OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 As you know, I have a date tomorrow night where the guy is coming over to cook together. It turns out that my fridge died and I had to throw all my food out. I messaged him this and told him that we can get a take away OR go out - it's up to him. I have sent that text at 8:00pm last night and he only responded at 11am today. He basically said to meet at place X that's like 5 minutes from my place and then decide what to do from there (it's kind of obvious that he still wants to come over). The problem is, the whole hesitancy to go out and the slow response time to my last text (I mean over 12 hours, REALLY?) has made me not want to have sex with him. I am concerned about his interest level. I am concerned about my own interest level. I just don't want to do it. So when he is over and we are making out, what do I do? Tell me in words how to tell him that there will be no sex.
machiavellian Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Just curious, but how old are you? Tactful ways to not have sex are: It sounds like you don't know this guy very well and haven't dated him much? In which case I wouldn't even be making out with him on my couch, so as to not give him the wrong idea if I didn't intend to have sex with him. I think when you meet him at X place you should just recommend a restaurant nearby and not invite him back to your place. Otherwise, "No" is a pretty clear and direct message to give after your actions have given him cause to think sex is a possibility..
Ariadne Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 How funny, My fridge died too! They'll deliver the new one tomorrow. Anyway, don't have sex with him then! He is your friend now till you decide what to do with him. Good luck.
eerie_reverie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Hey, You are really pretty. Is this the same guy that you boinked in the car? If so, I'd say at this point you guys are playing mind games with each other. Didn't you ignore his calls a couple of days ago? Why do you expect him to be so prompt when you can take your sweet time to have a couple panic attacks? I don't think you like this guy. I think you are just dating him for the drama and to make sure you still got it. It sounds like you do. Now can you please move on to dating for real??
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Another thing that concerns me: we have never had exclusivity talk. Or a relationship talk. Or any of the "where this is going" talks. Of course, exclusivity worries me. For all I know he could be ****uing 100 girls on the side. I always kind of wanted the guy to start these talks, but he is so damn passive that I doubt he ever will. I want to say something when I see him, how do I go about it? Should I just ask him flat out if he is dating anyone else (or is that too forward/clingy?)
Knittress Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Alright, now who is THIS guy? Can someone draw me a chart? So... once to the home-space is breached I don't think there's an easy way to avoid the possibility of sex. You're going to have to be direct if it comes to that.
eerie_reverie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 To stay on topic, good ways to dodge sex are: 1. Say "I just don't want to tonight." 2. Meet somewhere else The best part about 1. is that in my experience, the guys are usually understanding, and with the pressure off, you will begin to connect... making the sex that much hotter when it does happen half an hour later.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Hey, You are really pretty. Is this the same guy that you boinked in the car? If so, I'd say at this point you guys are playing mind games with each other. Didn't you ignore his calls a couple of days ago? Why do you expect him to be so prompt when you can take your sweet time to have a couple panic attacks? I don't think you like this guy. I think you are just dating him for the drama and to make sure you still got it. It sounds like you do. Now can you please move on to dating for real?? Yep, that's all correct. And deep, deep down, I don't think I like him either BTW thanks for the compliment spookie.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Alright, now who is THIS guy? Can someone draw me a chart? So... once to the home-space is breached I don't think there's an easy way to avoid the possibility of sex. You're going to have to be direct if it comes to that. I have been dating him for a month and started a number of threads about him. Check out my history.
Cracker Jack Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 And deep, deep down, I don't think I like him either Then...why will you continue to see him? Anyway, there's nothing tactfully needed here. If he's a good guy, I'm sure he'll be able to tell you have no desire to have sex based on your body language. Curious: Do you ever consider relaxing and having fun anymore? Everything just seems to be doomsday for you, and it's really, really frustrating to see you continue down this route.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I feel that 8pm->11am text lag is a bad omen. He said sorry for the slow reply but didn't explain why
machiavellian Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 In health class they taught us if you are intimate enough with someone to see them naked and boink each other, you should be intimate enough with them to have discussions such as "I don't want to have sex tonight" or "Am I at risk for catching something nasty from you?"
Knittress Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I have been dating him for a month and started a number of threads about him. Check out my history. Ok. Car-sex Guy. With all the name changes going on around here it's pretty hard to keep things straight. Is was the poster-formerly-known-as-Shadow who was dealing with the lazy turd, right? Then there was some okcupid g.... that's it! I repeat my request for a chart.
machiavellian Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I feel that 8pm->11am text lag is a bad omen. He said sorry for the slow reply but didn't explain why I didn't read any of your other threads, but just from what is posted in this one I agree with someone else who said you are playing games.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 So you think he took this long to reply to my text because he is playing games?
Knittress Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 So you think he took this long to reply to my text because he is playing games? It does seem to indicate a certain amount of ambivalence, but perhaps not - talk to HIM about that, not us!
Ariadne Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 So you think he took this long to reply to my text because he is playing games? No. Because now he probably doesn't even know what to believe. And is also trying to figure a way to go to your apt.
eerie_reverie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 So you think he took this long to reply to my text because he is playing games? I think he's really insecure and therefore playing tit for tat. Sadly his game seems to work on you. When he was eager, you were not interested. Now that he's pulling back you once again want to know what he's thinking. Personally, I think you're wasting your precious clocks-a-tickin time.
machiavellian Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 So you think he took this long to reply to my text because he is playing games? IDK about him, I didn't read your other threads. Just from this thread, I think that you are playing games because you don't want to have sex with him, but you intend to make out with him and have invited him over, and don't want to tell him that you don't want to have sex with him...and because you apparently aren't interested in him but still intend to do all this, and are exceedingly concerned with him not replying fast enough to your text... It also seems like you might be a little obsessive? You started this thread asking how to not have sex with this guy, but are picking apart his actions and ignoring any and all advice about not having sex with him. Or maybe you are playing games with the people on LS?? I'm confused, I don't read this site often enough I guess, what's with the name changing that was mentioned?
dispatch3d Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 next time just tell him your dog ate it. Uhhh my fridge died and I threw out all my food so we can't eat at my house? haha I'd be like uhhhh this chick is terrible at lieing, and I like that.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 That musician guy is still calling me. I just ignored about 3 calls from him. He wants to catch up Yeah, I am into him even less that this guy. Spookie, I may be wasting time but there are no other viable options at all.
dispatch3d Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 No. Because now he probably doesn't even know what to believe. And is also trying to figure a way to go to your apt. Since all guys are just after sex anyways. And the best part of this belief is once you TRULY believe it you'll see it everywhere! Even if it's not true in that case! This seems like a sign of a bad paradigm. Steer clear! No offense but I'm sure you'll take some. So, uhhh sorry about that.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 next time just tell him your dog ate it. Uhhh my fridge died and I threw out all my food so we can't eat at my house? haha I'd be like uhhhh this chick is terrible at lieing, and I like that. Hahaha I know! The worst thing is it's the truth though!! I took a day off work to wait for the fridge repairman.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 IDK about him, I didn't read your other threads. Just from this thread, I think that you are playing games because you don't want to have sex with him, but you intend to make out with him and have invited him over, and don't want to tell him that you don't want to have sex with him...and because you apparently aren't interested in him but still intend to do all this, and are exceedingly concerned with him not replying fast enough to your text... It also seems like you might be a little obsessive? You started this thread asking how to not have sex with this guy, but are picking apart his actions and ignoring any and all advice about not having sex with him. Or maybe you are playing games with the people on LS?? I'm confused, I don't read this site often enough I guess, what's with the name changing that was mentioned? Ya think? :lmao:
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