right you have been generous. It was calculated and done in a mature fashion. You did NOT attack her or your husband. You have NOT been calling her non stop and showing up on her doorstep.

 

She is lucky that you were the BS and some of us others. I really do know if I could have kept my hands off the MOW in my case. But I was fairly irrational at times.

 

Good call about talking with her BH. Keep it simple and the stop. There has been little contact between me and BH, but it usually scares me when I hear (fear of NC being broken between FWH and MOW) and sends me for a loop for the next few days. Not very healthy for me when my marriage has come so far.