guys who have slept around can be the most loyal of all

[kaylan]

what you don't know because of your age is that you in 20yrs will be (IF you play your cards right and have good genes) much more interesting, better in the sack, more time & $ to do things.

But of course. In 20 years Ill be established in a career hence more money. And Ill have seniority since I wont be a noobie, hence more time to myself since I wont have to work crappy hours.

 

Id say Im a pretty interesting guy now...but all people, through more life experience, can become more interesting. And Id say Im a demon in the sack as it is

 

And IF you continue to grow intellectually you will be much more able to hold a woman's attention than you are now - it just makes sense.

Except most people lead 'average' lives, take few risks, follow the crowd (into a McDonald's) and by 40 have lost their vigor, hair, spunk, gained 20lbs etc etc...

That wont be me...especially the gaining weight part. Im too vain for that...and my family genes make me naturally slim. Thank God lol. I dont aim for average. I have big plans.

 

 

But IF you age well, and you're aware of the progress you've made (if you have made it that is) , then you have much more confidence (based on concrete things, not 'faking it til you make' it BS).

Plus you will have had a few diff women in your life probably, and thus be much more aware of what make women tick. This is very useful btw. Also, I've noticed women are very amazed by a very fit 40 something - cuz it's unusual and it says lots about you. Whereas fit in ur 20s? So what?

Dude...being fit in your 40s, male or female, gets a person so much props. Its all because so many older folks let themselves go, so you really put yourself leaps and bounds ahead of your peers if you stay in shape.

 

I know I wont be as fit as my 20s, but I wish I could stay in my 20s forever. I just love being in prime physical condition. I dont like knowing Ill go into a natural decline soon =/

At 25 I was ok- but I didn't have anything original to say. My 'personality' was kinda like all my same buddies back then- dull, talk about sports, girls. There wasn't too much that made me stick out.

...but now I have 20 more yrs of good things that I've lived- so I'm quite alright with this aging tradeoff!

Lol, I love sports.

 

And maybe ill be ok with the aging trade off...but each year since turning 23, Ive been hating it....and Ive been dreading 30. I guess thats part of life...reflection and planning.

[silvermercy]

Of course me & young girls are off putting to older women- cuz it really magnifies their aging!!! But keep in mind, I'm not admitting all this stuff to girls that I consider for LTR. Anymore than you tell a man you like how many men you've really been with- or that you really are wearing a pushup bra.

Oh I can and have chosen the relationship lifestyle...and will again. So save ur sympathy thx.

This is off-putting to girls in their 20s, trust me, I know. I have discussed such topics extensively with many really young women over coffee. I'm 29 so I don't think I qualify yet as "older". lol But... then maybe I'm elderly in your case. lulz

 

(Oh I don't wear a push up bra and neither I have trouble admitting my number to men as it's very low and they always like it this way.) LOL

 

I never gave you my sympathy, I just said it was off-putting to MANY women of all ages.

[Leigh 87]

There are men who break the pattern... Some guys have had sex with a fair few girls, because it is normal for them and their culture.

 

 

My boyfriend has slept with a fair few women.. 20 - 30 even, as much as, prob closer to 20.

 

 

Every one did it around him, here in Aus. Guys, that is. He was actually a virgin until age 21 or so.... He wanted to wait for the right girl.

 

He never had a g/f until ahe 23 ish, as no girl he felt was worthy, liked him. He hooked up with attractive girls who he felt sexual desire for, instead, seeing as not all girls can live up to a relationship.

 

 

He saw all his mates fighting in relationships, and saw them as a bad thing; the girls would not let his friends do anything, go out with friends, and were pocessive. He was put off girlfriends and never wanted one. Was averse to it, even.

 

 

 

 

Does sleeping with a lot of girls mean a guy has bad morals? No. not always. it is just conditioning from where they come from, in some cases. It does nto mean they have bad morals in general, when it comes to girls.

 

 

 

 

My boyfriend found me and one other girl, and to us, he treated us very well, despite the high nunber of girls he had sex with. he simply had his fun, and then found some nice girls, and treated them nicely.

 

 

 

 

I think it is small minded to assume that all men who have had sex with a a high number of women, are just not going to offer up a good relationship; that they will cheat, and wanrt other girls constantly.

 

 

Some guys simple did what they did, because it was the social nrom among their mates, and once they find a nice girl they feel is worth staying with, they can easily stop hooking up.

 

 

 

My boyfriend did not hook up every weekend, by the way, ONce every month, and sometimes went months without it. Where I am from, unless u are religious, most men just have sex when they can, if a girl is attractive and has a connection with them.

[mesmerized]

I don't buy it...I agree that someone with very little experience will be very likely to cheat and please trust me when I say this, this has nothing to do with gender. A lot of women cheat for the same reason. But I've also known enough men with promiscuous pasts who cheated on their partners that I don't buy your first post.

[silvermercy]

I think it is small minded to assume that all men who have had sex with a a high number of women, are just not going to offer up a good relationship; that they will cheat, and wanrt other girls constantly.

 

@ danny: This is another perfect example to make my point again. Her own relationship which she describes in her whole post also involves threesomes (which makes the bolded part ironic). Of course this girl is apparently happy with having them, too, as she encourages them herself. Which is fair enough.

 

I only wanted to highlight the irony.

[mesmerized]

what you don't know because of your age is that you in 20yrs will be (IF you play your cards right and have good genes) much more interesting, better in the sack, more time & $ to do things.

And IF you continue to grow intellectually you will be much more able to hold a woman's attention than you are now - it just makes sense.

Except most people lead 'average' lives, take few risks, follow the crowd (into a McDonald's) and by 40 have lost their vigor, hair, spunk, gained 20lbs etc etc...

 

But IF you age well, and you're aware of the progress you've made (if you have made it that is) , then you have much more confidence (based on concrete things, not 'faking it til you make' it BS).

Plus you will have had a few diff women in your life probably, and thus be much more aware of what make women tick. This is very useful btw. Also, I've noticed women are very amazed by a very fit 40 something - cuz it's unusual and it says lots about you. Whereas fit in ur 20s? So what?

 

At 25 I was ok- but I didn't have anything original to say. My 'personality' was kinda like all my same buddies back then- dull, talk about sports, girls. There wasn't too much that made me stick out.

...but now I have 20 more yrs of good things that I've lived- so I'm quite alright with this aging tradeoff!

 

I have seen very few men 35+ online that actually look good, 40+ forget it. I still wouldn't probably date them for something serious because I would really prefer someone my own age and their extensive "life experience" if anything is a dealbreaker because I want someone to grow with rather than someone who has done it all already. Been there, done that, doesn't work for me. I might still have sex with them tho is they're good in the sack and look great.

[Leigh 87]

SILVER - the number of people one sleeps with, is obviously indicative of their culture and social norms within it. The type of person you seek, is the type of man who has man urges, but likes to save them for the right girls. That is fine.

 

I guess the men who sleep with more women, to you, are not the type of man in general, who u r seeking. U would rather men who think a lot about their sexual escapades.

 

Men who have the capacity to have fun more freely, sexually, obviously lack a quality u need: u need men who wait speficically for girls they really like. One night stands obviously tells u about the type of person a guy is.

 

 

 

U seam close minded regarding men. Because my boyfriend likes 3 somes, he does not love me. Because a guy sleeps with many girls, he lacks depth, because he enjoys one night stands.

 

 

HAs it ever occured, that a guy may not match your OWN list, but can be a perfectly loyal, nice boyfriend, with good values, but that ALSO happens to like having sex with attractive women, when the opportunity arises?

 

Preferences are FINE. However, u seam to think less of men, as a whole, if they have sex with women for pleasure, rather then saving it for the special ones all the time.

 

WHy does that mean a man has bad morals in other circumstances? really?

[silvermercy]

SILVER - the number of people one sleeps with, is obviously indicative of their culture and social norms within it. The type of person you seek, is the type of man who has man urges, but likes to save them for the right girls. That is fine.

 

I guess the men who sleep with more women, to you, are not the type of man in general, who u r seeking. U would rather men who think a lot about their sexual escapades.

 

Men who have the capacity to have fun more freely, sexually, obviously lack a quality u need: u need men who wait speficically for girls they really like. One night stands obviously tells u about the type of person a guy is.

 

 

 

U seam close minded regarding men. Because my boyfriend likes 3 somes, he does not love me. Because a guy sleeps with many girls, he lacks depth, because he enjoys one night stands.

 

 

HAs it ever occured, that a guy may not match your OWN list, but can be a perfectly loyal, nice boyfriend, with good values, but that ALSO happens to like having sex with attractive women, when the opportunity arises?

 

Preferences are FINE. However, u seam to think less of men, as a whole, if they have sex with women for pleasure, rather then saving it for the special ones all the time.

 

WHy does that mean a man has bad morals in other circumstances? really?

PLEASE! NOT this thing again!!! We covered all this in that other thread of yours before you told me to f*ck off. Have some mercy please!? I'm not discussing this any further with you. All I'm reading is irrational ideas I have not the patience to argue with you.

 

One comment only since you STILL don't seem to get it: being monogamous does NOT mean you are close-minded. End of.

 

(Maybe you should hook up with OP when your current relationship ends, but before you get too old though. You heard him. Maybe he'll be happy with you suggesting threesomes. Who knows...)

Edited February 23, 2012 by silvermercy

[mesmerized]

So let me get this straight...a 44 year old guy who is still having hookups and is dating dumb young girls is telling us promiscuous men can be faithful? oh boy, things you learn from this forum. lol

[kwayne]

I'll be honest- and you can call it a double standard if you like...but if more partners than me, well it's my prerogative and I would avoid her- because it doesn't quite fit with how nature works. Girls are designed to be selective due to pregnancy reasons...so I'd have to wonder what happened to her 'design'.

Go ahead and hate me if u must- but be logical in ur responses pls!

But so you know, I'm ok with other double standards that don't suit me IE I pay for my dates even tho we make the same $. Double standard but I don't care to reinvent the wheel. I accept it!

 

Double standards do somewhat suck and somewhat help lol but I'm asking because I've slept with at least 6 times as many guys as my bf has girls. BTW he lost his virginity way late in life compared to me. And I like your opinion so I'm asking

 

We're very serious. Like we talk about marriage like it's water and we're very much in love. The only thing is that I feel completely guilty that I know that I'm fully satisfied sexually because I've had the experiences and although he says he's satisfied, he never got the chance to sleep around. And idk if I should give him a break from me when he goes to grad school in August. I know it'll make me feel like we'll be closer afterwards but I fear he won't want me after or I won't want him.

 

He has no idea that this is an idea but I do tell him I feel guilty but he just tells me like it is, "it sucks but I'm in love with you"

 

Thanks

[Dafa]

A person is as loyal as their code of ethics perceives the dynamic of their options. Doesn't matter if it's a man or woman. I read examples of all POV's here every day.

 

This.

 

I think this post pretty much sums up the basic underlying issue behind cheating in general, both in men and women. It's indeed a question of ethics, which can not be circumscribed or discussed solely within one own love life. Meaning, a person's ethics is pervasive to all his/her dealings in life, love life and otherwise. As such, i would say we can get an even better idea of a person's "potential" for loyalty not from how he/she behaves in his/her love life, but from how he/she behaves in other areas of life, namely professional or even political.

 

Another issue i have thought about a bit is the following:

It is not the first time i have heard the sentence "Men cheat with their body, whereas women cheat with body and mind". A corollary of this is that a betrayal from a woman can hypothetically (hope this is well written) be more "serious" than a man's due to the the extra component involved in the betrayal. Now, this statement can be preverted to lessen the seriousness of a man's betrayal but that is also another discussion.

So, i'm very curious if women (namely the ones here) would agree with this sentence... Or at least acknowledge that it makes sense.

[Dafa]

Of course me & young girls are off putting to older women- cuz it really magnifies their aging!!! But keep in mind, I'm not admitting all this stuff to girls that I consider for LTR. Anymore than you tell a man you like how many men you've really been with- or that you really are wearing a pushup bra.

Oh I can and have chosen the relationship lifestyle...and will again. So save ur sympathy thx.

 

Out of curiosity, don't you feel a bit "turned off" but this girl's intellect? I mean, don't conversations between you too tend to make both notice the age gap in terms of mentality. Assuming the girl (early 20's or whatever) has a mentality adequate to her age. This, of course, may not be the case.

 

I'm asking this because, owing to my professional career, i interact with alot of mid-late 20 year old college students (I'm 30). I socially interact a lot more with people in mid-20's than people of my age (30+).

When i have a more social conversation with them i tend to notice a difference in mentality. And i don't mean this as "i'm more evolved", i just mean that it's as if there is a definite generation gap. Not only in terms of points of view but also cultural references, tastes (musical and even ideological), etc.

[Woggle]

I think there is some truth to this. After my first divorce I went through a player stage and had a good number of partners. If I never had this I do fear I would be wondering what if in my second marriage. I have had some wild times and while I do not want to live them again I am glad I have lived them.

[ScreamingTrees]

When i have a more social conversation with them i tend to notice a difference in mentality. And i don't mean this as "i'm more evolved", i just mean that it's as if there is a definite generation gap. Not only in terms of points of view but also cultural references, tastes (musical and even ideological), etc.

 

I'm in an even younger age bracket than the one you're mentioning and I feel the same way. Ironically, I tend to hold the most interesting, fruitful conversations with people 30 years my senior, but I wouldn't really be sexually attracted to them for obvious reasons. I'd say someone who's got the mind of someone much older is fairly uncommon.. So I wonder where he found this girl.

[Pyro]

Hi, this is not a question, but me putting forth a much needed perspective. Many will like to assume that a guy with high #s of girls in his past will be more likely to cheat in a relationship. I say that's a lazy cliche, and it's spread around by 'beta' guys to discredit the guy who is popular with girls. Once I hit my 30s I found the greatest girl and was with her and completely loyal for 7 yrs. She left me cuz I was her first guy and she had to 'spread her wings' (she was 19 when we met).

 

So here's my point: BECAUSE my curiosity and appetite were previously satisfied (20s were very hedonistic, guilt free, and prolific) I was happily monogomous with her. Ladies, beware the 'nice guy' who try to personify loyalty. Because most guys I know haven't come close to fulfilling their 'bucket list' (sorry for crudeness, but ya know what I mean) so they WILL or WANT to if they could ever get away with it!

 

I see beautiful girls when in a relationship, but I don't have to 'have them' because I've experienced that. So I'm loyal as a swan- assuming the girl I'm with has her act together, and is fit, cute, fun, uncomplicated, normal, litehearted, kind etc.

Comments?

 

Makes sense and guys like yourself can remain loyal but lets be fair and say that the same applies to women. I have seen countless threads on here where certain bitter guys believe that a woman's past indicates her future behavior meaning that a girl who has slept around will most likely cheat.

 

We are all different and it is going to vary per individual on if they choose to remain faithful or not.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I don't think how many people a person slept with has any barring on how loyal they will be in the future. Whether that is a lot of people or not a lot of people. Newly minted non-virgins can cheat as easily as someone who slept with 100s of women or men or can be jsut as loyal.

 

I will say in most cases, past behavior is an indicator of future behavior.

 

I will also say that I want to be with the kind of man that doesn't just sleep with alot of women because he "feels" like it. I want a man who excercises some control through-out his life, not just as a side affect of meeting me. However, just because someone has a lot of partners, doesn't mean they will cheat either.

[Leigh 87]

SIlver - what is your problem? Why dos the fact I enjoy 3 somes, mean my boyfriend dos not love me?

 

 

YOUR way of thinking is very skewed, if the above facts are true.

 

 

 

 

I also wanted to add that, if a women gets along with a guy very well, they are a great match in all areas... and after a month, you are still going strong.... What if this guy had slept with a large number of women?

 

 

WHat if this guy is perfect for you, but because of his sexual past, u would instantly discard him? U could have ditched a guy that was great for you.

 

 

WHAT values and mindset, exactly, turns people OFF men who like to have sex, with very good looking women, when the opportunity comes up?

 

 

It is NATURAL, for a very attractive women, to be an enjoyable experience for a guy to sleep with; it is not every day that most guys GET the chance to sleep with a beautiful women... WHY ON EARTH would they DECLINE this wonderful sexual encounter?

 

 

Not all guys want to wait for a serious relationship, in their 20's, before they have SEX. COME ON. WHAT on EARTH, is SO WRONG with this?

 

 

People, like SILVERMERCY, are basically saying: the only guys who share her set of morals, are men who restrain them selves and limit their sexual partners, to the women they are serious about.

[Leigh 87]

I think SOME GUYS DO find it easier to be loyal, if they experiment a lot and get it out of their system. It is natural for many men, to have urges to have sex with a beautiful women ( or just women in general if they go without sex for too long).

 

 

Giving in to their deapest impulse, sex with women, when they need to, for a good few years before settling down with ONE women, CAN , for SOME men, make them not need to experience new things.

 

 

This minset works for some; every idea works for SOME people, and not others. SOME men are insatiable douchbags, and will cheat and find it hard to be loyal m because they are selfish and put their own urges before a person they care about.

[silvermercy]

Leigh: NO, what is YOUR problem... almost everyone agrees it's you who is with a skewed POV and the problems. So back off me as I asked you not to reply to me anymore. If you do, I will put you on Ignore. I have no time for you as you don't listen to any advice anyway, you repeat and repeat EXACTLY the same things blindly all the time (you're not convincing anyone, btw. Well, ok, maybe the OP) and finally nobody tells me to F*ck off when they don't like the advice they are given. So that's my problem. Now please ignore me and I will do the same. I don't like to spend my time on people who don't listen. OK?

Edited February 23, 2012 by silvermercy

[Leigh 87]

SILVER- I told u to eff off, because u told me u are 100% certain, that my boyfriend does not love me. When u cannot know that, technically.

 

 

I will take back what I said.

 

I will listen then - WHY do u insist that my boyfriend does not love me, iof he enjoys 3 somes? Honestly. I have actually not met any one besides you who believes that my boyfriend cannot love me, if he enjoys 3 somes with me....

 

 

I am listening: why should I break up with my boyfriend, when we are both blissfully happy, and do not WANT to be apart? WHAT make su KNOW, that we are not going to be happy together?

[silvermercy]

Very well. So, OK, it IS love what you have. OK, fine. BUT... IMO I'm still 100% sure it's not TRUE love. I don't think you have experienced it to the full extent to tell the difference. I think that's not just me seeing it but others here, too, even those who have had threesomes in the past. It's not the fact that you have an open relationship but the rules you have in it and most importantly the subconscious reasons that led to this. If you are blissfully happy, well, that's good then. But I wouldn't want to see you tumbling down in a few years time. So I truly hope you don't have any delusions about this becoming more stable long-term and this guy marries you in a few years time. I still wish it will be this way though as you say. So if you enjoy it though now, go ahead as you wish. (The bolded part is my last advice). Take care.

[mixwell]

Hi, this is not a question, but me putting forth a much needed perspective. Many will like to assume that a guy with high #s of girls in his past will be more likely to cheat in a relationship. I say that's a lazy cliche, and it's spread around by 'beta' guys to discredit the guy who is popular with girls. Once I hit my 30s I found the greatest girl and was with her and completely loyal for 7 yrs. She left me cuz I was her first guy and she had to 'spread her wings' (she was 19 when we met).

 

So here's my point: BECAUSE my curiosity and appetite were previously satisfied (20s were very hedonistic, guilt free, and prolific) I was happily monogomous with her. Ladies, beware the 'nice guy' who try to personify loyalty. Because most guys I know haven't come close to fulfilling their 'bucket list' (sorry for crudeness, but ya know what I mean) so they WILL or WANT to if they could ever get away with it!

 

I see beautiful girls when in a relationship, but I don't have to 'have them' because I've experienced that. So I'm loyal as a swan- assuming the girl I'm with has her act together, and is fit, cute, fun, uncomplicated, normal, litehearted, kind etc.

Comments?

 

Wow I totally agree. My mom once warned me when I was 16 and in a serious relationship with my ex that we need to see other people and date because most like if you were to marry but failed to date eventually that temptation to "see what it's like with someone else" would probably prevail. I think if you've been with a lot of chicks doesn't = cheater and since you've had a variety you already know what's out there and would most likely be less prone to stray away.

 

I know a chick that has been married and in that relationship since highschool and to be honest she now acts like a whore, trying to make up for what she missed out on.. She's banging a few diff guys and has a side boyfriend..

[silvermercy]

Wow I totally agree. My mom once warned me when I was 16 and in a serious relationship with my ex that we need to see other people and date because most like if you were to marry but failed to date eventually that temptation to "see what it's like with someone else" would probably prevail. I think if you've been with a lot of chicks doesn't = cheater and since you've had a variety you already know what's out there and would most likely be less prone to stray away.

 

I know a chick that has been married and in that relationship since highschool and to be honest she now acts like a whore, trying to make up for what she missed out on.. She's banging a few diff guys and has a side boyfriend..

There's a difference with what you're saying and what OP describes. If you read the rest of his posts, you'll see that that this poster is 44 years old, STILL dates 20 year old girls and his last long-term relationship was 7 years ago with a girl who who 19 when he first met her. I think OP's situation is totally different from what you're describing here (which I agree with to some extent).

[mixwell]

There's a difference with what you're saying and what OP describes. If you read the rest of his posts, you'll see that that this poster is 44 years old, STILL dates 20 year old girls and his last long-term relationship was 7 years ago with a girl who who 19 when he first met her. I think OP's situation is totally different from what you're describing here (which I agree with to some extent).

 

Oh okay, yeah I didn't read through the whole thread just off his initial post.

[Ross MwcFan]

I agree.

 

I've never had sex or done anything sexual with a woman before. And if I did manage to end up getting a woman, I would probably always wonder what sex would be like with someone else, and would it feel that different? I'd have nothing to compare it to. But I seriously doubt I would ever cheat on her.

Edited February 24, 2012 by Ross MwcFan