Husband of 20 years cheated and is leaving

[NoIDidn't]

I had a girlfriend in this situation. She went to school. He cheated and started sleeping in the other bedroom, without telling her he was cheating. He even stopped having sex with her a year before (following the birth of their child).

 

She was devastated. She wanted him to love her again. I did what I could to show her that he was off and out and that the problem was his. He didn't want to be a father or a husband anymore. There were many OW that I knew about, but didn't tell her about because I knew she would blame the women and not him.

 

They divorced. It took three years, an attempt at reconciliation and a near death accident, but he finally left with one of his other women. And my girlfriend finished her degree and got a great job. They are not friends, but they co-parent their child together decently. And she's dating again like he is. She is fine and happier than she ever was when she was with him and thinking that he completed her.

 

OP, you will be fine if you stop focusing on her and him. You will be fine if you actually let people (in real life) help you.

 

You will be fine if you finally start to believe that you will be fine.

[bestrong999]

To Greengoddess, Financial is never a problem with us. I went back to school to get my professional certificate done. If I know something with our marriage, I won't go back to school. When I went back to school, we were disconnected, I spent most of my time on my studying days and nights, I hangout with my classmate and told him to out with his friends. WHAT HE DID IS WRONG, I NEVER BLAME THE OW. IT IS HIM. IF HE FAITHFUL TO ME, you won't see me in here, however, I am sad, coz give him the opportunity to cheat.

 

To BB07, thanks for asking. I am still with him and we are getting better after we accept Jesus as our savior. He is trying to be a good housband again and I am trying to be a good wife too.

[lexi29]

again thank you to all who took their time to reply and try to help me. your support does mean a lot to me. I feel safer posting here than telling people in my real life because I dont' want them to think I'm such a failure. I'm so embarrased that my husband had an affair. I have always "bragged" to my friends that I never had to worry about that. that he would never do such a thing. I feel so stupid now.

bestrong999 thank you for sharing your story- so you and your husband are working things out? THat is great and I wish you luck. I have hope that my husband will come around when he gets HER out of his system. I just don't see how he can leave me.

 

for those that think my story isn't true- i wish so bad that it wasn't. but this is my life- it used to be a little mundane but I never minded. Now it is hell. just like I woke up one day and my world was shattered into pieces. if he died it would be better because i know i could never have him back, but he's still around and i just can't let go of that hope.

 

One thing that he said to me a few weeks ago really haunts me and I'm trying to hold onto that to make me feel anger but so far it just leads to more tears. We were talking and he was upset because he was missing HER and he told me that he can't be without her. This was when he was telling me he loves her. We have 2 dogs and he was telling me that he wants to stay in the house because he has nowhere to take our dogs. I told him I want the dogs and he told me NO he has to have the dogs because HE CAN"T REPLACE THE DOGS. That he will miss them too much. these are like our kids but we've had them less than five years.. I just remember being in shock that my husband said he can't replace our dogs and wants them but he sure can replace me- with some slut that he's known for a few months. he was practically crying over losing the dogs but could care less over losing me-his WIFE. I know my hate for HER is extreme but i just want to ruin her life the way she ruined mine. anyone who sleeps with a married man is a slut and the lowest piece of trash. She KNEW he was married and laid down with him.

 

I know I need to stop acting crazy and I need to accept that he doesn't want to be with me right now. but i'm afraid if i do that I will totally lose him. I haven't cried today so that is a step forward. again thank you to everyone.

 

and for the poster who asked no my niece never got married. she is single and likes it for some weird reason. she tells me that everything will be ok and I will feel better on my own.. I don't know..

[worlybear]

How're you doing Lexi29?

Hope you are managing to move forward a little. I do understand how you feel about the OW- (I still feel angry about my STBXH'S OW.) don't think I will ever forgive her for betraying me and my daughter (she was a friend!)

And it took me a long time to realise something was wrong- I think your situation is the same.Don't expect empathy or sympathy.

SHE DOESN'T CARE HOW YOU FEEL- AND NEITHER DOES HE!

They have both made a choice and moved on.They are selfish and self-serving.

Tell him to leave!

He is not the man you thought he was- and I know that fact is really difficult for you to comprehend.

Please read my previous posts- I have been posting here for over 2 years and hopefully it will help you.

(My original thread was titled "devastated!")

Hugs:bunny::bunny:

[whichwayisup]

again thank you to all who took their time to reply and try to help me. your support does mean a lot to me. I feel safer posting here than telling people in my real life because I dont' want them to think I'm such a failure. I'm so embarrased that my husband had an affair. I have always "bragged" to my friends that I never had to worry about that. that he would never do such a thing. I feel so stupid now.

 

None of this is your fault. Your H did this willingly and on his own. You are not responsible for his (selfish) choices!! You have no control over him.. Only thing you have control over now is how you handle this and process it. I completely understand you're in absolute shock and he turned your world upside down, something that you never expected from him. Sadly though, this IS your reality. Time to accept this and do something proactive for yourself.

 

The man he is at the moment is NOT the man you married. Infront of you is a cruel man, someone who is selfish, a cheater, a liar and a jerk. This man you DO NOT WANT so no more begging. Kick his ass out of the house and ignore him. Only speak to him when you have to but nothing personal and no more throwing yourself at him. All that does is give him power over you and makes him think you're weak.

 

Lexi's aunt, you're stronger than you realize. Trust that!

 

Also know that NOONE is going to think your H cheated on you is your fault. Sure you're embarressed, it's okay to feel that way, but those who love and care about you WILL support you and help you through this. Give them that chance. I'm sure your niece knows since you're using her account. Ask people who are your true friends for help.

[J200]

This is all just getting to cliche to me. It can't be for real.

 

I believe it's real. As hard is it is for emotionally healthy people to understand there are lots of unstable people out there who would die and sacrifice themselves and beg and plead even if they are being treated like crap. For example, my ex spit in my face, slapped me, stole thousands from my account, lived off me for free and I still wouldn't leave him. I felt I would rather let him kill me than be alone. I posted about it on some other message boards and people also thought I was a troll; they didn't think anyone could have no self worth and no self esteem but it is VERY possible. I felt and I lived through it. I was begging my ex back and stalking him and throwing myself at him even when he beat me and if he were cheating I would be livid but probably nothing would change.

 

Not everyone has good self esteem and is emotionally stable. Just because it's hard for you to imagine that someone would behave in such a way, it really is possible and probably happens A LOT more often than you think.

[lexi29]

J200 I used to think i had good self esteem. i don't think I'm a supermodel or anything but I always said (and my husband knows this) that if he ever cheated on me I would throw him out and not look back. I didn't want to bring this up because I don't like to talk about it but I have a son in his 20's. I got pregnant very young and my husband took care of both of us while I was still in high school even though he's not his son. my son is currently in prison and my husband and my son have always had a strained relationship. He told HER that he hates my son. And i knew this. We were just leading separate lives and i really didn't need him much anymore. just to know he was there at night was good enough. i neglected him. So I do feel that it is something I can CHANGE and get him back. When I found out about HER I was devastated and still am. I just can NOT imagine my life without my husband in it. i know I may have to move on. what is holding me up is that he is still HERE. he may not really talk to me, he doesn't want to touch me and he won't tell me he loves me, but he hasn't really left. And I keep thinking if he stays long enough he will lose interest in HER, or he will see what he will lose and want to work things out between us.

 

I know I shouldn't be crying and begging and everything I'm doing but I'm truly desperate and I'm afraid if I let go even for a second, he will just walk away and never look back. I know i keep harping on this but i honestly do NOT understand what is so special about this woman he wants to leave me for. yes, she's younger than me but we have 20 years together. 20 years worth of memories. doesn't that count for something? I am terrified of living alone without him. A roommate won't take his place, it would be easier if my son could live with me but that won't be possible for a few more years at least. my life just seems impossible without him in it. In just a month my whole life has been turned upside down and I don't know how to get my balance back.

[dreamingoftigers]

Weird.... My Dad cheated after Mom went back to school too and before that he was really paranoid about her running off with someone from school on him.

[BB07]

J200 I used to think i had good self esteem. i don't think I'm a supermodel or anything but I always said (and my husband knows this) that if he ever cheated on me I would throw him out and not look back. I didn't want to bring this up because I don't like to talk about it but I have a son in his 20's. I got pregnant very young and my husband took care of both of us while I was still in high school even though he's not his son. my son is currently in prison and my husband and my son have always had a strained relationship. He told HER that he hates my son. And i knew this. We were just leading separate lives and i really didn't need him much anymore. just to know he was there at night was good enough. i neglected him. So I do feel that it is something I can CHANGE and get him back. When I found out about HER I was devastated and still am. I just can NOT imagine my life without my husband in it. i know I may have to move on. what is holding me up is that he is still HERE. he may not really talk to me, he doesn't want to touch me and he won't tell me he loves me, but he hasn't really left. And I keep thinking if he stays long enough he will lose interest in HER, or he will see what he will lose and want to work things out between us.

 

I know I shouldn't be crying and begging and everything I'm doing but I'm truly desperate and I'm afraid if I let go even for a second, he will just walk away and never look back. I know i keep harping on this but i honestly do NOT understand what is so special about this woman he wants to leave me for. yes, she's younger than me but we have 20 years together. 20 years worth of memories. doesn't that count for something? I am terrified of living alone without him. A roommate won't take his place, it would be easier if my son could live with me but that won't be possible for a few more years at least. my life just seems impossible without him in it. In just a month my whole life has been turned upside down and I don't know how to get my balance back.

 

Lexi's aunt.........the longer you guilt him into staying with you, the worse it's going to get. He will resent you more with every passing day and he may even grow to hate you. Where does that leave you? Most likely worse off than you are now, emotionally and certainly financially. Right now maybe he still feels enough guilt to maybe treat you half way fairly in a separation agreement but the longer you keep him there against his will and out of his guilt, the less likely he will be at all kind to you in any shape or form in the event of a separation or divorce agreement. You are gambling big time with your financial future and what is rightfully yours. So what that he is still there........he probably thinks you are going to completely go nuts and hurt yourself. His body is there, no heart, no spirit and NO love. Keep doing what you are doing and he will get to the point till he won't care if you do hurt yourself, then he can play the victim card and tell everyone that he left you because you went nuts. Are you going to give him that satisfaction? Please pull your head far enough out of his arse to see this.

 

 

Whether you believe it or not, I sense that you are starting to accept your new reality and you know that you can't go on like this. I hear some strength there that I didn't before.

[dreamingoftigers]

Guaranteed if you do not let go, he will free his nuts from the vice-grip and run without looking back.

 

Give him exactly what he wants and he won't know what to do with it.

[PhoenixRise]

This MM has got to be the most pathetic, ball-less, cowardly, testosterone free, fraction of a man, in all the history of all MM everywhere.

 

OW have posted here at LS about their MM who absolutely positively COULD NOT leave their wives to be with the love of their life because they COULD NOT leave their dog. I always thought this was so absurd it must be some fantastic myth spun by MM as an excuse.

 

But here you are Lexi's Aunt, posting the exact same thing about your husband. That while YOU are replaceable the dogs are not so he stays in the house but won't touch you with a 10 foot pole.

 

Interesting.

 

So what are you going to do now Lexie's Aunt?

[Star727]

Lexi,

It took me 3 years to stop begging, scheming, reasoning, killing myself trying to be the perfect wife and mother, wasted a lot of time and money showing my WH how great partners and friends we can be if he would just leave her alone and be with me 100%.

 

It didnt work.

 

You don't want my life. Its not a happy one. He's still here, shows no affection, we havent had sex in over a year, he doesnt tell me he loves me. He's nothing but a roommate and he's in my way of possible happiness with someone else.

 

I wish he would leave but he won't. Be careful what you ask for, you might get it and it might not be what you need.

 

"Sometimes things happen to you because God has something better for you."

 

By staying with your husband, you are blocking the blessings that you could be getting by stubbornly thinking the two of you are suppose to be together.

 

Don't waste anymore of your good years with someone who wants someone else. If he wants to leave, let him go. You'll be happier.

 

I can't wait till my WH leaves for good. I'm really looking forward to a new and exciting life after this 24 year marriage ends.

 

Don't waste your good years with this...

[Eve]

OP, I think the way forward for you could be to go traveling for a bit. You need to believe in yourself again. Nothing like facing new challenges to shake things up a bit.

 

Please go on a bit of a walkabout.. before you make yourself ill.

 

I think this is a very serious time for you, for you. Hubby and the whole affair thing is a symptom of something deeper that you need to do for yourself..

 

It was never about him. This is about you finding you again. You have to do this by yourself and the right people will come.

 

Right now you are dangerously off balance and seriously, you are going to get ill if you do not do something different.

 

You have made this man a god.

 

Take care,

Eve

[dreamingoftigers]

Lexi,

It took me 3 years to stop begging, scheming, reasoning, killing myself trying to be the perfect wife and mother, wasted a lot of time and money showing my WH how great partners and friends we can be if he would just leave her alone and be with me 100%.

 

It didnt work.

 

You don't want my life. Its not a happy one. He's still here, shows no affection, we havent had sex in over a year, he doesnt tell me he loves me. He's nothing but a roommate and he's in my way of possible happiness with someone else.

 

I wish he would leave but he won't. Be careful what you ask for, you might get it and it might not be what you need.

 

"Sometimes things happen to you because God has something better for you."

 

By staying with your husband, you are blocking the blessings that you could be getting by stubbornly thinking the two of you are suppose to be together.

 

Don't waste anymore of your good years with someone who wants someone else. If he wants to leave, let him go. You'll be happier.

 

I can't wait till my WH leaves for good. I'm really looking forward to a new and exciting life after this 24 year marriage ends.

 

Don't waste your good years with this...

 

My gosh, if it is this bleak talk to the Divorce Busting people or just boot his ass out. And you should see the stuff I deal with!

[woundedheart]

I understand where you're at. I met my husband in high school and go married just weeks after my 18th birthday. We've been married 28 years and I found out about his affair in mid January.

We are going to counseling but it is terribly difficult. He thought he had feelings for her too. But once I told him that he would have to get the papers himself, that it would have to all be on him, and that I expected him to do what was right financially, and that I wasn't going to lie to our friends and families about why he got a divorce and told him I wasn't going to allow it any more that he needed to stop or leave he paused long enough to look at what he was doing.

Turns out he did it out of spite and because she fed his ego. He realizes now what an idiot he has been and that he fell right into the hands of someone who was just looking for someone to take care of her so that she could leave her unhappy marriage she couldn't afford to get out of. He got played too. Get it clear in your mind what you want, what you are willing to do, what you aren't willing to put up with and then draw a line in the sand. If my husband cheats on me again, in ANY form, I will get the papers myself. Even if it means I have to live alone on welfare for the rest of my life.

[sassybetch]

I don't have any experience in any of this. But I read all the posts and feel the need to say something. First, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. But, you seriously DO NOT GET IT.

 

1) You say you are scared of losing him? You already lost him right? I mean he flat out told you he doesn't love you. What does losing him look like to you? Like how does that not equal losing somone?

 

2) The OW is a piece of trash obvi, but your husband would have cheated on you with ANYONE, NOT JUST HER. BECAUSE HE IS A CHEATER.

 

3) if the OW was out of the picture HE STILL WOULD NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU EVEN IF SHE WAS OUT. . This is not operation get OW out of the picture! It is HIM doing this NOT HER

 

4) YOU WILL NOT GET HIM BACK, PERIOD. IT IS OVER

 

5) It has NOTHING to DO WITH YOU. You can't be a better wife, give him better anything. he did not cheat on you because of any silly reasons you give yourself. HE CHEATS ON YOU CUZ HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU AT ALL, AND BECAUSE HE CAN

 

6) Why would you forgive someone for that? he doesnt care that you forgive him, he doesnt want your forgiveness, he wants out.

 

 

Moral of the story: He mentally checked out of the relationship ages ago, so you keep saying how can he not love you anymore, you don't know how long he has been feeling that way. I am assuming that you are having such a hard time with this because you probably have never been dumped, since you have been with him since you were a teenager. I can't even imagine not knowing that feeling, or even being with my first highschool boyfriends. You're acting are PATHETIC, I cannot believe you are degrading yourself so much as to throw yourself on him, he does not love you, he has told you that COUNTESS TIMES. nothing you will do will change the way he feels about you, if the OW dumped him today, he would still not come back. but of course you do not believe this because you are so deep into denial and your own perception of what is going on. But I see it VERY clearly and so does everyone else in here. This is some tough love. Please kick him out and move on. Men love a strong woman. Good luck.

[lexi29]

I am embarrassed to still be posting but I have to tell someone or I will explode. I wish I could just be nothing and disappear. I tried to keep my distance. Last week I tried again to seduce my husband. I got yelled at and rejected. I gave up and told him I would leave him alone. I didn't bother him for a week. Do you know what he did? He spent the weekend somewhere else. I asked if he was going to HER house. He didn't answer me. All weekend I sent him emails or texts that said I love him and want him to come home. He ignored me. When he came home finally after spending two nights away I told him I was glad he was back and left him alone all day. I continued to do this for a few more days. But yesterday something in me just broke. I CAN'T live like this. I HAVE to have my husband back. I started an argument with him. I am not proud of that. I told him I can't live without him, that I will kill myself and I hope he's happy when I'm dead. I know.. I know.. but I truley felt like that would make him stay. I threw things, broke things, freaked out, yelled, cried, begged. Yes, I know, I'm a lost cause.

 

He broke and he told me everything. I didn't think he and HER were talking. He told me they have been seeing eachother all along. That he just stopped talking to her on the phone. I told him that he stopped talking on the phone because he knew it hurt ME. So if he can stop talking to her because he doesnt' want to hurt me why can't he stop seeing her because he doesn't want to hurt ME? He told me he is so in love with her that the thought of losing HER makes him sick!! He told me they are going to be together no matter what, that she is everything he's always wanted. He told me he came back to the house because she told him she doesn't want him at her place until he sorts things out at home. WHY does he do everything SHE says??WHY?

 

He told me he was trying to make things easier on me by staying. That he thought it was a good idea rather than just up and abandon me after all these years. THat he felt he owed me that much. THat he still loves me in a "I care about you" way but its not the love between a husband and a wife. That SHE is his future and he is going to be with her no matter what I do. he even said the only reason he stayed in the house is because he was afraid I'd hurt myself if he left. He said but it doesn't seem like I'm getting better. I told him I don't want to get better. I want HIM. he just doesn't care. All he wants is HER. I don't get it!!!!!! I told him she will cheat on him, that it will be all for nothing. I called her a slut and he got MAD. he defended her. I said how can you stand there and say she's not a slut?! She slept with a married man. And he said "yes, she did but a married man also slept with her and she didn't force me or even seduce me. It was MY choice. Leave her out of it" THat is when i started throwing things. Because he wants to defend HER.

 

He told me that even if she wasn't around, even if she leaves him we will never be together. That this part of his life is done. That I have to move on. I threw it in his face that a coworker has a crush on me. He encouraged me to date him!! My own husband wants me to be with another man. that kills me. I kept asking him how he can feel so strongly about someone he's only known for a few months. That we have SO many years together and he just wants to throw that away. I got mad, packed his clothes in a garbage bag and told him either be my husband or leave. He picked up his stuff and said then he was gone. I stopped him and begged him to stay. Told him I'm sorry. Told him if he leaves I will bother him every single day. That I will show up at HER house and never leave them alone. I will make sure they break up. Told him I will contact HER and that SHE wont' want to touch him with a ten foot pole when I get done with her. He told me it won't look good if he has to file a restraining order against me but he will do it. That he wanted a separation to be civil but if I want to be like this he will do whatever it takes to protect HER. And that he is going to be happy for once.

 

He told me that there was a time he was afraid of losing everything he had (the house, our dogs etc) but now his feelings for her replace all of that and he thinks about how his future will be and he doesn't care about the rest. How can he say that?? How can someone take the place of everything we've shared? HOW?? He told me it is my choice. That he will stay until I feel a bit better and he will help me find an apartment or he will move out and pay our mortgage for six months and I can stay here. But after the six months either I take over the mortgage or I move out and he moves back in. Until we get a divorce and sell the house. I told him all i want is him and our life back. He told me I am in denial and he's at his wits end that he doesn't know how to make it any clearer. I just think that if he gets HER out of his system he will come back to me and we will be able to work things out. I just can't let him go.

He left and went to be with her last night. I cried all night. I want to hate him. But I can't. I am still terriied of being alone. He told me several times that I need to see a doctor. That this is out of control. He said that I am scaring him. but when I told him I'll kill myself, he told me not to threaten that. But he doesn't want to try to work things out and I can't comprehend why.

 

There is NO guarantee that things would work out with HER. she could dump him in a month. She is young and stupid and might lose interest. She is also a cheater and a slut and would probably cheat on him when she gets bored. Why would he give up everything we have ( and I guarantee that things would work out as I forgive him and would never bring it up again) between us. And yet he wants to be with her. I really did try to ignore him and be unattached and do the 180 thing. I tried it for a week. And all it got me was him running off to see her.

[lexi29]

I have to add that I look back at how I acted yesterday and I am mortified. But at the time I just felt that way. I just wanted to do anything to make him stay. I can't believe he told me everything he did. I can't believe he's been seeing her all along. Why would he not even ONCE try to work things out with me and see how it goes? Why is he still hung up on her?

[donnamaybe]

Why would he not even ONCE try to work things out with me and see how it goes? Why is he still hung up on her?

They haven't had a REAL relationship yet. Just wait until they have to live with eachother if it comes to that.

[mbm69]

I told him I can't live without him, that I will kill myself and I hope he's happy when I'm dead. I know.. I know.. but I truley felt like that would make him stay. I threw things, broke things, freaked out, yelled, cried, begged. Yes, I know, I'm a lost cause.

 

You are not a lost cause. I do believe though that someone who threatens suicide on someone is to be taken very seriously in their threats. You need professional help... I mean, you are obviously depressed and possibly really suicidal. This depression is probably temporary, because of your situation, but you need help so you can get your head on straight and see more clearly.

 

And he said "yes, she did but a married man also slept with her and she didn't force me or even seduce me. It was MY choice. Leave her out of it"

 

Hahaha, your H just admitted he was a JERK! He is the true SLUT if you ask me.

 

Told him if he leaves I will bother him every single day. That I will show up at HER house and never leave them alone. I will make sure they break up. Told him I will contact HER and that SHE wont' want to touch him with a ten foot pole when I get done with her. He told me it won't look good if he has to file a restraining order against me but he will do it.

 

Honey, there are SOOOOOOOOO many ways you can hurt him much more than this. Scroll down below, you might get it.

 

That he will stay until I feel a bit better and he will help me find an apartment or he will move out and pay our mortgage for six months and I can stay here. But after the six months either I take over the mortgage or I move out and he moves back in. Until we get a divorce and sell the house.

 

This is where you will hurt him. GET EVERYTHING YOU CAN. He wants the house... GET IT FROM HIM. File for divorce and get mad, get everything you can.

 

There is NO guarantee that things would work out with HER. she could dump him in a month. She is young and stupid and might lose interest.

 

You are absolutely right, but if it doesn't work out, that'll be part of revenge as well... when he is the dumpee and you have moved on.

 

I really did try to ignore him and be unattached and do the 180 thing. I tried it for a week. And all it got me was him running off to see her.

 

A week isn't long at all. And it's possible that you may have attempted the 180 too late. You need to continue this FOR YOUR SAKE! Protect yourself financially...

 

You need to take care of your depression and your financial future now.

[silktricks]

Stop it, just stop it.

 

He is NOT your life. You are your life. You need to take care of you.

 

He has told you that he does not want to be with you anymore. Believe him. Get yourself in hand. Don't think that if you just do this - or that - or whatever, that you'll have back what you had before. You won't.

 

You have got to start believing in yourself. Your husband is just a man. Though it feels to you right now that he is the only man for you, he isn't. Your life will not end if you never see him again - you may very well find that it begins.

 

But you MUST STOP begging. Get yourself into therapy, immediately. Act like a grown woman and live your life.

[yessy21]

I have to add that I look back at how I acted yesterday and I am mortified. But at the time I just felt that way. I just wanted to do anything to make him stay. I can't believe he told me everything he did. I can't believe he's been seeing her all along. Why would he not even ONCE try to work things out with me and see how it goes? Why is he still hung up on her?

 

LET ME AT HIM!!!! (screaming at the computer) IM GOING TO PUNCH HIM INTO NEXT MONTH!!!!

 

He is a F**** monster! the reason he hadent left u is because he doesnt want to loose the house. if u stay and take over the mortgage he was going to try to keep it! get all the evidence u can and get urself a lawyer. If u prove his cheating u can keep it all and he still will have to pay u alimony! i hope he rots. when she finds out he aint got ****... shell leave him. she sounds like she is waiting for u to leave...so they can make it their home.

[lexi29]

I can't get alimony in my state. Besides we both work. I don't want everything in a divorce. I just want HIM. I know this is wrong but i keep thinking he hasn't left because he doesn't want to and as long as I stay and let him stay he won't leave and we will work things out eventually. I thought if I stayed in the house with our dogs then he will stay too because he will miss our home. So I can't leave. but it is so hard to be here every day with everything around me that reminds me of before HER. It feels like everything is the same except its not because of the way he is treating me. But deep down I feel like he will come around.

[silktricks]

As long as you keep doing what you are doing he WILL NEVER "come around". And really, why would you want him under those circumstances??? You need to be his FIRST choice, not his default choice!!!

 

How can you give yourself so little credit that you just want him under any circumstance?! Would you PLEASE get MAD!!!! You deserve to be treated well. You husband is treating you like you are worth nothing. He's the one who's worth nothing, not you. Kick him out and file for divorce.

[mbm69]

As long as you keep doing what you are doing he WILL NEVER "come around".

 

I completely totally agree with this.

 

I agree that you need to get mad, get angry. I actually wrote about this in a status update on facebook this week. It's always better to feel angry than sadness in these kinds of situations. Sadness only leads to self depreciation and loathing which is not conducive to being productive. When you get angry, and you channel that anger, you can be productive and evolve and get the job done.

 

IF your H is to 'come around' as you say, he will not want to come around to a woman who wallows in self pity. He might come around if you are an independent productive woman though. Men dig that much more.

 

Another thing, you should not under any circumstance leave the house. If you can't file for alimony, you might be able to file for assets. But you need to see a lawyer to find out what to do.

 

Again, you have to consider for the time being that your H will not come around. But you've been told that over and over again... I just hope you snap out of denial soon.