Author silvermane187 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Eh it's not that bad today. I'll take mildly angry and bitter over where I was yesterday anytime. As for girls...I'm not sure. I think if the right one in a million girl came along I might be open to anything. I highly doubt that will happen anytime soon though. I have no where to meet girls in my day to day life and I have no motivation to go chasing girls. If I see a hot girl I'll have the typical male reaction of checking them out and wanting to take them to a cheap hotel and ravage them, but a relationship? Bleh. I'm way too cynical to be in a relationship anytime soon.
giveittofate Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 that's a wise way too look at things man...sooo many people try and find that quick fix or rebound without having their own mind right..and that leads to nothing but chaos and bottled up emotions...once you're cured from this chaos and hell then you'll be better than ever to start a new "healthy" relationship...let's just hope we can experience love again before 2012...thats when the world ends right?...i want atleast one more crack at it.
Author silvermane187 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Hey fate, I wouldn't call myself wise, I just never meet any attractive girls. Plus the fact that the average person is a complete ****ing idiot may make my attitude seem wise. The only girl that has shown interest in me was an old friend that I don't find attractive. She asked me how I would have responded if she made a move on me, and to spare her feelings I gave her the old "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line. If she was 10-15 pounds lighter and didn't smoke like a chimney I would have gotten a FWB situation going on. The past few days I've been thinking about what my ex is doing now that she's done university. I try to distract myself but it doesn't always work. I used to think we would be moving in together right around now. We talked about how I would get a job downtown and find a nice place. We even stood otuside the office I work in now on multiple occasions and talked about how nice it would be if I worked in there. The entire order of my life is ****ed up. The good times could have been more frequent and the break up could have been so much easier. Ugh.
Author silvermane187 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 I've been losing too much sleep thinking about her lately. It sucks, I was sleeping fine for months and now all of a sudden I toss and turn for an hour the past few nights. I guess that's just a normal part of processing it. I wish it would pass already, I hate feeling like a zombie all week. On top of that my knee is bothering me again. I haven't gone to the gym since monday and will probably take next week off as well. That might be why I haven't been able to sleep. That's my daily bitch rant.
ccfan Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) Hey Guys, I´m confident that by 2012 we will all be healed and the hell we went thru will be just a memory, like my friend said: it´s inevitable to heal (if he´s fine today and even refused the girl when she came back, anyone can be fine). One thing you guys were talking about was so right and i never really noticed it: that we are constantly thinking about "one year ago" so every holiday, birthday, and special ocation we instantly think that last year we were withh the exes... realizing that this is an issue was a very smart move, i´ll pay more attention from now on when i think about last year.... silver: have you tried any over the counter or even prescribed medication to fall asleep?? i´ve had always problems sleeping so i know the feeling, i use tylenols simply sleep and it does the trick. In here a little better, maybe is the anti depressant, don´t know yet, but i finally can see how many beautiful nice girls are all over the place and how my ex was not that hot or special... , i´ve been going out here and there with a couple girls and just wish that i won´t be sucked in the depression hole again... hopefully not.... stay strong guys Edited April 29, 2011 by ccfan
Author silvermane187 Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) hey ccfan, I'm not very keen on trying sleeping medication. I used to have pretty bad insomnia in my teens, so the last thing I want is to become dependent on medication. I used smoke weed before bed and that always helped. I would sooner start smoking again than start popping pills. Anyway, my knee is feeling a bit better today so hopefully I can get back in to my exercise routine next week and that will knock my sleeping problems out. Good to hear you're dating again. Take full advantage of your rock star status! Last night I had a dream that I was yelling at myself for posting whiney bitching messages on here all the time. So from now on I'll try to remain positive. For example, over the past few days I've been listening to a lot of sad songs that made me break down a few months ago to test my progress. They haven't been affecting me anywhere nearly as bad as they used to. I can just enjoy the mellowness and chill for the most part. One or two songs would trigger some memories that felt ilke a punch to the gut, but progress is progress. Edited April 29, 2011 by silvermane187
ccfan Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your words silver, Well.. you got me there, I am almost totally dependent (much more as of lately) of sleeping pills and that´s a hassle, the only time i can let go of them is when i´m on vacation... but now much more than ever i need them to sleep. With the songs, i don´t know if this happens to you, but i had three or so song that i used to listen all the time right after she dumped me, they weren´t "our songs" but mostly mine to help cope... right now when i listen to it i feel kind of down and i realize it is because they take me back to those days, so sadly i´ll have to stop listening to them for a good while. As for dating, i´m kind of going out here and there, but honestly, i haven´t found anyone that i really think i could have a future and i´m still very cautious about girls, i´m sure there are so many great girls out there, but i still feel i cannot trust them that much... so i guess i´m still in the hole, but just a little better than before. Also, everytime that i go out with a girl that i don´t really like just for te sake of it, the next day i feel worse and memories of my ex seem to be amplified so we have to be careful not to date just for the sake of it, it´s better to do it if we really like the girl, otherwise it´s like shooting ourselves in the foot. Tonight i have a "blind date" that a good riend of mine set me up with, but i ended seeing the girls pics in fb and she is not my tipe, but still i´ll do it and try to have a good time... the dating thing can be a hassle sometimes! Edited April 29, 2011 by ccfan
Author silvermane187 Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Damn facebook, ruining the magic of seeing your blind date's ugly mug for the first time in person. :laugh:
ccfan Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Damn facebook, ruining the magic of seeing your blind date's ugly mug for the first time in person. :laugh: You don´t know how hard i laughed at this !!!!!!!! indeed it ruined the magic of my dissapointed face!!!
Author silvermane187 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 coexist, Yea, sometimes I think i should have said "have fun while you can, it's only a matter of time until you end up alone in your 40s just like your mother." Oh well. I got 12 hours sleep last night. Feels pretty damn good.
giveittofate Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 you guys have no idea how many times towards the end I had to bite my tongue and not say "have fun ending up like your mom with 3 divorces by 38, because when times get tough you guys turn into cold bitches instead of working on the problem"...that was insanely hard to not tell her off with that, but like I said before I believe they'll get theirs and leaving with respect will make them realize one day what they f*cked up congrats on the sleep man
Author silvermane187 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) I don't know, sometimes I still feel guilty for just calling her an idiot and telling her to go **** herself. If I said something worse I would just feel bad. A funny thing happened last night. I was watching a show on HBO and there was a scene where the two main characters are walking down a street on a date. It reminded me of the last date me and my ex went on. Five seconds after I had that thought they walked past an art gallery 5 minutes from my ex's apartment. They actually filmed it on the street my ex lives on. What are the chances? It didn't really bother me at the time but I woke up this morning thinking about the last few days we spent together and haven't been able to shake the feeling yet. Edited May 2, 2011 by silvermane187
TazoCoffee Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) haha silvermane187, honestly, i wish i told my ex that hes a freaken idiot and to go f*** himself but i was too darn nice and naive at that time. i believed everything he said, i thought everything he told me in the breakup was genuine. All i told him on our last conversations is how great he is and etc (that was about 1 month after breakup). i really think his ego IS out of the roof b/c of me, -.- i fed his ego to the max. he loved it... all i did was apologize for my faults (even though i don't have any but at that time i thought i did because i felt bad). i thought it was me that messed up but in the end, it wasnt me. he's the one that cheated on me. why should i be sorry if hes the one that cheated? =.= errr never again. now i wish i could have told him off and say mean things to him b/c he deserves it but im not going to bc i know ill regret it. i REALLY wish i had the courage and wouldnt feel bad if i told him to go f*** himself sometimes and to GROW SOME BALLS!! hehe Edited May 2, 2011 by TazoCoffee
Author silvermane187 Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Thanks Tazo, it's good to hear that somebody thinks I did the right thing.
Author silvermane187 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 I'm feeling really nostalgic today for no specific reason. Doing a lot better than I was a month ago though. It's weird, I'm finally having a semi detached sort of nostalgia. Other than that, same **** different day.
Author silvermane187 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) Today is 6 months since the break up. I feel a LOT better than I did at 5 months. I still have a long way to go but the weight on my shoulders is much lighter most of the time. I still have the sliver of hope that one day down the line we will start from scratch and everything will be good again. Not logical at all but it is what it is. I look forward to the day where I never want to see or hear from her again. Oh I almost forgot to mention that I THOUGHT I saw her waiting at the bus stop beside my office on my way home. Whoever it was was too far away to be sure, and was wearing sunglasses. I stopped in my tracks and was tempted to walk over and check who it was but I just walked underground to the subway and went home instead. I didn't get that heart sinking feeling at all when I thought it was her, unlike when I would see her FB pictures a couple motnhs ago...progress. Edited May 5, 2011 by silvermane187
Author silvermane187 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 So I was browsing FB last night and guess who unblocked me? Yup. I have no urge to contact her this time. It's not consuming my thoughts like it did the first time she unblocked me 2 months ago. I'm just curious why she suddenly decided to unblock me again. Last time this thought took over my brain and I ended up breaking NC like a moron. This time I will just put the question to you fine folks. Why on earth would she randomly unblock me if she wasn't going to message me or anything? Maybe it's just a way for her to ease her guilt? Maybe she's fishing for another message from me? Maybe she put no thought in to it at all? Last time she fed me the bull**** line about wanting to "return to normalcy". There's no way for me to know, but I'd appriciate some outside thoughts. Besides that I've been feeling pretty good lately. The lows are less mild and not as frequent as they were last month. After I saw her FB profile picture I went to sleep without any trouble. I'm going out with some friends tonight and should have a good time. I'll be passing by my ex's apartment again and I know it won't bother me nearly as much as it did last time. How is everybody else doing?
ccfan Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) So I was browsing FB last night and guess who unblocked me? Yup. I have no urge to contact her this time. It's not consuming my thoughts like it did the first time she unblocked me 2 months ago. I'm just curious why she suddenly decided to unblock me again. Last time this thought took over my brain and I ended up breaking NC like a moron. This time I will just put the question to you fine folks. Why on earth would she randomly unblock me if she wasn't going to message me or anything? Maybe it's just a way for her to ease her guilt? Maybe she's fishing for another message from me? Maybe she put no thought in to it at all? Last time she fed me the bull**** line about wanting to "return to normalcy". There's no way for me to know, but I'd appriciate some outside thoughts. Besides that I've been feeling pretty good lately. The lows are less mild and not as frequent as they were last month. After I saw her FB profile picture I went to sleep without any trouble. I'm going out with some friends tonight and should have a good time. I'll be passing by my ex's apartment again and I know it won't bother me nearly as much as it did last time. How is everybody else doing? Hey silver, Happy to see that you are moving forward brother... like my friend said it´s innevitable to get heal, glad to hear you are crawling your way out of the hole as we all are trying. How´s everyone else doing?? giveittofaith give us a report on your status! As far as the FB unblocking could be many things but the most probable one, at least in my opinion, is that she´s testing the waters to see if you make any tipe of contact, hence, her validating if she still has power over you. At this point you have to deeply think if you are 100% done with her or if you want to get back with her, my autoadvise to you, and me and everyone that has posted on this thread is not to go back with these particular exes at all as they have prooven to be selfish, unreliable, shallow people and chances are that if a reconciliation happens, they eventually will do the same things to us again. Even if it doesn´t bother you (congratulations on that btw!) DO NOT go around checking her facebook or finding out any info on her, because sooner or later you´ll see something that you won´t like and that will set you back after all the progress you have achieved. As for me, as well feeling much better, that if of course if i don´t see or hear anything about her, if i do if does sets me back, but in general i´m doing so much better to the point of thinking about dating again seriously and believing that this time i´m out of the hell hole for good... i cannot be too sure as setbacks always come when one is least expecting it.. but definetely getting better. As for my family bringing news of her to me, i had to get really upset with them for a few days so now it seems that finally they got the message that i don´t want to hear any news about her or her tv show or whatever shes doing.. I think in a few months we will all be fine! Edited May 6, 2011 by ccfan
Author silvermane187 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Thanks guys At this point you have to deeply think if you are 100% done with her or if you want to get back at her, my autoadvise to you, and me and everyone that has posted on this thread is not to go back with these particular exes at all as they have prooven to be selfish, unreliable, shallow people and chances are that if a reconciliation happens, they eventually will do the same things to us again. That's a very interesting question. I don't think I'll ever shut the door 100%, but at the same time there's no way in hell I'll reach out to her ever again. I don't know what I would do if she came back saying she made a mistake. Chances are it will never happen, she is too stubborn to ever come crawling back to me. If she ever does I will cross that bridge when I get there. The last thing she said to me was "don't message me until you don't care if i respond". Too which I replied "well i'm never going to stop caring about you so have a nice life". With all that said, if you were to ask me simply "do you want her back?" I would say I'm not sure. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. If she said all the right things and was genuine I would probably give her another chance. Realistically that's not going to happen given her nature. If we did get back together I wouldn't be the fool who ignores all the red flags out of the nearly unconditional loyalty I had for her. By the way CC, how did your blind date with Shrek go? lol
Author silvermane187 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Well guess who I just ran into on my way to lunch. Yup. She was working in a kiosk in the middle of the mall where I eat lunch at sometimes. The kiosk was brand new beause I've never seen it before and I walk past that area at least once a week. First I saw the kiosk and thought about her because I know she works for that company. Then I saw her back turned to me talking to her old boss that used to always check her out. They were laughing and probably flirting. I just took a quick glace at her ass to make sure it was her and walked right past without making eye contact. No idea if she saw me. My heart sank and my pulse went up and my hands started shaking but I handled it alright. I went and had lunch thendecided I had to go back and say something. I didn't know what, I just knew I had to look her in the eyes or I would feel like a coward. I walked up from her side when she was dealing with a customer. She didn't see me until I gently sqeeuzed her side and she turned around. It went like this me: hey her: (surprised look for 2-3 seconds)...hiiiiii (in an awkward voice) me: small world huh her: give me one second (so she can get rid of the customer) A split second later I just walked away and didn't look back. I had a pretty big heart sinking feeling as I walked away and my knees felt weak, but it went away after 10-20 seconds. I finished an errand I had to run and now I'm back at work. So yea...small world huh... Edited May 6, 2011 by silvermane187
ccfan Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Wow man.... you just had a trial by fire... what did you talk to her in that split second? fill me in the whole conversation, looks like you handle it really well, how are you feeling now, it´s normal that you will feel off balance for a few days even, i know that i´m dreading the day i´ll bump into my ex, and i doubt i´ll be as brave as you... i´ll just run the other way if i have the chance. Now that you know about her new place of work, do not go there unless it´s really necesary, you don´t ned to see her or her boss at all. Back to your previous post. Me too. there´s no way i´m reaching to my ex, and like yours mine is too stubborn to admit that she made a mistake, for us to get back together it would take her to REALLY come back crawling, and since that is not going to happen i´m possitive that in my case it´s over for sure. Oh, and as for the Shrek date hehehe she wasn´t that bad as far as looks, definetely not photogenic thats for sure, but he was really stuck up, so i talked with her for a while and then said good bye, it wasn´t that bad but i´m not interested in that girl at all... on the other hand i´ve going out with this off the charts cute/hot 19 y/o that i met at a concert, since she so young for me i´m not expecting anything at all, but it´s nice to be going out with a girl that makes my ex look like a monster... not kidding this gal is a solid 10... hopefully i´ll run into my ex next time i´m with her... like i said i´m not Gandhi... write soon man, tell more about the encounter
Author silvermane187 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 I posted the whole conversation. That was it. 10 seconds then I walked away. I have a meeting with my boss now but I'll write more later.
Author silvermane187 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Well my meeting was quick. Wow man.... you just had a trial by fire... what did you talk to her in that split second? fill me in the whole conversation, looks like you handle it really well, how are you feeling now, it´s normal that you will feel off balance for a few days even, i know that i´m dreading the day i´ll bump into my ex, and i doubt i´ll be as brave as you... i´ll just run the other way if i have the chance. I feel really weird. I feel like I handled it as well as possible. I don't know what to think right now. I'm really confused. I had a brief 5 minute moment after I sat back down at my desk to feel sad, but now I'm feeling like I did before I saw her. Not bad. I can't stop thinking about the look on her face after she turned around and saw me. And the awkwardness in her voice. We were more comfortable around each other than we had ever been with anybody our entire lives before. Now it's like this. I don't know. It's going to take a while for me to process this. I'm surprised at the overal lack of emotion I've had in the last couple hours. Maybe I'm in shock? Maybe I'm more over her than I thought I was?
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