tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I haven't heard from C since Wednesday night. When we talked then he said that he'd talk to me tomorrow (Thursday). Didn't hear from him at all. I called him a few hours ago (Friday), left a voicemail. He has yet to return it. This is extremely unusual, since I never go a day without hearing something from him. I'm wondering what he could be doing that he isn't bothered to contact me for 2 days AND not return my call on top of that. I am trying so hard to not go to a really bad place in my mind (like that he's cheating), but it's difficult. I'm starting to get angry. I'm also trying to refrain from calling him again. If I hear from him again, should I tell him that I'm angry about this? And should I continue to refrain from contacting him until I hear from him?
meerkat stew Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Cue up that Iron Butterfly and dance around the room, an interpretive dance that says, "I am too freaking cool for school, and definitely too cool to freak out."
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I honestly tried to dance around, but it didn't do anything. I wish I could just fall asleep right now. Ugh.
pandagirl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 When you talk to him, I'd just say something like, "Where were you? You were supposed to call Thursday night." Just say it casually, not accusatory. Just let him know that you noticed. When he gives you a reason, you can say: "Next time, can you just let me know, because I was expecting your call." If it starts to become a pattern, then I'd get a bit more... aggressive.
TheBigQuestion Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Haven't you broken up with this dude multiple times already?
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Yeah, okay. I'll do that. I'm really struggling with not calling him again. I'm just trying to keep it in my head that I will feel even worse if he doesn't pick up again or call back within a reasonable amount of time. This isn't about being needy. This is about normal expectations. This kind of thing is completely out of the ordinary. I do not go a single day without hearing from him in some way. And now it's been 2 days without contact.
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 This isn't about being needy. This is about normal expectations. This kind of thing is completely out of the ordinary. I do not go a single day without hearing from him in some way. And now it's been 2 days without contact. Your feelings are completely normal. I'd be freaking out too.
pandagirl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Your feelings are completely normal. I'd be freaking out too. Ditto! Anyway, turn off your phone for now and go to bed. He will call you.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Make sure you speak up about this next time he calls without getting angry. Otherwise you risk becoming a doormat. Also try to stop yourself from calling again - it's not about being needy it's more about you will feel million times worse.
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I'm officially pissed. Not only did he break his word he gave to me Wednesday night, he's been rude enough to fail to return my phone call. I was patient on Thursday, thought, "Okay, maybe he's really busy/tired/etc, surely I'll hear from him Friday." But no. At least now I feel far too puffed up with pride to try calling him again. If I don't hear from him at all on Saturday...I think I'll be finished with him.
ComeUndone Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Ok so you have only called him once... today, correct? Why don't you try calling him again and if he doesn't answer, leave him a voice mail telling him you're concerned about him because you haven't heard from him and to please call you when he gets the message so you don't worry ...something simple like that. Put it out there so he knows what's on your mind, just that you're a little concerned about him (not that he "might be cheating" - don't say that). This way you're making it very clear what your expectation of him is so you leave him no guesswork. There could be some perfectly logical reason for why you haven't heard from him, but anything less and I would be pretty peeved at him. His behavior is out of the norm and you have every right to be put off by that.
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 There could be some perfectly logical reason for why you haven't heard from him, but anything less and I would be pretty peeved at him. His behavior is out of the norm and you have every right to be put off by that. All kinds of things have run through my mind at this point strictly because this behavior is so unusual coming from him. I resolved, though, to not try again for tonight. It's almost 2 A.M. here. I had called him a little after 10 P.M. and left a voicemail. I turned my phone off a few minutes ago.
pandagirl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I'm officially pissed. Not only did he break his word he gave to me Wednesday night, he's been rude enough to fail to return my phone call. I was patient on Thursday, thought, "Okay, maybe he's really busy/tired/etc, surely I'll hear from him Friday." But no. At least now I feel far too puffed up with pride to try calling him again. If I don't hear from him at all on Saturday...I think I'll be finished with him. Do you know where he is? Like is he out of town? Don't be finished with him. I don't think this is a good enough reason to breakup, even though some may disagree with me. BUT, he is on probation and has to really make it up to you and prove that he can keep to his word.
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 The other day you said you weren't officially back together... is that still the case?
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) The other day you said you weren't officially back together... is that still the case? Well, we were never officially "in a relationship", to be technical. We still aren't. But we DID explicitly establish exclusivity right from the beginning of our reconciliation--that we wouldn't see/sleep with anyone else. PG: He never said anything to me about being out of town. He did say that he was going to take this weekend for himself since he had a lot of stuff to do, etc. He is going back home to India for 5 weeks, starting next month. To put this in more of a context: There have been times that he has called/IMed me as late as 3 A.M. His parents live in India and they call him around 11/midnight usually, sometimes later. Sometimes we'll be in the middle of a conversation when that happens, and he has never failed to call/IM me back after he's done talking with them, even if it's really late. He'll call me back even if it's just for 30 seconds, to say good night. If I'm online when he's at work, he'll IM me at work. A few times he's even called me while at work. Edited September 11, 2010 by tigressA
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Well, we were never officially "in a relationship", to be technical. We still aren't. You're not in a relationship, but you talk every day? I was getting upset because I thought the two of you were in a relationship, but if you're just dating......
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 You're not in a relationship, but you talk every day? I was getting upset because I thought the two of you were in a relationship, but if you're just dating...... I don't really get it either. We are basically in a relationship. Everything about us screams "relationship". But technically, we are not in one. Yet. At least, I don't think so. I haven't bothered to talk to him about it since we established exclusivity. I don't see how it's different suddenly because we're "just dating", though. The fact is that yeah, we talk every day, and to not hear from him for 2 days is very unusual. I have a right to be upset/concerned. I wasn't the one who established or demanded this standard of communication, he was.
USMCHokie Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I don't see how it's different suddenly because we're "just dating", though. The fact is that yeah, we talk every day, and to not hear from him for 2 days is very unusual. I have a right to be upset/concerned. I wasn't the one who established or demanded this standard of communication, he was. How does one demand a standard of daily communication? Did he directly come out and say that he wanted daily contact? Or was it implied from custom and practice...?
ComeUndone Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Well, we were never officially "in a relationship", to be technical. We still aren't. But we DID explicitly establish exclusivity right from the beginning of our reconciliation--that we wouldn't see/sleep with anyone else. .....I don't really get it either. We are basically in a relationship. Everything about us screams "relationship". But technically, we are not in one. Yet. At least, I don't think so. I haven't bothered to talk to him about it since we established exclusivity. I don't understand... how can you "not" be in a relationship yet be exclusive? And furthermore, why would you want to be exclusive with someone that you can't even say is your bf or SO? It's him deciding this is how it's going to be for now?
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 How does one demand a standard of daily communication? Did he directly come out and say that he wanted daily contact? Or was it implied from custom and practice...? It was implied from practice. What I meant was that I didn't list it as some requirement to be able to date me or whatever. He has initiated contact with me in some form every single day. And to just go cold like this, it feels like even more of a betrayal of trust. I wouldn't be feeling like this at all if it wasn't the norm to hear from him every day.
ComeUndone Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 How long have the 2 of you been seeing each other?
Author tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) I don't understand... how can you "not" be in a relationship yet be exclusive? And furthermore, why would you want to be exclusive with someone that you can't even say is your bf or SO? It's him deciding this is how it's going to be for now? Yeah, I don't know. I guess for all intents and purposes we are in a relationship. And it's not that I can't call him my BF or SO. It's not like that at all. He in no way ever stated that that wasn't allowed. Edit: We were seeing each other for a month before we split after a big fight. The split lasted for a few weeks; I went NC immediately and maintained it. He initiated the reconciliation. We've been together again for about another month now. Edited September 11, 2010 by tigressA
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 How does one demand a standard of daily communication? Did he directly come out and say that he wanted daily contact? Or was it implied from custom and practice...? Okay, lawyer speak! He has initiated contact with me in some form every single day. Oh. I thought you meant that you two always had some contact every single day, meaning one of you initiated contact, and that to go two entire days without him initiating or responding to you, that's what's unnerving. That, I understand. But to expect him to always be the one to initiate contact, even if that was his pattern, is a little unreasonable, IMO. At this point, I might even think he's testing you to see if you'd finally be the one to initiate contact...
sugarmomma Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Why the split the first time?? Has he ever done a disappearing act before??
JustJoe Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 TA, is this the same "C", that you had the amazing "make-up sex", with? Perhaps he wanted the sex but isn't sure about the "make-up", part? What was your fight about, and could it be the reason he isn't contacting you?
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