Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 I don't think it would go that way. I don't think he'd notice unless I made a point to visit his profile and he saw me in his recent visitors. I'll just bring it up like I posted. That will certainly be a fun time too. :laugh:
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 I agree with D. Something's not right in Kansas. But I wouldn't discuss the online profile in that way. Just keep your profile up. You mentioned that he was visiting his parents in India for 5 weeks. Does he do this regularly? 5 weeks is a very long visit. I was wondering when you were going to chime in here, TBF. Why should I not bring up the online profile? No, he doesn't do that regularly. He hasn't seen his parents in 4 years.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 T, proceed with caution here. I am also not sure about his story. Accept it for now and if it's indeed fishy - you will see a clear pattern emerging soon enough.
elaina Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I don't think it would go that way. I don't think he'd notice unless I made a point to visit his profile and he saw me in his recent visitors. I'll just bring it up like I posted. That will certainly be a fun time too. :laugh: Lol yeah sometimes men just don't notice things unless you directly show them it's really funny how that is! I really hope it goes well! If it does go well, then yeah that will be fun! Good luck! Or, if you just stay on and not do anything, maybe he will turn off his profile soon. ? Sometimes it's hard to know what's the best thing to do! About India, I have a friend who is from India and yeah going to visit a month plus is perfectly normal. My friend had been in the States for 6 years before going back to visit! That's a long time to be away from family, so I hope he has fun with his family and brings you back a cool souvenir! India is an amazing country with so much beautiful things! I love the salwar kameezes and the golden bangles are so pretty. The food is great too!
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Lol yeah sometimes men just don't notice things unless you directly show them it's really funny how that is! I really hope it goes well! If it does go well, then yeah that will be fun! Good luck! Or, if you just stay on and not do anything, maybe he will turn off his profile soon. ? Sometimes it's hard to know what's the best thing to do! About India, I have a friend who is from India and yeah going to visit a month plus is perfectly normal. My friend had been in the States for 6 years before going back to visit! That's a long time to be away from family, so I hope he has fun with his family and brings you back a cool souvenir! India is an amazing country with so much beautiful things! I love the salwar kameezes and the golden bangles are so pretty. The food is great too! Yeah, it is hard, it's like...should I bring it up? Should I not bring it up? There are good reasons to do it, good reasons not to do it. Now I'm really undecided. I have to think on it a bit more. It's weird but I'm kind of jealous that he's going there for such a long visit since I've always wanted to go, haha. I do hope he has fun though. I know he's been looking forward to it for awhile.
elaina Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Yeah, it is hard, it's like...should I bring it up? Should I not bring it up? There are good reasons to do it, good reasons not to do it. Now I'm really undecided. I have to think on it a bit more. Yeah I think the "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" idea hits the mark and makes it so complicated to communicate! It would be so nice if he did it without you having to say anything, and maybe he will once he's been with you longer. It's so hard to know. It's weird but I'm kind of jealous that he's going there for such a long visit since I've always wanted to go, haha. I do hope he has fun though. I know he's been looking forward to it for awhile. Have you told him that? (without the jealous part... jealous is a scary word for most males I think.)
sugarmomma Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I wouldn't dare bring it up. Actions speak louder than words. Besides, most men don't understand words.
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) I wouldn't dare bring it up. Actions speak louder than words. Besides, most men don't understand words. What? I don't get this. Please elaborate. Why would you "not dare" to bring it up? Elaina, I have told him that. Minus the jealous part of course. And that was kind of a joke. (Kind of). I have thought of that--that he would likely take it down after more time has passed. There is the possibility that he doesn't know you can "disable" your profile--have it look like it's been deleted, but it really isn't, and you can log back in whenever and it will reactivate. If I didn't know that I'd be wary about taking my profile down after not seeing someone for very long, because I wouldn't want to bother having to rewrite everything and pick out pictures to upload all over again, etc. if it ended up not working out. Edited September 12, 2010 by tigressA
threebyfate Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I was wondering when you were going to chime in here, TBF. Why should I not bring up the online profile? No, he doesn't do that regularly. He hasn't seen his parents in 4 years.Hey, what can I say? Predictable ol' me. I would let him be the one to voluntarily remove his profile without any prompting. From what I've read on LS, some get addicted to these sites and when this happens, no good comes from it. My bias is showing here since it's difficult for me to trust any online medium.
D-Lish Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I wouldn't dare bring it up. Actions speak louder than words. Besides, most men don't understand words. For me, actions speak louder than words. If a guy says he cares about me and wants to be exclusive, but he's logging into a dating profile when he's supposed to be sick and apparantly can't reach out to me because he's sick...what does that tell me?
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) Hey, what can I say? Predictable ol' me. I would let him be the one to voluntarily remove his profile without any prompting. From what I've read on LS, some get addicted to these sites and when this happens, no good comes from it. My bias is showing here since it's difficult for me to trust any online medium. I don't know. I just feel like maybe I should bring it up, since he was the one who wanted to be exclusive and all, and now I find out he's still active on there. Mind you, I don't know what "active" means beyond still logging in. There's really no way to know that he really is looking for other women. D, I really wish you'd stop harping on that part because, like I said in earlier posts, it just had his last login date--not time. The last time he logged in was Thursday, and it very well could have been while we were still talking at 2 A.M., or before. And the fact he hasn't logged in since then says something too--clearly he didn't bother with being online at all since he was sick, like he told me. Edited September 12, 2010 by tigressA
Pink Cupcakes Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Tigress, she said exactly the same thing I did. Are you going to be rude to her because she has stated something that you don't like? the same exact same thing I stated? T, proceed with caution here. I am also not sure about his story. Accept it for now and if it's indeed fishy - you will see a clear pattern emerging soon enough.
threebyfate Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I don't know. I just feel like maybe I should bring it up, since he was the one who wanted to be exclusive and all, and now I find out he's still active on there. Mind you, I don't know what "active" means beyond still logging in. There's really no way to know that he really is looking for other women.If you need to discuss this with him, do it straight up rather than creating something. "Hey, something's been bothering me. Is there any reason why you still need a dating profile on OKC?"
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 If you need to discuss this with him, do it straight up rather than creating something. "Hey, something's been bothering me. Is there any reason why you still need a dating profile on OKC?" Okay. That sounds great. I love when you post in my threads; you always know the most straightforward way to talk about things. I've always struggled with that.
threebyfate Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Okay. That sounds great. I love when you post in my threads; you always know the most straightforward way to talk about things. I've always struggled with that.Thanks. Can't say I can always be straight but most often, I try. It's saved me from a lot of grief in the past. One thing's for sure. If I'm straight and the response has been ambiguous, BIG RED FLAG! Ambiguity means something's either being hidden or there's uncertainty/conflict within the respondee. H. responds very well to direct questions. He says it like it is which I absolutely adore. This way, we don't pussyfoot around the real issue, wasting energy on resolving non-issues.
Imajerk17 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I got to Page 5 of the replies (where he finally got back to you saying he was sick and left his phone at work) and then I finally stopped reading. I'm a guy who is all for cutting through bull****. Tigress, just ask the guy for what you want--in a cool matter-of-fact no-drama way. "Hey what are we? Where is this going?" You have to be prepared for whatever answer you get from him though. And you might not like what you hear. But could it be any worse than what you are going through now? Keeping going as is and you will likely have to deal with these disappearing acts (next time he might not reappear). And his profile is still going to be up.
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 I got to Page 5 of the replies (where he finally got back to you saying he was sick and left his phone at work) and then I finally stopped reading. I'm a guy who is all for cutting through bull****. Tigress, just ask the guy for what you want--in a cool matter-of-fact no-drama way. "Hey what are we? Where is this going?" You have to be prepared for whatever answer you get from him though. And you might not like what you hear. But could it be any worse than what you are going through now? Keeping going as is and you will likely have to deal with these disappearing acts (next time he might not reappear). And his profile is still going to be up. Oh I'm all for finding out what I want to know. I don't fear loss. He still hasn't contacted me yet. If I go to bed without hearing from him I'm done. Just going NC immediately.
Imajerk17 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 If you hear back from him: Great, but there is a right way and a wrong way to go about doing this. If you want an exclusive relationship with him, tell him, and tell him that means that profiles go down. But until he agrees with you about being exclusive, he has a right to keep his profile up. Remember that if get to talk to him or your conversation will not go well. If you don't, then you can just move on.
JustJoe Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I actually just updated my profile with a few new pictures, and edited some of the text. I'm sorely tempted to pull something like this next time we talk: "Hey, so have you met anyone interesting on OKCupid recently? Yeah, well a little while ago this guy just sent me a message; he's pretty cute. Haven't responded to him yet though.... Oh? Really? Well, you know, today I ended up thinking we must not be exclusive, since I saw you're still logging into your OKCupid profile. I thought it would be perfectly okay for me to start meeting other people, since you're still on there and that must mean you're doing the same thing. I mean, you said you wanted to be exclusive, but then I saw that and I was like, 'Huh, I guess he didn't really mean that after all! Well, that's cool, I can go meet other guys then!'" :laugh: See what he says to that!TA, IDK about this guy, but if a woman pulled the kind of crap you're talking about,on me, she would be history. I don't play games. You thought he was cheating, and it turns out that he was really sick. Now you're spazzing about an open account, when he is the one who wanted to be exclusive in the first place. Hey , I've got an idea.....how about trusting him for a change.
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) I think you missed out on a lot of the posts: I said that weeks ago, when we first reconciled--he initiated the reconciliation--he also brought up being exclusive. He said that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else while seeing me. And yet I find out today that his profile is still up and he's still been logging in. I don't know how I'm supposed to just trust him after finding that out, JJ. Like some of the posters here have said, actions speak louder than words. Sure, there's no way for me to know that he's been actively looking for other women to date, but just the fact that he's still on the site is troubling. It is a DATING site, after all. And no, I'm not going to pull that on him. I said it was tempting, that's all. I'm just going to ask him why he feels the need to still be on that site. Edited September 12, 2010 by tigressA
Imajerk17 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I think you missed out on a lot of the posts: I said that weeks ago, when we first reconciled--he initiated the reconciliation--he also brought up being exclusive. He said that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else while seeing me. And yet I find out today that his profile is still up and he's still been logging in. I don't know how I'm supposed to just trust him after finding that out. Like some of the posters here have said, actions speak louder than words. Sure, there's no way for me to know that he's been actively looking for other women to date, but just the fact that he's still on the site is troubling. OK, that is new information to me. Then you have a right to blast him on that if you want to talk to him. Or maybe you'd be better off writing him off altogether.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I think you missed out on a lot of the posts: I said that weeks ago, when we first reconciled--he initiated the reconciliation--he also brought up being exclusive. He said that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else while seeing me. And yet I find out today that his profile is still up and he's still been logging in. I don't know how I'm supposed to just trust him after finding that out, JJ. Like some of the posters here have said, actions speak louder than words. Sure, there's no way for me to know that he's been actively looking for other women to date, but just the fact that he's still on the site is troubling. It is a DATING site, after all. And no, I'm not going to pull that on him. I said it was tempting, that's all. I'm just going to ask him why he feels the need to still be on that site. Geez, the cool level headed Tigress would have blasted this guy by now after the above. I hope you have it out with him.
JustJoe Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 With all due respect,TA. The guy is sick, maybe he took some meds and went to sleep. Maybe he doesn't feel like talking. You have made this drama in your own mind, and are talking about dumping him for no other reason than he didn't call you on demand? Jeez, girl, calm the f**k down!! When I'm sick I want no contact with nobody. I turn off my phone, turn on some soothing music or old movies, take my meds and rest, rest, rest. You are acting really, really clingy which is about as un-attractive a trait as there is. Leave the guy alone, give him some space, and take some time to calm yourself, too. Then talk when both of you are in a better place.
Author tigressA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) OK, that is new information to me. Then you have a right to blast him on that if you want to talk to him. Or maybe you'd be better off writing him off altogether. In any case, he said that he would talk to me tonight. He hasn't contacted me yet. And if I go to bed tonight without hearing from him, I am done. When someone says they'll contact me, I expect them to do so. Period. It's not about being clingy, JJ. It's about expectations. Edited September 12, 2010 by tigressA
JustJoe Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) Talk about blowing something all out of proportion. The guy has an open account, so what? I have several open accounts in forums everywhere. Some I leave open on purpose, some I've forgetten about, and some I thought I closed, but some glitch prevented me.You're right to say that actions speak louder than words. Have you any evidence that he has cheated? Has he contacted any other woman, that you know of? Are you going to break up with him because he didn't call you when he was sick, AND, horror of horrors, he has an open account on a dating site. Sounds really petty to me. Instead of conspiring against him, how about asking him if you can do something to help him feel better? Try thinking of him. THE GUY IS SICK!!! Edited September 12, 2010 by JustJoe
Recommended Posts