Husband of 20 years cheated and is leaving

[yessy21]

I do read it all but I feel so hopeless. like my husband is the only thing I have and I need to do whatever it takes to keep him. The thing is- he will leave but he keeps coming back. in my mind because he hasn't filed for divorce or even taken his stuff and he keeps spending nights at home- I keep thinking he will change his mind. He doesn't call me names or insult me. he just refuses to hold me, kiss me, touch me, let me hug him or tell me he loves me. for awhile he was telling me he loves HER and was still talking to her etc but now he just avoids the subject and he says they aren't talking. When I told him I want to ruin her life because she ruined mine he told me they don't even talk and he doesn't even know if she wants anything to do with him so to leave her alone. So I keep thinking since he is at home and since he isn't talking to her anymore maybe he will come around and want to start to work on our marriage.

 

 

your In DENIAL.

[lexi29]

i am back to post- i know your all going to be disapointed in me once again- i don't know what is wrong with me. I truly feel like if he leaves my life is over. i have nothing. I don't understand what i did so wrong to make him have no feelings toward me. this morning he was home and he was getting ready to leave for work. i was laying in bed and i asked him to come in the room (he sleeps in the other room) he asked what was wrong and when he came in I told him to sit down. he did and I grabbed him and tried to pull him down on top of me to kiss him. I wanted to seduce him. I know.. I know.. I just thought if we could have sex he would see what he is missing. I AM still his wife after all. He pushed me away from him so hard like i was discusting. and then he yelled at me to leave him alone. and kept saying, no why don't you get it we are never doing that again.. I started crying of course and kept asking why he has no feelings for me anymore. How can someone totally lose all feelings for their spouse in a mere few months?

 

After he left I did some snooping and i found an email he wrote HER and it devestates me. just a few days ago he told her she is the love of his life, that he has NEVER felt anything even close to this strong of love for anyone before. Told he he feels like he can't breathe without her. that he is physically ill when he can't be with her. said "you are my everything and I am so lucky to have you in my life." he talks about how she is the best thing that ever happened to him.

I threw up after reading that. How can he feel so strongly about her?? they barely know eachother and he thinks she is the best of everything and he never dreamed he could ever have anyone like her. how can he say he's never loved anyone as much as he loves her?? HOW? I just feel empty. I still hate HER. I don't know what she did to him but how can he feel so strongly about someone else and have NO feelings for me? how can he yell at me and shove me away?

[whichwayisup]

I just want to give you a huge hug and tell you that you're going to be okay. AND, that none of this is your fault.

 

To put it blunty, your H is a cruel selfish pr,ick and nothing you do or say will change that. You didn't do anything wrong to make him fall for someone else. He did that all on his own.

 

Sweetie, you NEED to go talk to somebody, a professional who can help you cope with this.

 

I know you're scared and this man was your life. He turned your life and everything you know and love, your safety, upside down. It's gone.. As painful as it is, there's nothing you can do to change this. Except.>Get help. Keep posting, we're all going to help you but you need to try to not force yourself on him, make him 'listen' to you. You're making this worse on yourself.

 

I believe you're ALOT stronger than you realize, it's just right now he knocked you down and hurt you so badly. Get back up, find your 'ego and pride' and don't give HIM that satisifaction of seeing you like this. You have to try your best to stay calm and not engage in conversations with him.. He isn't going to listen to you, he is NOT the man you married.

 

Sorry you're hurting. I hope you consider some of what I said.. Hugs.

[dreamingoftigers]

i am back to post- i know your all going to be disapointed in me once again-

 

(Don't be so bloody worried about US)

 

I don't know what is wrong with me. I truly feel like if he leaves my life is over. i have nothing.

 

(You feelings are valid, but there is a good chance that this isn't true. That being the case though, the way you have been acting will guarantee his departure, the only way to give yourself and your marriage a chance is to be counter-intuitive and give the man exactly what he asks for, for you to be happy, healthy and his to get his "freedom." You act as if you are moving on happily. It is called a 180. At this point he holds all of the power cards because he can predict exactly what you will do and how he will react. He keeps guessing that you will act obsessive and depressed, he is right. As long as you do this, the dynamic stays the same. The second you stop, you break the cycle.

 

Bluntly he doesn't really know what he wants. He wants to feel better and that means being away from the stimulus that makes him feel ****ty about himself (i.e. you being histrionic freaky). It isn't right, it isn't fair, but he doesn't play right or fair. So you have to give him what he thinks he wants. As soon as he gets it, he won't know what to do with it.

 

You are so overfunctioning in this marriage that you are the only one in it! Take a step back and take care of your own emotional functioning. Then he might have to step in to function in the marriage to test the boundaries (i.e. step up the ******* behaviour to test the crap out of you, like a dog sniffing at something). That's when you don't cave.

 

He will at some point become curious as to what the Hell is going on with you. Men are hunters, they tend to run the other way when something comes running out of the woods after them. So what do you think you look like right now? A sweet little deer hopping through the meadows. Or the crazy deer, with the messed up disease that has some messed up form of rabies that eats testicles charging out of the woods after him?

 

I don't understand what i did so wrong to make him have no feelings toward me.

 

The guy can't have feelings for you, you have all the feelings venting all over the place! Q U I T I T!

 

this morning he was home and he was getting ready to leave for work. i was laying in bed and i asked him to come in the room (he sleeps in the other room) he asked what was wrong and when he came in I told him to sit down. he did and I grabbed him and tried to pull him down on top of me to kiss him. I wanted to seduce him. I know.. I know.. I just thought if we could have sex he would see what he is missing. I AM still his wife after all. He pushed me away from him so hard like i was discusting. and then he yelled at me to leave him alone. and kept saying, no why don't you get it we are never doing that again.. I started crying of course and kept asking why he has no feelings for me anymore. How can someone totally lose all feelings for their spouse in a mere few months?

 

See 'deer and testicles' example above.

 

After he left I did some snooping and i found an email he wrote HER and it devestates me. just a few days ago he told her she is the love of his life, that he has NEVER felt anything even close to this strong of love for anyone before. Told he he feels like he can't breathe without her. that he is physically ill when he can't be with her. said "you are my everything and I am so lucky to have you in my life." he talks about how she is the best thing that ever happened to him.

 

And she would be the one hopping through the meadow, far away, not smothering the **** out of him. As much as it is bull**** to have another woman with your man. Learn from it. She is not waiting for him, she's not begging for him to sleep with her. She is probably not taking any of his ****. So who is getting it all? The crazy testicle-eating deer who is running out of the woods lapping it up! Think that mental image is gross? Me too, him too. Stop it.

 

I threw up after reading that. How can he feel so strongly about her?? they barely know eachother and he thinks she is the best of everything and he never dreamed he could ever have anyone like her. how can he say he's never loved anyone as much as he loves her?? HOW? I just feel empty. I still hate HER. I don't know what she did to him but how can he feel so strongly about someone else and have NO feelings for me? how can he yell at me and shove me away?

 

My God Lexi's Aunt!

 

I want to yell at you because you aren't listening to anyone! It seems as though you have a need to be yelled at! See a therapist before all of the posts on this thread become typed in capital letters.

 

Contact the Amen Clinic and see if they might be able to help you get unstuck, the have a lot of books on that.

 

Read about co-dependency, seriously.

 

And furthermore, you got FIRED FROM CRYING YESTERDAY! QUIT SHOWING UP TO CRYING! CRYING CLEARED OUT YOUR DESK!

 

I say this with love.

[BB07]

lexie29 said...... i am back to post- i know your all going to be disapointed in me once again- i don't know what is wrong with me. I truly feel like if he leaves my life is over. i have nothing.

 

You have yourself.......and you are worth so much more than how you are crushing yourself. Take at least some of the advice you've been given. Do you work outside the home? Do you have any hobbies? Do you have friends? Do you have interests? Do you exercise? Do you go to church? Get off your duff and do some of these things.

 

 

I don't understand what i did so wrong to make him have no feelings toward me.

 

People have been telling you and telling you, it has NOTHING to do with you. Whatever IT is, is inside your broken husband. You CAN NOT fix it or him. You've got to let go......for your own sanity.

 

this morning he was home and he was getting ready to leave for work. i was laying in bed and i asked him to come in the room (he sleeps in the other room) he asked what was wrong and when he came in I told him to sit down. he did and I grabbed him and tried to pull him down on top of me to kiss him. I wanted to seduce him. I know.. I know.. I just thought if we could have sex he would see what he is missing.

 

Sorry that this is going to sound harsh but you aren't getting it otherwise. Doing stuff like the above makes you look weak, needy, and pathetic and it has the complete opposite effect on your husband of making him want you. If there is some small chance of things working out, you are only driving him further away. Men do not respect a woman who is acting as you are acting. Without respect there isn't a prayer.

 

I AM still his wife after all. He pushed me away from him so hard like i was discusting. and then he yelled at me to leave him alone. and kept saying, no why don't you get it we are never doing that again.. I started crying of course and kept asking why he has no feelings for me anymore. How can someone totally lose all feelings for their spouse in a mere few months?

 

Hon......he is telling you loud and clear, listen to what he says even though you don't want to hear it. Right now and maybe forever he is DONE. People fall in love fast, people fall out of love fast.....sad but true and no I don't know if he really loves her, it doesn't matter because he is telling you loud and clear that he is done with the marriage right now.

 

After he left I did some snooping and i found an email he wrote HER and it devestates me. just a few days ago he told her she is the love of his life, that he has NEVER felt anything even close to this strong of love for anyone before. Told he he feels like he can't breathe without her. that he is physically ill when he can't be with her. said "you are my everything and I am so lucky to have you in my life." he talks about how she is the best thing that ever happened to him.

I threw up after reading that. How can he feel so strongly about her?? they barely know eachother and he thinks she is the best of everything and he never dreamed he could ever have anyone like her. how can he say he's never loved anyone as much as he loves her?? HOW? I just feel empty. I still hate HER. I don't know what she did to him but how can he feel so strongly about someone else and have NO feelings for me? how can he yell at me and shove me away?

 

For pete's sake.........she didn't chain him up, put the blame where it belongs, ON YOUR HUSBAND.

 

Let him go Lexi's Aunt........he will be sorry some day and he will have to face what he has done but you can't make him stay and you can't heal while clinging on to nothing. Pick your self up on off the floor, get your pride and your dignity back and get living or else just go ahead and check yourself into the loony bin now. It's your choice.

[thomasb]

This is all just getting to cliche to me. It can't be for real.

[greengoddess]

This is all just getting to cliche to me. It can't be for real.

 

 

I agree. Cliche as in how certain people expect a bw to act.

 

If this is real lexi I don't get it.

 

Why do you want a man who has told you over and over again he is in love with someone else.

 

STO ALREADY. Go to a lawyer and hand the cheating ass divorce papers. Stop interacting with him at all. It just makes you appear weak. Men don't like weak women.

[lizwashere]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]The OP’s level of desperation and denial really has no bounds – as long as she believes that she can somehow magically fix her husband and make him love her again she will never move on and heal herself. You would think that as this point her basic sense of self-preservation would kick in and stop her from degrading and humiliating herself.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]While sad, I think the OP’s situation is an example of a woman whose very existence and identity revolves around being married and being this man’s wife, which would explain why she can’t let go. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[Snowflower]

 

After he left I did some snooping and i found an email he wrote HER and it devestates me. just a few days ago he told her she is the love of his life, that he has NEVER felt anything even close to this strong of love for anyone before. Told he he feels like he can't breathe without her. that he is physically ill when he can't be with her. said "you are my everything and I am so lucky to have you in my life." he talks about how she is the best thing that ever happened to him.

 

A question for you, Lexi's aunt...why in the world are you focusing on the feelings of love your H has for the OW?

 

If you could explain this, I think it would help you!

[KikiW]

This is all just getting to cliche to me. It can't be for real.

 

If it weren't for the fact that the person posting is from an established account, I would too.

 

OP. REALLY. YOU HAVE TO STOP YOUR BEHAVIOR.

 

You act like your life is over if he leaves. What would have happened if he had a heart attack and died? Would you roll over and die too because without him you are nothing? Some people do that, I suppose, but what a waste of life being so attached to someone else that you are no longer your own person and you depend on them to make you one.

 

Your husband is done with the marriage. We told you it was likely he had another way of communicating with her, and we were right. No amount of begging, pleading or attempts at seduction is going to make him your husband again. Right now hes just the guy your legally married to. He's done, and if nothing else I will give him props for NOT giving you mixed signals about that. You are just choosing to over-examine every action or word he utters for a glimmer of hope.

 

You have GOT to re-discover your own identity and stop equating being without him as being nothing. Presumably you ARE Lexi's aunt, which means you have family. Family count as having something. Pull yourself together woman, you MUST take steps to secure your own future and stop making your future dependent on another person.

[greengoddess]

If it weren't for the fact that the person posting is from an established account, I would too.

 

 

Yea but lexi has not posted from her account since '09 so who knows what has happened to lexi since then. Maybe she dumped the selfish fiance and got involved with a married man.

 

Lexi you out there????

 

 

Lexi's aunt please please get help. Your behavior is not very becoming and has to be driving him even farther away.

[lexi29]

I woke up this morning and felt something new- maybe its numb. I didn't bother him before I went to work. He was sleeping on the couch. I just looked at him like I don't recognize him. Where in the hell did my husband go? I do have family and a very close friend. But I can't spend 24 hours a day with them. And being around people makes me feel worse. I know I took my husband for granted. I didn't make him feel needed etc. I just thought he would always be there. Every day for the majority of my life I would come home and I knew he was always there or would come home shortly afterward. He gave up a hobby that he'd had for 20 years last year so we could spend more time together and I didn't give him anymore time. Instead I enrolled in school and hardly ever saw him. THAT is why I blame myself. He used to do so much for me and I just took it all for granted. I just thought that was the way marriage was and I never told him I appreciated him. I didn't even think about it.

 

I KNOW I can give him all that now and that is why I'm holding on so tightly. I am terrified to be alone. I don't know how I can function. I am panicking at the thought of him not being there. He says we can be friends and that he will always be a phone call away if I had an emergency. But how can one go from loving you to just being your friend? I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. He told me he was no longer talking to HER and I find out he's still professing his love to her. Why is he still lying to me after I told him I forgive him. I know.. I don't get it. I'm sorry. All I can focus on is that he wants to leave me and I will be alone. He's trying to talk me into going to see a doctor or talk to someone and I know I need to I'm just afraid to go. My life has been turned completely upside down and I can't catch my breath. I NEVER thought my husband would cheat on me. He's not the type of man to do that and I was always secure in that thought.

[bentnotbroken]

I woke up this morning and felt something new- maybe its numb. I didn't bother him before I went to work. He was sleeping on the couch. I just looked at him like I don't recognize him. Where in the hell did my husband go? I do have family and a very close friend. But I can't spend 24 hours a day with them. And being around people makes me feel worse. I know I took my husband for granted. I didn't make him feel needed etc. I just thought he would always be there. Every day for the majority of my life I would come home and I knew he was always there or would come home shortly afterward. He gave up a hobby that he'd had for 20 years last year so we could spend more time together and I didn't give him anymore time. Instead I enrolled in school and hardly ever saw him. THAT is why I blame myself. He used to do so much for me and I just took it all for granted. I just thought that was the way marriage was and I never told him I appreciated him. I didn't even think about it.

 

I KNOW I can give him all that now and that is why I'm holding on so tightly. I am terrified to be alone. I don't know how I can function. I am panicking at the thought of him not being there. He says we can be friends and that he will always be a phone call away if I had an emergency. But how can one go from loving you to just being your friend? I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. He told me he was no longer talking to HER and I find out he's still professing his love to her. Why is he still lying to me after I told him I forgive him. I know.. I don't get it. I'm sorry. All I can focus on is that he wants to leave me and I will be alone. He's trying to talk me into going to see a doctor or talk to someone and I know I need to I'm just afraid to go. My life has been turned completely upside down and I can't catch my breath. I NEVER thought my husband would cheat on me. He's not the type of man to do that and I was always secure in that thought.

 

 

This will be my last post to you. F=that bull. He is treating you like dirt and you are saying kick some more sand in my face. :sick:He isn't your friend. Do you have friends that will treat you like a pile of steaming doggy doo? With friends like that who needs enemies? You must want something better for yourself in order to get it. You don't. You want that pile of nothing but a waste of human skin. You want to "make" him love you. FYI, WE can't make people love us. WE can't make people be decent humans. WE can't make a man out of a dung. But we can decide how we will be treated by others. WE can decide what we will accept. WE can decide when we will love ourselves and stand up for ourselves...because only WE can.

[greengoddess]

OMG STOP NOW. It is not your fault he is cheating. It is not because you took him for granted. PLEASE don't buy into that bull. He could talk to you not cheat.

 

This is ridiculous. YOUR FRIEND??? Friends do not do this to one another. Friends do not LIE to each other. He is not your friend. Do not allow him to think all is well and you will remain friends.

[greengoddess]

what does your niece think about this?????? Is she helping you??? Why isn't your family there making you throw his ass out?

[dreamingoftigers]

Well good Lexi's aunt,

 

It sounds like you haven't showed up to crying today, don't show up for it this afternoon.

 

Your husband is going to lie about the OW because you already said that you wanted to hurt her. Of course he isn't going to tell you about his stuff with her, furthermore a lot if the appeal of an affair is the secrecy and mystery. He also doesn't consider you someone he wants to share things with.

 

Furthermore he isn't about to give you more ammo to go off of your nut and cry and wail etc etc.

 

I can't emphasize this enough IT IS YOUR BEHAVIOUR AT THIS POINT THAT IS TIPPING THE BALANCE THE OTHER WAY.

 

If you were to cool it, at least some of the nutso tension would disappear and then he couldn't look at you as the continued cause for his issues, he would actually have to look at his own part in it. He can't do that as long as you have his nuts in a vice grip. He'll just be too focused on trying to get his nuts out if the vice grip. Stop clinging or he's going to get his nuts out if that grip and run away with no looking back.

[jthorne]

I think the OP really needs more help than what LS can provide. I hope she seeks some professional help.

[BB07]

I woke up this morning and felt something new- maybe its numb. I didn't bother him before I went to work. He was sleeping on the couch. I just looked at him like I don't recognize him. Where in the hell did my husband go? I do have family and a very close friend. But I can't spend 24 hours a day with them. And being around people makes me feel worse. I know I took my husband for granted. I didn't make him feel needed etc. I just thought he would always be there. Every day for the majority of my life I would come home and I knew he was always there or would come home shortly afterward. He gave up a hobby that he'd had for 20 years last year so we could spend more time together and I didn't give him anymore time. Instead I enrolled in school and hardly ever saw him. THAT is why I blame myself. He used to do so much for me and I just took it all for granted. I just thought that was the way marriage was and I never told him I appreciated him. I didn't even think about it.

 

I KNOW I can give him all that now and that is why I'm holding on so tightly. I am terrified to be alone. I don't know how I can function. I am panicking at the thought of him not being there. He says we can be friends and that he will always be a phone call away if I had an emergency. But how can one go from loving you to just being your friend? I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. He told me he was no longer talking to HER and I find out he's still professing his love to her. Why is he still lying to me after I told him I forgive him. I know.. I don't get it. I'm sorry. All I can focus on is that he wants to leave me and I will be alone. He's trying to talk me into going to see a doctor or talk to someone and I know I need to I'm just afraid to go. My life has been turned completely upside down and I can't catch my breath. I NEVER thought my husband would cheat on me. He's not the type of man to do that and I was always secure in that thought.

 

For pete's sake..........stop blaming what you did or didn't do for the cheating part of it. You think if you had been the perfect woman or that you can be now, he will love you again. Delusional thinking!

Get some professional help in sorting out where the blame lies and it isn't on you. A good pro will help you see that.

 

Oh and he tells you he will be your friend to try to make himself feel a little bit better, it's BS and he is lying to himself about it. AND.......when you pull your head out of his arse, that last thing you will want is for him to be your "friend."

 

He IS that type of man and he WAS that type of man many years ago and you denied it then and you are denying it now. Get help in accepting the reality and the truth of who he really is. When you accept and stop denying you are going to be mad as hell and you are going to need help getting through that, (you will have murderous rage) so start that professional help now. You can do this.........one step at a time and with help, so get help NOW.

[KikiW]

This is me about to be a huge biotch in an effort to help you get out of where you are...

 

At this point it sounds to me like you don't so much fear losing the man you have desperately loved, it seems you just want someone in the house with you. You don't want to sleep in an empty house.

 

Get a roommate.

 

Tell him to get out, get yourself a lawyer to make sure you get everything you are entitled to, get a pet, and get a roommate.

[dreamingoftigers]

DO ONE SMALL THING FOR YOURSELF THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE HIM TODAY. ONE SMALL THING THAT YOU LIKE THAT IS STRICTLY FOR YOURSELF ONE SMALL THING AND POST IT UP.

 

:love:I say this with love:love:

[bestrong999]

"I know I took my husband for granted. I didn't make him feel needed etc. I just thought he would always be there. Every day for the majority of my life I would come home and I knew he was always there or would come home shortly afterward. He gave up a hobby that he'd had for 20 years last year so we could spend more time together and I didn't give him anymore time. Instead I enrolled in school and hardly ever saw him. THAT is why I blame myself. He used to do so much for me and I just took it all for granted. I just thought that was the way marriage was and I never told him I appreciated him. I didn't even think about it."

 

 

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Lex, I registered because of you, I was in your situation 10 months ago. I know my husband since high school (together 20 year and married for 16 years, no kid). I went back to school during 2009. His affair was started sometime 2009. I thought our marriage was VERY GOOD. I trust him with all my heart until he moved everything when I came home after work. He told me he met someone at work, he has no feeling for me, we can be friend, you can call me if you need me, but I have to leave and I don’t love you anymore. He told me his affair started 4 months ago and later I found out it was almost a year. I begged him to move back, I told him if he not comes back, I will kill myself. He moved back couple weeks later, but still seeing her and contacting her. Our relationship won’t improve until she got fired (I talked to his supervisor about their affair. But they are still keeping in contact, he told me he went NC, but he lied to me and to her too. There are tons of lied after Dday, I saw their email, text massages, tons of lies ….[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]After he came home, I ask GOD to help me to become a BETTER person and BETTER wife, and be PATIENT. Just do what a best wife has to do, I clean the house, I cook whatever he wants, do whatever he likes. (I told myself, I will try my best to save my marriage and give myself 3monts to see whether it worth to do then extend to 6 months when he treats me better). You need to CHANGE too, just do it for yourself, not for him. I know it is very hard and especially not to ask WHY, but it won’t help during the 1st few months, when the time comes, he will tell you, you can’t force him to tell and even he told you it still a LIE. Of course, we fought, but from my experience, it is better to keep low. I know it is very hard and it is very UNFAIR, but if you choose to stay, you can’t argue with him every day. When you feel weak, talk to your friends, pray to GOD and ask him to help you and help him and help your marriage or cry loud. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]He sees your pain, but the feeling of the OW over than your pain, he knows your pain, but you’re not his priority now and you need to accept that, if you keep asking HOW and WHY, it won’t help you and your marriage at this moment or you may never know WHY. When he touches the OW, he is not the same person you married anymore. He changed, you need to accept that. Ask yourself, whether you still want him after what he done to you. If yes, give yourself a timeline to see whether your relationship is improving after what you have done, may be several months later, you want out too, who know, only time can tell and heal. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Other BS may think I am weak; everyone’s has different ways to handle their problems. I just want to share how God helps my marriage and hopefully my experience could help you since your situation very similar to mine. He was a good husband before it. But what he did is WRONG, that’s why I am giving us another chance. I don’t know whether we will go separately one day, but I believe in GOD’s and he will guide me through. [/sIZE][/FONT]

((hug))

[greengoddess]

something interesting bestrong. You and lexi had both recently gone back to school. Do you both think that subconciously you knew something was wrong and knew he was leaving so felt you needed to educate yourself more to support your family on your own?

[BB07]

bestrong..........if you don't mind I'm curious to know, did you kick him out or did you remain in the same house with him?

[2sure]

The OW has very little to do with your H's engaging in an affair. If it were not her, it would be someone else. He wants out. More than he wants her..he wants out of the marriage. She is so unimportant that he is happily willing to live with you as long as he can still have a gf. If she loved him and he loved her....that would not be on the table.

 

Your begging and behaving like a nutjob is not going to make him want to stay.

 

Lawyer UP. You have been married 20 years. The financial offerings he is making you are nothing. When he realizes the real results of the divorce will not be what he thinks....

 

He will want to reconcile. Dont.

 

I would have to add that I have never before heard if a BS begging their WS to such an extent. To stay or to have sex. I have never heard of a BS who blames OW to such an exclusive extent.

[Hanther]

I woke up this morning and felt something new- maybe its numb. I didn't bother him before I went to work. He was sleeping on the couch. I just looked at him like I don't recognize him. Where in the hell did my husband go? I do have family and a very close friend. But I can't spend 24 hours a day with them. And being around people makes me feel worse. I know I took my husband for granted. I didn't make him feel needed etc. I just thought he would always be there. Every day for the majority of my life I would come home and I knew he was always there or would come home shortly afterward. He gave up a hobby that he'd had for 20 years last year so we could spend more time together and I didn't give him anymore time. Instead I enrolled in school and hardly ever saw him. THAT is why I blame myself. He used to do so much for me and I just took it all for granted. I just thought that was the way marriage was and I never told him I appreciated him. I didn't even think about it.

 

I KNOW I can give him all that now and that is why I'm holding on so tightly. I am terrified to be alone. I don't know how I can function. I am panicking at the thought of him not being there. He says we can be friends and that he will always be a phone call away if I had an emergency. But how can one go from loving you to just being your friend? I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. He told me he was no longer talking to HER and I find out he's still professing his love to her. Why is he still lying to me after I told him I forgive him. I know.. I don't get it. I'm sorry. All I can focus on is that he wants to leave me and I will be alone. He's trying to talk me into going to see a doctor or talk to someone and I know I need to I'm just afraid to go. My life has been turned completely upside down and I can't catch my breath. I NEVER thought my husband would cheat on me. He's not the type of man to do that and I was always secure in that thought.

 

This will also be my last post to you.

 

Do you understand what everyone here is saying? Because we TOTALLY get what you are saying. Many of these people have been in your exact same shoes. You don't have to keep repeating how devastated you feel. We ALL know it. We're trying to help you get over it. I'm going to be harsh here, but not nearly as harsh as I feel like I should be:

 

If there was ANY part of your husband that wanted to stay with you, YOU HAVE KILLED IT BY YOUR ACTIONS following his affair. So now, all that is left for you to do is move on without him. I'll repeat:

 

If there was ANY chance of saving your marriage, you have already ruined it.

 

MOVE ON!!