Girl I am dating for almost a year is getting back with her ... husband.

[SomeGeekGuy]

I had a crappy day today.

 

I don't know what happened. One night this week, I think Monday, just before falling asleep, I had this sudden flashback. I was standing in my ex's apartment. She had music on like she would sometime. I was just standing there in her dining area and she was in the kitchen in front of me. It was like I was t here again. It lasted maybe 3 seconds. I felt this incredible feeling of happiness that I had back then. Then I sort of came back and I had this incredible sinking feeling in my chest. Just like if the breakup had just occurred.

 

This has left me feeling weird for a couple of days, but something happened today or last night. I don't know what, but I felt like complete **** today. It was the exact same feeling that I know too well from a few months back. This feeling of heart break and depressions. Suddenly, I missed her. I missed her smart and funny personality. I missed how we used to laugh at each others lame jokes and how we used to act like fools in public and didn't give a **** what anybody thought. Yeah, I miss her. I can't help it.

 

It's weird. I dunno how to explain it. I think maybe what triggered this is when she accepted this ancient friend request I sent her on facebook back when I first met her. I peeked at her profile and pictures and I just remembered how she used to act and how much fun we had. We definitely made a good team together.

 

Man, look at me. I feel pathetic.

 

I'm probably going to feel better by the end of the week, but this just sucks balls.

[Minneloa]

Yeah, I miss her. I can't help it.

 

It's weird. I dunno how to explain it. I think maybe what triggered this is when she accepted this ancient friend request I sent her on facebook back when I first met her. I peeked at her profile and pictures

 

 

 

With all due respect, read this part of your post again. You clearly identify the source of the setback, and you can eliminate this trigger. I urge you to Unfriend her and take control of the situation.

[SomeGeekGuy]

With all due respect, read this part of your post again. You clearly identify the source of the setback, and you can eliminate this trigger. I urge you to Unfriend her and take control of the situation.

 

Oh trust me, I unfriended her as soon as I could. I just took a peek at her profile real quick when she accepted my 2 year-old friend request that I had completely forgotten about.

 

Anyway, I feel better now. It's just an episode I guess.

 

I went for a walk last night and when I came back home, my new neighbours gave me a piece of lemon pie! That made my day. lol

[adelia]

I'm so sorry for the hurt you've been through. Just my opinion and it may be dead wrong but I'm sure she had feelings for you but and this is a big but... She was married. Anytime you get involved with a married person things can change. You sounded like you really fell hard for her and that you both spent some very special time together. Wonderful memories to hold onto. Painful now but one day they will still be wonderful memories. You'll make new ones with someone whose available and able to commit to you.

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hey gang! It's been a while.

 

I just wanted to let you all know that I am doing great.

[cavalier99]

Hey gang! It's been a while.

 

I just wanted to let you all know that I am doing great.

 

Thats awesome! Really glad to hear it. Talk about a tough BU to recover from..yours takes the cake. Lol Rock on! Cav

[hinatticus]

Hey gang! It's been a while.

 

I just wanted to let you all know that I am doing great.

 

That's awesome buddy. Hope you remain that way!

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hey guys, I just thought I'd write a bit more.

 

It's officially been a whole year now. Last year my ex dumped me just a few days before Easter. I still remember sobbing on the phone when she was calling me to check up on me. Man, was I a mess back then.

 

Recently, during the Saint-Patrick's weekend, I had a little adventure that really boosted my morale. I got to dance with one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever seen at some pub downtown. I was absolutely crazy about her. I told her that and apparently she was crazy about me too. I asked for her number but she said that she was heading back to Ireland at the end of the week and besides, she had a boyfriend and she didn't want to do anything she might regret later. I respected that. But, she said that if she didn't have a boyfriend, she would definitely have given me her number and things would've happened because she thought I was "gorgeous". Those were here words!

 

When I went home later I was so freakin' mad. Happy, but mad. I mean, just mad that I had met such a crazy beautiful girl like that with whom the chemistry just seemed to be there, but fate had decided it wasn't meant to be. Stupid fate.

 

You wouldn't believe the boost of confidence this moment alone gave me. And somehow, I started to look forward to meeting other people. Different people. My ex is taking a lot less space in my mind now. I don't have those imaginary conversations as much anymore either.

 

I started to work out a couple months ago and this has shown some results and I feel a lot better about myself because of that too.

 

I think things are getting very positive for me know.

 

Also, I wonder if kissing an Irish girl on Saint-Patrick's eve is going to bring me any luck? (I kissed her on the cheek, don't worry.)

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hey guys,

 

Looks like my story isn't over yet.

 

Recently, my ex has been reading my blogs and commented on my posts. I didn't see any harm there. She was adding some details about some of the topics I wrote about which is no big deal. Now she found an excuse to get in touch and wrote me a couple of emails in the last few days. And what she wrote me is kind of affecting me in a certain way.

 

Basically, she's been doing therapy and she's telling me that she is going through some very heavy **** right now regarding some kind of repressed memories of childhood abuse from one of her parents. And apparently she's been diagnosed with a form of PTSD due to that. She's been taking time off, but she could lose her job over this. If that happens, she'd have to move back to the states earlier than expected and she wouldn't have a place to stay.

 

I may be really angry at her, but this is kind of getting to me. I don't know if she is being honest about this or if she's trying to get to me through my feelings. She talks about how she is alone and how she has no place to go and since she wrote to me a few months ago about how she wanted to get back together, I have a feeling she wants me to help her out and get back in her life.

 

I can't do that. I risk my own mental health and my own job if I do this. She's affected me really badly and I haven't felt like the same person since our breakup. This is really weighing in on my mind right now. I just started to finally feel independent and happy and looking forward to meeting new people and this happens.

 

I know a lot of you will yell at me and ask me why I haven't blocked her yet. Well I just didn't. I chose not to block her. It doesn't mean anything and no I don't hope to get back with her.

 

But, I'd like to know how you guys would handle a situation like this.

[carhill]

Suggest that she inquire of her therapist to refer her to an abuse/molestation survivor support group.

 

Once she's healthy and divorced, she may be a candidate for your love and attention, after she's been alone for awhile.

 

In the meantime, have a direct conversation and then move on. Do it face to face.

 

Dollars to donuts you'll never see nor hear from her again. BTDT a few times.

[cavalier99]

I still vote for telling the psycho b*tch to go f*ck herself and to leave you the hell alone! Cav

[SomeGeekGuy]

Cav: I know. I do not want to get involved with her again. Not after what I went through.

 

I mean, right now she's alone. She's got nobody to support her. Her family should be the ones supporting her, but they're at the root of her problem. She's divorced so no more husband to help her out either. And it shouldn't fall on my shoulders either.

 

I mean, what the heck does she expect from me? She is at the root of MY problems. I had a hard depression that lasted for a whole freakin' year! I had suicidal thoughts! And it didn't stop at me, but my family and friends and even my coworkers were affected. I had my grandmother call me on the phone and cry and beg me not to hurt myself or do anything stupid. My sister didn't recognize me anymore and that made her cry too. My parents didn't know what to do with me in the end. My friends didn't really want to see me because that was all I would talk about. And I had coworkers tell me they were worried about me and they eventually told me that they didn't think I'd come out of it alive!

 

I did everything I could to help her out. I referred her to a hospital, a mental health institute and even an organisation that could find her the right resources. I don't know what more I can do.

 

She just emailed me this afternoon and she told me her brother, the only one in her family who would be able to help her out, doesn't believe her story. I mean it involves a parent so I'm not surprised. She told me she's on her own and she seems pretty depressed. I'm worried about her. I may be mad at her but I don't want any harm to come to her.

[cavalier99]

Meh. Her problem not yours. Tell her to go f*ck herself and get professional help and not to communicate with you anymore. Thats what id do. But im me. Lol Cav

[SomeGeekGuy]

So after a few email exchanges things got sour.

 

I was trying to help out by sending links to hospitals and services. I found a link on her employer's website for an employee assistance thing and sent it to her. I also tried to write her words of encouragement but what I wrote kind of came out wrong.

 

Anyway, she told me to stop sending her all these links and basically got upset over what I wrote and she got mad at me. Now I feel very upset and worried.

 

I know she shouldn't be any of my business anymore, but I just sympathize with what she's going through. I mean she could be judged unfit for work and lose her job in the next couple of weeks. That means she'd move back to the U.S. and she'd be out of a job and therefore no health insurance, or any insurance of any kind for that matter.

 

Anyway, I just feel like **** over her being mad at me. It's stupid, but it can't be helped. And I'm very upset over that.

[Hopeful714]

Don't be. This chick is a complete wack job. I told you before she was a manipulator and this is exactly what they do. Actually, I would be cautious about everything she told you as well. Some, parts, or all of what your being told could be lies....because again....that's what these people do.

 

Most people would have told her to F off by now, but you haven't. And I actually understand, but wish that you could do it. Anyways, she knows where to go to find comfort or help. She knows she still "has" a part of you, although you resist it. These people are good at their games, good at obtaining pity. Seriously, look at all she did, yet you are still her "friend."

 

Back to NC for you! Its time to ignore or this chick is gonna sporadically contact you forever guaranteed. You know all you need to know at this point. I know you care but she's really got to figure this out on her own. You gotta take care of you now. Tough love. If you really loved her, and care about her....its the only way she may someday heal. Sorry bud, this will haunt you for years if you let it.

 

Be well!

[Chevuron]

We all desire that hopeless wonderful romance and just that feeling of "this person gets me!". Sometimes it is meant to be and sometimes it is just meant to show you what the feeling should be like when the right person comes around.

 

I remember at one point falling in love and feeling this connection of "this person understands, I don't have try so hard, everything always feels comfortable and okay, I feel so important" but eventually we grew apart and that magic spark dulled and things happened.

 

Its kind of tough to imagine that another person exists out there to fit your puzzle. However, that's the thing. There is someone out there who fits you-just in a different way. We probably all have a bunch of "soulmates"--not just a single "soulmate" who we have be searching for in order to be complete. I'd say keep the good memories and keep moving forward. It is unfair of her to try and hold on to you and her husband like that especially if you both don't agree to it.

 

People are strange, weird, but human.

 

Do practice being your own best friend and making sure YOU know that you didn't do anything wrong. You tackle the stuff you can control.

[SomeGeekGuy]

The urge to reach out to her is strong. The last email I got from her was an angry email. But, she mentioned that she was reaching out to literally anyone who would help her get through her difficult time. It was like a cry for help. And I am very worried about her.

 

As much as I hate her guts now, I feel a lot of sympathy for her. And I feel bad for not being able to help her. Basically, I feel a lot of guilt.

 

This has really upset me and I feel completely drained of energy.

[fetish1980]

Guilty? Guilty for what? She is not your responsibility and you can't live your life in limbo to help her through what her issues are.

 

Your guilt is not constructive and it will only keep you emotionally entangled with this woman. Cut the chord and fast!

 

fetish

[hinatticus]

Just ignore her man. She's not worth your wasted energy.

[Hopeful714]

Weird there seems to be these set backs happening. Maybe its the change of season to summer. I have a feeling mine is.

 

Please don't reach out. You did your duty already. You spoke with her, heard her out, offered help after everything she did to you. If she is reaching to "everyone" this could be her turning point that she needs to become a self reliant, responsible person who finally understands that choices have consequences.

 

Sympathy, worry, pity, guilt. Again...all feelings stirred by manipulation. Not that she is doing it in a malicious way, but she IS doing it, and its not right....especially to you who has given so so much already especially after being burnt by her.

 

Emotional vampire=drained energy. Keep NC. Keep us posted.

[dreamingoftigers]

Dude, hello!

 

You send links, spend time looking up things for her etc. Try to encourage her and she BLASTS you.

 

Do you not know what she is yet?

She's a USER. She needs someone to USE. to help her out etc etc etc.

Her brother is probably sick to sh*t of her.

 

I have a friend just like her. It's a totally different thing to date someone and have things "not work out." It's totally another to have your hands in 1000 people's pockets and lives and fall on them when you need to, giving nothing back.

 

She played you. She was MARRIED. she dated someone else right after you, or was it during?

 

You think you had SO MUCH in common?

Well guess what? My USER friend does that too.

 

There's a thread up today about a chick with a user husband. Made me think about my husband and he fits the bill too. He pretended not to like cinnamon buns because I don't. We "had so much on common" until the third year of our marriage. That's how they suck you in. They have a way of looking at you and talking to you like you are the most special thing ever. And then they get what they can and manufacture a scenario where they are the victim when the gravy train runs out OR sh*it gets too real for them. Users abound!

Don't get involved and don't marry one, for Godssakes.

 

And you are surmising the worst case scenarios for her and hoping to protect her from them.

 

So after a few email exchanges things got sour.

 

I was trying to help out by sending links to hospitals and services. I found a link on her employer's website for an employee assistance thing and sent it to her. I also tried to write her words of encouragement but what I wrote kind of came out wrong.

 

Anyway, she told me to stop sending her all these links and basically got upset over what I wrote and she got mad at me. Now I feel very upset and worried.

 

I know she shouldn't be any of my business anymore, but I just sympathize with what she's going through. I mean she could be judged unfit for work and lose her job in the next couple of weeks. That means she'd move back to the U.S. and she'd be out of a job and therefore no health insurance, or any insurance of any kind for that matter.

 

Anyway, I just feel like **** over her being mad at me. It's stupid, but it can't be helped. And I'm very upset over that.

[dreamingoftigers]

Honestly, just tell her truth and set your boundary in stone:

 

"look, I'm sorry you are going through Hell. I wish I could help you a little more than referrals etc. But I CAN'T because the end of our relationship put me through such chaos it threatened my very life. (or if you want to save face say, "it threw me into a major funk." and I CAN'T risk that happening again. Be well. You are special (blah blah) I know you'll make it through this but I can't be a support for you in that way. Best of luck."

 

Don't be. This chick is a complete wack job. I told you before she was a manipulator and this is exactly what they do. Actually, I would be cautious about everything she told you as well. Some, parts, or all of what your being told could be lies....because again....that's what these people do.

 

Most people would have told her to F off by now, but you haven't. And I actually understand, but wish that you could do it. Anyways, she knows where to go to find comfort or help. She knows she still "has" a part of you, although you resist it. These people are good at their games, good at obtaining pity. Seriously, look at all she did, yet you are still her "friend."

 

Back to NC for you! Its time to ignore or this chick is gonna sporadically contact you forever guaranteed. You know all you need to know at this point. I know you care but she's really got to figure this out on her own. You gotta take care of you now. Tough love. If you really loved her, and care about her....its the only way she may someday heal. Sorry bud, this will haunt you for years if you let it.

 

Be well!

[cavalier99]

Somegeekguy. What are you doing man? This crap is really unhealthy for you. You know better. Dont you? This is a girl that F*cked you over and you are still letting her f*ck you over.

 

Just stop it bro. Dont go down with her sinking ship.

 

Cav

[dreamingoftigers]

Somegeekguy. What are you doing man? This crap is really unhealthy for you. You know better. Dont you? This is a girl that F*cked you over and you are still letting her f*ck you over.

 

Just stop it bro. Dont go down with her sinking ship.

 

Cav

 

Somegeekguy,

 

REREAD YOUR OWN THREAD!

[SomeGeekGuy]

You guys are all right. I haven't heard from her since and I haven't written anything else. Yeah this threw me in another small "funk" but I'm pulling out okay. I'll be fine don't worry.

 

She really is a user when I look back at how she just used me at her convenience and just threw me out after. It's blatantly obvious. And now that she is going through a struggle she is coming back to use me at her convenience again even though she knows it hurts me.

 

I just feel a lot of sympathy for her and I wish I could help, but unfortunately that is not my role anymore.