Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 No, I don't wish any different. Sure you do. It's obvious. But, if I am going to make a comment to the original poster on her thread, and then to be called out as someone who is externally validating the OP based on ONE SINGLE COMMENT, with rolls eyed towards me, c'mon now... C'mon now yourself! In one breath you focused on how beautiful you think she is externally, and not one sentence later told her to focus on the internal. You're as inconsistent as she is in your reasoning.
CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Sure you do. It's obvious. C'mon now yourself! In one breath you focused on how beautiful you think she is externally, and not one sentence later told her to focus on the internal. You're as inconsistent as she is in your reasoning. Silly girl, if you only knew.
donnamaybe Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 She seems to think that showing any kind of confidence is wrong and it isn't wrong to be confidence, just don't be arrogant. I think once she instills this into her belief system, we'll see a totally different person.She has to be able to "feel" confident first. One can purposely try to show confidence, but until you can feel it (which means you don't even THINK about it really) it's a false front, and that won't help her.
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 She has to be able to "feel" confident first. One can purposely try to show confidence, but until you can feel it (which means you don't even THINK about it really) it's a false front, and that won't help her. I've been saying this to her for ages. Until she's genuinely happy, until she's genuinely confident and secure in her own skin, until she actually really digs herself (as much as Sphere digs her/himself, for example), she won't get anywhere in a relationship. This same pattern will just repeat itself. I've offered her tons of suggestions as to how she can do that for herself, as everyone has a different path to get there, but it always falls on deaf ears.
TooAccepting32 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Hey, I didn't go through the entire thread so sorry if I repeat anything... but I wanted to respond I'm proud that you are listening to what you want and don't want. Awesome. Sounds like you are taking an intelligent approach by not doing too much before you have enough information. yea meeting somewhere neutral does avoid the conversation. I've done that in the past and there's a lot of pressure on the woman to pace things just so, so that we don't "give the wrong impression". I find that stressful. I say if a girl makes out because she wanted to and he wanted to then that doesn't automatically mean she's teasing or leading him on. He'll live without sex just like we will live without sex. We're sexual creatures too. In my current situation it has been 2 mths, we've made out, and I've just levelled with him. I told him straight out that I like him a lot, I do desire him a lot, but that I do not want to have sex until I am ready and reach a certain emotional level of connection. I told him I like making out with him .. kissing etc... I told him where my limits are. I told him that if he wants to do that knowing sex isn't right around the corner, then I would like that too. I told him that if it is disturbing for him or "torture" as some people put it... then of course he can say no at any point and I respect that. I made him aware that it creates sexual tension for me also...... so he could get a little pleasure knowing that I'm getting a dose of "torture" as well lol Between making out or nothing at all.... he made it clear that he definitely wants to make out. people want what they want out of a relationship....... so if someone wants sex now fair enough. I think it's important for them to know if they're not getting it from me at that point so that they don't continue in something they don't really want. If so, they can find a relationship that meets their "needs" and I can find one that meets mine. Two months isn't really a long time and I recently found out some things and observed some treatment that makes me thank GOD I didn't go too far with him. Way to go hold strong.
donnamaybe Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 We're basically in agreement, Donna, you're just nitpicking for the sake of it. I do agree with you and should have worded my post properly. I know you get it, but in case someone else were to read this post...
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Based on one statement in this entire thread, that I made about her photo? Yes. That really makes me inconsistant. What did you hope to accomplish with your statement there? You're right, it does! One statement within the very same post, yup. After all, it only takes one comment to be inconsistent. No different than "Pizza is bad for you!" followed immediately by "Here, you're hungry, have some pizza..." Why are you getting so upset about it? I don't think that is how she intended it.
CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 What did you hope to accomplish with your statement there? I don't think that is how she intended it. I was giving her a compliment because I secretly want to be a millionaire.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I was giving her a compliment because I secretly want to be a millionaire. Very cute... and here I thought you were just hitting on her! Maybe thinking she would invite you back to her place. Seriously... do you think telling her that she is pretty will help her? I'm not entirely sure it's the right way to go. Not that she will ever read or pay attention to it anyway.
CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Very cute... and here I thought you were just hitting on her! Maybe thinking she would invite you back to her place. Seriously... do you think telling her that she is pretty will help her? I'm not entirely sure it's the right way to go. Not that she will ever read or pay attention to it anyway. Nope, I suppose I should tell her she's ugly.
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Seriously... do you think telling her that she is pretty will help her? I'm not entirely sure it's the right way to go. Not that she will ever read or pay attention to it anyway. No, it won't help her. What people should be telling her is that she's a smart, independent woman who can overcome any obstacle that she faces... that she can do anything she sets her mind to... that when she's old and grey and surrounded by grandchildren no one is going to care about what she looked like when she was 31, but rather what she did with her life and the joy she brought others... For a start.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 No, it won't help her. What people should be telling her is that she's a smart, independent woman who can overcome any obstacle that she faces... that she can do anything she sets her mind to... that when she's old and grey and surrounded by grandchildren no one is going to care about what she looked like when she was 31, but rather what she did with her life and the joy she brought others... For a start. Agreed, but not so much in a sunshine up the bum sort of way. Otherwise she will feel its not genuine. The overall point though... is that her issues are way beyond what can be addressed here.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 How do you tactfully not have sex - when the guy is coming over Simple. Just add the words "with all due respect" before the words "f__k off".
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I know she said she was drafting an email telling him it's over, but did she ever send it?
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I know she said she was drafting an email telling him it's over, but did she ever send it? Hmm... no answer. OG...are you avoiding the update??
dispatch3d Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Literally, everywhere. I was approached tonight as I was picking out red bell peppers, and at the gas station... and I was still sweating from CrossFit and covered in chalk. On Friday, I went and saw a movie and a dude in line started asking me where he knew me from, being blatantly flirty. On Saturday night, I was at an event and there were several dudes there who just would not stop trying to chat me up (some of which are guys I already know), two asked for my number and were denied. And guys I've briefly dated in the past, who have heard through the grapevine that Skiman and I broke up, are circling like vultures. It's actually quite hysterical... Call me surprised. I assumed most girls don't deny phone numbers.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Call me surprised. I assumed most girls don't deny phone numbers. *shrug* I don't give my number to guys I'm not interested in.
Recommended Posts