Is he just controlling me?

[donnamaybe]

Don't meet him again. Don't talk to him again. It's plain the only one he cares about is himself. Here you are going through all this emotional pain, and he verbally beats the crap out of you. What a horrible, HORRIBLE person! Block his phone number, block his e-mail. YOU do what you need for YOU and your life. AND your baby, if you choose to keep him/her.

 

Don't allow this awful excuse for a human being anywhere near you ever again.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

Edited August 19, 2010 by donnamaybe

[lolapalooza]

Anything to make it better, this is horrible. I can barely get out of bed in the morning to get to the bathroom.

 

My doctor also said the pain I am feeling in my stomach could be stretching pains, and dizzyness is because of my blood pressure and that it is probably being made worse by all the stress.

Been a long time since I was last pregnant, but I too had bad bad nausea. Ginger ale and saltine crackers helped. Mostly the ginger ale because ginger settles the stomach. Stay away from strong smells. Sausage made me puke every time! I think you should ask the Pregnancy board or do a search of the board if you don't want to start a new thread.

 

Ugh, just thinking about it makes me a little nauseous.

[scatterd]

hello I have been keeping up with your post I am a mother of two girls and also a grandma as a mother I would want to know what is going on in my daughters lives.One of my grandchildren was born from an older man while she was quite young.I was shocked but also happy she told me we talked about how she felt and what she wanted to do.She decided to keep the baby and we are helping in raising our Grandchild.I know you are afraid your parents will be disappointed in you especially under the circumstance with married man but us parents expect our kids to have problems and would hurt dearly if we did not feel our kids trusted us enough to not tell us when we are needed.The thought of telling is worse then the actual outcome.Go to your parents let them help you in this time of need you will be happy you did they will help you.Nobody cares more then they do.I hope you do tell good luck darling

[jthorne]

Anything to make it better, this is horrible. I can barely get out of bed in the morning to get to the bathroom.

 

My doctor also said the pain I am feeling in my stomach could be stretching pains, and dizzyness is because of my blood pressure and that it is probably being made worse by all the stress.

Well, Tony told me that I embarassed myself in a thread about infractions, so it makes good sense that I would embarass myself here. I've never been pregnant, so I was simply taking a guess based on a young lady I knew that almost lost her job over absences due to morning sickness.

 

I have been googling nausea because I am dealing with nausea due to heavy duty antibiotics for a sinus infection straight from the pit of hell. Today is the first day in a week that I have felt okay, but now feel so sick to my stomach, I just want to go home and stay in bed! In an effort to redeem myself, I found this for you:

 

Helpful Do's and Don'ts for morning sickness:

 

 

 

Do:

• Eat small meals often
  
• Drink fluids 1/2 hour before or after a meal, but not with meals
  
• Drink small amounts of fluids during the day to avoid dehydration
  
• Eat soda crackers 15 minutes before getting up in the morning
  
• Avoid foods and smells that increase nausea
  
• Ask someone else to cook for you and open the windows or turn on fans if the odor bothers you
  
• Get plenty of rest and nap during the day
  
• Avoid warm places (feeling hot adds to nausea)
  
• Sniff lemons or ginger, drink lemonade, or eat watermelon to relieve nausea
  
• Eat salty potato chips (they have been found to settle stomachs enough to eat a meal)
  
• Exercise
  

Don'ts:

• Do not lie down after eating
  
• Do not skip meals
  
• Do not cook or eat spicy food
  

I agree that you might want to check out the pregnancy board for further help. Obviously, I have no experience with the pain and blood pressure and they might. AND it will keep some of us from getting into trouble for being off topic from your original post!

(Please, nobody report me for being off-topic. I was just responding to the OP's post.)

[noelle303]

Thank you so much... yeah, I've heard crackers, saltines and soda can help calm the stomach. So far I haven't been able to keep anything down... even the things I manage to swallow.

 

Where is the pregnancy board? Sorry, I haven't surfed too much outside of this section?

 

 

Yes, he did try to assault me in public and it's not the first time... ok, granted, he never really caused me harm but ever since I told hikm the news I noticed he has this 'pesky' habit of grabbing me all the time.

 

Anyway, I texted him to tell him I will meet up with him, but first I need some time. He called me to tell me that I'm wasting time, it'll be too late blah blah blah

Then asked me if I want money, then thats what I'll get. **** him. I hung up.

 

I'm seriously tempted not to contact him again like you suggested.

 

I have to tell my dad, he can give me legal advice about all this. I have to tell my parents but have no idea how to go about it. They'll be sooooooo disappointed, they've been married for 25 years happily and yes, I know it's my own falut. I made my bed, now I have to lie in it but it doesn't make it any easier.... ughhhhh

[donnamaybe]

You know what - try not to beat yourself up about this. Yes, you've "made your bed," but you do seem fully prepared to "lie in it." That indicates strength of character. Be proud of that.

 

Your parents may be dismayed at first, and I would never presume to know them, but you seem to be a good gal, so they must've done something right. I'm betting once the initial reaction wears off, whatever that may be, they'll be behind you whatever you choose.

 

And yes - I would definitely consider having absolutely zero contact with that zero - ever again except, of course, if you want financial support for your child, should you decide to keep him/her. And you are fully within your rights to request it.

[desertIslandCactus]

I was taken by surprise when I learned there would be an unplanned pregnancy out of wedlock. But this grandchild has been a joy and a blessing to everyone in the family.

 

I hope you don't meet with the MM unless there is someone with you.

[BB07]

Oh Noelle, hugs to you, but I have to tell you that...... I'm disappointed that you took him with you. Acknowledge that it was a mistake to do that and keep him away from you until you get it together about what you are going to do. Contact with him will only cause you additional stress at this point. I would suggest that you tell him, that you won't accept ANY contact from him, but that you will call him by such and such date to let him know of your decision. Tell him that he must abide by this or you will get a restraining order as I believe he could be dangerous.

 

Please gather your friends and family for support as you can not rely nor will you EVER be able to count on this man regardless of what decision you make.

 

Take care of yourself and turn to those that you KNOW love you.

[carhill]

OP, sorry to read this has been so difficult. My sympathies.

 

My suggestion is to bring your dad up to speed on the situation and give him MM's office or home address and phone number. He'll take it from there. You need to focus on your health and your decision-making process. You can block MM's cell and land phones so he can't contact you. Go silent and deep until you get this sorted.

 

Remember what I told you about MM being practiced and proficient about being controlling. He's done this before. He's very good, especially at the push-pull. He knows how to play a woman's emotions. The cure is black hole. No light escapes. You're now in a different universe, the one where people actually care about your well-being and health. Glad you could make it

 

Tell dad. He'll know exactly how to take care of MM. Don't feel that makes you weak. Sometimes, a man has to do things. It's OK. You're going to be fine.

[Silly_Girl]

OP, sorry to read this has been so difficult. My sympathies.

 

My suggestion is to bring your dad up to speed on the situation and give him MM's office or home address and phone number. He'll take it from there. You need to focus on your health and your decision-making process. You can block MM's cell and land phones so he can't contact you. Go silent and deep until you get this sorted.

 

Remember what I told you about MM being practiced and proficient about being controlling. He's done this before. He's very good, especially at the push-pull. He knows how to play a woman's emotions. The cure is black hole. No light escapes. You're now in a different universe, the one where people actually care about your well-being and health. Glad you could make it

 

Tell dad. He'll know exactly how to take care of MM. Don't feel that makes you weak. Sometimes, a man has to do things. It's OK. You're going to be fine.

 

This is an excellent post that brought tears to my eyes. Noelle, you have some great advice. Hope it's helping.

[pureinheart]

Thank you so much... yeah, I've heard crackers, saltines and soda can help calm the stomach. So far I haven't been able to keep anything down... even the things I manage to swallow.

 

Where is the pregnancy board? Sorry, I haven't surfed too much outside of this section?

 

 

Yes, he did try to assault me in public and it's not the first time... ok, granted, he never really caused me harm but ever since I told hikm the news I noticed he has this 'pesky' habit of grabbing me all the time.

 

Anyway, I texted him to tell him I will meet up with him, but first I need some time. He called me to tell me that I'm wasting time, it'll be too late blah blah blah

Then asked me if I want money, then thats what I'll get. **** him. I hung up.

 

I'm seriously tempted not to contact him again like you suggested.

 

I have to tell my dad, he can give me legal advice about all this. I have to tell my parents but have no idea how to go about it. They'll be sooooooo disappointed, they've been married for 25 years happily and yes, I know it's my own falut. I made my bed, now I have to lie in it but it doesn't make it any easier.... ughhhhh

 

Oh boy, do I remember the fear that encompassed me with telling my mom something..."poster child" did it again! BUT, everything always turned out ok, she'd be pissed at first, but would get over it quickly...

 

Ya, just watch their face when they have a baby to spoil...

 

I have two kids and am helping my daughter raise her three kids...they are my life.

 

When finding out my daughter was pregnant (she had just turned 18), I tripped a little, or let her think I was...actually deep down I was ELATED...remember they have to be parents and do that "parent" thing...but I bet they'll be happy.

[pureinheart]

OP, sorry to read this has been so difficult. My sympathies.

 

My suggestion is to bring your dad up to speed on the situation and give him MM's office or home address and phone number. He'll take it from there. You need to focus on your health and your decision-making process. You can block MM's cell and land phones so he can't contact you. Go silent and deep until you get this sorted.

 

Remember what I told you about MM being practiced and proficient about being controlling. He's done this before. He's very good, especially at the push-pull. He knows how to play a woman's emotions. The cure is black hole. No light escapes. You're now in a different universe, the one where people actually care about your well-being and health. Glad you could make it

 

Tell dad. He'll know exactly how to take care of MM. Don't feel that makes you weak. Sometimes, a man has to do things. It's OK. You're going to be fine.

 

You got that right....

[pureinheart]

Well, Tony told me that I embarassed myself in a thread about infractions, so it makes good sense that I would embarass myself here. I've never been pregnant, so I was simply taking a guess based on a young lady I knew that almost lost her job over absences due to morning sickness.

 

I have been googling nausea because I am dealing with nausea due to heavy duty antibiotics for a sinus infection straight from the pit of hell. Today is the first day in a week that I have felt okay, but now feel so sick to my stomach, I just want to go home and stay in bed! In an effort to redeem myself, I found this for you:

 

Helpful Do's and Don'ts for morning sickness:

 

 

 

 

Do:

• Eat small meals often
  
• Drink fluids 1/2 hour before or after a meal, but not with meals
  
• Drink small amounts of fluids during the day to avoid dehydration
  
• Eat soda crackers 15 minutes before getting up in the morning
  
• Avoid foods and smells that increase nausea
  
• Ask someone else to cook for you and open the windows or turn on fans if the odor bothers you
  
• Get plenty of rest and nap during the day
  
• Avoid warm places (feeling hot adds to nausea)
  
• Sniff lemons or ginger, drink lemonade, or eat watermelon to relieve nausea
  
• Eat salty potato chips (they have been found to settle stomachs enough to eat a meal)
  
• Exercise
  

Don'ts:

• Do not lie down after eating
  
• Do not skip meals
  
• Do not cook or eat spicy food
  

I agree that you might want to check out the pregnancy board for further help. Obviously, I have no experience with the pain and blood pressure and they might. AND it will keep some of us from getting into trouble for being off topic from your original post!

(Please, nobody report me for being off-topic. I was just responding to the OP's post.)

 

Tony doesn't let us have legal representation either.

 

 

Oh Hey Noelle...I had really bad morning sickness and would get B-6 shots (I don't know if they do that anymore)...I was jogging at 7 1/2 months pregnant:D I liked the runners high!

[wheelwright]

Really?

 

She is 20 and he is what... 30 something -- possibly 36, right?

 

They are having sex, right?

 

Do you think this 36 year old guy is really into her brain? Do you think they have deep meaningful conversations about what is going on in the world?

 

to be sleeping with a MARRIED person????? How respectful is that to the betrayed spouse and family???

 

QUOTE]

 

It's news to me that age difference Rs are about a sex toy dynamic. Yes, he might be into her brain I think. That's all.

 

I said nothing about her respect.

 

Do you think she is disrespectful? Why exactly, from the info given?

 

Have you considered that your sex toy comment may be incendiary to OW in general, and the OP in particular?

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm seriously tempted not to contact him again

 

There is no point in contacting him anymore. All he will do is continue to play the sweet/nasty game in order to keep you just close enough to emotionally blackmail you into doing his will.

 

You have enough on your plate without having to deal with this asshat.

 

As for the pain/sickness - the pain could be those good ol' 'round ligaments' stretching. It is a sharp hot pain when you stand or sit up too fast. If it is a kind of dull ache, it could be your uterus stretching. With sickness, something that has helped me greatly was to get some fresh ginger, slice about a teaspoon worth off (under the bark) very thinly with a vegetable peeler and pour a cup of boiling water over it or microwave it in a cup of water for two minutes or so. Drinking a cup of that kills the nausea instantly for me.

[desertIslandCactus]

With sickness, something that has helped me greatly was to get some fresh ginger, slice about a teaspoon worth off (under the bark) very thinly with a vegetable peeler and pour a cup of boiling water over it or microwave it in a cup of water for two minutes or so. Drinking a cup of that kills the nausea instantly for me.

 

Magnificent idea. I've been reading all over the place about the value of ginger for nausea, incl yours and JT's posts.

 

Also Noelle, one website talking about morning sickness, suggested taking prenatal vitamins before going to bed, the B6 for stress, etc. And carrying a handkerchief with a few drops of lemon oil to breath through and to replace unpleasant smells.

[desertIslandCactus]

Noelle, I should have just said my source:

 

It's www.morningsicknesshelp.com

[Mimolicious]

Yes, Ginger works wonders. I had "morning sickness" (more like ALL DAY sickness) for months! My mom used to put a smashed up ginger root in my socks. LOL!

 

It eventually goes away. Sorry but nothing really really takes it away.

 

About your MM. Hone, I know that this is the last thing that you want to hear and that you should honestly have to deal with but this is a walking bomb. Unfortunately, if you think that dealing with him is something that you will never have to do, that is very unrealistic approach if you are having a baby with him. He will be a part of your life forever. Either set the record straight or do the right thing. Either choice is going to have pros and cons, just consider which one is which and works best for you. This guy seems to have anger management, maybe not. Maybe he feels corner and is acting out of desperation rather than just anger, regardless, it can have tragic results.

 

You may need to make a choice that you can live with but keep yourself alive...

 

Hope you feel better!

[White Flower]

I think he knows if he is not there, and you see the scan you will be leaning more toward keeping the baby and he will have a harder time talking you into having the abortion.

 

He may be playing nice by appearing to be supportive, so that you will be 'nice' to him and do what is 'best' for him, ie: have the abortion and never have his wife find out about you or the pregnancy.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't let him go. There really wouldn't be a point as I seriously doubt his reasons for going are altruistic.

This reminds me of what my exH did to his exG/F. Now, this is someone else's experience and not Noelle's.

 

He told his pregnant girlfriend he would get back together with her if she had an abortion. She wouldn't and he never went back to her after the breakup. Of course, she proved him wrong, she knew it was a ploy.

 

And you can do the same thing. Take him if you truly need support, but if you don't you go and decide on your own what you want.

 

Hugs.

[noelle303]

Thanks, you guys are right. But the thing is, he knows where I live, he knows where I work... If I shut him out, he can still find a way to reach me.

 

Mimolicious - I know he will be a part of my life forever but so far he has caused nothing but stress to me. I understand I will have to deal with him a lot in the future but right now I can't force him into anything and I really see no point in contacting him until I figure some stuff out for myself.

 

I'm going to be telling my parents this weekend probably. I'm their only child... I know they will be there for me ultimatly and I could really use my dad for this.

[donnamaybe]

Thanks, you guys are right. But the thing is, he knows where I live, he knows where I work... If I shut him out, he can still find a way to reach me.

And if it rises to the level of harassment, you get a no contact order. If he breaches that, you have him put in jail.

 

Noelle, you have power here. I'm not saying you should destroy him, but you should and CAN protect yourself from his ranting, his hateful tirades against you, and his bullying. If he leaves voice messages, save them. If he sends texts, keep them. You may need them for court later. Do NOT let this guy push you around. He is conveniently forgetting it takes TWO to make a baby, and he's trying to lay all the blame for this on you.

[Fight4Me]

(((Noelle)))

 

With all three of my pregnancies, I felt exactly as you do, except I was never able to throw up. It wouldn't have helped anyway. And I also remember that crushing fatigue you are experiencing. The reason for this is every resource your body can spare is being directed toward the baby's development. A lot is happening during this first trimester, but if you're like me, you'll start to feel great during the second. By the way, it may sound nutty, but I bought a pair of "sea bands" that go around your wrists and apply pressure to your pressure points there. They are meant to help with sea sickness, but for some women, they also help with morning sickness. They worked for me for about 5 weeks, at least taking the edge off, so you might want to see if they'd help you too.

 

I'm really glad to hear that you are telling your parents. I'm old enough to be your mom, and sweety, I would really want to know what is going on in your life if you were my child. It doesn't matter if our kids are grown adults, we still want to be there for them when they need us. As difficult it would be for my oldest to come to me with a similar story, I would still wrap her in my arms and tell her we'd figure it all out together. And Dad would also, in a way that makes his little girl feel protected.

 

I also echo those who are concerned for you when it comes to MM and your safety. He sounds like he might be getting a little desperate, and is verbally assaulting you to pressure you into a course of action that gets him off the hook. He may begin to step up his tactics soon, so avoiding contact and having your father help you is a really good plan. Please document his behavior toward you just to help keep a record should you need a RO, etc.

 

Regardless of what you decide, I think it's safe to say that 99% of us here support you and truly care. Keep us updated.

[White Flower]

Thanks, you guys are right. But the thing is, he knows where I live, he knows where I work... If I shut him out, he can still find a way to reach me.

 

Mimolicious - I know he will be a part of my life forever but so far he has caused nothing but stress to me. I understand I will have to deal with him a lot in the future but right now I can't force him into anything and I really see no point in contacting him until I figure some stuff out for myself.

 

I'm going to be telling my parents this weekend probably. I'm their only child... I know they will be there for me ultimatly and I could really use my dad for this.

You are really lucky to have both parents Noelle. Take advantage of their support and love them all you can while you have them.

[pureinheart]

Thanks, you guys are right. But the thing is, he knows where I live, he knows where I work... If I shut him out, he can still find a way to reach me.

 

Mimolicious - I know he will be a part of my life forever but so far he has caused nothing but stress to me. I understand I will have to deal with him a lot in the future but right now I can't force him into anything and I really see no point in contacting him until I figure some stuff out for myself.

 

I'm going to be telling my parents this weekend probably. I'm their only child... I know they will be there for me ultimatly and I could really use my dad for this.

 

Noelle, he doesn't have to be in your life to the degree mentioned, he can be forced to act right, there are measures you can take to ensure that he will not harrass you.

 

Many times I've been in dire straights, with people attacking me on all sides and eventually they all went away...

 

My kids dads both harrassed me beyond what you can imagine (my kids have different fathers)...they threatened me, my life and they were serious...BUT the weapons formed did not prosper. They went away and we are friends now....it is the heat of the moment and try not to make any decisions based on him and what is doing or not doing at this point.

 

Gods got your back Noelle.

[Silly_Girl]

Noelle, he doesn't have to be in your life to the degree mentioned, he can be forced to act right, there are measures you can take to ensure that he will not harrass you.

 

Many times I've been in dire straights, with people attacking me on all sides and eventually they all went away...

 

My kids dads both harrassed me beyond what you can imagine (my kids have different fathers)...they threatened me, my life and they were serious...BUT the weapons formed did not prosper. They went away and we are friends now....it is the heat of the moment and try not to make any decisions based on him and what is doing or not doing at this point.

 

Gods got your back Noelle.

 

I married my best friend in the world, we had some happy times. But when things weren't so happy he threatened to kill me (he never meant it) and harrassed me a good deal. We have since formed a friendship; that has now dwindled to nothing and we co-parent well (always have done) but have no relationship of our own.

 

What I am trying to say is... even the kindest most gentle people can find themselves at an extreme. Not okay, but it does happen. I totally agree with PIH and would also say that although you shouldn't ignore how he is behaving, I don't think you should make assumptions about him and his likely attitude in the future. Or let his behaviour colour your decisions.