Is he just controlling me?

[jj33]

Are you guys trying to get Noelle's thread locked AGAIN?

 

If you want to debate the issue of what someone SHOULD do if they get pregnant by an MM maybe you want to start a new thread.

 

This is the first one that hasnt been locked would be polite to try to keep it that way.

 

Noelle didnt ask our views on what she should do only if she should bring MM to the counselling session.

[pureinheart]

Are you guys trying to get Noelle's thread locked AGAIN?

 

If you want to debate the issue of what someone SHOULD do if they get pregnant by an MM maybe you want to start a new thread.

 

This is the first one that hasnt been locked would be polite to try to keep it that way.

 

Noelle didnt ask our views on what she should do only if she should bring MM to the counselling session.

 

jj, are you ok?

[NancyBotwin]

Jeepers. Looks like a couple of the people responsible for getting the other threads locked are running a race to get this one shut down as well. Not only did Noelle not ask what to do about her pregnancy, what she does with her body is none of our business! Isn't there another board on this forum to discuss the Pro-Life/Pro-Choice debate? I think I found an active thread on the Pregnancy Board. I'll be happy to post the link if you can't find it. Obvious are the passionate views, but getting a thread locked is rude and unhelpful to the OP. I think the OP is owed an apology for taking her thread off track, and I apologize as well for having to waste her time with this paragraph.

 

Noelle, I hope your appointment went well, and this drama ends for you soon. I hope you will give us an update soon... Hopefully your thread won't be locked by then.

[Fallen Angel]

Noelle,

 

Thinking of you tonight. Hoping you are well. ((hugs to you))

[pureinheart]

Jeepers. Looks like a couple of the people responsible for getting the other threads locked are running a race to get this one shut down as well. Not only did Noelle not ask what to do about her pregnancy, what she does with her body is none of our business! Isn't there another board on this forum to discuss the Pro-Life/Pro-Choice debate? I think I found an active thread on the Pregnancy Board. I'll be happy to post the link if you can't find it. Obvious are the passionate views, but getting a thread locked is rude and unhelpful to the OP. I think the OP is owed an apology for taking her thread off track, and I apologize as well for having to waste her time with this paragraph.

 

Noelle, I hope your appointment went well, and this drama ends for you soon. I hope you will give us an update soon... Hopefully your thread won't be locked by then.

 

We have a mod, thank you.

 

Is the MM trying to control you? I would say yes, he has just changed his tactics to get what he wants

[Tony]

Let's please keep this thread ON TOPIC. If you want to know what the topic is, don't read surrounding posts...which could easily be OFF TOPIC. READ THE VERY FIRST POST IN THIS THREAD to see what the topic is and go from there. Many thanks!

[seren]

Hey everyone... I don't know if you remember my situation a couple of weeks ago. I am pregnant by a MM who when he found out pushed really hard and dare I say agressive for an abortion.

 

So, two weeks ago I went to spend a few days at my parents (told them I had the flu, I was in fact very sick) and didn't talk to him at all. He tried to call me but I needed time away cause I was getting way too stressed out. My roommate told him where I was.

So, I got back about a week ago and he visited me at my place. He seemed upset and again mad because apparently I ''cut him off' but after fighting again for a little while he soothed and wanted to talk about what I want to do with this pregnancy.

I decided to be straight with him and not play games so I told him how I went to the doctor who confirmed the pregnancy with a blood test and how I have an appointment at an abortion clinic that week for counseling and I will go further from there. He seemed more calmed down, we talked some more about everything and left things on a positive note.

 

We met up for coffee the next day and then again the next one, he was calm, nice, I cried, he comforted etc.

I had counseling on Thursday and it went really well, I felt much better. He called me after it to see how it went, so we talked about that some more... I told him how they made another appointment for me to get a scan on Monday.

He asked whether he can take me, he really wants to be there.

 

Now I am suspicious. Do I let him take me and be there?

 

Cause a part of me thinks that maybe the way he behaved when I first told him was shock and panic and now he's calmed down. I want to clarify that he was always super nice all through our relationship and never even said a bad word to me or made me uncomfortable... I really cared for him and believe he cared for me too.

 

But another part of me thinks that maybe he wants to be there to control me in a way. Cause he knows that I am leaning towards terminating and I will make a final decision after the scan so he wants to be there to stir me in that direction and make sure I am not hesitating. And that this 'nice' act is purely because he knows he will catch more flies with honey... and that he is equally terrified and wants me to abort as the minute he found out.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Hi Noelle,

 

For what it's worth, I think that if you have a close friend who you can trust then take her instead. The fact that you are thinking he could be trying to control or influence your decisions means to me, that you could, at a difficult time for you, not be getting support for you, not your decision, but for Noelle.

 

I hope you have someone who can be there for you who has your interests at heart. Take very good care of you.

[Ellin]

Like they say, sometimes it is better to not ask for advice or opinions. Sit in quietness and listen to your internal voice in stillness. Different inputs can just cloud the mind. Has worked for me because I have learned the hard way!

Absolutely! That's why I think it's better to encourage the "asker" to examine his/her own feelings and to try to put ourselves in his/her shoes before replying, than strongly present our own view of the situation.

[torranceshipman]

Hey everyone... I don't know if you remember my situation a couple of weeks ago. I am pregnant by a MM who when he found out pushed really hard and dare I say agressive for an abortion.

 

So, two weeks ago I went to spend a few days at my parents (told them I had the flu, I was in fact very sick) and didn't talk to him at all. He tried to call me but I needed time away cause I was getting way too stressed out. My roommate told him where I was.

So, I got back about a week ago and he visited me at my place. He seemed upset and again mad because apparently I ''cut him off' but after fighting again for a little while he soothed and wanted to talk about what I want to do with this pregnancy.

I decided to be straight with him and not play games so I told him how I went to the doctor who confirmed the pregnancy with a blood test and how I have an appointment at an abortion clinic that week for counseling and I will go further from there. He seemed more calmed down, we talked some more about everything and left things on a positive note.

 

We met up for coffee the next day and then again the next one, he was calm, nice, I cried, he comforted etc.

I had counseling on Thursday and it went really well, I felt much better. He called me after it to see how it went, so we talked about that some more... I told him how they made another appointment for me to get a scan on Monday.

He asked whether he can take me, he really wants to be there.

 

Now I am suspicious. Do I let him take me and be there?

 

Cause a part of me thinks that maybe the way he behaved when I first told him was shock and panic and now he's calmed down. I want to clarify that he was always super nice all through our relationship and never even said a bad word to me or made me uncomfortable... I really cared for him and believe he cared for me too.

 

But another part of me thinks that maybe he wants to be there to control me in a way. Cause he knows that I am leaning towards terminating and I will make a final decision after the scan so he wants to be there to stir me in that direction and make sure I am not hesitating. And that this 'nice' act is purely because he knows he will catch more flies with honey... and that he is equally terrified and wants me to abort as the minute he found out.

 

What do you guys think?

 

IMO, he thinks you are on the road to an abortion and he wants to make sure you get there, so wants to go along to make sure that you do.

[Silly_Girl]

I've just watched a friend I love dearly be influenced into agreeing to have a child she does not want. It has shocked me. I have known this lovely lady for 17 years and never imagined anyone could have 'forced' her to do that. It has been (what seems like) a long road, with lots of twists and turns. So emotional.

 

I would worry for Noelle both ways to be honest. That he may attempt to influence her to his own ends, and win. Or that she even struggle to counter-balance his arguments and therefore go in the opposite direction, even though fundamentally that's not what she wants to do, for herself.

 

And (apologies to talk about Noelle in the 3rd person, but not sure she's still around) I wish she would talk to her parents. Not only may she want support/comfort now, but she may need their understanding or support in 1 year, 5 years or 20 years time - regardless of which path she takes.

[desertIslandCactus]

 

And (apologies to talk about Noelle in the 3rd person, but not sure she's still around) I wish she would talk to her parents. Not only may she want support/comfort now, but she may need their understanding or support in 1 year, 5 years or 20 years time - regardless of which path she takes.

 

 

Oh, I too wish she would have talked to her parents SG.

 

Unfortuneatly in the threads, I remember some LS members telling her to lie to her parents.

[Mimolicious]

Oh, I too wish she would have talked to her parents SG.

 

Unfortuneatly in the threads, I remember some LS members telling her to lie to her parents.

 

 

Really? Where did you see that? Her MM may actually see Noelle as a defenseless girl that not even her parents are stepping in to confront him...

[NoIDidn't]

I've just watched a friend I love dearly be influenced into agreeing to have a child she does not want. It has shocked me. I have known this lovely lady for 17 years and never imagined anyone could have 'forced' her to do that. It has been (what seems like) a long road, with lots of twists and turns. So emotional.

 

I would worry for Noelle both ways to be honest. That he may attempt to influence her to his own ends, and win. Or that she even struggle to counter-balance his arguments and therefore go in the opposite direction, even though fundamentally that's not what she wants to do, for herself.

 

And (apologies to talk about Noelle in the 3rd person, but not sure she's still around) I wish she would talk to her parents. Not only may she want support/comfort now, but she may need their understanding or support in 1 year, 5 years or 20 years time - regardless of which path she takes.

 

Exactly my thoughts. If she feels he's trying to control her by only pushing for and encouraging the termination, she may push back in the complete opposite position of not terminating which may or may not be what's best for her in this situation.

 

I agree with Momi about the OP being quiet and still and reflecting on what she really wants and needs from this situation - not on who is or isn't trying to control her.

[desertIslandCactus]

Really? Where did you see that? Her MM may actually see Noelle as a defenseless girl that not even her parents are stepping in to confront him...

 

 

Thread: "Told MM about my pregnancy" Post #210:

 

"I think going to your parents is a great idea. Maybe tell them you aren't feeling well and that you think you may have the flu."

 

And there were other posts as well.

[pureinheart]

Thread: "Told MM about my pregnancy" Post #210:

 

"I think going to your parents is a great idea. Maybe tell them you aren't feeling well and that you think you may have the flu."

 

And there were other posts as well.

 

That's interesting as that is exactly what she told her parents....wow

[SarahRose]

Noelle, how did things go?

 

No, I wouldn't take him. I'd take a good friend with you.

[noelle303]

That's interesting as that is exactly what she told her parents....wow

 

I didn't want to tell them and it seemed like the most simple solution. Technically, I said I was sick... which wasn't a lie, I really was sick. It was just a lie of omission cause I didn't tell them the reason I was sick was because I am pregnant.

[noelle303]

Well, thank you all for the well wishes and input.

 

I am having THE most horrible week of my life.

 

So basicly... on Monday I had to be at the clinic to have a sonogram. I was incredibly sick the night before and in pain, so I didn't sleep nearly at all.Thankfully he had a meeting at work and couldn't make it anyway so I didn't have to turn him down.

So on Monday morning me and my friend went down to the clinic. Not to go into details, they didn't show me anything on the monitor, but she did make a comment about the heartbeat being nice and strong. Which was like a nice punch to the gut. I nearly started crying right there on the table.

I went to have a consultation then, they pointed out my exact gestation period and some basic medical history questions. I made an appointment for the next day to have the procedure done. I pretty much wanted it done as soon as possible before I change my mind.

 

I came home and cried my eyes out... I was also still so sick and dizzy. He came over in the evening and was with me in the bathroom the whole night while I was sick, taking care of me and comforting. He spent the night at my place and in the morning the two of us went to my appointment.

 

He pulled over at the gas station and I asked him if he could take me home cause I'm not feeling well... He said the sooner I get it done, the better I will feel. I didn't want to continue but he got in the car and drove to the clinic. When we got there I told him I need some time and didn't want to get out of the car.

Cue the next 30 minutes of us fighting over me wanting to go home! When I got out to walk home he grabbed my hand, got in my way, but had to let it go finally cause we were on a public street in the middle of the day.

 

I got home and he stopped by an hour later completely furious... I understand that he was really upset by this though but some of the stuff was just hurtful. Said that I am doing this on purpose, I like watching him squirm, I'm just playing him around... it was a huge blow out about our entire relationship.

In the end I was just way too sick to continue this, he left.

 

Yesterday he sent me texts and called me to apologize. I apologized aswell for the way I acted. He ended up saying that everything will be fine, we'll make another appointment.

I said I think I can't go through with it and he hung up on me.

The followed an angry, hurtful text where he said thank you for ruining my life, I better believe he will not have anything to do with this, I ruined both of our lives, and the baby's life cause I'll apparently be a crap mother.

 

I did not reply. I couldn't deal with it.

 

This morning I am welcomed by anothertext asking me if I want to meet him.

 

 

I'm just soooooo tired of this! This up and down is really getting to me and I can't do it anymore.

 

I want to tell my mom and dad but am too scared of that to... I don't even know if this means I am keeping the baby, I can't make a decision at all!

[jthorne]

Noelle,

What you are experiencing is most likely morning sickness. It doesn't just happen in the morning.

[desertIslandCactus]

You couldn't see it Noelle because you are too close to the situation, but the MM is not a friend in this.

 

Please try to tell your parents Noelle. It is their grandchild.

 

People are praying for you and your child.

[desertIslandCactus]

Noelle,

What you are experiencing is most likely morning sickness. It doesn't just happen in the morning.

 

 

I know, it must make it even harder in this. The normal is up to the 14th week.

[noelle303]

Noelle,

What you are experiencing is most likely morning sickness. It doesn't just happen in the morning.

 

Anything to make it better, this is horrible. I can barely get out of bed in the morning to get to the bathroom.

 

My doctor also said the pain I am feeling in my stomach could be stretching pains, and dizzyness is because of my blood pressure and that it is probably being made worse by all the stress.

[lilbunny]

Noelle, I have been following your story all the way through and I 100% support your right to make the choice that is best for you, so I hope nothing I say comes across as trying to influence you either way.

 

It seems like this man is trying to place undue pressure on you and becomes angry and aggressive when you are showing any signs of doing something other than what he wants. Afterwards he calms down and uses this caring manner. It could be genuine, he is in a stressful situation, but it could also be manipulative and a way to keep you on side and a more subtle form of pressure.

 

It depends on your relationship with your parents of course, but often they can be more understanding than we imagine them to be. I know my parents would probably tell me I had been silly to get into that situation and tell me off a little bit, but would ultimately offer me unconditional support and have my interests at heart. I hope that you can trust them, I feel like you need someone to be there for you.

 

You still seem very uncertain. Do you think speaking to him further will confuse you more, or help you make a decision? If it is the former I would avoid any contact for now.

 

I don't think anyone can pre-judge what sort of a parent anyone will make, remember he has an agenda. From what he has said and done it seems like you would be bringing up a child without his support. At least that is clear to you and can inform your choices.

 

Take care and I wish you well, whatever you decide.

[desertIslandCactus]

Anything to make it better, this is horrible. I can barely get out of bed in the morning to get to the bathroom.

 

My doctor also said the pain I am feeling in my stomach could be stretching pains, and dizzyness is because of my blood pressure and that it is probably being made worse by all the stress.

 

 

Is the doctor able to give you anything to help during this time. As I said, normal is 13 or 14th week.

 

Other members may have ideas as how to make it better. I worked and didn't have morning sickness during pregnancy.

[NoIDidn't]

OP are you saying that he tried to physically assault you in public?

 

This situation continues to escalate. Please consider telling your parents. They shouldn't be kept in the dark about this. And also share with the friend that went with you what he's done since that appt they attended.

 

Be careful with this guy. NC may be the best thing for you for a while, even after he calms down as if you keep the baby he may still fret what it means for his M and money.