Husband of 20 years cheated and is leaving

[bentnotbroken]

Lady please you must realize this man is a loser. Even if the douche came back what do you think's gonna happen? That everything will be roses and sunlight? You're going to be so resentful after everything this man put you through and it's most likely you'll just end up kicking him right back out the door with him running back to this OW or some other chick. Do the right thing and let this man go before you lose yourself.

 

 

Too late.

[BB07]

I do want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. I still do believe my husband will wake up and come back to me. I thoiught things were going to get better but then he told me he was leaving for a week to see if I got better on my own. that maybe I would feel better if he was not in our house. He stayed with HER. He told me thats where he was going. i sent her a text asking her to be the bigger person and just let him come home. that we have so many years together and he is my family. that I love him and will never let him go. told her why doesn't she find a single guy. that there are many out there. I thought she'd be human and have some compassion and just realise what she is doing is so wrong~! but no that stupid bitch texted me back that she isn't holding him hostage. she told me that he shows her all of my texts and a letter I wrote to him. that is all PRIVATE! I can't belive he did that. why would he show HER all of my private thoughts? She said it was because they are together and he needed someone to talk to. then she texted me that my husband likes independent women and said if I ever wanted him to miss me that I should clean myself up an take care of myself and stop crying and begging. she said that just drives him closer to her. she has NO right to talk about me or to me like that. I texted her and told her I am going to hunt her down and kill her. that I'll smash her head in. she stopped texting me after that. I told my husband that I am going to find her and hurt her and make her pay for ruining my life. he spent the whole week with her. he came home twice to get more clothes.

 

on thursday my husband came home (I called off work so he didnt' know I would be there) and he told me to shut up when I started to ask him things. he told me he would be home on sunday before work. well today he showed up after I called him eight times. he said he was just there to get clean clothes. i thought he'd meant he was coming home to work things out! I am so mad that he lied to me! he said he has no idea why i took it as he wanted to work things out. that I knew where he was staying and that hes with her now and that he's tired and done with me. siad he tried to be nice and help me out (what a load of crap) I begged him to work things out, told him he ruined my life. He actually said to me that he doesn't care what I do. he said stay in the house, move out or kill yourself, I don't care anymore. I'm done with you. HOW IN THE HELL CAN HE SAY THAT? then he just walked out. back to her. How can he just turn his back on me after all these years?? why does he not have any feelings left for me? I do not know what to do.I HAVE to get him back. I just have to. I know you all don't think it is possible. but there has to be SOME way.

 

 

Lexi's aunt, it doesn't seem that you've listened to anything that anyone has told you in this thread and you've had some great advice. It seems that the only thing you do when you come here is tell us here at LS the same story. So when are you going to take to heart some of the suggestions that you've got here and when are you going to realize that what you are doing is not working? Madness is repeating the same thing over and over with the same result, hon.

 

He is GONE and as I said in a prior post the longer you keep behaving as you are, the more and more he is going to resent you, eventually he is going to hate you and he is very close to that now. So..........don't you think it's time you did something different? Don't you think it's time you took some of these good people's advice? Don't you think you should get some professional help?

[WorldIsYours]

Too late.

 

I'm urged to agree.

[WorldIsYours]

He is GONE and as I said in a prior post the longer you keep behaving as you are, the more and more he is going to resent you ( for what?), eventually he is going to hate you and he is very close to that now.

 

From the abuse he's dished out to this woman. He already hates her.

[imadognut]

I normally just lurk here, but I have been following this thread and it is to the point of absurd.

 

I'm all for helping people especially one that seems as devastated as this poor woman! However, it appears that all the wonderful comforting words and over and over the suggestions have not helped her.

 

Then I read this in her last post "She said it was because they are together and he needed someone to talk to. then she texted me that my husband likes independent women and said if I ever wanted him to miss me that I should clean myself up an take care of myself and stop crying and begging. she said that just drives him closer to her" does anyone find it strange that these are the exact words everyone has been telling her? It appears to me this is either a troll or someone who everyone has wasted their time trying to help.

 

If I'm wrong then shame on me and I sure do wish her the best but after this long I can't believe that this woman has not started to at least see the light and pull herself together...........

[PhoenixRise]

Wow.

 

Lexie's Aunt the OW in your situation seems like a real headcase. She strikes me as very cruel, self absorbed, and highly manipulative.

 

 

But you Lexie's Aunt now have a thread going here that is at least 13 pages and closing in on 200 posts. The way you have chosen to respond here at LS is very interesting.

 

So tell us.

 

What do you hope to gain from posting here?

 

What kind of help are you looking for?

 

I don't see how anybody here can help you unless you answer those questions.

[alexandria35]

I normally just lurk here, but I have been following this thread and it is to the point of absurd.

 

I'm all for helping people especially one that seems as devastated as this poor woman! However, it appears that all the wonderful comforting words and over and over the suggestions have not helped her.

 

Then I read this in her last post "She said it was because they are together and he needed someone to talk to. then she texted me that my husband likes independent women and said if I ever wanted him to miss me that I should clean myself up an take care of myself and stop crying and begging. she said that just drives him closer to her" does anyone find it strange that these are the exact words everyone has been telling her? It appears to me this is either a troll or someone who everyone has wasted their time trying to help.

 

If I'm wrong then shame on me and I sure do wish her the best but after this long I can't believe that this woman has not started to at least see the light and pull herself together...........

 

 

I think everyone here has had the same suspicion that you have, especially since we all saw the OW in this situation posting the same story on the OW/OM board. I think people keep responding to this poster because of the possibility that she might be legit and in that case, people really do want to see her get some help and get better.

 

To the OP of this thread: Why don't you talk to anyone here? You just show up once or twice a week to post your latest rant, without really engaging in any kind of discussion with anyone who wants to help you. What is the point of coming here if you're not interested in anyone's help or suggestions?

[Lorelei_Lane]

Honestly, at this point, posters here at LS need to do what her husband seems to be doing now.

 

Just stop trying to talk to her. He tried to explain he didn't want to work it out, tried to explain that he was going to leave regardless. He actually left. He has given up on trying to make her understand and I fear we will have to do the same. She doesn't want to listen, you can't make someone listen when they don't want to hear what you have to say. It's sad really.

[worlybear]

Methinks a troll.....

[lexi29]

Wow.

 

Lexie's Aunt the OW in your situation seems like a real headcase. She strikes me as very cruel, self absorbed, and highly manipulative.

 

 

But you Lexie's Aunt now have a thread going here that is at least 13 pages and closing in on 200 posts. The way you have chosen to respond here at LS is very interesting.

 

So tell us.

 

What do you hope to gain from posting here?

 

What kind of help are you looking for?

 

I don't see how anybody here can help you unless you answer those questions.

 

 

I don't know what a troll is as I'm not familiar with message board speak. My niece let me use her account because my husband asked her to talk to me. She really didn't know what to say to me so she told me about this site and gave me her id. she said she doesn't use it anymore. Told me I could read her posts to see what she had gone thru. I guess I use this place to vent, to try to get some answers. I honestly thought people would tell me that my husband is just temporarily crazy and he will wake up and come back to me. I do appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and if I dont seem greatful enough I'm sorry. I am just going thru a lot right now. My whole world is just upside down and feels like I will never be the same. So i guess I come here to share my pain and try to get my thoughts out. My best friend keeps telling me that my husband will not turn his back on me and that he will wise up if SHE is gone. that he can't let go of all our years together. That is why I dont' come here a lot. becaue everyone here says that he is done and wants me to move on.

 

Every day I pray he will see the wrong in his ways; That he wll see that SHE is nothing more than a slut who uses him. I dont understand how he can see how much he is hurting me, that I am devastated and I will never be the same and just not care and walk away. How can someone do this all over someone they've only known a few months? I guess I am here because I want someone to give me hope. To tell me about an experience that did work out and everything was fine. I thought if I forgave him for what he did then he would be happy and want to work things out. I know I can make him happy if he'd give me a chance. Just answer one last question? WHy won't my husband at least TRY to work things out?

[PhoenixRise]

I don't know what a troll is as I'm not familiar with message board speak. My niece let me use her account because my husband asked her to talk to me. She really didn't know what to say to me so she told me about this site and gave me her id. she said she doesn't use it anymore. Told me I could read her posts to see what she had gone thru. I guess I use this place to vent, to try to get some answers. I honestly thought people would tell me that my husband is just temporarily crazy and he will wake up and come back to me. I do appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and if I dont seem greatful enough I'm sorry. I am just going thru a lot right now. My whole world is just upside down and feels like I will never be the same. So i guess I come here to share my pain and try to get my thoughts out. My best friend keeps telling me that my husband will not turn his back on me and that he will wise up if SHE is gone. that he can't let go of all our years together. That is why I dont' come here a lot. becaue everyone here says that he is done and wants me to move on.

 

Every day I pray he will see the wrong in his ways; That he wll see that SHE is nothing more than a slut who uses him. I dont understand how he can see how much he is hurting me, that I am devastated and I will never be the same and just not care and walk away. How can someone do this all over someone they've only known a few months? I guess I am here because I want someone to give me hope. To tell me about an experience that did work out and everything was fine. I thought if I forgave him for what he did then he would be happy and want to work things out. I know I can make him happy if he'd give me a chance. Just answer one last question? WHy won't my husband at least TRY to work things out?

 

Lexie's Aunt

 

I have to ask. Does it matter at all to you that the OW in your situation has also posted at LS and is aware of everything you post here?

 

Several people in this thread have posted that your husband's OW posts here. Do you care if she sees your posts about your efforts to seduce your husband?

 

 

I don't think anybody who has read your posts would give you hope that things will work out for you and your H and I am having a hard time believing that any friend who gives a damn about you would give you hope of saving the marriage given what you have posted about his behavior.

[alexandria35]

Lexie's Aunt

 

I have to ask. Does it matter at all to you that the OW in your situation has also posted at LS and is aware of everything you post here?

 

Several people in this thread have posted that your husband's OW posts here. Do you care if she sees your posts about your efforts to seduce your husband?

 

 

I don't think anybody who has read your posts would give you hope that things will work out for you and your H and I am having a hard time believing that any friend who gives a damn about you would give you hope of saving the marriage given what you have posted about his behavior.

 

I also wonder about this. OP I find it amazing that you are so obsessed with the OW and yet at the same time so disinterested in the fact that she is here (on Loveshack). Something fishy about that...

 

As for your questions about why your husband is doing what he is doing and why won't he at least try to work it out with you. Well if you bothered to read anything here you would know why. You have done everything possible to make yourself look like a crazy unstable woman. How is that going to be attractive to your husband. I'm not saying it's your fault that he cheated and I'm not even sure why you still want him, but you have certainly done everything in your power to drive him away. And again this makes you look sort of suspicious. You claim to want your husband back but then you relentlessly continue on with the same behavior that the good posters here have told you time and time again is not going to work and is in fact only driving your husband into the arms of the other woman. This makes me think you are either playing some kind of game here or you truly need to get some professional help because it sounds like you have taken leave of your senses. Stop listening to your friend because obviously her advice isn't working.

[BB07]

I don't know what a troll is as I'm not familiar with message board speak. My niece let me use her account because my husband asked her to talk to me. She really didn't know what to say to me so she told me about this site and gave me her id. she said she doesn't use it anymore. Told me I could read her posts to see what she had gone thru. I guess I use this place to vent, to try to get some answers. I honestly thought people would tell me that my husband is just temporarily crazy and he will wake up and come back to me. I do appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and if I dont seem greatful enough I'm sorry. I am just going thru a lot right now. My whole world is just upside down and feels like I will never be the same. So i guess I come here to share my pain and try to get my thoughts out. My best friend keeps telling me that my husband will not turn his back on me and that he will wise up if SHE is gone. that he can't let go of all our years together. That is why I dont' come here a lot. becaue everyone here says that he is done and wants me to move on.

 

Every day I pray he will see the wrong in his ways; That he wll see that SHE is nothing more than a slut who uses him. I dont understand how he can see how much he is hurting me, that I am devastated and I will never be the same and just not care and walk away. How can someone do this all over someone they've only known a few months? I guess I am here because I want someone to give me hope. To tell me about an experience that did work out and everything was fine. I thought if I forgave him for what he did then he would be happy and want to work things out. I know I can make him happy if he'd give me a chance. Just answer one last question? WHy won't my husband at least TRY to work things out?

 

 

What are you doing to try to get yourself in a better place beside coming here to vent? It doesn't seem that you are heeding anyone's advice, as you haven't told anyone here that you are doing anything different and you've had some great advice about doing the 180 and taking care of you. You should heed what they are telling you and if you look at other places on the net you will find they will tell you pretty much the same thing. Please do some searching as what you are doing is obviously not working and you can't just continue to sit there and expect things to change with you not doing anything to change it.

 

Your friend is misguided in telling you that your husband is suddenly going to see the light. She may be just trying to make you feel better or she is very misinformed.

 

In answer to your question about why won't he try to work it out......simply he doesn't want to right now, maybe never. The crying and begging and pleading will do nothing but make him hate you. Get your dignity back, demand some respect, show him that your doormat days are OVER. A man is NOT your whole life, you have family and friends and if you want there can be another man down the road, a better man, one who won't treat you like the **** he wipes off his feet, cause that is how he is treating you right now and until you demand better that is how its going to go on.

 

I know you are hurting, everyone here knows that and their heart goes out to you, but you've got to help yourself. STOP giving this man all your power and your self respect and your dignity. He deserves NOTHING.

 

Some of these people here who have tried to help you have lived through it and some of them have reconciled and some of them have learned to live alone quite happily or some have moved on to a new relationship.

 

Sorry to be harsh but your refusal to do as these good people have suggested as done nothing but drive your husband further away. Sure some miracle may happen down the road but right now you've got to give up hope and start living for YOU.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know what a troll is as I'm not familiar with message board speak. My niece let me use her account because my husband asked her to talk to me. She really didn't know what to say to me so she told me about this site and gave me her id. she said she doesn't use it anymore. Told me I could read her posts to see what she had gone thru. I guess I use this place to vent, to try to get some answers. I honestly thought people would tell me that my husband is just temporarily crazy and he will wake up and come back to me. I do appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and if I dont seem greatful enough I'm sorry. I am just going thru a lot right now. My whole world is just upside down and feels like I will never be the same. So i guess I come here to share my pain and try to get my thoughts out. My best friend keeps telling me that my husband will not turn his back on me and that he will wise up if SHE is gone. that he can't let go of all our years together. That is why I dont' come here a lot. becaue everyone here says that he is done and wants me to move on.

 

Every day I pray he will see the wrong in his ways; That he wll see that SHE is nothing more than a slut who uses him. I dont understand how he can see how much he is hurting me, that I am devastated and I will never be the same and just not care and walk away. How can someone do this all over someone they've only known a few months? I guess I am here because I want someone to give me hope. To tell me about an experience that did work out and everything was fine. I thought if I forgave him for what he did then he would be happy and want to work things out. I know I can make him happy if he'd give me a chance. Just answer one last question? WHy won't my husband at least TRY to work things out?

 

Because he doesn't want to. This is something that you have to understand, even though it's killing you inside and in your heart. You cannot force someone to stay when they want to go.

 

For now, just focus on getting through each day. Rely on your niece, family and friends to help you cope and give you more support.

 

As time goes on and you calm down, see things from a more objective view, you'll see that as of right now this man who is your husband is NOT the man you married. He is a complete selfish jerk and he is damn CRUEL. He is getting off on treating you like crap. I wish you'd find anger! Thrive off of that so it'll get you to a better place, in the sense of realizing that all the tears, efforts of trying to woo him back will never work. You must go on without him..Sweetie, you have no choice.

 

Talk to us, I mean interact. Your most recent reply is what you need... To converse and talk to people, "hear" what we're all saying and let it sink in. Venting is one thing, but you need answers, solutions to help you through this.

 

Hope this makes sense.

[Gotti25]

As I don't understand much of this story. The reason you are acting this way is because you don't know any better then this man after all is the only thing you had for 20 years you probably never experienced anyone else what kind of life you and you H lived where you always together doing every single thing together plus working together with your Husband for 20 years is the worst thing you can do for you marriage. And this girl he met is something new and exciting for him but seriously is your husband rich is she sugar daddying him after his money and then drop him like a dead fish after she's done using and there is nothing more left?? I am pretty sure this chick is not sticking tooo long she is enjoying all of this which I don't understand why a 30 year old HOT women would be dealing with this!! Anyway you said your best friend said he'll come back sureee after he has nothing left and you probably will keep giving in!! Do you have some extreme low self esteem why are you thinking soo negative how old are you by the way?? I suggest that you find a new best friend. Is your familly aware of this your parents???

[Posh Polly]

You are pathetic, your husband hates you, and I don't blame him one bit. I hope he gets away from your crazy ass.

[bentnotbroken]

You are pathetic, your husband hates you, and I don't blame him one bit. I hope he gets away from your crazy ass.

 

 

Kicked in puppies today?

[dreamingoftigers]

You are pathetic, your husband hates you, and I don't blame him one bit. I hope he gets away from your crazy ass.

 

Yes, always trust the sane, rational, thoughtful posters for helpful advice.

[KikiW]

Yes, always trust the sane, rational, thoughtful posters for helpful advice.

 

What does it matter? She's not paying any attention to all the sane, rational, thoughtful posters who HAVE given her helpful advice.

 

IF this poster is real, she's looking for someone to wave a magic wand and make everything the way she wants it. She is looking for someone to tell her that acting like she has been will work if she only keeps doing it long enough.

 

None of us are telling her that, so she's not listening, and I have a feeling she won't listen for a long time... well after he's gone, the divorce is finalized, he's re-married to the OW (or has even moved on to someone else entirely). At this point it will come to restraining orders and possible jail time for stalking and death threats (which she's already admitted to making). Sorry, my line is drawn at threatening to "hunt her down and kill her", "bash her head in" and "find her and hurt her".

 

/Breezed through on the hope she is on the mend by now, leaving disappointed.

[Bionic Me]

I think everyone here has had the same suspicion that you have, especially since we all saw the OW in this situation posting the same story on the OW/OM board. I think people keep responding to this poster because of the possibility that she might be legit and in that case, people really do want to see her get some help and get better.

 

To the OP of this thread: Why don't you talk to anyone here? You just show up once or twice a week to post your latest rant, without really engaging in any kind of discussion with anyone who wants to help you. What is the point of coming here if you're not interested in anyone's help or suggestions?

 

I didn't!? Really? Oh wow.... it is a small world after all.

[alexandria35]

I didn't!? Really? Oh wow.... it is a small world after all.

 

Yep. Small world or the same poster....

[donnamaybe]

Yep. Small world or the same poster....

Exactly what I thought.

[mittens22]

whats the name of the ow thread

[Kamille]

whats the name of the ow thread

 

It was deleted.

[SidLyon]

It was deleted.

 

Yes it was deleted but the same poster started 2 other threads.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t260598/

 

and

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265572/