Girlfriend died a few months ago and now her parents are trying to take my son...

[Lois]

Of course they want to see him. I think it would be unspeakably cruel to deny them seeing their grandson - and yes, I'm well aware of what they have tried to do, but they are in pain.

 

Please try to work this out - don't make it any worse by taking your boy away. Especially at Christmas.

[Pasco08]

Of course they want to see him. I think it would be unspeakably cruel to deny them seeing their grandson - and yes, I'm well aware of what they have tried to do, but they are in pain.

 

Please try to work this out - don't make it any worse by taking your boy away. Especially at Christmas.

 

Shouldn't my parents get to see him at Christmas as well though?

[KraftDinner]

Thats what i have been thinking as well. Just don't wanna be the bad guy

 

I know, that's really tough, I'm sorry.

 

They effed up majorly though, I feel. That isn't just giving him candy before bed kind of irresponsible. That's like federal crime.

 

I know they're hurting because they lost their child. So awful. but you lost your wife, and there's no reason you should lose YOUR child. What they're doing is unspeakably cruel. Especially if it comes with the risk of making your son upset with you.

[Lois]

Shouldn't my parents get to see him at Christmas as well though?

 

I think for this year the maternal grandparents should get special consideration and I would hope, given the circumstances, your parents would understand.

 

Have you thought about other options? Can your parents fly down to you? Would they object to having Christmas Day with you on Boxing Day?

 

This doesn't have to be all or nothing, it just requires a bit of juggling - like many of us have to at Christmastime - and communication.

 

This is a tough situation but I still maintain that it would be cruel to take your son away from his maternal grandparents on the first Christmas of their daughter's death.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think for this year the maternal grandparents should get special consideration and I would hope, given the circumstances, your parents would understand.

 

Have you thought about other options? Can your parents fly down to you? Would they object to having Christmas Day with you on Boxing Day?

 

This doesn't have to be all or nothing, it just requires a bit of juggling - like many of us have to at Christmastime - and communication.

 

This is a tough situation but I still maintain that it would be cruel to take your son away from his maternal grandparents on the first Christmas of their daughter's death.

 

Um. It was a lot more cruel to try to publicly kidnap his son after dinner.....

 

Clearly they can't be trusted to watch his son or be around him unsupervised for ten seconds.

 

Really, categorically wrong!

 

The fact that they are pursuing full custody legally against a fit father shows them to be rather unreasonable to begin with.

 

He wrote them their terms, they violated them.

 

Visits could probably happen AFTER the legal matter subsides and should always be SUPERVISED until the boy is large enough to push back against crazy.

[dreamingoftigers]

OP, do you have court dates yet?

[Lois]

Um. It was a lot more cruel to try to publicly kidnap his son after dinner.....

 

Clearly they can't be trusted to watch his son or be around him unsupervised for ten seconds.

 

Really, categorically wrong!

 

The fact that they are pursuing full custody legally against a fit father shows them to be rather unreasonable to begin with.

 

He wrote them their terms, they violated them.

 

Visits could probably happen AFTER the legal matter subsides and should always be SUPERVISED until the boy is large enough to push back against crazy.

 

According to this post they have dropped their legal proceedings.

I am thinking about Flying up north with my son for Christmas but his grandparents down here wanna see him on Christmas and have dropped there legal proceedings against me and everything.

 

 

And who mentioned them being unsupervised around the boy? I was talking about his father taking him to see his grandparents, not leaving him there.

 

I'm taking into consideration that we only know one side of the story and very little at that. I believe there's a lot more going on here.

Edited November 25, 2012 by Lois

[dreamingoftigers]

According to this post they have dropped their legal proceedings.

 

 

And who mentioned them being unsupervised around the boy? I was talking about his father taking him to see his grandparents, not leaving him there.

 

I'm taking into consideration that we only know one side of the story and very little at that. I believe there's a lot more going on here.

 

I missed that.... whoops.

 

Good thing.

[Lois]

I missed that.... whoops.

 

Good thing.

 

Yes indeedy.

[Balzac]

You need to place highest priority on your emotional health and also what a baby boy needs. Christmas is a big event for grandparents. Your family is entitled to contact with you and your son. It would I am guessing be relaxing for you. No work, no daycare, easy meals. Low stress. I'd travel.

 

Your son cannot know what day Christmas is. Offer if you feel comfortable doubt so, stage a Christmas of sorts w maternal side. Is it possible to have this event away from their home? Neutral turf or your home?

 

My view is that you hold no obligation to help them grieve. If they were not aggressive or if they offered to sub an alternate date but no, they want prime time. The grandchild presence issue would have come up regardless of your shared loss.

 

Go to your family because of your need for comfort and joy. Avoid the stress.

[Balzac]

Regarding the withdrawn legal action. As you must be well aware, child custody is always an open matter. They can file again at will.

 

My suspicion is that following their most recent bad behavior, your consultation with your attorney, their legal counsel explained reality in terms of monetary expense and likely outcomes. Perhaps they came to grips with those facts overriding their desire for scorched earth victory.

 

You do not owe them favors for this. Be cautiously respectful while in firm grip of your parental obligations. You must take care of yourself to perform single parenting, while working and yet putting your son's needs as priority.

Your personal stress levels and ability to experience joy do have an affect on your son.

 

You too are grieving. You are running businesses and learning to be a single dad. Have compassion for yourself.

[Pasco08]

You need to place highest priority on your emotional health and also what a baby boy needs. Christmas is a big event for grandparents. Your family is entitled to contact with you and your son. It would I am guessing be relaxing for you. No work, no daycare, easy meals. Low stress. I'd travel.

 

Your son cannot know what day Christmas is. Offer if you feel comfortable doubt so, stage a Christmas of sorts w maternal side. Is it possible to have this event away from their home? Neutral turf or your home?

 

My view is that you hold no obligation to help them grieve. If they were not aggressive or if they offered to sub an alternate date but no, they want prime time. The grandchild presence issue would have come up regardless of your shared loss.

 

Go to your family because of your need for comfort and joy. Avoid the stress.

 

Regarding the withdrawn legal action. As you must be well aware, child custody is always an open matter. They can file again at will.

 

My suspicion is that following their most recent bad behavior, your consultation with your attorney, their legal counsel explained reality in terms of monetary expense and likely outcomes. Perhaps they came to grips with those facts overriding their desire for scorched earth victory.

 

You do not owe them favors for this. Be cautiously respectful while in firm grip of your parental obligations. You must take care of yourself to perform single parenting, while working and yet putting your son's needs as priority.

Your personal stress levels and ability to experience joy do have an affect on your son.

 

You too are grieving. You are running businesses and learning to be a single dad. Have compassion for yourself.

 

Thanks i was planning on Flying up there for Christmas because of the fact my parents and siblings and everyone is up north anyways.

 

I think for this year the maternal grandparents should get special consideration and I would hope, given the circumstances, your parents would understand.

 

Have you thought about other options? Can your parents fly down to you? Would they object to having Christmas Day with you on Boxing Day?

 

This doesn't have to be all or nothing, it just requires a bit of juggling - like many of us have to at Christmastime - and communication.

 

This is a tough situation but I still maintain that it would be cruel to take your son away from his maternal grandparents on the first Christmas of their daughter's death.

 

They could but all of my family is up there so it would be easier for myself and my son to just travel up there.

[Balzac]

You need to be with your family. Your son needs to be with you while you're not working. If you can have night out or time w sibs & friends, family can babysit.

 

This is about you having the embrace of loving family support for you and baby boy. No stress and some down time.

 

Book your flights!!!

[Pasco08]

You need to be with your family. Your son needs to be with you while you're not working. If you can have night out or time w sibs & friends, family can babysit.

 

This is about you having the embrace of loving family support for you and baby boy. No stress and some down time.

 

Book your flights!!!

 

Thanks my older sisters already said they wanted to baby sit so it should be fun i hope.

[Balzac]

No "hope" plan on definitely having fun. Take that baby boy, a will to be happy and show that kid some snow.

 

You are so going to be surrounded by love.

[Pasco08]

I will Just hoping his grand parents down here don't give me a hard time i need some fun and time with my old friends up north should be fun introducing my son to snow for the first time.

[Balzac]

Whether they give you blowback or not, it's your choice. You'll be involved with them in a very close affiliation for 16 years or more. They are not going anywhere.

 

You are entitled to an independent life. To choose another partner, move to a new location, have more children. Any or all are options that you may choose.

This year you are choosing to take your time off work to be with your son & extended family in DC. Blowback or not.

 

You will be fine. You'll kick back and take a break. Your innocent little boy cannot replace their daughter.

Edited November 26, 2012 by Balzac

[Pasco08]

I hope so will be my sons first time flying so i am hoping it goes well. Need to find some ways to keep him appeased for two hours.

[Emilia]

I hope so will be my sons first time flying so i am hoping it goes well. Need to find some ways to keep him appeased for two hours.

 

Hope you find something for him for a couple of hours for the flight . I'm sure you'll have a wonderful trip, imagine all the food and the fun and the snow. You will both love it Your family will be so pleased to have the chance to look after you both.

[Pasco08]

Now there making a huge deal out of me taking my kid to DC for Christmas nothing i do is right it seems.

[Balzac]

Geebus you're up late! Of course they're giving you blowback.

Of course they want prime time with baby boy. Your parents are equally worthy.

 

You cannot fix their loss. Your baby boy cannot fix their loss.

 

What you can do is take care of yourself.

[Emilia]

 

You cannot fix their loss. Your baby boy cannot fix their loss.

 

 

I know you have a lot of empathy for them pasco but please remember Balzac's comment above. You are a good man and you deserve a great Christmas, your family deserve to spend with you and your son too.

[Pasco08]

Geebus you're up late! Of course they're giving you blowback.

Of course they want prime time with baby boy. Your parents are equally worthy.

 

You cannot fix their loss. Your baby boy cannot fix their loss.

 

What you can do is take care of yourself.

 

Yeah haven't been sleeping well been sick with a bronchitis. And i know that and i booked my tickets the other day i just wish they were more understanding.

[LuckyClover]

Invite the grandparents to fly up with you and your son to your parents house. If they have any animosity with you or your parents... then it would be a great time to work some things out civilly all together. No yelling or blaming, more hugging and introducing, so that the holiday won't be ruined for anyone.. If you can get your parents and her parents together with many other family members there to enjoy a time where you all will be fortunate enough to celebrate the birth of Jesus... Taking time to appreciate each one of them for coming together also during a tragic time for all.

 

I feel one of your son's biggest benefits/blessings will come: from having both grandparents involved with your son; as well as: her parents and your parents must gain and maintain a loving relationship with themselves. This I believe is so important for your son. For your son to have both grandparents to go to and having them love each other, as much as they love him. Your son will grow up to loving all of them the same.

 

 

Trying to get people to suck up their pride and learn to love someone else's regards is a difficult task... ... when I talk about my ex wife to my daughter I make sure I say only good things.. When my daughter wants to make something crafty for mom... I help her make it the best it could be. The same goes for my son... Both of my children love their mom and if I was to speak ill of her... then they will either speak ill about her also or I would be hurting their feelings about someone they love... making an already crappy situation worse off.

 

 

See- if they'll come up... they dropped the charges... maybe they want to apologize and start fresh. Then the healing can begin.. This boy needs all the love he can get without people fighting over who's gonna give it to him. Everyone just needs to get along, listen, and respect your ultimate decisions, Pasco.

 

 

God Bless You bud... remember patience, rational thinking, and only make decisions that are truly the best decisions for you son.... even if that means you having to suck up some of your pride at times. What matters only, is what is best for your son. #1 YOU will ALWAYS be the BEST for YOUR SON!

[Pasco08]

I don't know if i want them with me in DC With all of my family..... That could be a mess of drama.....