Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

[JustJoe]

This man seems to be having an affair with a married woman so that might explain his reluctancy to grasp it. You'd think since he is part of the problem he would understand.

 

 

 

Of course its true. If it's not true, then why stop there. Why not assume I'm a 50 year old guru in india with no gf or what ever.

 

Seriously I just thought it was interesting how upset she got at me. In the end she didn't find it so insulting that she wanted to end things. If she later comes back and wants to end it because of this I will be very suprised

 

my gf isn't some pssy either, she is alot tougher then any one I've encountered in this thread thus far

 

 

 

You realize this thread is kinda about you since you are involved in a paternity test... although obviously the Husband in this situation has reasons to suspect the kid might be yours instead of his. Seriously she could pick and choose in this situation who she wants to pay for the child because even with the paternity test the child is presumed the husbands.

I know, Green. I am feeling guilty enough. I never meant for any of this to happen. Now that I know what she;s like, if the baby is mine, I will have her as a part of my life, forever! I will accept my responsibility, but I would NEVER MARRY HER.

[phineas]

Sorry, Johnny but that doesn't wash. The hospital mix-up thing happens Oh, say once in a million births? The odds must be staggering! You're probably more likely to win the lottery. The insurance idea also doesn't fly, either. How do you "insure", against infidelity? I'll tell you how. By being the kind of honorable man who treats his SO as an honorable woman, and not as a potential cheater.

 

Both my children had adhesive wrist & ankle straps with both parents names printed on them applied right after they were born.

It's fort fricken knocks in a maternity ward.

Bar code scans & what-not.

 

The "mix-up at birth" scenereo just doesn't happen these days unless somebody makes it happen on purpose.

[txsilkysmoothe]

Green,

I sincerely hope that you and your girlfriend get past this issue and I wish you much happiness together.

[Green]

Hey do you guys think it is posible for some one to have complete trust for a person who is cheating on them and never been caught?

[donnamaybe]

Hey do you guys think it is posible for some one to have complete trust for a person who is cheating on them and never been caught?

 

I suppose, but I guess I've been around longer than many of you. I'm pretty good at spotting a deceitful a55 hat these days.

[JustJoe]

Johnny, you still can't see it can you? If you insist on a paternity test, you are accusing her of being unfaithful. Everything else is bullsh*t.

[Johnny M]

umm, not being 100% sure it's your child & requireing a paternity test in order to be sure does in fact mean you suspect her of cheating.

I already covered this in an earlier post. You could never be 100% sure that your partner is not cheating on you. I mean, you could, but than you would be an idiot. Without getting too philosophical, there is always a possibility that things are not how you think they are. A reasonable man would acknowledge the possibility that he might be wrong even in his strongest convictions, even if he thinks that possibility is unlikely.

 

So no, wanting to be 100% sure the kid is yours is not the same thing as suspecting your wife is cheating on you.

[Green]

Green,

I sincerely hope that you and your girlfriend get past this issue and I wish you much happiness together.

 

Yes I hope so to, I think we might already be past it. I really don't plan to bring it up again. I really don't mean it as acusing her she cheated on me. Truthfully though my gf is not above giving me hell if some girl in a night club hugs me or what ever. In the end there is no way to avoid being cheated on. I don't think she would do that, if I did I wouldn't be with her. I want to make her happy, and I do see how saying my policy about paternity tests is very insulting. At this time I refuse to change how I feel. She knows this. I had the policy before I met her.

 

I suppose, but I guess I've been around longer than many of you. I'm pretty good at spotting a deceitful a55 hat these days.

 

I personaly don't really try to spot deceitful things. But through my simple policy I can avoid one of the biggest frauds possible. For me I'd rather just be safe then wonder about it. If I suspected by gf of cheating it wouldn't matter what the paternity test said unless the baby itself was the only reason I suspected it.

[donnamaybe]

So no, wanting to be 100% sure the kid is yours is not the same thing as suspecting your wife is cheating on you.

 

You just keep telling yourself that. Say it over and over and over again, and you might start actually believing it.

[donnamaybe]

I personaly don't really try to spot deceitful things.

 

When you get to be my age, it'll just come naturally.

[JustJoe]

I think that you guys who are so concerned about paternity, should just go with insemination, and forget about the sex, altogether. Though you would have to monitor the doctor to make sure he isn't pulling a "fast one', on you and running in some black market sperm. Or better yet, have a vasectomy, that way you are 1,000,00% sure that you aren't a "chump". and raising someone else's kid.:D I'm really, really glad that I'm not so mistrustful and cynical. See ya.

[Johnny M]

Dude, I know where you're coming from. The married woman I was with, would go on "romantic weekends", with her husband, then come to me, when she got home.

 

Johnny, you still can't see it can you? If you insist on a paternity test, you are accusing her of being unfaithful. Everything else is bullsh*t.

No Joe, I can see it very clearly. You are a guy who a) sleeps with married women and b) tells other men that it's dishonorable to question their women's loyalty. Amazing. I wonder if you've got somewhat of an ulterior motive for doing this? If guys like the husband of the married chick you were banging were a little less trusting, guys like you would be getting the sh*t kicked out of them far more frequently.

 

I would tell you what I think about two faced hypocrites like yourself, but I'd probably get banned by the moderators. Suffice to say, you are the last person who should be talking about honor.

[donnamaybe]

See what I mean Joe? Now that Johnny can, in some way, feel that he can place you BENEATH him, he feels sooooo much better.

[calizaggy]

I am sure most of you women know of a married woman who cheats.. Would it be a good idea for her husband to get a paternity test? (But he most likely believes she is not cheating)

[donnamaybe]

Anyone who gives good reasons to be considered untrustworthy should be mistrusted and handled accordingly.

[JustJoe]

Johnny, take your best shot, buckaroo. LOL Yes I was in an affair, and if you had bothered to read my other posts, I said that the husband was right to get a paternity test, IN THAT SPECIFIC INCIDENT. I wouldn't worry about people kicking the cr*p out of me , if I were you. It's doesn't happen.

[Stung]

Seriously who knows why women are so threatned by this test. It baffles me. Do any of these women argue that people don't cheat... nooo all they argue is that if you don't suspect cheating why check... silly.

 

I haven't read through the entirety of this thread yet, but it seems to me you are looking for a simple clinical answer when, to women, it's not ever going to be a simple, clinical question.

 

Female posters are trying to come up with equivalents to help you see but the fact is there IS no equivalent. You're not going to get the full picture no matter how many STD tests you imagine yourself cheerfully taking for the team.

 

Any woman who has been pregnant with the wanted child of a man she loves goes through an emotional experience you really can never quite comprehend, it's partly hormonal and physical, it's partly a tremendous mix of love, fear, apprehension, excitement, awe...her body is changing, her future is changed forever, everything feels different, she's going through months of extreme and constant discomfort and she's probably pretty obsessive about the life she's creating and she's trying to share it all with the man who helped bring it all about, as a way to make them closer emotionally. For him to turn around and say he wants a 'little' test to make sure she's been keeping her legs closed except when he's around would, to most women, be like a slap in the face--only delivered to her heart.

 

Personally I am not against hospitals making it a policy to administer paternity tests when a baby is born, as a matter of public policy it might be a smart way to go as I do have sympathy for men stuck in a bad situation. And I had nothing to hide when my son was born, he is certainly his daddy's boy...but if his father had turned to me while I was at that peak of colliding hopes and dreams and rushing hormones and told me he personally had a few little doubts about the paternity, I would have been deeply hurt and yes, insulted.

 

One thing to keep in mind however, although it's rare, is that even a paternity test is not necessarily as accurate as everyone used to believe. Try Googling "chimerism and paternity" or maybe "genetic chimera." It is possible to have a paternity test come back saying your child is NOT a genetic match, when it is in fact your child. Wouldn't THAT be a kick in the pants?

[Rhythmic]

So a few years ago I got fully tested for various stds.

Didn't have any particular reason to but did it for the peace of mind considering at that point I had sex with only three different women and each time a condom was used. Indeed I haven't ever had sex without a condom.

 

Never was truly worried that I had anything but did it because I am one of those OCD type of people who rather have that full assurance regardless.

 

Is this impossible to believe by some of you and that the real truth is that I must be some sort of manslut having sex with tons of women without protection since there is no other reason to get std test unless you believe you've had lots of unprotected sex with dirty women? If I told a woman I got these test is it ok for her to believe I am a manslut by default who has had lots of unprotected sex and should dump me right away? Since it would imply that I've done tons of risky sex even though I haven't and I know I haven't?

[Woggle]

If a woman has nothing to hide why would she object to it? If a woman truly is faithful and honest with a man why would she have an issue with proving it? This is yet another case of women demonizing men for protecting ourselves. They want us to blindly trust even though that usually blows up in men's face.

[St. Nick]

Everyone seems to be ignoring nowomanocry's first post where he states that a woman could honestly the boy's kid belongs to someone else. That scenario could happen, where a woman immediately begins a sexual relationship with a new man after breaking up an old one, gets pregnant, and assumes it belongs to the new man. That's honest enough. So is the scenario where the names on the hospital clipboards getting switched and taking home the wrong child.

 

But women here aren't getting mad at being suspected of cheating so much as being suspected of cheating AND knowingly trying to get a man to raise a kid that isn't his.

 

Sometimes I wish women were more like that female poster a few pages back who said she honestly didn't care. If she was telling the truth than a woman like that is my ideal woman, and it's a shame she's so rare.

[Barky]

So, basically what I’m asking is if you guys think it is acceptable for a husband or boyfriend who doesn’t suspect cheating to just go ahead and get a paternity test as a matter of policy and safeguarding?

 

You can do a paternity test to a reasonable degree of accuracy with only a cheek swab of the alleged father and the child (called a "motherless" test). This is not the 99.999% accuracy of a real DNA test with the mother too, but it's high enough that if it comes back negative then the man could demand the mother get one.

 

And the beauty of this is that the mother never would have to know. A q-tip inside the child's mouth would take only a second to do.

 

Probably a lot of children have been tested without the mother ever knowing.

 

See this site for more info:

 

http://www.dnacenter.com/paternity/home-test.html

Edited March 6, 2010 by Barky

[Tnerforireyeh]

You would seriously be okay with your other half basically accusing you to that extent of screwing around on him when you haven't? I certainly wouldn't.

 

Sure, who cares? If my wife thought I was cheating whenever I went out, and wanted to do some sort of 'cheating test' (if they had one) whenever I got home, that would be her trip, not mine. If there were a test she could do on me to calm her nerves, and it didn't inconvenience me, then I wouldn't give a rat's patooter.

 

If DNA tests can be done without even using the mother's DNA, then who cares? Seems to me that most normal, rational women would say "Sure honey, whatever floats your boat, as long as you're paying for it," if her man said he wanted a DNA test. Of course, unless the kid wasn't his....

Edited March 6, 2010 by Tnerforireyeh

[Barky]

Looking through these posts, it's clear that this discussion is pointless. If you're a man, and you want to get a DNA test, then do it. If you don't, then don't. The woman's opinion is irrelevant.

 

And if you want to tell the woman, do it. If you don't, don't. I assume you'd tell her if the test came back negative, but by then you wouldn't really care if she got upset about it or not.

 

And it looks like you can do the test for about $95, so it's not even all that much money.

 

What's the discussion about?

[carhill]

What's the discussion about?

Whether paternity tests in a monogamous and trusting relationship are insulting. Clearly, the answer from the pink side is a resounding 'yes!'

 

OK, accept that 'yes!' and proceed.

[Barky]

Whether paternity tests in a monogamous and trusting relationship are insulting. Clearly, the answer from the pink side is a resounding 'yes!'

 

Then the next question would be, "Do men care whether it's insulting?" I would venture to answer: "No."