desertIslandCactus Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 I can't answer some of these questions yet, I have a lot to figure out aswell. And trust me, these are burning questions in my mind. More than anything else I want to build a safe, healthy network for the baby. I know more than anyone that this isn't the best start, nor the best situation, I need to work twice as hard for these things, which to some families come easy. But I am willing to do that, and I am lucky to have people on my side. You don't have to know the answer to the questions. It's one day at a time, and many things will take care of themselves. You are giving him/her the opportunity of Life. Children are very resilient and overcomers. I see my grandchild interact with other children who supposedly have normal homelives with two parents in the home. He is full of love, excitement, enthusiasm and extremely outgoing compared to many others. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Congratulations!!! Babies don't always come from ideal circumstances but that doesn't mean they won't be the best thing that ever happened. I wish you well, Noelle - you are handling everything so courageously and maturely. Things will sort themselves out, hon and you have so much to look forward to . Take care and keep us posted xxx Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 I actually agree with your dad on this. Sometimes building a healthy environment for the baby may be having to exclude a partner. I speak from personal experience on this, I have never met my father because he would have been a detriment in mine and my brother's life. I turned out quite well, in fact probably better without him. It also may be that your XMM will not want to have anything to do with the baby, especially since your pregnancy will cause some serious rifts in his own family situation. Your XMM is not a support for you or the baby. He has made that quite clear with his actions. I agree Noelle. Perhaps the father may interact in the child's life later down the road. But for Now, your father is the one who is looking out for your best interests - and the baby. Stay with his wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Ditto. Agree with Lisa Lee. Noelle you should not independently have ANY contact with this man. It would be nice if things were different, but right now they are not. In a flash he has gone from the man you love who loves you, to someone who sees you as the person who is about to destroy his life (you arent he did that himself but that is how he sees it). Its very possible that your lawyer will want all contact go through your lawyer and if you meet, you do so at your lawyers office where MM cant misbehave. That would be very good advice IMHO. Does MM know your decision yet? If he does not, you can be sure he will be livid when he finds out that and scared. It may be better for you if your lawyer tells him and deals with all of the details and perhaps to arrange a meeting at his or her office if you feel strongly about speaking to this man directly. Based on his behavior to date, he can not be trusted to behave well when he finds out. You can be 99.99% sure he will behave very badly. If you tell him yourself and he does not know that you have a lawyer who is ready to press charges or get a restraining order if he does not behave impeccably you will get the wrath of hell when you tell him. You dont need that right now. But you do need to prepare yourself for the change of mindset. Its may not be in your best interest to have speak to him even once you know what your legal position is. There is also the issue of his W. She may not want him to have anything to do with the child. The best environment for a child is an environment of love and caring and people who set a good positive example. You have that covered. Many many people dont have a father and they grow up just fine. I think for now you have to assume that this man will pay what is required but will not otherwise have a role in your life or the child's life. If that changes in a positive way, that is a bonus. Big hugs Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 What great news and what great parents you have. Take very good care of you and your little baby, a definite awwwww moment. Link to post Share on other sites
NancyBotwin Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Yes, he has tried to contact me, but I currently have his number blocked and the last time I spoke to him I told him to give me space or I will be calling the police (harsh, and clearly a bluff, but I needed him to back off for a while). Couple things. I have a weirdo ex blocked. I would never know if he calls. Perhaps it's a cell provider thing. You might want to look into why you are being notified of a blocked caller. Maybe something can be done about that so he's not a bother to you. My dad scheduled a meeting for me with his friend who practices in family law. I need to get myself as informed as possible for this. Excellent. Please let your parents and your lawyer help you a much as possible. Let them handle as much as possible. I am sure they will also go over many things, including the steps to take should MM and his wife decide to go for custody or visitation. Considering the MM, I doubt this will happen but you never know. Stranger things have happened. I told my parents of MM's behavior (embelished it a little cause there would have been murder) and they agreed with me that the best way to proceed for now is to go NC....What do you mean by this? are you saying you embellished things to your parents? Why would you do that? Please do not do that again. They are trying to help you. They have been blindsided. They deserve the truth, not games! my dad actually belives that there is no reason for me to even be talking to him unless it's about legal stuff, but I don't believe in that. I'm having the guy's baby, there needs to be some kind of personal contact if I want to build a healthy environment for my child. And I know that this is extremely difficult on him too so I don't wish to make it any harder. Please listen to your parents. You may think you know MM better than they do, but they have the benefit of age, experience, and wisdom. Considering the MM's reactions so far, why do you think a healthy environment for the child includes the MM? Why do you care that this is extremely difficult for him? He called your baby a bloodstain and wanted you to kill it. Are hoping that MM will come around eventually? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 What do you mean by this? are you saying you embellished things to your parents? Why would you do that? The OP may have used the word 'embellish' improperly, meaning instead to use 'minimize' in order to prevent her father from acting on the incidents of the MM physically restraining/confronting the OP. When she uses the word 'murder', this causes me to believe her father might have reacted violently to hearing the 'truth', so she 'embellished' it to minimize such a reaction. My much earlier post suggesting her father could handle this 'man to man' suggests a likely scenario. I know what I would have done if in that situation, but fortunately her father is a lawyer and much more civilized Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 I told my parents of MM's behavior (embelished it a little cause there would have been murder) and they agreed with me that the best way to proceed for now is to go NC.... my dad actually belives that there is no reason for me to even be talking to him unless it's about legal stuff, but I don't believe in that. I'm having the guy's baby, there needs to be some kind of personal contact if I want to build a healthy environment for my child. And I know that this is extremely difficult on him too so I don't wish to make it any harder. There doesn't need to be any contact with your exMM. (I do hope you see him EX-MM now.) Until he tells his wife the truth, that he has a baby on the way with another woman, he is NOT part of your life in any way, shape or form. To involve him at all at this point IS pointless and will only cause you stress. You have your parents support, so trust them and their advice, especially if the lawyer agrees NC is the way to go unless it's about legal stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
NancyBotwin Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 The OP may have used the word 'embellish' improperly, meaning instead to use 'minimize' in order to prevent her father from acting on the incidents of the MM physically restraining/confronting the OP. When she uses the word 'murder', this causes me to believe her father might have reacted violently to hearing the 'truth', so she 'embellished' it to minimize such a reaction. My much earlier post suggesting her father could handle this 'man to man' suggests a likely scenario. I know what I would have done if in that situation, but fortunately her father is a lawyer and much more civilized Thanks carhill. That comment stood out to me, so I brought it up for clarification. Teenagers (the OP isn't far from it agewise) sometimes embellish things to their advantage. This is the time for her to be straight with her parents (and lawyer). Honesty is the best policy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Oh whao! Congrats Noelle! Eventually, everything falls into place. Keep healthy for your baby! Take your vitamins and eat your veggies. Link to post Share on other sites
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