angelboots Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Some do, most dont.. I am very honest when i break up with some one.. i usually give them around a week to ask me all the whys, buts and what ifs but I stand my ground. I will be gently but firmly honest as to why its over, i will allow them to grieve "at" me, I know i like closure so I like to make sure I give people closure.. Usually it does mean at some point the ex's I break up with and I remain good friends in the future. Sadly I know quite a few people who never give their dumpees closure or they will allow rumours to circulate in a cowardly way to make it known to their ex that its over.. some have cheated but never confess that was the reason they left.. Stay strong MM4. You are healing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) some things I have learned the last 7-8 months: *marital vows mean nothing these days *when leaving someone its MUCH easier to blame them for EVERYTHING, absolves all guilt *when a woman no longer wants anything from you its ok to LIE about anything and everything from that point forward. as if you only need to be honest if you're together *having a child together means very little to some women *that its ok to try and keep a son from a father out of spite *that marriage is a BUSINESS arrangement to some women, if they can find a "better" business deal they'll break their vows and go where they think they'll benefit more. nevermind the fact its hurting their child *alot of people completely lack objectivity and simply pick sides, contrary to what the facts may be *NEVER ignore red flags!! they will come back to haunt you! *when someone says they're different from other women and they'll never hurt you or do you wrong, that means they aren't and they will! *its ok to move in with another man and have your son live there while you're still legally married *once you're separated and set on divorce, you must act like your spouse is invisible, do you best to push their buttons to get them to act crazy to build your case, and completely act like your marriage and the last 8yrs NEVER HAPPENED. She makes herself believe I never did any good for her during that time. That's PREPOSTEROUS. She did nothing but gain from being with me. I GOT NEXT TO NOTHING OUT OF IT. that should do it for now. Edited March 5, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 ok some things I learned about myself that I need to work on: *I hold on for dear life even when I know this person isn't right for me out of fear of being alone and so I can see my son every day. And I hated the idea of being divorced as well as the financial hole it will put me in. *when I feel someone is disrespecting me or taking advantage of me I tend to go on the attack instead of being CALM or smart about it. *I always stay in bad situations hoping they'll get better instead of being proactive and ending it on MY terms *I let this person get the best of me emotionally OVER and OVER. She knows just how to get to me and is TRYING to hurt me. I cannot allow her. I can't comprehend this behavior but this is what she is doing and will continue to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 thought of another one.. if your partner is incapable of communicating, empathy and being honest, your marriage is DOOMED from the start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 got further confirmation of what I already knew. hoped it would make me feel better, vindicated. instead I feel gutted. my family will never be again, ever. my son's biological parents will never be together. my dream of a happy, loving family is over, there is no going back. i'm tired of being in pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 i guess the good news is i dont have to look at the Second Chance forum anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 feeling better today.. had a great weekend with my son. slowly moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 feeling better today.. had a great weekend with my son. slowly moving forward. Excellent! See, you have to feed off the energy and REAL LOVE from your encounters with your son. Everything else is just bullsh*t and not worth your energy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) Excellent! See, you have to feed off the energy and REAL LOVE from your encounters with your son. Everything else is just bullsh*t and not worth your energy. yea, well I loved my wife and son equally.. I still have feelings for her though she has disrespected me like no other human being ever has. I don't know why. And we'll never be together again. Edited March 7, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm not angry right now. I'm really sad that we will never be together again. How could I not see this coming? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm really sad that we will never be together again. For your own sanity, do NOT deal in absolutes. Just deal in moment-to-moment, day-by-day. If you deal with The Big Picture and trying to figure out what-happened-when, you will make yourself crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 For your own sanity, do NOT deal in absolutes. Just deal in moment-to-moment, day-by-day. If you deal with The Big Picture and trying to figure out what-happened-when, you will make yourself crazy. really? i realize thinking "oh i should've done this, wish I didn't do this" thinking will make you nuts, but accepting we're done for good? Thats a pretty good possibility.. like 99.8%. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 really? i realize thinking "oh i should've done this, wish I didn't do this" thinking will make you nuts, but accepting we're done for good? Thats a pretty good possibility.. like 99.8%. I know, but what I mean is, if you dwell on "we're done for good", odds are you're going to vacillate. Just work on NOT thinking about her, period. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Good advice, Right now things are completely screwed here too. (We are in seperate cities and he has issues and so do I). What I have been occupying my time with is thinking about what I can do today to be responsible for myself and my daughter and making myself feel good about myself and happy. Just for today. Life is wonderful in the fact that today only lasts for a small increment of time and that I have the power each day to make "today" as wonderful as possible. Today I decided to get my home cleaned up because I had been neglecting it. This way my I take care of myself and my daughter, I feel better and things look nicer and it helps with all of the other areas in my life. Tomorrow will be easier to start working out again because there isn't a bunch of stuff lying around that I would stare at on the elliptical. What are you doing to make today the best day possible? What are you doing to take care of yourself and your son today? Those are your responsibilities for right now. Tell yourself that you can think about the other stuff after you have done your best to make the day good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Great advice as always from both of you.. exactly, I'm focused on myself and my son. I can honestly say as of today I have NO interest in talking to her at all for any reason and I doubt I ever will again. I deserve WAY better and I will NEVER settle again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 I'm so up and down.. one day I feel ok and look forward to the future, today has been a struggle. It feels like I'm slowly losing everything that meant anything to me. Some of my best friends are avoiding me now, things are not good at work, finances used to be in great shape and now everything is jacked up. I want to be positive but this is the reality. I'm getting murdered here. Even my parents are losing patience. All because of this failed marriage and my wife leaving. She couldn't be happier.. my life is in ruins. I never in a million years saw it going down like this. I just don't know what to do.. everything is a battle right now. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 It's like the destruction after the war, eventually places are rebuilt but it depends solely on the effort and strength of the builders, sure a city may never be the same again and the rubble looks overwhelming, in fact clearing away the rubble in itself is a huge effort, and all that is left for awhile is a big empty space, but little by little a city recovers it's potential and can grow into an even more beautiful place, with new plans and new goals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) that makes perfect sense.. why keep driving a car thats in terrible shape and always gives you problems when you can go get a new one I guess. again, the x factor is my son. i can't deal with seeing him 10 days a month, I miss him so much. its also incredibly painful that she'd rather have him around some random guy she's known less than a year rather than his real father who he loves as much as her. i couldn't imagine doing that to her. the last texts i sent her a few weeks ago were completely ignored. she's living with another man. we're divorcing for sure, and she doesn't miss me at all. why the hell am I still compelled to reach out to her and get rejected yet again? maybe I am crazy. of course her rebound she'll end up marrying I'm sure. obviously thats not my business, but seriously who moves in with another man 6mos out of an 8yr relationship/marriage?? and has our son live there too?? Edited March 11, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 some feedback would be great Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) I'm feeling compelled to let her mother know that I know she set me up and left for another guy, tried to get me out of the picture and take our son away from me, has lied the entire time, blamed everything on me, and that the fact I know she and my son are living with him illegally and I have evidence to prove it. And the fact she is committing adultery which is really frowned upon in this state. Someone tell I'm an idiot please. I have to play it cool. Edited March 11, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 (Dude, did you get my PM? Read it! Live it! :-) ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 (Dude, did you get my PM? Read it! Live it! :-) ) yea I got it.. believe me I'm trying. my insides are just hollowed out and I'm struggling so hard to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 yea I got it.. believe me I'm trying. my insides are just hollowed out and I'm struggling so hard to deal with this. I understand, believe me, I truly understand. I wish I could somehow send you some sort of magical elixir with the bit of confidence/optimism that I've been feeling to help heal you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 12, 2011 Author Share Posted March 12, 2011 yea, that would be great. well I got an unwanted surprise last night, I went to drop my son off, we had agreed that her mother would be the one to pick up/drop off because I want no contact with her at all going forward. show up and there is her car with her mom in the passenger seat. i get out of the car and I'm like "what are you doing here", obviously annoyed. She replied my mom said he got upset last time you dropped him off (yea, he was crying for an hour saying I want to stay with you dadas and her mom had to pry him off my neck when I was trying to hand him to her). I was like "thats not the agreement" and she said something about "i can pick up MY SON". I handed him off and got in my car as quickly as possible. She yelled my name asking for his karate outfit, I grabbed it and handed it to her mom and got the hell out of there. put me in a bad mood, I absolutely loathe this person now and I really have no interest in seeing her. Link to post Share on other sites
Newwaveofgoodtidings Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 yea, that would be great. well I got an unwanted surprise last night, I went to drop my son off, we had agreed that her mother would be the one to pick up/drop off because I want no contact with her at all going forward. show up and there is her car with her mom in the passenger seat. i get out of the car and I'm like "what are you doing here", obviously annoyed. She replied my mom said he got upset last time you dropped him off (yea, he was crying for an hour saying I want to stay with you dadas and her mom had to pry him off my neck when I was trying to hand him to her). I was like "thats not the agreement" and she said something about "i can pick up MY SON". I handed him off and got in my car as quickly as possible. She yelled my name asking for his karate outfit, I grabbed it and handed it to her mom and got the hell out of there. put me in a bad mood, I absolutely loathe this person now and I really have no interest in seeing her. Next time she violates the pickup agreement, take your son and go home. Link to post Share on other sites
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