Sabali Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I just spoke to my mum and told her everything. (I hid dating this guy completely from her). She basically said "Please don't torture yourself with forcing a relationship with someone you don't even like. You have seemed so unhappy the last few times I saw you. Actually, a lot unhappier than you were when you were on your own, please just end it". I think I am going to take her advice. She knows me better than anyone. I guess that I have been trying to prove to myself that I am emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship. My heart is just not in this though. The simple truth is: I just don't like him enough... That is why my actions have been so conflicted. This guy is a really good catch on paper... but the real life chemistry is simply not there. I'm your momma now... Just as you were told, don't toture yourself and that poor guy any longer. Just end it and be straight up with him and apologize for being so flakey with him. It will go a long way for the both of you. On the contrary to what many have said, I do not think there was anything wrong with you having sex with this guy in the car, on a space ship or inside of Optimus Prime. You were both consenting adults. Sometimes, kinky sex in odd places is just plain fun. Ain't nothing wrong with adults having a little fun every now and then. Close this thread, please.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I think this thread is evidence that you're not. If you were, you wouldn't have initiated sex with him in his car, you wouldn't have had sex with him the second and third time after you'd already determined he'd not good and boring, you wouldn't have ignored his calls and then freaked out when he took too long to respond...the list goes on. I know, but as I said it's because I have been trying to force things. I thought maybe if sex is good, I could really like him. But because it was not, I was back to being conflicted. I am 31 Star. I don't have as many options as I once did. I was trying to be realistic. Despite what you all say, I still think that I am capable of having a relationship with someone that I really like and who feels the same about me.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 OceanGirl, you are full of crap. EOM. P.S. nice tits though. What is EOM???
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 "End of Message." It's just sort of a joke. But I meant what I said about the tits. Gee, thanks for the compliment
sugarmomma Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Despite what you all say, I still think that I am capable of having a relationship with someone that I really like and who feels the same about me. you just stated two posts above that you're not emotionally healthy enough to be in any relationship. You should have kept your old username. This is sad.
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I know, but as I said it's because I have been trying to force things. I thought maybe if sex is good, I could really like him. But because it was not, I was back to being conflicted. I am 31 Star. I don't have as many options as I once did. I was trying to be realistic. I'm 32, and I feel like I have more options now than I did at 23. I wonder why you don't feel the same way? Despite what you all say, I still think that I am capable of having a relationship with someone that I really like and who feels the same about me. ANYONE can have a "relationship." Arguably, you're in one right now. But whether that relationship is a healthy, happy relationship, is something else entirely.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 you just stated two posts above that you're not emotionally healthy enough to be in any relationship. You should have kept your old username. This is sad. Yeah, those were my worst fears talking. And this username suits me better. I am addicted to the ocean
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I'm 32, and I feel like I have more options now than I did at 23. I wonder why you don't feel the same way? ANYONE can have a "relationship." Arguably, you're in one right now. But whether that relationship is a healthy, happy relationship, is something else entirely. This is true. There are plenty of people with full blown mental and personality disorders in long term relationships. You really think that we still have options?
sugarmomma Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Yeah, those were my worst fears talking. And this username suits me better. I am addicted to the ocean Still sad and confusing. Good luck.
USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 You really think that we still have options? Uh...yes...
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 You really think that we still have options? I don't know about "we"/you, but I know I do. But I also know that I'm sincerely, truly, a happy, content, emotionally healthy person. Equally happy, emotionally healthy men are drawn to that. In all honesty (Hokie, close your eyes!), I've had to beat them off with sticks lately. It's almost bizarre... 5 or so years ago, I was where you were, and I think men could smell my sadness and desperation for a relationship. Healthy men run the other way when they come across that scent. What I was left with was, well, d-bags that I brought upon myself...
eerie_reverie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I don't know about "we"/you, but I know I do. But I also know that I'm sincerely, truly, a happy, content, emotionally healthy person. Equally happy, emotionally healthy men are drawn to that. In all honesty (Hokie, close your eyes!), I've had to beat them off with sticks lately. It's almost bizarre... 5 or so years ago, I was where you were, and I think men could smell my sadness and desperation for a relationship. Healthy men run the other way when they come across that scent. What I was left with was, well, d-bags that I brought upon myself... Where are you meeting these men, star?
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Where are you meeting these men, star? Literally, everywhere. I was approached tonight as I was picking out red bell peppers, and at the gas station... and I was still sweating from CrossFit and covered in chalk. On Friday, I went and saw a movie and a dude in line started asking me where he knew me from, being blatantly flirty. On Saturday night, I was at an event and there were several dudes there who just would not stop trying to chat me up (some of which are guys I already know), two asked for my number and were denied. And guys I've briefly dated in the past, who have heard through the grapevine that Skiman and I broke up, are circling like vultures. It's actually quite hysterical...
eerie_reverie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) Literally, everywhere. I was approached tonight as I was picking out red bell peppers, and at the gas station... and I was still sweating from CrossFit and covered in chalk. On Friday, I went and saw a movie and a dude in line started asking me where he knew me from, being blatantly flirty. On Saturday night, I was at an event and there were several dudes there who just would not stop trying to chat me up (some of which are guys I already know), two asked for my number and were denied. And guys I've briefly dated in the past, who have heard through the grapevine that Skiman and I broke up, are circling like vultures. It's actually quite hysterical... Hehehe... that is awesome. A guy did try to flirt with me in the grocery store today but encounters I am unprepared for render me mute. I am guessing that if you did't waste your twenties, the thirties are probably the best time for dating, as people are finally reaching the point where they are completely ready for everything a relationship requires and has to offer, are financially stable, self-aware, etc. I know certain men are always saying how "youth" is so attractive, but to me, "youth" just means immaturity and drama... 35 and hot is so much hotter than 21 year old trainwreck. SAC, I wish you'd see that! Edited October 5, 2010 by eerie_reverie
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Hehehe... that is awesome. A guy did try to flirt with me in the grocery store today but encounters I am unprepared for render me mute. I'm usually rendered mute too. Bell pepper guy asked for help picking out his peppers, because apparently I looked like the expert. I literally just picked him out a pepper, handed it to him, smiled and pushed my cart away. Didn't say a word. He stood there just holding his bare pepper. When I was checking out, I saw him looking at me from the next lane over with a sort of, "Why didn't she fawn over me?" confused look on his face. He kept double taking... I am guessing that if you did't waste your twenties, the thirties are probably the best time for dating, as people are finally reaching the point where they are completely ready for everything a relationship requires and has to offer, are financially stable, self-aware, etc. I wish I didn't waste 30-32, but yes... you're right.
eerie_reverie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I wish I didn't waste 30-32, but yes... you're right. I mean waste in terms of neglecting the parts of your life that you are pay off in the long run... making no effort to have a meaningful career, letting yourself go, etc. I seriously doubt you "wasted" 30-32...
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 You are getting more insane everyday ... That is because you are way too simple to get my complexity. But that's OK, lots of people are
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I mean waste in terms of neglecting the parts of your life that you are pay off in the long run... making no effort to have a meaningful career, letting yourself go, etc. I seriously doubt you "wasted" 30-32... Spookie, you are getting way too normal for my liking
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Still sad and confusing. Good luck. Only because I write with 100% brutal honesty on here that not many people do. I am constantly self-deprecating myself and people tend to take advantage and feel superior.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Only because I write with 100% brutal honesty on here that not many people do. I am constantly self-deprecating myself and people tend to take advantage and feel superior. I often read your threads (as SACWA) and totally relate to what you're saying, I get obsessive over guys too, but the thing is, you are in no way emotionally healthy enough for a relationship. That's not me feeling superior, but each thread I've read regarding this guy screams 'emotionally unstable'. You know you don't like him, and I assume you've known a while, but you initiated sex 3 times-then accuse him of using you for sex. Can't you actually see the contradiction there? You're afraid of being used for it, but happily give it out. Odd.
Kamille Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Despite what you all say, I still think that I am capable of having a relationship with someone that I really like and who feels the same about me. I wouldn't respond to your threads if I didn't think you were capable of a healthy relationship. And, I agree with you: the first condition to you being in a happy relationship is that you really like the guy. So, again, the questions are: how will you know when you really like a guy? How will you know a guy really truly makes you happy? How do you imagine a healthy relationship feels? What kind of headspace do you want to be in when you meet the next guy you like?
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I often read your threads (as SACWA) and totally relate to what you're saying, I get obsessive over guys too, but the thing is, you are in no way emotionally healthy enough for a relationship. That's not me feeling superior, but each thread I've read regarding this guy screams 'emotionally unstable'. You know you don't like him, and I assume you've known a while, but you initiated sex 3 times-then accuse him of using you for sex. Can't you actually see the contradiction there? You're afraid of being used for it, but happily give it out. Odd. Again, I was conflicted if I liked him. he was everything I was looking for on paper, even down to my physical type. Yet, I just didn't enjoy spending time with him. I was just....bored. I actually hoped that sex will make me like him more, that we will bond that way, but it didn't happen. I am frustrated with myself that I feel nothing for him. I also feel like if I am that bored, I can't imagine that he is having any fun either. I can't imagine that sex was good for him. I can't imagine that what we have, which is mediocre chemistry at best actually inspires any feelings in him. Hence my conclusion that he will now hang around for the sex only. Also, after sex, he seems to only suggest indoor activities where sex is sure to happen. Before sex, he took me out all the time.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 OceanGirl or whatever you call yourself these days, are you unable to exercise the art of self control? In what way Sphere? You mean that I shouldn't have had sex?
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Sphere, I am drafting him good bye e-mail as we speak,. Funny that you mention Star. The only real difference between her and me is that she is confident and I am not. She talks herself up constantly and people buy that. I, on the other hand repeat over and over again that I am emotionally ****ed up. Of course, people buy that too. Yet I actually don't believe that Star is any more capable than me in any way (looks, intelligence, talent etc) - she just markets herself better.
Kamille Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I don't think I ever saw anybody here question your intelligence, looks, talent. You have every right to be as confident about dating as SG. In fact, I think that's why so many of us spend so much time hoping you will start "marketing yourself better". I for one pray you abandon the self-destructive thoughts where you feel you have to settle, force things along or the need to measure guy's interest. Don't measure interest, expect it. If you don't feel a connection, move on. Stop selling yourself short.
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