Fiance cheated and I punched but is he right to get mad

[stillafool]

Yes it would have been better if OP walked away instead of wasting further time with the douchebag but it's hard to think when emotions play a role.

 

That's the same thing men think when they want to beat up a woman. You have to learn to control your emotions in this world or you will end up in jail.

 

 

She was cheated on the worst possible way since the person he did it with was someone she knew.

 

That's horrible, but did she go over there are punch her friend in the mouth? No, probably because her friend would have 'reversed the charges' on her, but by him being a man he could not hit her back.

 

I would like to think I'll walk away if this happens to me one day (never been cheated on) but who knows how I'll react.

 

If you really want to hurt them, walk away and never look back.

 

 

Think about it: you're close to getting married and have everything in your life, you feel like the most luckiest woman on Earth and all of the sudden your dreams of becoming a wife & mother collapsed, how would you feel then?

 

People get jilted everyday. Sometimes people are stood up at the altar. Still, that is no reason to physically abuse someone. If he had done that to her you wouldn't uphold this position.

 

Sometimes getting cheated on like that is not something you can easily ignore and emotions can get the best of you.

 

Men get cheated on also and it's hard for them to control their emotions, but they have to. So do women. Being hurt is no excuse to physcially abuse someone. I think OP should be happy that she found out he was cheating before she married him. Now she can just walk away.

Edited July 31, 2011 by stillafool

[Woggle]

Just think about what YOU would do in her situation...never say never, man.

Especially in the moment.

 

Like I said before, men are less apt to hit a woman, because we were schooled about that sort of thing as we earned our man-cards. "Man that hits a woman will be banished from manhood" no exceptions. The whole rule is just good mo-jo.

 

A woman is not as schooled in that respect so they are more likely to scratch, slap or punch at a dude in a thing the OP went through...no it's not right, but it happens and the man should just accept what was coming to him.

BE A MAN!! If she took a hammer and messed him up badly that would be different. Here we have a woman that had her emotions shiat on big time..beyond big time and was face-to-face with a pig that was screwing another chick after he gave his fiance his word in marriage. She lost it, she hit him and I don't blame her one F'cin bit!

 

YOU GO GIRL!!!

 

It wasn't long ago that many things were accepted but we as a society challenged them and things changed. Why should this be any different. I don't believe that women are a bunch of irrational creatures incapable of controlling their emotions but people like you who apologize for indefensible behavior in women promote that very idea. If you don't think that women can do damage you haven't seen some of the fights I have.

 

Men get cheated on a lot as well but nobody would ever excuse a man beating his wife after he caught her cheating.

[sally4sara]

Yes but it's different. Hard to explain it but you get the point. We're not conditioned to have too much self-restraint as men.

 

I disagree completely. If anything girls are taught not to use violence to solve interpersonal problems much more than boys are expected. But even if someone was raised with little focus on self-restraint, and attitude like yours would give zero motivation to try to ever practice more self restraint. Basically you're saying if you were not given instruction on something, you need not ever get instruction. No point in trying to learn anything you don't already know. Not point in maturing and trying a different approach. How you've handled everything up to this point should be how you handle everything from here on.

 

What you've got going on here is a specious argument. You LIKE the idea of being able to fly your fists out in anger to people larger than you and receive impunity. But this only works if the larger person behaves as an adult while you only have live up to the behavior of a child.

 

Guess what happens when a kid hits their parent? The parent can call the cops and have the kid put in JDC (kid jail). You want to compare women hitting men to kids hitting parents that's cool. Then the OP should go to jail just as a kid could if they hit their parent.

[Ross MwcFan]

That's theory. And it can get you killed regardless, as I've verified it with my ex-buddy, who is a cop. I "stabbed" him three times successfully with a marker, he failed to catch ANY of those. To add, I have ZERO professional training, whereas his case is obvious.

 

In case of knife, just ****ing run.

 

Still, point is, even a petite lady weighing half as much as you, could kill you with ease.

 

Lol, yeah, that's probably the best idea.

[Ross MwcFan]

That was my point but some people still don't seem to get it. Retaliating is not the same as self-defense.

Let's say instead of a punch, the woman only slaps guy and is not carrying any weapons but he still hits back because he's mad. That's not self-defense. That is retaliating, what losers do.

 

There was a stupid guy on the Indian show who slapped back a woman as hard as he could. I bet he didn't even felt her slap. But he got his punishment as the male hosts on the shows jumped on him, making him cried LOL..

 

I saw that, lol.

 

Part of me was happy to see him slap her back though (not that I'd do that myself), because I think she started being a bitch to him in the first place, he then gave her crap back, then she slapped him.

[purplehorse]

I totally agree with you.. You hurt by your fiance, same as he hurt by you.

Now I think you should move forward, and find many other ways to be happy in life.. Here, I got a interesting site, if it can help you out..

 

http://www.coolonlinedatingtips.com/

 

take care

[warmachine01]

I have to say the arguments for her retaliation have been Specious thus far. No one has given a tangible, logical reason why what she did was right. While he is at fault morally for his actions, she is at fault legally for hers and perhaps also morally. If you were to explain this to a Police officer or a Judge, they would not hesitate to have you arrested.

 

It is either wrong to hit another person or it isn't, not just a contextually or subjectively based system. That is the ultimate issue in my opinion. Because if it was a matter of actual bodily harm done to the person then it would be alright for a man to hit a woman back as long as he pulled his punches, right? Perhaps if he only used about 50% of his strength. I think we can all agree that would not hold up to scrutiny.

 

Now if you want to talk about it subjectively, who determines what is justifiable and what is not? What if he burned dinner one night by accident? What if he forgets an Anniversary, or to say I love you at the end of a phone call. Since it's subjective, it can be highly self serving. As someone else has said on this thread, this is the same reasoning men have used to hit and abuse woman for a long time. There will always be a reason for it if you follow that reason of thinking. Someone gave an example of punching a guy that left his sister pregnant. While that sounds great in theory it still doesn't compute. What about his sisters responsibility for choosing to sleep with a man she hasn't known long enough to commit to her. Punching his sister wouldn't be an option.

 

Defending a certain double standard in favor of your gender, then claiming that other double standards still exist against your gender does nothing to actually help your gender resolve either of the double standards. It becomes a bit of a cyclical argument with no resolution. One could argue under those same guide lines that he had every right to cheat because he is a guy and that is what guys do. So how could she possibly be upset. However that argument doesn't hold up for obvious reasons.

 

In fact if I were a woman I would be a little offended by this stance by another man. Almost as if you don't think of woman as equal to you, so you give them more slack. Similar to the original intent of chivalry. Chivalry was not about making the woman feel special, rather making the man feel special because he can do all these things for the woman that is weak, and that she just could not do without him.

 

So it can be noted, I still think self defense is the only time when it makes sense to hit another human, and that is when you have to.

[warmachine01]

Look, I know as well as anyone that there are a lot of selfish, rude, stupid people out there that probably deserve to get hit daily. People that break hearts, cost us jobs, steal from us, damage our property, cut us off in traffic and steal our parking spots at the mall around Christmas. None of that makes it okay to do it though. FWIW my responses are focused at the OP in her original question. Ultimately yes he had a right to get mad, just as much as you did.

[Memphis Raines]

Last week I found out my fiance cheated on me with my friend Aracelly. I discovered this through a message written on his email and confronted him about it. As you can imagine, he went on expressing remorse and saying sorry.

 

It was then I punched him hard in the mouth, drawing a bit of blood. He went on saying ''What the ****, stupid *****, that is assault and you had no rights to hit me. What if you were the cheater and I hit you for that, you would have had me arrested right so why can I do the same. Forget it I don't feel bad about it anymore'' and he left.

 

Since then it's been NC but was he right in his reasoning? I think I overracted but getting cheated on hurts and even worst when they do with your friend.

 

he is right in his reasoning. As sh****y as he treated you, nobody should lay a hand on anyone. And just because you are a female doesn't give you a pass.

 

He could have pressed charges against you.

 

Now, having said that, your anger towards his being a piece of crap is justified. You should have simply dumped him.

[Jynxx]

Stop acting like she brutaly assulted him....

She asks people for feedback on her actions. People try to explain why it was wrong, the main point being that physical violence is never to be tolerated. Nobody is acting like she has brutally assaulted him, but people are pointing out with her way of thinking brutally assaulting him wouldn't have been wrong. I think it's scary many people don't see it like this.

 

I never said it was right to do, but I UNDERSTAND IT AND DON'T blame her.

Are you a retard or what? You said in your very first post in this thread:

I don't blame her one damn bit for smacking that POS...... good job!

which obviously implies you think it's the right thing to do. Now go troll somewhere else.

 

...

kudos for this post man. Good to see some constructive and thought out input from new members every once in a while.

[Ross MwcFan]

Personally I've never said it's actually 'right'. To be honest, I'm not sure what to think.

 

But, I do think it's understandable, and I don't think it's that big of a deal.

[Memphis Raines]

Holy ****....it was one punch....my god.

 

I never said it was right to do, but I UNDERSTAND IT AND DON'T blame her.

Christ, folks, she found out BY HERSELF he was cheating and they were getting married!

 

I'm happy this is all she has done to him.

 

Stop acting like she brutaly assulted him.... Where's Touche when I need her?

 

uh huh, and if a guy did this to a woman, you'd have the same laissez-faire attitude about it? doubt it.

 

She assaulted him, plain and simple. If a man punched a woman in the mouth and she bled, you'd consider it brutally assaulting her. And it IS battery.

[Memphis Raines]

Personally I've never said it's actually 'right'. To be honest, I'm not sure what to think.

 

But, I do think it's understandable, and I don't think it's that big of a deal.

 

physical violence is understandable? because she is a woman, right?

 

but ya, its no big deal, she just, as she said, punched him as hard as she could and drew blood. not a big deal:rolleyes:

[ptp]

I never said it was right to do, but I UNDERSTAND IT AND DON'T blame her.

Are you a retard or what?

 

 

The answer to that question is a resounding yes.

[Pyro]

The answer to that question is a resounding yes.

 

:lmao:

[PratyekaYana]

It's really quite simple if you subtract the gender labels from the equation. A human being, without physical provocation or any reasonable justification of self-defense, inflicted physical violence upon another human being. It is irrelevant that the OP was a woman and the victim a man. There is absolutely no justification.

[PratyekaYana]

Difference in knowing it isn't right, and understanding why someone would do it anyways.

 

I don't think that anyone is taking you to task because of your ability to understand why the OP acted as she did. Virtually everyone here can understand why she struck her fiance, but the difference between them and you is your willingness to excuse what she did.

 

I understand why a chronically unemployed man might turn to robbery and murder to support himself when no other option seems available, but that doesn't mean that I see his crimes as insignificant or not worthy of being punished.

[warmachine01]

I have yet to see a logical response beside the knee jerk reaction of she is a girl so she is entitled to violence. What is a Guy entitled to? Taking her violence? Once again who says how much violence is appropriate? What if she just nicked him with a knife then left, is that cool? Either way she drew blood. I don't think calling people holier then thou, or dismissing it as no big deal is constructive, and it kind of takes any validity out of your argument. It may not be a big deal to some but it is to others. And when it comes to violence in relationships, it is best if it is left out all together, not have it be situational. I certainly hope no one here would condone violence in their kids relationship.

 

While we all understand it, accepting it should be different. There is a reason its illegality is gender neutral.

[warmachine01]

I mean it was one person he slept with, what's the big deal? Why is she so angry. It was just one...! I don't see what the big deal is.

[warmachine01]

I certainly don't agree with him cheating, and he gets no respect from me.

[warmachine01]

Cheating hurts all who have it happen, No matter the gender.

[Woggle]

You know what? Screw it.

 

I see you're point and I also see mine, but I don't want the OP to feel bad about this, because she already had her heart pulled out of her chest this week.

I've seen what cheating does to a woman...it sucks to no end and actually effects the family too. I'm probably no the best to be in a thread like this, because I generally am pretty sided with the person who was cheated on and always will be.

I don't believe in cheating...no matter how bad things get at home. Break-up, take a break, but don't cheat.....the devestation is unbareable.

 

I know if I gave my all and she cheated on me.....I'd probably kill myself....this is another reason I am afraid to start any meaningful relationship....that possibility scares the hell out of me and I don't kno whow I would react.

 

I really hope the OP id fine tonight, because what she experienced is a extremely difficult thing.

 

I have actually been cheated on and I still don't condone violence. Dumping them and living a good life is the best revenge.

[bstill]

Who in the **** are you people and what on earth is wrong with you? This is the most ridiculous **** I've ever seen.

 

Never in my life have I encountered such stupid and obstinate man-hating.

[Richard Friedman]

Who said the genders are "equal?" That's just a bs social construct. I would say morally the op was justified in hitting the guy. I'd also say there are times when a guy is justified in hitting a woman, although it might need greater provocation. Just know the law does not agree and there are consequences.

[ChessPieceFace]

Chivalry is dead. You deserve to be prosecuted for assault. I hope you are.