Girl I am dating for almost a year is getting back with her ... husband.

[hinatticus]

That's awesome dude!! I'm back with my ex!!

[SomeGeekGuy]

After such a long time living in depression and grief and despair, things are looking pretty awesome for me right now.

 

I recently started a new job and I absolutely love it. My boss is super cool and we get along super well. I am doing exactly what I always wanted to do and it's super motivating!

 

On top of that I met someone who seems to be very much into me and we get along super fine. She is the last person that I expected to make a move on me, but she did.

 

I hope my situation stays that way for a long while because it really feels good. I am very happy!

 

Suicide is something that has been on my mind at times during my darkest days of my depression, but I knew that my life wasn't over. It never really is. Wounds heal. Time passes and new opportunities arise. All it takes is a bit of work to push your destiny in the right direction and then all the pieces fall into place. It's amazing!

 

I really hope this thread becomes an inspiration to many of the members of this forum and that it will bring hope to others.

 

Thank you to everyone in this thread who has given me words of support when I needed it and yelled at me and gave me **** when I was being ridiculous. I love you all and I hope the best to all of you.

 

Much love,

 

SomeGeekGuy

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hi guys,

 

Here's one last thing I guess I should post. Today I passed by my ex's apartment. Everything was pitch black. (She always had a light on in her place, no matter what.) The blinds that came with the apartment were pulled down. (She always left them open.) There were no pictures in the windows, no plants, I couldn't see any frames hung up on the walls close to the windows. Nothing.

 

She is gone.

 

I can't believe she is finally gone. To be honest, I felt a pinch in my stomach. It's a weird funny feeling that I can't describe. I was kind of hoping of having a last chat with her before she left so I could catch up and try to get some questions answered to get some closing. I guess that's not an option anymore.

 

I hope she didn't move out because she lost her job due to her emotional problems related to her molestation as a child. I hope it's because her contract was ending and she was moving back home, wherever home is going to be for her now.

 

Man, this is weird. It's been one heck of a chapter in my life. I guess now it's truly over.

[JamesM]

Who knows...it may or may not be over. Who knows...this may actually be a good hing.

 

Perhaps it is best to grieve and move on. That emptiness and sadness will slowly disappear with time. I know.

[dreamingoftigers]

She might've just moved to a different area.

The mental energy lost to speculating is best served on other causes like "why do the ghosts chase after PAC-Man anyhow?" "Will they ever make a Serenity sequel?"

[cavalier99]

Wooo hooo! Shes gone! Cav

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hey guys,

 

My ex has been trying to call me for the last two days. I don't know what's wrong.

 

She emailed me a month ago to tell me she was gone. She just said "I'm gone, by the way." That's all her email said. Now she's trying to call me.

 

She has been leaving me alone for a while. I wonder if maybe it's because it was my birthday this month or if she's in trouble or what. I wonder why she didn't just email me like usual. I don't really want to talk to her over the phone.

 

What do you guys think I should do? Should I ask her what this is about? Usually she would just email me. Maybe this is urgent? I know she was unstable when she left, so I wonder if she's in some kind of trouble. Maybe I should just ask her to tell me what she wants to say by email?

 

I don't want to stay in touch with her. I moved on and I'm happy now. I've been in an awesome relationship with this new girl now and I'm happy. She's honest and sincere and has a good heart. She also comes from a great family with great values. I get along well with her brother too. I met her mom about a month and a half ago and it went really well. They're nice people.

 

What do you guys recommend?

[confused192]

Oh my goodness, I just spent my entire afternoon at work reading this thread. I don't have much advice to offer, unfortunately, but I CANNOT believe she is still trying to contact you!! I say stay strong and don't respond to her. Don't give her an inch or she'll want a mile.

 

Best of luck, GeekGuy!

[SomeGeekGuy]

Oh don't worry. I met someone else and since then I'm completely over my ex.

 

She called me again yesterday and left a message. She really insists on talking to me. She says she wants to talk about the "last few months of her life".

 

Maybe she needs to confess something or get done kind of validation from me or some kind of forgiveness. I don't know. If it's forgiveness she wants though, I'm not ready To forgive her.

 

I don't want to talk to her but, I'll give her a call on Tuesday. See what happens and what she wants.

[Shadowburn]

Don't call her, at last out of respect for a new girl. You say she is a good girl will a kind heart, would you want to hurt her? She'd be hurt if she knew you're talking to some ex who tries to pull you back into her drama. Last months of her life is really not your problem. You moved on and happy, end of story.

[CarrieT]

Don't call her, at last out of respect for a new girl. You say she is a good girl will a kind heart, would you want to hurt her? She'd be hurt if she knew you're talking to some ex who tries to pull you back into her drama. Last months of her life is really not your problem. You moved on and happy, end of story.

^ ^ ^ THIS ^ ^ ^

 

Seriously - if you have an email for her and feel really compelled, just send a note and acknowledge that she's been trying to reach you, but that you can't be there for her anymore and have moved on, indicating that the last few months of her life are none of your concern and that out of respect for your new relationship, you will NOT talk to her.

[dreamingoftigers]

^ ^ ^ THIS ^ ^ ^

 

Seriously - if you have an email for her and feel really compelled, just send a note and acknowledge that she's been trying to reach you, but that you can't be there for her anymore and have moved on, indicating that the last few months of her life are none of your concern and that out of respect for your new relationship, you will NOT talk to her.

 

She's so had damn ridiculous Some Geek Guy.

 

There is ZERO need to talk to her about "the last few months of her life."

 

Seriously. You're an emotional tampon to her (in this girl's eyes). She doesn't need you until she just HAS to leak all over you.

 

Dammit. It's threads like this that keep me lurking when I am supposed to be focused on other things!

[SomeGeekGuy]

My new girlfriend is aware of this. She knows what my ex has done and how I feel about her. (Angry and bitter) I don't think it bothers her if I spoke to her on the phone. I also made sure to tell my new girlfriend how I feel about her and that I love her. That she is special to me and that I truly appreciate her.

 

Besides, my ex is completely out of reach. She moved back to the US now. I will not fall for her again. No way. I hate her guts too much to ever have any feelings for her again.

 

Anyway, I haven't replied to her yet. I'm just thinking about it.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I haven't read this thread so my apologies but if you want to push her out of your life for good send this:

 

"I miss you and I still love you, can we get back together?"

 

It works for all us dumpees!

[Shadowburn]

My new girlfriend is aware of this. She knows what my ex has done and how I feel about her. (Angry and bitter) I don't think it bothers her if I spoke to her on the phone. I also made sure to tell my new girlfriend how I feel about her and that I love her. That she is special to me and that I truly appreciate her.

 

Besides, my ex is completely out of reach. She moved back to the US now. I will not fall for her again. No way. I hate her guts too much to ever have any feelings for her again.

 

Anyway, I haven't replied to her yet. I'm just thinking about it.

 

If you don't think it would bother new gf, why don't you ask her? You may be surprised at her answer.

Your ex is so desperate, she must've ran out of men in US who'd be willing to put up with her ***. Don't you see she is reaching out because you're the only one who is STILL willing to give her time of the day despite long time since break up and being in new relationship?

Why you are allowing her to mess with you and your life? Why she is still not blocked? Why are you doing it to yourself? Have you not suffered enough? And now, when you're finally free and happy, why would you entertain opening that can of worms again? Let her deal with her karma alone, man. IGNORE HER.

[dreamingoftigers]

My new girlfriend is aware of this. She knows what my ex has done and how I feel about her. (Angry and bitter) I don't think it bothers her if I spoke to her on the phone. I also made sure to tell my new girlfriend how I feel about her and that I love her. That she is special to me and that I truly appreciate her.

 

Besides, my ex is completely out of reach. She moved back to the US now. I will not fall for her again. No way. I hate her guts too much to ever have any feelings for her again.

 

Anyway, I haven't replied to her yet. I'm just thinking about it.

 

That bolded line sent up a little red flag to me.

 

It's like when cheaters say things like "of course I'm not cheating with Terry. Terry would never be with me."

That's hardly a concrete reassurance.

 

PLUS, you've been SO hooked by this girl historically. Emotionally, you are playing with fire. REREAD your thread. We seem to revisit the contact thing every few months or so.

 

The fact that you even WANT to talk to her still shows just how latched you still are. It would be different of she sent you a genuine email just apologizing for her crap-ass, stringing multiple guys along behaviour. But she hasn't.

She has zero actual RESPECT for you and you are not respecting your new relationship by having contact with an ex you are clearly still latched to on some level. Even a "hating her guts" level.

 

I have people that I don't feel respect for. I've been pissed with them. I also don't hang out on the weekend with them and let them "catch up" with me about the last few months of their special life.

 

If my ex contacted me, about "catching up" via phone, I'd think he was certifiable. The only way if talk to him is with my husband present. I don't even have feelings for him at all anymore. We were engaged to be married. He split. It hurt like Hell.

 

I don't think I fully recovered from that for a couple of years. I even got married during that span of time. I totally, 110% was in love with my husband. But I wasn't "over" the actual hurt. It just vanished as time went in and things increased with my husband.

 

I've been married 8 years. I STILL would not have a "happy chat" with my ex. I would not put my husband in a place where I could theoretically bring up an insecurity.

 

You did the vs final tour with this woman and she broke your heart. You aren't buds. You're arent her therapist. You aren't her shoulder to cry on.

 

You are someone else's boyfriend.

 

I think a large percentage of guys at this point would either not respond to her, respond but say "look don't contact me anymore." Or respond with "oh ha ha now you want to talk to me you XYZ? Too bad! I've got a new gf and she's ten times hotter, nicer and she's younger too. And guess what? Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah....THAT'S WHAT!"

 

But very few I think would actually respond and listen to the "last few months of her life."

[SomeGeekGuy]

DreamingOfTigers, I decided to follow your advice and not call her.

 

However, I will send her an email to tell her that I found someone else and that I am moving on. And that I do not want to be in contact with her anymore.

 

After all, because of her I have suffered from a severe depression that turned my life upside down, affecting both my physical and mental health, and affected my reputation as a professional with my previous employers and cost me my job. This also had a negative impact an any potential job that I applied to because it looked bad in my resume and it was hard to get good references afterwards.

 

Now that things are going better and are more stable, and since I have met someone, I am moving on. Therefore, it would be best if we never contacted each other again.

 

That's it. I'm not her friend. I'm not her confidant. I'm just an ex. Period.

 

Besides, I couldn't work up the courage to talk to her because I have nothing good to tell her anyway.

 

I just wish I could tell her that I found someone a thousand times better than her who is charming and kind and lovable that she is a hot burlesque performer and amazing in the sack and thousand times hotter than she is.

 

I really love my new girlfriend. She is always trying hard to make me happy and we make each other laugh all the time. She has a quirky sense of humour just like me and a huge geek to boot. We go to comicons together and read comics and wear superhero t-shirts. It's amazing! I love this other girl so much.

 

My ex can kiss my ass.

[cavalier99]

Wooo hooo! Finally! Way to go. Rock on! Cav

 

 

12/12/13 Ive officially got this day marked down on my calenday as the day SomeGeekGuy said His Ex can kiss his ass!!! Story over and it was great one! Congrats.

Edited December 13, 2013 by cavalier99

[Am4Real]

Unbelievable...23 pages of posts...looks like a new LS novel for the shelf.

 

Back on topic...congrats for the success of healing.

[Qactus]

Oh don't worry. I met someone else and since then I'm completely over my ex.

 

She called me again yesterday and left a message. She really insists on talking to me. She says she wants to talk about the "last few months of her life".

 

Maybe she needs to confess something or get done kind of validation from me or some kind of forgiveness. I don't know. If it's forgiveness she wants though, I'm not ready To forgive her.

 

I don't want to talk to her but, I'll give her a call on Tuesday. See what happens and what she wants.

 

 

hey listen up chap.. first of all i'm sorry if my words hurt you but this is true.

 

Was she there when you spend your last 2 years ? You cried, you had sleepless nights was she there to listen up? NO ? oo really ? the answer is NO ?

 

 

 

Then why on earth you would call her now? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!! She was not there when you wanted her.. now we dont care what happened in last few months just please get out of it.. and let her realize she lost someone humble. Just let her get this treatment.. she truely deserves it.

 

Please this is a bullet and you have dodge this really well. Everyone is is right for the sake of your new Girl. Just do it.. and DO NOT OVER-THINK. Dont get your mind into thinking about this lady who is nothing more then a JUNK in your life.

[Shadowburn]

DreamingOfTigers, I decided to follow your advice and not call her.

 

However, I will send her an email to tell her that I found someone else and that I am moving on. And that I do not want to be in contact with her anymore.

 

After all, because of her I have suffered from a severe depression that turned my life upside down, affecting both my physical and mental health, and affected my reputation as a professional with my previous employers and cost me my job. This also had a negative impact an any potential job that I applied to because it looked bad in my resume and it was hard to get good references afterwards.

 

Now that things are going better and are more stable, and since I have met someone, I am moving on. Therefore, it would be best if we never contacted each other again.

 

That's it. I'm not her friend. I'm not her confidant. I'm just an ex. Period.

 

Besides, I couldn't work up the courage to talk to her because I have nothing good to tell her anyway.

 

I just wish I could tell her that I found someone a thousand times better than her who is charming and kind and lovable that she is a hot burlesque performer and amazing in the sack and thousand times hotter than she is.

 

I really love my new girlfriend. She is always trying hard to make me happy and we make each other laugh all the time. She has a quirky sense of humour just like me and a huge geek to boot. We go to comicons together and read comics and wear superhero t-shirts. It's amazing! I love this other girl so much.

 

My ex can kiss my ass.

 

If you're so compelled to give her an ego boost she is so desperately seeking by emailing her and therefore confirming that you still care, no need to tell her you found someone else and moving on. Just write one line email, just like she did when she said 'I'm gone by the way". Write "Do not contact me anymore".

But I still think silence is golden and it's best just not to even acknowledge her pathetic attempts to get some attention.

[dreamingoftigers]

THANK YOU!

 

Now I can sleep better at night knowing one more soul in Montreal (I just passed through there yesterday actually) will not be torturing himself with his ex!

 

I am so glad that you reached this conclusion.

 

It isn't that we "hate" our exes or wish them harm etc. in fact, we kinda want them to sort their crap out and even validate (truly validate) the effort abd suffering we had. But MOST never, ever do. Or it's half-assed, or way further down the road when we stopped caring about it.

 

Mostly what exes do is put clutter in our lives. It didn't work out and they either leave us alone or they come back and dump bits of clutter where we just spent however many months cleaning up the hurt and sorrow.

 

Right now you can see the mess you could potentially let in by not closing out your "messy" ex. The risk is too great (especially YOUR ex, she's such a trainwreck and really needs to find an appropriate venue for help).

 

Now, did I read something wrong?

 

You are happy with your new gf but it seems like you aren't so into her at the same time? Or was that just a phone-edit or something?

 

DreamingOfTigers, I decided to follow your advice and not call her.

 

However, I will send her an email to tell her that I found someone else and that I am moving on. And that I do not want to be in contact with her anymore.

 

After all, because of her I have suffered from a severe depression that turned my life upside down, affecting both my physical and mental health, and affected my reputation as a professional with my previous employers and cost me my job. This also had a negative impact an any potential job that I applied to because it looked bad in my resume and it was hard to get good references afterwards.

 

Now that things are going better and are more stable, and since I have met someone, I am moving on. Therefore, it would be best if we never contacted each other again.

 

That's it. I'm not her friend. I'm not her confidant. I'm just an ex. Period.

 

Besides, I couldn't work up the courage to talk to her because I have nothing good to tell her anyway.

 

I just wish I could tell her that I found someone a thousand times better than her who is charming and kind and lovable that she is a hot burlesque performer and amazing in the sack and thousand times hotter than she is.

 

I really love my new girlfriend. She is always trying hard to make me happy and we make each other laugh all the time. She has a quirky sense of humour just like me and a huge geek to boot. We go to comicons together and read comics and wear superhero t-shirts. It's amazing! I love this other girl so much.

 

My ex can kiss my ass.

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hey guys,

 

Sorry for the late reply. Merry Christmas and a happy incoming new year!

 

I finally replied by email to my ex. I was brief and to the point. I told her I was aware that she was gone. I told her that I hope she was able to settle down someplace where she can surround herself with good people who care about her. And I finally said that I had met someone new and that I was moving on. And to continue the process and in respect for my new relationship, that she shouldn't contact me again and that this was my final email.

 

That's it. It's over.

 

By the way, I had my girlfriend over with her brother at my family's house for Christmas and everything went really well. Everyone got along very well and we all had a good laugh. Especially around the fact that I broke my big toe trying to do some breakdance moves in the living room at a Christmas eve family party. I think the fact that my girlfriend and her brother got along well with my dad is an especially good sign.

 

Things are going well. I am happy again! Now to see how it's gonna go in the long run.

 

Cheers!

[dreamingoftigers]

Hey guys,

 

Sorry for the late reply. Merry Christmas and a happy incoming new year!

 

I finally replied by email to my ex. I was brief and to the point. I told her I was aware that she was gone. I told her that I hope she was able to settle down someplace where she can surround herself with good people who care about her. And I finally said that I had met someone new and that I was moving on. And to continue the process and in respect for my new relationship, that she shouldn't contact me again and that this was my final email.

 

That's it. It's over.

 

By the way, I had my girlfriend over with her brother at my family's house for Christmas and everything went really well. Everyone got along very well and we all had a good laugh. Especially around the fact that I broke my big toe trying to do some breakdance moves in the living room at a Christmas eve family party. I think the fact that my girlfriend and her brother got along well with my dad is an especially good sign.

 

Things are going well. I am happy again! Now to see how it's gonna go in the long run.

 

Cheers!

 

Yay! Best thread ending EVER!

[SomeGeekGuy]

You guys! You guys! Guess what!?

 

My ex emailed me AGAIN!

 

I know, I know... Y'all told me to block her and stuff and this was supposed to be all over. But, I wanted to post this for keeping records and to further document what's going on in case anybody else reads through this thread.

 

Anyway, last time we were in touch was back in mid-December. She was trying to call me at all hours of the night, waking me up at weird hours. I never picked up because I didn't want to hear her voice because she upsets me to no end. I wrote to her by email instead like I mentioned in my previous post. It was a nice email. I was straight with her. Told her that I wished her the best but I was firm about not wanting to talk to her ever again. I never got a reply. Until yesterday.

 

She emailed me this message where she tells me she went through a hard depression, and suffered PTSD due to childhood abuse. Said she was under medication and has nightmares without it. Told me she had a nightmare and I was in it or something and then saw some commercial on TV that reminded me of her the next day and that's why she contacted me because she thought it was some sort of weird coincidence.

 

Then she tells me about her having suicidal episodes and that was why she was contacting me. Because she needed help. Then, she said (I'm paraphrasing here) that "we could say that she screwed me over, and was not responsible for her, but that I had let her down to a level that I didn't care whether she lived or died." She told me some other stuff about her current living situation, but then ended her email telling me that she almost killed herself and called me for help because she thought I could save her and I didn't and now she sits with that thought at night.

 

WELL GOLLY GEE! MAYBE IF SHE HADN'T SCREWED OVER AND CHEATED ON THE MEN THAT ACTUALLY GAVE A F**K ABOUT HER, SHE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS ****TY SITUATION! AND I CAN'T F**KING BELIEVE THAT SHE'S GUILT TRIPPING ME WITH THIS!

 

THIS IS TOTAL COMPLETE F**KING BULL SH*T!

 

I don't owe her ****. I went through my own god damn depression and got my whole family involved and emotionally stressed because of her. I made radical changes in my life to get out of that stupid funk. Changes that affected my professional relationship with former employers and my reputation. I had problems of my own to deal with.

 

And when she was contacting me, I finally felt like my life was getting back on track after suck a long time. I didn't want to screw this up and that's why I didn't pick up the damn phone.

 

My first girlfriend made a lot of suicide threats to get attention, so this kind of stuff doesn't affect me so much anymore. It just makes me very angry. And I find her very selfish to act this way. To involve me in this and blame me for supposedly letting her down. She let herself down dammit. I'm not responsible for anything. Maybe if she had been honest and faithful, she wouldn't have been stuck in this position.

 

I'm sorry she's struggling so much (if she really is struggling at all because at this point I don't know whether she is telling the truth or not) and I do wish her well. But, man.... that email got me pretty angry.